Obsession and flow

I was going to post to a law of attraction site,but then it'd take time to register,and get approved and I just really need to get this out now. I don't question the loa,I see it clear as day often and had too many experiences to doubt it being real. Last year,after having gotten sick and going through troubles,I decided to go through a sort of spirituality cleanse in the sense of kind of taking a break from loa intention manifesting and things like that. I needed to just get simple for awhile. But,recently,I started thinking I want to get to work with intention manifesting again more often as I see people who don't even believe in loa,or who do now,just using loa all the time in their favor meanwhile I am the worst I've ever been at it,ever since about two years ago or so. I just don't know what's my problem anymore. Sometimes,it's easy,I can see how I'm making things manifest by my attention simply with my authentic gratitude. Other times,it's like my mind is stuck,and I just cannot get myself to believe. I don't know why..maybe from going through things,it's made my mind get stuck thinking of times i've manifested negatively.

I find myself getting SO obsessive with some topics. Like love. I cannot get my mind to shut up. I did EFT just now and it helped provide me feeling better,but then a few seconds later,the thoughts still came back of along the lines of "oh,he'll contact me again soon," "oh,we would be good together," "of course he likes me." Those type of thoughts. They just don't shut up. I try to let go but thoughts along the lines of that trying to lure me back in keep at me in the money mind sort of way. WHY? It feels so uncontrollable.

Then,there's flow. I'll start to flow with a guy. It feels natural. There's a build-up,tension that feels good. You just naturally sort of know. The back and forth energy play doesn't FEEL bad at all. Then,boom,all of a sudden the flow stops and it feels AWFUL. And,I just can't get it back. It goes from seeming so easy,a natural easy flow to it feeling like nothing can get it like that,and it's just painful tension where it almost feels unpleasant to even hear from them because of the dread of it going cold again.

And,I remembered,back when I dated before and had more flow,I didn't know of the loa,and then later on was less versed in it. So,it was natural because there was no feeling like I had to think a certain way to keep things going. I had an inner knowing. The more aware of loa I became,the more exhausting and unnatural it became because who the heck wants to 1.)think certain thoughts to attract someone and 2.)Monitor thoughts so they don't go away. It's just not natural. And,so it's like I literally can't have flow,because I don't want to think thoughts to attract someone or keep them in my reality. It's just not fun. But,at the same time,it's happening all the time. You can't stop thinking.

So,I'm lost here. I tried to put it in words so it makes sense. But, yeah,i'm tired of these days having flow,then it all of a sudden stopping and things feeling like literally energetically painful and becoming so obsessive to the point where it's like I can't get the dang person out of my head. It's like they're imprinted on there in a way luring me to stay interested and keep hope.

My thought as I am writing this is,is the flow is what's natural. And,the flow stops when I "observe" things and become too aware of what's going on and start altering my behavior from that. The obsessive thoughts are thoughts of what is true,an inner guidance and that's why they won't go away,but they're not supposed to be obsessive,it's supposed to be just a quiet within knowing,but it's the blocking of the flow that's throwing everything off causing an energetic rift yet an inability to let go with ease. Back when I didn't know of loa then it was new,the thoughts could just flow,the inner knowing was easier,the painful tension could be waded through with more ease if it ever came up,and I don't think I ever had the obsessional type of thoughts i'm referring to in this post back then. I think it's like my intuition shuts off.I SHUT it off by trying to use loa in this regard. So,it's like how can I fix this if we are always thinking? The only thing i can think of in the moment is maybe don't intention manifest with love/dating matters because then maybe the flow will remain and the intuition can be heard? Though,im not sure even that's 100% the answer.

I actually don't even believe this. About the obsessional thoughts keep coming(in regards to the kind in this post) Except I do. But,I don't. It IS similar to the kind of inner knowing thoughts i used to have,except they were quieter and clearer then whereas nowadays when it happens,they just will not go no matter how much i try to change them and short circuit them. Or,maybe im not trying hard enough and am trying to make myself feel better on some deep,deep stuck subconscious level. I just dont know what to think. I've just come to realize my dating life has felt more and more stuck since knowing of loa longer and longer.

Months ago,there was a guy,and thoughts became a bit obsessional and like that,a leaning that he likes me thoughts but then all of a sudden,he just really dropped from my mind. I'd try to consciously put him there a time or two just to sort of see if it'd make him more on my mind,and it didn't. Perhaps,there is more to paying attention to vibes then i've been thinking. After all,now that I've clarified to myself intuition and predestiny aren't the same a year or two ago,i can easily again apply that to vibes and people. Why do some people stick in our minds more then others? It's kind of weird sometimes. Hmm. Maybe this is all very simple and I've been complicating it. Vibes and loa can easily go together without one complicating the other. Maybe sometimes it's pushing,resisting what vibes are telling me. Sometimes,people have very,weirdly left my mind so easily,and other times,I cannot get them out,no matter what.

simplify. quintessential happiness is your own unique mind made human... divinty is taking care of yourself.

i know the place you are in. can't care OR not care and you've probably got something antisocial going on somewhere. not saying this is you, since i have these temporary obsessional problems myself i have to assume they are somewhere in the world...

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Originally Posted by olyris

simplify. quintessential happiness is your own unique mind made human... divinty is taking care of yourself.

i know the place you are in. can't care OR not care and you've probably got something antisocial going on somewhere. not saying this is you, since i have these temporary obsessional problems myself i have to assume they are somewhere in the world...

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I am anti-social.Both my therapist,psychiatrist,and family have said I am all over the place and too many directions.The occasional acquantance as well has said it.As if i've read too many books and it's just made me confused and I should simplify.

I think too the problem is I may have OCD.

hmm. i see a psychiatrist too. i have a care worker visit me, he has a personality disorder which means he can't care. i mean i know he cares but he can't umm... live like that.

i do wonder what is stopping some people from just solving it... but with my mind it is a case of "do or don't be a fool"... i thought foolery was the real one, not so long ago !''

i try to write down my considerations at the computer and keep my mind free to think lightly, that's all i can say...

It's not so easy to just "live the way you know you're supposed to'- all of this generates pressure and it actually brings up more of whatever the problem is.
I can't speak to your problem with intrusive obsessive thoughts, but I can only say that sometimes you do your work (with the affirmations, the positive programming or negative deprogramming and then just let go- let go of procedure and just be.
I know, easier said than done.

@CFTraveler,that makes sense now.

For some reason shortly before my original post and then the next evening after,I had quite a panic attack/breakdown. I couldn't figure out why. Usually,I kind of do,at least know why. I had therapy the next afternoon after the evening of the panic attack and she was trying to figure out why a harmless intrusive thought caused me to feel shut down and so upset. I didn't want to tell her all that was in my mind at first,but I let out a little bit and came to figure out the problem The intrusive thought was of someone liking me even though they've been acting the opposite. It was bothering me because i'm trying to move on and let go but the thoughts weren't going away. But,why would that bother me? I started softly sobbing in the therapist's office and told her because I don't want to be attached/to get attached again. It doesn't solve the problems but at least it brought the problem to the surface. It's been hard to get an accurate diagnosis whilst in treatment because some things start to improve,and other things aren't as current as they were in the past. The therapist has said i am one of their more difficult cases because I'm hard to figure out. The psychiatrist told her to observe me for some symptoms of impulsivity. They seem to think there's a risk or that I could be bipolar but they cannot tell yet. I just am thinking lately maybe I should focus more on discussing intrusive thoughts being an issue for me. There's been so many other bigger issues,that there's only been little talk of that since I've started therapy.

Complex people are not that easy to figure out, even when we're aware of what the issues are- because there are so many. But it sounds like you're doing the right thing.