Lessons on how to shine

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In my dreams, I’ve been seeing a recurrent teaching figure whom, in the dreamstate, I associate with the main teacher I had when I was studying translation. Sometimes the guise is off, but even then I often seem to think of him as this teacher, as if to facilitate upon awakening the identification of this spiritual teacher whose energy may share similar qualities to those I link to this translation teacher I once had.

[B]The teacher[/B]
When I think of this teacher I had, I am reminded of someone who would speak with much authority and confidence, someone knowledgeable, intellectual, straightforward and demanding (but fair and understanding). Interestingly, in my tarot readings, there are two court cards from the Swords suit I often see, a suit linked with air energy, and precisely associated with qualities such as those I attach to this teacher I had. One of these cards appears more occasionally than the other, but the lather is very recurrent, and very interestingly, often appears in card patterns leading me to think he is precisely teaching me (The Hierophant) how to build inner strength (The Strenght) and confidence (The Chariot), and how to lift unnecessary protections, clear blockages (2 of swords) and remove binding beliefs (8 of swords), so that I may, like the Fool, speak more freely, openly, spontaneously, and let my true self shine through.

[B]Field work[/B]
From what I have observed, it seems that my everyday life in the physical often serves as the main working ground. Sometimes we seek answers so far away, and sometimes also we trace a line between the spiritual and the physical, as if these two were apart, yet they are not so, as a greater purpose can be seen behind `small` things unfolding in our everyday life. We tend to forget that the extraordinary often lies within what seems ordinary, that the physical is made in fact of coarse spiritual matter, and that it serves as a learning ground for the soul. Indeed, theory is one thing, but it is another to have the chance to directly try it out and see the results for ourselves. To be here, focused in the physical on specific lessons, is a chance for the soul to experiment, learn and develop.

For instance, I can easily see how my current job serves the purpose to teach me how to build inner strength and confidence, how to become more open and spontaneous and how to let go of my reluctance to express myself and speak up openly and freely, lessons that the recurrent teacher figure in my tarot readings, and in my dreams, seems to be going through with me in my everyday life.
…Beware, a long story is coming! ;)

[B]Under the spotlights[/B]
When I was first offered this job, I declined it, as during the interview, I was told I would have to teach to groups of 12 adults. While I had some experience teaching on a one-on-one basis, the perspective of teaching to a group completely terrified that part of me who feared much to be under the spotlights like that: ``[I]It would be like having to do a very long oral presentation everyday![/I] [I]I can’t possibly do that…I am definitely not confident enough!`` [/I]I then thought…But I was to be proven wrong!

I left for France not too long after, and only a few months before I was to return, I received an email from the school asking me if I would be available and interested to work for them (!) I was still in France, so it was not possible then, and I replied politely that I would contact them after my return, which I did…several months after I came back, and `that mysterious force` may have been behind this, as I happened to contact them right when they were about to start hiring new teachers. I went to an interview a few days later and was lucky enough to be offered the job again, almost on the spot, which this time I didn’t decline, as I was told I would start with one-on-one teaching... Now, that was reassuring! (:lol:)

[B]One challenge after another[/B]
Besides building teaching skills, the one-on-one classes helped me to grow more confident and to open up to some extent with different types of people, and as soon as I became comfortable enough with this, it seems like I was to go to the next stage and face my reluctance to be `under the spotlights like that`, as to my profound dislike, I was to be given my first beginner groups… Needless to say I was terrified!

The morning of my first class, I felt very well a familiar little breeze around me, which I took as a sign that my higher self or a guide was around, and so, I asked `him` or `her` to help me calm down, and to help me stay confident and in control during class… I was answered with a pleasant familiar scent which calmed me down indeed, as it always does when I sense one, for it reminds me that I am loved and supported, that I need not to be alone when facing a challenge, however big or small, that I can always ask for support, even for my everyday concerns, my `small things`. The scent lingered longer than it usually does, and I could feel the breeze so well that it filled me with joy and with the faith that things would be fine…

Later on, although I kept wanting to go back home as I was on my way to the building in which I was going to teach, the class went wonderfully well, and I even had a great time teaching! Week after week, I would keep surprising myself, as I would realize I was not only capable of doing it, but I could also be good at it. I would speak with a confidence that kept growing. I even grew comfortable enough to joke around and truly enjoy giving my classes.

I was still overly preparing back then, as my faith in myself was somewhere on the fragile side, but when I was given only groups, I found out the hard way that all this overly-detailed preparation was too time-consuming given the bigger workload, and so, I had no choice but to start learning, like the Fool, to have more faith in myself and to become more spontaneous in class. That semester, I was also given two advanced groups, which were a new challenge for me, as these classes are more focused on conversations, spontaneity being a key. To me, it meant also a bigger exposure `under the spotlights` in a group setting.

[B]``And you?``[/B]
This semester, I was given mostly advanced groups. Until very recently, in these classes, I would typically encourage everyone to share so that the conversation would keep going and so that everyone would have their chance to speak and shine, but rarely would I share something myself. Some students, probably noticing I so rarelly talked about myself, would sometimes ask me with a smile: ``And you?`` And I would typically answer something very vague then quickly turn the spotlights onto someone else. ;) These last weeks however, I really noticed I was given several opportunities to open up more and speak my mind. Real topics of interest for me would be brought in the conversation. One morning, a student even brought an article about dreams, and as the class was small that morning, I felt comfortable enough to share about the topic, first testing the water, then going slightly deeper, then slightly more. I found that as I would open up, the others would open up more too, and as they would open up more, I would go further too, along with them. In the end, we had shared several personal anecdotes and beliefs, and had enjoyed a rich conversation.

Lately I said to my best friend how I really feel that something in me has changed. The change may be subtle and there may be much work left to do, but I do feel it is there, and he said he agreed. I can see how these step-by-step challenges, along with many others in different areas of my life, brought me where I am now. I can really see how all these lessons on how to shine are now allowing me to let my true self shine more, and for that, I am very grateful.

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  1. Korpo's Avatar
    I am glad to hear this.

    Groups can be very interesting. The anthroposophic group I've joined some months ago started out giving me a great feeling of flow. Lately the makeup of the group changed several times, and while not as satisfying on an immediate basis, it gives me the chance to determine how the presence and absence of each person shapes the group dynamic.

    So, continue having fun with it, I'm sure there's more interesting stuff to come.
  2. poème's Avatar

    As for groups, that's precisely something I was given to observe in my classes. It's a very interesting phenomenon. The dynamic may change completely depending on who is there and who is not there... Perhaps also depending on the weather, and whether it is a Monday or a Friday :lol:
  3. Korpo's Avatar
    Or rather who's "under the weather."

    I also agree on the "main working ground." There may be times when nonphysical events will pick up again and become more pronounced, but in general there's a lot to put into practice in physical reality.
  4. poème's Avatar
    Good point :-)

    I noticed that whenever I start focusing less on dreams, for instance, and more on signs in everyday life, signs will become more and more meaningful, while dreams will seem to fade out in comparison. I guess it could also be seen the other way around: when I need to focus more on the physical, then dreams and non-physical experiences fade in the background so that I am led to focus on the physical instead. Chances are, it is probably a complex interaction of both, but either way, there is always something going, there are always lessons to learn, in whatever form they take...
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