Shadowfall

The gnarled old floor creaks ominously underfoot
As my broken spirit plummets,
Spiralling hopelessly downward
To where the shattered picture lies,
Framed amidst glittering blood-drenched shards;
Gritty, gut-crunching splinters
Stinging my cold, bare feet.

I try once again and....

I've lost my smile forever now
And know not where it went.
Stripped so unkindly away
With such dry-sobbing sadness:
Tear-drenched, bitter-sweet memories
Ring endlessly throughout this darkness
That was me.

I try once again and....

Oh once I was so young and rich and proud,
Sparkling brightly under time's slow rich burden,
Wanting so much to grow up faster
That I guess I finally did.
But life's flown by so quickly now
That its caught me up at last,
And for the life of me....I cannot hold this back!

I try once again and....

Mind-Shadows rise and fall....mocking me
With such wry grave good-humour
As life unwinds inside my tortured mind;
Flashing full of strangely familiar faces.
I look up, gasping....gagging and scared;
Stringy saliva trickling slowly down the barrel,
As I cling tightly to my sad little spark.

I try once again and....

I want all my days over again...so very much.
Oh to be a child once more
With brimming bubbly heart
In a world full of bright-eyed delights;
Chasing butterflies all my sunny days through,
Watching the waters sweetly flowing
Under all my life's bridges once more.

I try once again and....

So much have I missed!
So much have I wasted!
So much have I lost!
So little have I done.

What was it like to sit on Dad's lap?
What did he feel like way back then?
I can remember his smell, his voice, his strength.
But can I remember all of him?
Will he still love me?
Will he forgive me?
Will I ever know now?

What was it like to sit on Mum's lap?
What did she feel like way back then?
I can remember her smell, her voice, her warmth.
But can I remember all of her?
Will she still love me?
Will she forgive me?
Will I ever know now?

But Suicide....is....Forever!

And I feel so very sad and lonely now,
So cold and small and tired and utterly alone.
My mind vomiting gaping black shadows
As the tangy taste of tear-drenched steel
Fills my trembling mouth once more.

I try once again, and....

Maybe this time I can really, really do it,
And send my sad little spark shooting out;
Flying far, far away into that big dark night out there.
And oh my dear God...please...have mercy,
For I cannot stand this pain!

I try once again, and....

....brief candle....OUT!

The trembling floor begins its grisly red-grey feast
As the mindless dance begins:
With just a quiet drumming of heels
In some God-forsaken nightmare
As some mother's child gives in.

Copyright © 1992 Robert Bruce