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Chris_com28
26th September 2008, 06:19 PM
This may not be the right lace to talk about this, but I'm speaking from the heart here (something I rarely do) so I thought it would be appropriate. I seem to have this thought that people will respond in a harse way. I guess that's why I don't talk much to people I don't know well. I think this is a delusional thought as I have bad thoughts about everything. I seem to think that everything is my fault. I think this is common with AS (Asperger Syndrome). Even when resoponding to CFTraveller about my "spamming" I closed my heart as soon as I said it as I was very worried about getting an insulting response. I now found out that this was not the casee which makes me think that I suffer even more from negative thoughts. This is probably why my heart is so closed, though there's other reasons. This is probably due to past experiences of not being understood. I guess I can't blame them really. I just needed to get this off my chest. Maybe if people have similar problems it would be good to share them. I do this every now and again (when I'm drunk). I empty my closet (not all of it though, lol) and see what will come of it. Anyway it was good to share, though I feel kind of silly saying this on a public forum it seems to be a good way to get my feelings out.

Fish
26th September 2008, 06:58 PM
Maybe turning to drinking allows you to say things you wouldn’t normally say or have the “bravery” to say.. Sounds like you need an outlet to pour out your feelings to other than the booze. This board is good to bounce things off of, sometimes it’s hard to find a friend that you can talk to this sort of stuff about, but there’s nothing like a real person none-the-less.. I don’t know what your situation is with having friends to bounce these issues you are having off of, negativity is easy to settle into and hard to shake yourself from.

I hope that made sense!

Chris_com28
26th September 2008, 07:18 PM
Yes that makes a lot of sense. It's strange people seem to act differently while drunk. Apparently we're supposed to be grumpy while drunk. Well it seems the common stereotype. Thought I seem to be thinking more about matters of the heart. Well I seem to be more spiritualliy connected than most people. People have even said that I'm un grounded. It seems to be a common feeling from people that I'm up in the higher realms, which I guess is true. I can't linger in my heart so I find space in my sarashara to feel liberated.

Anyway it does feel good to talk like this. I don't know if any of my friends will be good to talk to like this. Well I know one guy, but it's only because he's got a woman's brain and he lives quite far away anyway. Well it was good to talk. Thanks for replying. I needed a reply right now. I had a fairly hard day, though I feel less stressed out than I usually do. I've been trying a technique that seems to be helping. I just hope I can keep it going.

Fish
26th September 2008, 07:53 PM
Indeed. Mean or happy drunks pretty much, no inbetweens I think :lol: Maybe you just like to talk about spiritually realated things when you’re drunk – we tend to go on about our dreams when we drink, I do I know that. Maybe it’s something you know subconsciously that you need focus on and it just comes out. Getting it out in the open is a big step in approaching a solution imo.

That’s good -no problem. Keep us posted, we’re all here for each other afterall. Have a good weekend!

Chris_com28
26th September 2008, 08:57 PM
Well I'm usually spiritually orientated when I'm sober it''s just that my heart and self consciousness don't allow me to express this. I guess I do feel the need to appear as strong. Which is why I like the guy in Scrubs called Dr Cox. He's always so guarded, but has a morality that he doesn't like to show a lot. It seems to be a common theme with sitcom or drama doctors.

Well one thing I've noticed about alcohol is that it hightens the mood you're already in. Though if something bad happens (and trust me I've lived in some bad places and people just bring the beast out of you) then you can easily lose it, which is why I'm careful about getting drunk in public. I even went sober for about 6 months as I was staying at Rookery House (a literal Hell house). I've finally left there so I feel I can finally say how bad it was.

CFTraveler
26th September 2008, 09:21 PM
I have a man's brain and it gets me in trouble all the time. :D
Seriously, I come off more of a hardass than I really am, so if you need to vent pm me and I won't hold the rules against you.
Remember to be careful- drinking is dangerous business, although our society tends to gloss this over. Take care of yourself please.

ButterflyWoman
27th September 2008, 02:22 AM
Aspies (people with Asperger's Syndrome) often have views that neurotypical people find very strange and unrealistic. It stems from having a lifetime of difficulty relating to other people, to what they're thinking, to how they will or won't react to you, etc. The inability to "read" situations involving people is one of the great hallmarks of AS.

When you've spent your life seeing things through a distorted filter (in this case, not being able to accurately judge the depth of other peoples' emotions or reactions, etc.), it definitely affects your habits of thought.

The good news is you can choose to think anything you want, believe anything you want. It takes a lot of time and practice to do this, but it's definitely do-able. When you feel a negative thought appearing, just acknowledge it "I'm thinking that X person will be angry with me" and then put it aside and replace it with something else, even if it's just "But I don't really know how they will react, and it might be positively."

Yes, I've had to do this. I'm not technically an Aspie, though I score higher than a neurotypical person on a test for these kinds of neurological differences, and had I been tested as a child, I probably would have been seen to be quite different. I also have a lot of direct experience with both Aspies and people with other autism spectrum placements, so that's where this comes from (just in case you wondered). ;)


I have a man's brain
In a jar or are you planning on putting it into a creation of some sort? Just curious. :twisted:

Tom
27th September 2008, 02:49 AM
As someone who at one point was diagnosed officially with autism, I say you should say what's on your mind.

CFTraveler
27th September 2008, 05:52 PM
CFTraveler wrote:
I have a man's brainIn a jar or are you planning on putting it into a creation of some sort? Just curious. I almost wrote the jar thing. :D
No, seriously, I grew up with two brothers and always got along with guys better than women. I am completely heterosexual, but I think how men think, and this has always perplexed men in so many ways. I also don't understand women when they get together and start talking about who's dating who, what they said about someone else, what they were wearing, and the name of the latest (perfume, makeup and hair care product) someone just tried. When I end up in one of these groups I always feel out of place, like a martian.
Some time ago when I was visiting PR (when my dad was alive, was over 20 years ago) we went to the island (that's 'the countryside' for all you non puertoricans) to visit some relatives. A bunch of old uncles and aunts, old-world style, having dinner at my uncle's house. When dinner was over, all the women went into the kitchen and all the men into the library. This pissed me off so I excused myself and went in and sat with the men. Then my dad and husband were looking at me like 'please don't start', and my uncles kept staring at me like they wanted to tell me to leave, so the whole afternoon was really uncomfortable for them and amusing for me.
These are the memories that make me smile now that my dad is gone and I sometimes miss him. Wow, did I hijack this thread? I'll go now.

Mishell
27th September 2008, 06:00 PM
I also don't understand women when they get together and start talking about who's dating who, what they said about someone else, what they were wearing, and the name of the latest (perfume, makeup and hair care product) someone just tried.

Does this ever really happen? I worked in a beauty salon for 14 years and never found women to be like this. Sure there was some gossip, but I always found the men to gossip more than the women.

The old stereotypes just don't hold up in the real world, not past high school, anyway.

CFTraveler
27th September 2008, 06:04 PM
I also don't understand women when they get together and start talking about who's dating who, what they said about someone else, what they were wearing, and the name of the latest (perfume, makeup and hair care product) someone just tried.

Does this ever really happen? I worked in a beauty salon for 14 years and never found women to be like this. Sure there was some gossip, but I always found the men to gossip more than the women.

The old stereotypes just don't hold up in the real world, not past high school, anyway. It does, and you will soon find out. I thought that was over until I got involved and mommy-baby groups...etc. I gotta go now but I'll illustrate more later.

star
29th September 2008, 09:44 PM
That sort of mind-set is fun - those are cool girls. I had one of similar mind give me sex advice, I think "i" blushed. :shock:

Chris_com28
13th October 2008, 06:02 PM
I have a man's brain and it gets me in trouble all the time.
I think it noticed that about you. Sort of a sense of mascilinity. Though the good thing about this is that you can probably read a map properly. :lol:

Very interesting, Older. It definately affects the way you see the world. I think it may sometimes even lock you into a certain view point where you can't see the other persons view. This may be seen as being selfish or being inconsiderate, but really you just don't understand. I remember many times when I was a complete bastard because of this. Well I'm a lot better now.

It's interesting. From that I said it gets worse as you get older. Though I noticed the opposite with me and other people. I guess it gets worse to an extent and then gets better as you mature.

I think I know why I'm so guarded. It all comes from the stress I get from my life. I shut my heart down and inject my self with hate. This closes my chakras so nothing can come in and cause even more distress (and with my phonophobia it's almost every day). In a way this is a defense strategy and probably works quite well.

This reminds me of what Michael Tsarian said about the ego (I don't really buy much of his stuff). He thinks it's due to trauma we received in previous lifetimes like Atlantis. It sort of fragmented our consciousness and now we're disassociated from each other. It's like MPD; (Multiple Personality Disorder) apparently that is due to trauma. It could be the same with humanity. Many cultures seem to have the belief that we all spoke the same language (telepathy?) and lived in a eutopia seeing us as one. Some how we got detached from that awareness.

Chris_com28
13th October 2008, 06:58 PM
Wow, did I hijack this thread? I'll go now.
That's alright. A little tangent can be interesting. Though I notice a lot of my threads turn to tangents. Even on other forums. I guess I make really ambiguous posts that help steer the conversation to different sujects.


Remember to be careful- drinking is dangerous business, although our society tends to gloss this over. Take care of yourself please.
Thanks for your concern. Though I don't think I'm that bad. I did noitce recently that I was slipping somewhat so I had to be a bit carefull. It's just that life gets quite hard for me and this is the easiest way to unwind. I mean I could do some meditation, channel some reiki, do yoga and finish of by chanting a mantra 108 times, but I have an extreme resistance to things like these in the best of times. Though I am getting better. I'm not feeling as hateful and I've gone a bit of reiki, just to keep things flowing.
I really don't think I drink that much. At the most I probably get drunk one every fortnight. Though I should probably find a new habit. The thing is a lot of them require active effort and a lot of the time I'm to lazy for to comfortable with my pain to give it up.

Timotheus
14th October 2008, 01:19 PM
:D

Chris_com28
18th October 2008, 12:19 AM
one thing i might say to ya is that you seem awfully harsh on yourself. aspergers huh...ok, nice little label there, world is full of labels to make us all feel harsh about ourselves, and falsely secure at the same time.
Your right, it' is just label. But it helps me understant myself more. It helps me understand I'm not alone. One of the reliefs with sleep paralysis (something which I've suffefed with is nothing that I has a label and so you're not alone. I think that knowing what I have is good so I know that I'm not along. Something that I feel a lot


this person "Chris" is who ya need to have a dialogue with, forgetting all the other stuff coming in from the world perceived. after reading your comments here, "Chris" seems to be a very loving person, very intelligent and perceptive. in essense an all around special person.
Thanks for recognising that. I am a living person when I'm myself. It''s just the pain transforms me inro something I don't want to be inside. I wish for world peace and a heaven on Earth but when the pain hits I jusy wish fo death. It sucks. Though I'm glad some one understands me.



one thing i have learned after having read damn near every self help book there is, and practiced all kind of stuff..is that it was all in vain up until i finall opened up the lines of communication within myself.
That requires opening your heart to reconnect with yourself. Something which I can't do easily. It's horrible because from many different people it seems I was here for something more. I want the best for humanity and myself, but every day it seems all pear-shaped.
Sometmes I like to explore myself. But I've built so many walls.


Tim, because it was he that felt misunderstood by everyone else.
Same with me. I feel so misunderstood. In my previous residence people probably view me as a bit of a bastard. It's just that I was losing myself in the stress. I felt the emotions I bottled up inside. I was arrogant, hostile, but I never felt able tp express these emotions before. I still feel out of place in society. It's just hard having the kind of problem I have. I can't make friends easily and when I do it's hard for me to socialise with them.

I've been listening to a metallica song quite a lot because it expresses how I feel inside. I also find that no one really understands my problem I have at the moment. I've spoken to therapists and they still don't understand me. It's quite annoying.

Sorry to depress people with this, but part of the heart is to accept and understand things like this. Please move it if you have to.

Chris

sdbl731
18th October 2008, 12:45 AM
Sorry to depress people with this, but part of the heart is to accept and understand things like this.

It's OK to feel misunderstood, angry, depressed, etc. - so don't feel like you're burdening anyone with how you feel. We're here for you - these forums are a supportive community sensitive to people's feelings and emotional needs. I'm not much of a motivational speaker, but I am very optimistic that the right people will read this thread and be able to help you. I can however, empathize with you - I've had bouts of bottled up feelings and arrogance myself, though I've been working to improve myself in that respect.

I strongly respect your efforts in opening yourself up a little more - it shows great strength of character and willpower that you are willing to step outside of your comfort zone, since from what I understand it's not your habit to open yourself up like you are doing.

I wish you success in dealing with your problems and am confident that you will pull out of the storm OK.

:D :D :D :D :D :D :D

Andy

Chris_com28
13th November 2008, 09:20 PM
Thanks Andy. This forum does seem very supportive, like you said. I wouldn't feel right saying stuff like this on other forums.

Well I've been doing a lot better recently. Though I think the weather had been a bit of a downer on me. I've learnt a technique called ZPoint which has helped me quite a bit, I just need to keep it up. I seemed to have removed my vertigo with no trouble and I'm waiting for the effects to take hold in the other aspects of my life.