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Ouroboros
24th October 2008, 03:31 AM
...because you live in a country that has spiders big enough to eat BIRDS:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/earth/main.j ... der122.xml (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/earth/main.jhtml?xml=/earth/2008/10/22/easpider122.xml)

CFTraveler
24th October 2008, 03:54 AM
If you think that's crazy wait 'til you read this: http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,443747,00.html

Ouroboros
24th October 2008, 03:57 AM
Wowzers! I can only imagine how much that must've hurt x.x Good move on his part, though.

ButterflyWoman
24th October 2008, 05:11 AM
Those spiders live way out in the outback, though. It's not like people encounter them much. :)

Okay, so the ten most venomous/deadly snakes in the world live in Australia... :twisted:

http://snake.fol.nl/Page2.html

Beekeeper
24th October 2008, 06:39 AM
And blue-ringed octopuses, and crocodiles, and baby-stealing dingoes, some pretty nasty wasps and ants, numerous shark species, lionfish, stingrays,crazy swooping spring magpies, bunyips, drop bears... :wink: :lol:

ButterflyWoman
24th October 2008, 07:09 AM
Nearly ten years now that I've lived in Australia, and I have never gone into the ocean, despite our land being girt by sea (note for non-Aussies: that's a reference to the national anthem, which has that peculiar and antiquated phrase in it). The oceans are full of sharks, poisonous octopi, stingrays, poisonous snakes, stinging jellyfish, several other poisonous fishes and sea creatures, and maybe even saltwater crocodiles in some places (okay, probably not the open ocean, but still, saltwater, I'm not taking any chances). Hell, we once even lost a Prime Minister in the ocean! It's dangerous business, I'm telling you!

:wink: :twisted:

Ouroboros
24th October 2008, 07:16 AM
Nearly ten years now that I've lived in Australia, and I have never gone into the ocean, despite our land being girt by sea (note for non-Aussies: that's a reference to the national anthem, which has that peculiar and antiquated phrase in it). The oceans are full of sharks, poisonous octopi, stingrays, poisonous snakes, stinging jellyfish, several other poisonous fishes and sea creatures, and maybe even saltwater crocodiles in some places (okay, probably not the open ocean, but still, saltwater, I'm not taking any chances). Hell, we once even lost a Prime Minister in the ocean! It's dangerous business, I'm telling you!

:wink: :twisted:

Y'all are crazy. :P

Beekeeper
24th October 2008, 08:32 AM
But look what Americans get up to:

http://www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/news/world-news/man-punches-shark-to-save-pet-dog-13988971.html

Beekeeper
24th October 2008, 08:49 AM
And, as if to prove the title of this thread, just in my email...


A characteristic of Australians is that we are more direct and outspoken than others when dealing with the sort of elected w*nker who wouldn't otherwise get the full drift of what they were trying to communicate. Below is one such wonderful communication...

Dear Mr. Minister,

I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this. How is it that K-Mart has my address and telephone number, and know that I bought a Television Set and Golf Clubs from them back in 1997, and yet, the Federal Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date?

For Christ sakes, do you guys do this by hand? My birth date you have in my Medicare information, and it is on all theincome tax forms I've filed for the past 40 years. It is on my driver's licence, on the last eight passports I've ever had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the planes over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms that I've filled out every 5 years since 1966.

Also..would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's name is Audrey, my Father's name is Jack, and I'd be absolutely f*cking astounded if that ever changed between now and when I drop
dead!!!...

SH*T!

I apologize, Mr. Minister. But I'm really p*ssed off this morning. Between you an' me, I've had enough of all this bullsh*t! You send the application to my house, then you ask me for my f*cking address!!

What the hell is going on with your mob? Have you got a gang of mindles Neanderthal *rs*holes workin' there! And another thing, look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I can't even grow a beard for God's sakes. I just want to go to New Zealand and see my new granddaughter. (Yes, my son interbred with a Kiwi girl). And would someone please tell me, why would you give a sh*t whether I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days? If I ever got the urge to do something weird to a sheep or a horse, believe you me, I'd sure as hell not want to tell anyone!

Well, I have to go now, 'cause I have to go to the other end of the city, and get another f*cking copy of my birth certificate, and to part with another $80 for the privilege of accessing MY OWN INFORMATION!
Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot, to assist in the issuance of a new passport on the same day?? Nooooo. That'd be too f*cking easy and makes far too much sense. You would much prefer to have us running all over the place like chickens with our f*cking heads cut off, and then having to find some high society w*nker to confirm that it's really me in the goddamn photo! You know the photo..the one where we're not allowed to smile?! ...you f*cking morons

Signed - An Irate Australian Citizen.

P.S Remember what I said above about the picture, and getting someone in high-society to confirm that it's me? Well, my family has been in this country since before 1850! In 1856, one of my forefathers took
up arms with Peter Lalor. (You do remember the Eureka Stockade!!) I have also served in both the CMF and regular Army something over 30 years (I went to Vietnam in 1967), and still have high security clearances. I'm also a personal friend of the president of the RSL.. And Lt General Peter Cosgrove sends me a Christmas card each year. However, your rules require that I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am; You know.. Someone like my doctor; WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN F*CKING PAKISTAN!!!......a country where they either assassinate or hang their ex-Prime Ministers, and are suspended from the Commonwealth for not having the 'right sort of government.'

You are all F*cking idiots

Fish
24th October 2008, 12:40 PM
Holy crap! That's one big a** spider! :shock:

sdbl731
24th October 2008, 01:55 PM
That irate Australian guy is hilarious, if ridiculously offensive. It sounds like he has some legitimate grievances, although he makes sure to obscure that with his angry tone and colorful language. I think it'd be really funny if somebody in the US did that with President George W. Bush - although if I think about it maybe he gets tons of those letters everyday (but of course his people filter them out so he never sees them).

Andy

Jaco
24th October 2008, 05:41 PM
Hmm, another reason to move to Australia 8) :wink:

Beekeeper
24th October 2008, 09:02 PM
That irate Australian guy is hilarious, if ridiculously offensive.

If it weren't for the particulars of his biography, I'd think it was my dad. :D :roll:

ButterflyWoman
25th October 2008, 06:07 AM
Well, Australians do tend to like to swear. A lot. Bloody oath, mate!

Reminds me of a neighbor that my in-laws had once. His name was Albert, and every other word out of his mouth was "bloody" (which is considered swearing, or used to be, in English and Australian dialects). He was generally referred to as Bloody Albert, actually.

One day, Bloody Albert found out that Grandad (that being my mother-in-law's father) was a retired Methodist minister, and poor old Albert nearly fell all over himself apologising for all the many, many, many, many, many times he'd used colourful language in Grandad's presence. Grandad, who had spent some seventeen years in the Army and still technically held the rank of Major (that's Reverend Major to you!) just laughed and assured him he'd heard worse. I'm not sure Albert ever did quite get over the horror of finding out he'd been swearing at a parson, though...

'Struth! (Technically also swearing, though not many people would consider it to be so any more.)

27th October 2008, 03:13 PM
Aren't rabbits the worst threat Australia has ever faceD?

Ricko
27th October 2008, 06:30 PM
I can't imagine how grim it must be for that bird...

Imagine walking into one of those giant spider webs and having one of those on your mush!

I shudder to think... :shock:

Beekeeper
31st October 2008, 08:33 AM
Aren't rabbits the worst threat Australia has ever faceD?

My pooch is the worst threat the rabbits have ever faced.

ButterflyWoman
20th February 2010, 03:25 PM
I just stumbled on this thread again and found myself laughing. I love how bloody dangerous Australia is. Makes you happy to be alive! :lol:

Ouroboros
20th February 2010, 04:05 PM
I just stumbled on this thread again and found myself laughing. I love how bloody dangerous Australia is. Makes you happy to be alive! :lol:

Aye, seeing as you're one of like forty people who've managed to stay alive over there. :P :P :P

ButterflyWoman
20th February 2010, 05:42 PM
Oh, there's about 21million of us alive here, last time I heard. Good thing we keep getting lots of immigrants, though. Gotta replace all the people eaten by sharks and crocodiles and stung by jellyfish and bitten by poisonous spiders and taken by the drop bears...

CFTraveler
20th February 2010, 05:44 PM
You forgot the killer bunnies.

ButterflyWoman
20th February 2010, 05:45 PM
Yeah, them, too. And the cane toads!

boris
22nd February 2010, 03:24 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-V4JYIOja10

must watch. :lol:

Alaskans
24th February 2010, 01:12 AM
Oh, there's about 21million of us alive here, last time I heard. Good thing we keep getting lots of immigrants, though. Gotta replace all the people eaten by sharks and crocodiles and stung by jellyfish and bitten by poisonous spiders and taken by the drop bears... :lol:

You know I all love you guys (aussie women are so cute!) I'm saying this because you probably wont like my theory as to why australia is now packed with dangerous creatures (and they continue to evolve that way). Back in the day, of course, it is where criminals were dropped off. I beleive it was the thought-intent of that large concentration of criminals that determined the evolutionary path of the creatures there. (I dont know if its true, but I bet you there were far less deadly creatures there before they began dumping criminals on australia) The resulting evolution was a form of self induced karmic retribution. I'm not saying anyone is good or bad, its just the law of attraction.

ButterflyWoman
24th February 2010, 05:57 AM
Back in the day, of course, it is where criminals were dropped off. I beleive it was the thought-intent of that large concentration of criminals that determined the evolutionary path of the creatures there.
They were here long before the 18th century. There have been people living in Australia for some twenty thousand years (or more) and they're well acquainted with all the dangerous creatures, in legends going back thousands of years.


The resulting evolution was a form of self induced karmic retribution. I'm not saying anyone is good or bad, its just the law of attraction.
The majority of people who came to Australia from elsewhere (as opposed to the native Australians, who also came from elsewhere, but tens of thousands of years prior to the Europeans) were actually free settlers. The convicts were always a minority. And the reason that England started putting convicts in Australia is because the United States used to be the dumping ground and the United States started getting all uppity and rebellious and all that revolutionary stuff.

So, if King George III hadn't been quite so mad and had paid attention to the needs and requests of the people living in the American colonies, the United States probably wouldn't have had the impetus to go into active rebellion (though eventually they would have wanted to form their own independent nation, I'm sure, just as Australia eventually did), criminals could have continued to be dumped there (they were used for cheap labour!), England wouldn't have had to start colonising the arse end of the world (i.e., Australia, described thusly by one of our Prime Ministers, no less), and, errr... where was I? Oh, yeah. I blame the Porphyria (the disorder from which Mad King George apparently suffered).

That's my theory, anyway. My theory of... something. Anyway.

On a serious note, the actual fact is that the vast majority of Australians live in cities. Only about 5% of the population lives in genuinely rural areas (last time I checked, anyway; too lazy to look it up right now), and cities are, well, cities. There just aren't a lot of dangerous creatures in the suburbs, let alone in the Central Business District. The most dangerous creatures in Australia are the GenX Yuppies. :twisted:

Alaskans
24th February 2010, 11:26 AM
Nice. Awsome history lesson. graci. :wink:
I guess I dont really care that much if bad thoughts cause natural disasters and three-headed cobra-pandas, or I would look for the link. I know good ones cause lots of good stuff so phoey! :D

ButterflyWoman
24th February 2010, 12:35 PM
Nice. Awsome history lesson. graci. :wink:
Too right, mate. ;)

Actually, it is true that while Australia does have a LOT of poisonous and otherwise dangerous things, they're mostly way out in the uninhabited areas, so people rarely even see them.

I grew up in Arizona, which is also bloody dangerous. I've seen gila monsters up close and in the wild, scorpions, rattlesnakes, cactus that cling to your clothes and then FALL on you (OUCH!), all manner of strange and scary things. So to me, Australia is pretty similar. Just more ocean, which I refuse to go in (jellyfish! sharks! stingrays! riptides!).

:D

CFTraveler
24th February 2010, 04:02 PM
I remember visiting my cousin who used to live in Arizona. The critters there were pretty poisonous- what I remember most were the scorpions falling on my head (they go into attics when it's warm, and lay eggs there. Then when the babies are born, they would drop off. I was never stung by one, but it was pretty freaky to have a little scorpion drop on your head in the summer. And yes, it really happened to me.

Alaskans
27th February 2010, 11:18 PM
OMG :? Scorpions are one of those things I dont have fuzzy feelings for. but then It was the same with black flies, till one day one did a painting with me (the dragon one I posted), you cant see it but theres some cool lightning bolts in the top right. the little guy licked up about 4 times his weight in black paint.

Tutor
28th February 2010, 12:16 AM
ok...changing my mind on that trip to oz. :shock:

Beekeeper
28th February 2010, 04:21 AM
I'm saying this because you probably wont like my theory as to why australia is now packed with dangerous creatures (and they continue to evolve that way). Back in the day, of course, it is where criminals were dropped off. I beleive it was the thought-intent of that large concentration of criminals that determined the evolutionary path of the creatures there.

I think it is ever appropriate that we challenge our ideas about what constitutes a criminal. A number of convicts transported for 7 years were here because they'd stolen a fob watch or a pound of cheese. Some were mere children (think Charles Dickens and you'll start to get an idea of the British context) and some were political prisoners, including the Tolpuddle Martyrs. (http://members.iinet.net.au/~perthdps/convicts/res-13.html)

I believe the legacy of our convict heritage was an anti-authoritarian streak, anti-intellectualism (largely addressed by free university education in the 1970s and 80s - thanks Gough Whitlam), egalitarianism (unless you were aboriginal or a woman), republicanism (though we remain a constitutional monarchy) and male-centricity (the boys initially outnumbered the girls something like 3 to 1). Of course, that produced a shadow of cultural cringe, periods of extreme conservatism and strong identification with all things British, and feminists like Germaine Greer.

Alaskans
2nd March 2010, 08:12 AM
I know Beekeeper :) The justice system at the time wasnt exactly just. I only wished to throw the idea around of people altering thier environment with thought alone. My lone example does not hold up. Australia has a unique biological ecosystem as a result of being isolated for so long, thats all.

Beekeeper
2nd March 2010, 09:06 AM
I know sweetie. We have lots of cute, cuddly creatures too, you know. :lol:

Alaskans
2nd March 2010, 09:45 AM
*hug* :oops:

ButterflyWoman
2nd March 2010, 11:36 AM
We have lots of cute, cuddly creatures too, you know. :lol:

http://img.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2007/04_02/koala1WENN2704_468x311.jpg
http://www.livingtravel.com/australia/southaustralia/ClelandNationalPark/Potoroos_5399.jpg
http://www.itsnature.org/wp-content/uploads/2008/03/bilby.jpg
http://whyevolutionistrue.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/easter_bilby_dl_3.jpg

Need I continue? I haven't even started on the sugar gliders and possums.... :twisted:

Beekeeper
3rd March 2010, 12:34 AM
Gorgeous!

Palehorse Redivivus
3rd March 2010, 12:42 AM
Hee... I wish I had a link to the fake tourism ad for Australia, with a catchy song about all the ways you should try and avoid death. It was one of the greatest vids in the history of vids.

A while ago some friends also sent us a goodie box from there... pull out a wooden snake, a plush giant spider, and smartass Gehenna and I are like "oh look, a box of deadly animals; must be from Australia!" :mrgreen:

ButterflyWoman
3rd March 2010, 04:53 AM
Hee... I wish I had a link to the fake tourism ad for Australia, with a catchy song about all the ways you should try and avoid death. It was one of the greatest vids in the history of vids.
That sounds great! :)

Really, the most "unnatural" deaths in Australia come from cancer (we're particularly prone to skin cancer, probably due to being under a thin part of the ozone layer), accidents (cars, farming, industry, the usual stuff), heart disease, etc. Pretty much the exact stuff you'd expect to see anywhere else in the industrial world.

We normally feed tourists to the sharks and bunyips. :twisted:

ButterflyWoman
3rd March 2010, 05:24 AM
I like this. ;) It also ably demonstrates the Australian sense of humour. The "deranged gunmen" in Tasmania is particularly shocking (and funny!).

Palehorse Redivivus
3rd March 2010, 05:37 AM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wy_TB6onHVE

Found it! :mrgreen:

I remembered wrong; the tourism vid I'm thinking of was for somewhere in the US, but this one still rawks my proverbial sawks.

ButterflyWoman
3rd March 2010, 05:45 AM
LOL!!!! Oh, Scared Weird Little Guys, they're not together any more, more's the pity. I love the song. It so perfectly demonstrates the Aussie sense of humour. :)

Ouroboros
3rd March 2010, 01:11 PM
Hehe, nice vid!

Oh, and The Dark Ride is my favorite Helloween album. :P Nice sig!

ButterflyWoman
3rd March 2010, 01:18 PM
By the way, Australians will have noticed, but I stealthily mentioned several completely fictional/legendary creatures into my descriptions. Not the bilby, that's real (so are the chocolate Easter bilbies!), but a couple of the others I mentioned are completely not-real. In fact, one is a story we tell to visitors to see if they're gullible enough to believe it. I wonder if I can get yowies into the conversation somehow.... Hmmm.....

CFTraveler
3rd March 2010, 02:05 PM
Is that the Yowie Yahoo? (Vampire)? Yes, I watch TV.
I also liked how they included Vegemite in the list. :D

ButterflyWoman
3rd March 2010, 02:32 PM
I also liked how they included Vegemite in the list. :D
Yes, me, too. It IS one of the dangerous of Australia. Some Australian might try to make you actually EAT that stuff! *shudder* (It's not actually poisonous. It's just awful. And thus you can see that I am not a native Aussie. If I were, I'd have been eating it from birth and I'd think it was great. Go figure.)

Oh, a yowie is more or less the Aussie equivalent of sasquatch. :)