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I-stone
30th December 2013, 02:22 PM
some years ago I was at the height of my 'ego disillusion' -seriously different in retrospect- it appeared my identity was fluid but in reality I didn't exist but in the most minute amounts. I had this experience. I began channeling the consciousness of 'light packets' coming across the barrier between 'modularity' and infinity.

they spoke with my mouth so long as I had no thoughts what-so-ever. it sounded like a thousand little voices my mom said.
they were the building blocks of all existence as they came from non-existence they took form and were extremely vulnerable to influenced by anything. if they came into contact with an emotion they were consumed by it and became it. anyhow they wanted me to cross the border between existence and non-existence. they said they are very sympathetic to the terrible suffering that we endure in modularity. and they want every single being to cross over and finally be free of suffering.

I understood it that once someone crosses over the mysterious barrier an exact copy of that person is trapped in timelessness right on the border. if someone wants to experience modularity they can take the form of one of these bodies.

I began to go with them, and I look at my energy body. It is badly damaged from negs. It is nearly ripped in half at the torso, only a small piece holds the top half of my body to the bottom.
"Do I really want that messed up vessel to be the record of my life here?" that alone wouldn't have stopped me, but I also realized, I didn't really accomplish anything. The tipping point was that.. I also don't really have any idea what is beyond the veil. What if these arent light packets from beyond existence, and are just some aliens that are up to no good?

I told them my concerns. And that I want to do something in my life first, write books, help people somehow.

Well, in order to live like a human I had to go the reverse and create an ego.

It's been 5 years in the making. I often regret my decision.. infact I believe it is my only regret. Life is basicly nothing but pain and torment. The feeling of dying was a small fear and pain compaired to what life is now. It may sound dramatic but I speak only as-matter-of-factly. What would have happened if I had 'crossed over'. was it even real?

I tried again recently. Negs and a person I know stoped me- now they have an ego to grab onto.

Beekeeper
18th January 2014, 04:44 AM
It's important to have an ego if you're working towards spiritual growth. If you feel the need to help people, and that is a good thing, you need a well-developed, healthy sense of self. That self needs to be in balance so that you do not burn yourself out helping others nor do you become addicted to adulation for your good deeds or devastated when your efforts do not bring you the notice that you'd hoped it would. A sense of what your actual talents are would help in your fulfilment of purpose.

Regret and nostalgia suggest that you need to move forward now and let go of what has been. Perhaps finding what makes you smile and grounds you contentedly in the present would be a way to get moving. Little steps at first.

IA56
18th January 2014, 05:48 AM
Yes I second Beekeeper, if you want to help people you have to have suffered greatly to go through the suffering ..to become un attached....as Beekeeper say....become the healthy sense of self...so true.
I am at this now.
I hope I can stay in this also...I am facing the most castroph you ever can imagen and I just can see it clear and see the cause and effect total clear...and I am not loosing my self into fear or els feelings what make me Before to crumble.

I now see the cause and effect of what happened initially for 33 yrs ago...I have the facit in my hand now. I am strong. I do know now what was said 1981 that I have to do the work my self, they also told that I have succeeded....I have doubt that in 33 years but today I know it is true what was said...Had I know how it ended...I have never dared to live to see...that had bean far too painful, but now when I am at the happening I am strong...I know that this is IT. Cryptical but I can not say more at this Point...but I will share Everything in time.

It has bean worth it even it has bean a great suffeing in 33 years.

Love
ia

Beekeeper
18th January 2014, 06:15 AM
I'm glad that you can see your growth trajectory, IA. This is the joy of being older, I guess. I hope that all goes well with you, that all turns out for the greatest good in your current challenges.

eyeoneblack
18th January 2014, 06:14 PM
Yes, I feel it. The lotus is blossoming and you're the threshold. Huurahhh!

Cryptic, yes, but we'll leave it at that.

IA56
14th April 2014, 10:03 AM
Yes I second Beekeeper, if you want to help people you have to have suffered greatly to go through the suffering ..to become un attached....as Beekeeper say....become the healthy sense of self...so true.
I am at this now.
I hope I can stay in this also...I am facing the most castroph you ever can imagen and I just can see it clear and see the cause and effect total clear...and I am not loosing my self into fear or els feelings what make me Before to crumble.

I now see the cause and effect of what happened initially for 33 yrs ago...I have the facit in my hand now. I am strong. I do know now what was said 1981 that I have to do the work my self, they also told that I have succeeded....I have doubt that in 33 years but today I know it is true what was said...Had I know how it ended...I have never dared to live to see...that had bean far too painful, but now when I am at the happening I am strong...I know that this is IT. Cryptical but I can not say more at this Point...but I will share Everything in time.

It has bean worth it even it has bean a great suffeing in 33 years.

Love
ia

It is 3 months passed and this feeling of stongness has again transformed to I am not sure...but I just want to be left alone...and like recovery...It feelĀ“s like I am done...I just want to be in Peace.
I understand this is somekind of dissapointment for not being able to really keep the transformations feeling and make that to be a permanent self secure feeling to act from.
I just want to be alone, and like interact throgh this site, only.
So I do belive I need time to griefe and accept I am very sensitive and very kind person. I hate to have to become angry or offensive with people to make them back off.
Yes, I am very cuorious where this will take me, I know this state also will pass.

Love
ia