Shaping my reality

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In my job I had to make a switch of assignment to one that I really like a lot. And then I was made to mostly abandon it for another. I really have not been happy with that - now holding two positions vying for my attention, where each would deserve 100%.

I tried pouring time into the new assignment, and invested myself. But my heart wasn't into it. My old position had given me opportunity to improve things for many people, now I had been sucked into the small-small of a position I do not want and do not enjoy. And I felt I could only justify using my time for whatever was urgent.

Fast forward a few weeks, and lo and behold I now get urgent requests, over and over to improve this and fix that having to with my old assignment. Just when I think I fixed those, another one pops up. While I feel I'm letting my team mates from my new assignment down, I enjoy my time, am immensely productive, and sometimes even benefit them.

Even my ambiguity about which task to do got lessened when it turned out that I needed to deliver something from my old assignment to even have a chance to proceed with my new assignment. Over and over. Even today, as I was starting to work on my new assignment again, within a few hours I got a new call, got involved, new meeting, support, maybe a new feature.

I see that my wishes still keep shaping my reality. I did not want this new assignment. I know the reasons for it, but it's just patching things up that don't have to be. And I see how my wishes keep creating my reality very strongly - sometimes by drawing in the needs of others that match my wishes, and sometimes by my own subconscious mistakes that I need to fix later, and so on. Even those mistakes might not happen if I had more time for my other tasks.

And so where my heart is keeps shaping my reality, even when it comes to my job.

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