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Neil Templar
20th May 2009, 05:53 PM
so i got some bad news this morning when i arrived at work - one of my friends has taken his life.
he was tormented in this lifetime, mental illness knawed at him constantly.

i wasn't surprised when i heard. if i'm honest, i'd say i felt relieved for him.
i know the state he's in now has to be infinitely more peaceful than this life was for him.

many of my co-workers were friends with him too, and today has allowed me to observe some interesting things.
i hope i can describe this adequately..firstly, myself. i feel like i don't really relate to everyone else, when it comes to this event. maybe (most probably) it's due to my experience/knowledge/understanding/whatever, of metaphysical goings-on. past/alternate lives, non-physical experience, afterlife etc... whereas most of my co-workers live your average (asleep) life.

it seems to me that they all project the "drama" of this event onto themselves. most likely unconsciously, they include themselves in this thing, that really won't affect their lives at all.
the 1 or 2 who actually knew him well, who will actually miss him in their lives, are understandably sad, but also share my feelings of relief for him, and the end of his very unhappy existence.
the others tho, it seems are acting in a robotic pre-programmed pattern of "acceptable/expected" behaviour.

i'm finding it difficult to say what i mean, as always, :roll:
it's like, "oh, someone's died. okay, now i have to act like this"
know what i mean?
i guess it's a cultural thing. we westerners still (generally) don't know how to deal with death, we're clueless, and that's a shame. we should be talking about the good times we shared with him, when he was enjoying happy moments with his friends. not walking about saying "oh look how sad i am"

ahh well, i'm not sure i got my point across here properly. i might sound a bit insensitive or unsympathetic or something. i just get the feeling that something like this happens, and folk take the opportunity to get sympathy for themselves, that they don't need. or just act however they think they're supposed to act...

okay, gotta get back to work.. maybe i'll have some clearer thoughts later.
or maybe i'll drink a whiskey in his honour.
R.I.P Justin. a good fellow.

CFTraveler
20th May 2009, 06:25 PM
I'm sorry for your loss.

ButterflyWoman
20th May 2009, 11:06 PM
First: I'm sorry for the loss of your friend. I want to make that clear before I go off yapping about abstract concepts. I hope he finds the peace that eluded him in this lifetime, I really do.


it seems to me that they all project the "drama" of this event onto themselves. most likely unconsciously, they include themselves in this thing, that really won't affect their lives at all.
Interesting you should mention this. I just noticed this last night for the first time. There is severe flooding in part of Australia, and while I would certainly help out the victims of this flooding, I realised that, other than seeing on television, it doesn't even touch my own reality in the least. I don't know anyone there, I'm not travelling there, nothing. The only way it affects me is if I take the drama and wear it, myself.

So what you've just written there affirms what I noticed, and we're definitely both onto something.


the others tho, it seems are acting in a robotic pre-programmed pattern of "acceptable/expected" behaviour.
There is that, too. You must show signs of outrage, fear, grief, whatever, and if you don't, you're "inhuman". It's more sheep behaviour than human, though.


i'm finding it difficult to say what i mean, as always
I get exactly what you're talking about.


it's like, "oh, someone's died. okay, now i have to act like this"
know what i mean?
Oh, a building in some country I've never heard of got blown up, therefore I must be outraged. Oh, someone made a joke when I believe they should not, therefore I must be offended. Oh, some people I've never met or even heard of before got into a terrible accident, therefore I must feel terrible about it.

Yeah, I get it. And if you don't conform to their ideas of how you should act, you can get in a lot of trouble with them, too.

The thing is, most people take their cues not only from some sort of instilled programming, but also from the media and people around. It's like they can't consider for themselves how to think, feel, react, etc., so if the media says, "be outraged", or "be scared", or "be excited", they are.


i just get the feeling that something like this happens, and folk take the opportunity to get sympathy for themselves, that they don't need. or just act however they think they're supposed to act...
You've got it. Most people just run whatever program they have installed and never, ever think about it.


maybe i'll drink a whiskey in his honour.
Good thinking.

I sincerely wish you comfort, and I wish the best for Justin, too.

Neil Templar
21st May 2009, 11:52 AM
thanks ladies.
OW, i'm glad you responded.
you know, yesterday, i kinda felt like Spock.(yeah i just watched Star Trek for the second time :wink: )
it was like, i got the news... i felt the sadness, loss, and then the relief for his torment being over... and that was it. i recognized the emotions and then moved on...

and now, it's turning out to be a positive thing. the funeral is in London next week. i can't afford to fly at such short notice, but a friend told me she's going by bus, a long drive but cheap enough i can do it. so i'm going. and while i'm there i get a chance to catch up with two of my best friends in the world, and meet their 1yr old Maya. :D who until now i've only seen in pics on facebook. so, it's all good!!

Fish
21st May 2009, 06:21 PM
Cheers to Justin! Sorry for your loss Neil. I'm glad you are able to go 8)

I know exactly what you mean about the acting a certain "way" it's messed up.

sono
22nd May 2009, 08:06 AM
Hi, I'm also really sorry for your loss & but agree with all the observations everyone else has made . . . to share my story if I may. . .when my mother died a few years back I experienced the same sort of thing.

She had been an Alzheimers sufferer, & also had many strokes & convulsions before she died. I was relieved for her & myself to finally say farewell; I have met her only once in the astral where she was busy in a small kitchen, & barely noticed me when I invited her to go flying with me.

During the last years of her life she had not recognised me, & seemed to take a deep dislike to me (amusingly, she even fired me once, saying i was the worst au pair she had ever had. . .) During my teenage years she was a definitely mentally unstable, encouraging me to commit suicide & more.


I had her body cremated, with no ceremony other than placing a rose on the coffin. She did not accept any religious rites during her life, so I saw no reason to inflict them on her after she had metamorphosed (sp?)

Yet my colleagues (I just have one relative, my daughter, & no friends here at that time as I had just arrived in this country) insisted on expressing a whole tragedy/drama scenario, insisting they "knew what I was going through" etc., & continued trying to dredge up some emotional outburst from me. Yet I felt very little other than relief, & wished her well on her journey by throwing her ashes out into the sea, & drinking a glass of wine to her memoy. I felt our business was finished, with no hard feelings.

I do feel one should never be co-erced into hypocritical mourning; after all, we at this forum all know that death is really just a formality, as we go out of our bodies consciously! So we do have some sort of edge, I suppose, over those who simnply take things on faith alone. :?