Realizing Non Attachment

For example, if we milk a cow and make ice cream, of course we care about the outcome. We want the outcome, the end product, to be good and tasty and valuable. But if the milk gets spilled before the ice cream is made, we should not cry over the loss of the milk, nor about our inability to make ice cream. We should learn to be more careful, yes, but the loss should not cause us to become emotionally sad.

Non attachment means that we should not become emotionally attached to persons, things or outcomes to the point where we become emotionally dependent.

Emotional dependency is where one's inner peace and happiness depends upon others, upon people and things and outcomes. This is a psychologically and spiritually unhealthy state in which to live.

In a spiritual sense, non attachment is key to inner peace and balance and happiness. We are all just passing through life. Not allowing yourself to get too attached to things and people, and the ability to let them go, is a vital realization.

Non attachment is high spiritual work. Its not easy and it takes time to take it fully onboard. This applies to all profound realizations. Some take a lifetime or more....

Non attachment is all about living in the now, and about appreciating what the now presents us with in any given moment of the now.

Emotionally clinging to the past (what has happened before now) causes depression, and worrying about the future (what might happen in the future) causes anxiety.

The clinging pain of attachment, of loss and potential loss, blinds us from seeing all that the now is presenting to us in the moment. Golden opportunities for experience and growth can easily slip past us, if we do not see them.

Negative emotions block the experience of living in the now, eg, pride, anger, hatred, jealousy, greed, etc. All negative emotions involve some form of attachment. But all negative emotions have opposite positive aspects. Pride becomes humility, anger becomes tolerance, hatred becomes love, jealousy becomes feeling good about the success or good fortune of another, greed becomes generosity, etc.

Try as they might, many people experience great difficulty mastering this realization. Being detached, in a spiritual sense, does not involve being cold and unfeeling, of cutting oneself off from caring and feeling. The opposite applies. Non attachment involves handling (crafting) ones emotions and attitudes in positive and non destructive ways.

Non attachment does not mean that one should not care about things and people. One can love people and things and want them always close. But when they move on or away, then that's ok too.

Life is a fluid metaphor, way more fluid than most people think. And other people are just other aspects of ourselves. If we believe this truly, then we give other people the right to make decisions that are best for them at any given moment. Sometimes these do not seem good for us, or they might take the ones we love away from us, for better or worse. We each have our own journey to make. And we each need freedom and autonomy to find our own way through life.

When one door closes, the wise person listens carefully to hear the quiet creaking of other doors opening all around.

Energy cannot be created or destroyed, only changed. For every action there is a reaction. The energy of one door closing firmly causes many other doors to crack open.

Most people need to suffer the pain that comes with attachment and loss, in order to glimpse the power of this realization.

Detachment can be a way out for many, a way to stop the pain of loss, to shut it out, say when one is grieving. But this approach can lead to coldness and emotional isolation. This can lead to erecting barriers around ourselves. This leads to spiritual isolation and stagnation, which comes with even more pain.

If we refuse to feel, we cannot be felt. If we refuse to love, we cannot be loved. If we refuse to live, we cannot have life.

The negative aspect of non attachment is detachment, which is to become emotionally disconnected from life. This disconnection becomes an attachment in its own right, because one then cling (become attached) to being detached and isolated.

But real spiritual non attachment comes with warm and fuzzy feelings. It does not mean that we stop loving or caring or missing or wanting to be with someone, or to have some thing or other. It just means that we can let these people and things move on to other pastures and feel happy about this when it happens.

To fully realize non attachment generates a profound sense of peace and happiness, inner balance and contentment, and emotional security.

Non attachment produces self confidence and self reliance and great resilience. It also produces a kind of quiet but excited sense of expectation, as one wonders what life will manifest next. This is a little bit like how a child feels on xmas eve.