Beekeeper

My first recalled dream from last night was a lucid one. It was short but interesting:

“Back in Time”
I sit down to eat a delicious meal but half my plate is loaded with gravel. This causes me to become lucid.

I find myself back in my original family home, in my bedroom, peeping out into the dining and living areas. I’m about to step out when I see my mother from behind. She’s spraying insect spray here and there as she used to do when we were kids, with reckless disregard for our well being.

Suddenly, I feel like I’ve been transported back in time. The reality of the dream is so vivid that I actually become afraid that I’ve transported back to my childhood and that I’ll get stuck there and have to do it all over again. This actually scares me; I really don't want to be a kid again!

It occurs to me that Mum spraying insect spray all over the place, as she actually still does, is a pretty good symbol for toxic parenting. The dream was triggered by something minor: I'd explained to my kids that I hated living with my own mother when I was growing up because she never let up with the nagging and criticism but that I can love her now, as long as I never have to live with her again!