CFTraveler's Blog


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I have been making myself be busy, and keep coming up with ways to be distracted from the loneliness I feel.
I have written a book (a small book in spanish, if anyone is interested message me for a link to it). have joined a few art organizations to see if I can sell my art and make money, money that would go a long way in helping me make some payments...I have opened up a sales webpage that is not doing well at all, partly because I'm not a salesperson and don't like to sell anything, and setting up and populating a YouTube channel that doesn't have enough subscribers to monetize.
I feel I should delete this post, because it sounds defeatist, but at the same time I want to be honest, it's not all worrying about paranormal stuff or societal stuff- that is a whole 'nother source of anxiety- but that one will have to wait.
People often ask me what I am doing, and most of the time I don't know what to say.
Go figure.

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  1. CFTraveler's Avatar
    Hi Ia. I don't know what to say because I don't want to reveal the source of my discontent- which is specific fears, so I fill my day with doing things to ease the heartache I feel, but I don't feel that I am getting anywhere with any of it.
    I feel like what I do doesn't matter (which I know, ultimately, in the grand scheme of things, it really doesn't), but oddly that is ok- but it messes up my day to day when the feeling comes that I don't know what I'm doing, and it stops me in its tracks.
    It's a combination of magical thinking, dissatisfaction with how things are (which I cannot change) and my reluctance to do the things I think I can. It's a funk, I know, and it'll pass, but it's hard sloughing through it as I go along.
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