Originally Posted by
Mari
It has been a long time since I have been on this forum. I woke up tonight and for whatever reason came back.
. Did they? I don't know. I also posted that I was afraid to make a healing connection with him. i know he was calling out to me but I was afraid that if i connected, somehow i would attract or get attacked by what was attacking him. I had a sense of fear and i don't think i was wrong. In addition, during that same year of his illness, my own son became very seriously ill. I had to tend to my son which kept me from attending to the man I loved so dearly. I don't think this was a coincidence at all. So anyway, I am beyond furious at whatever that was and what/who I believe to be the source. Unfortunately, I have not been able to successfully defeat it. Even if I did, I cannot bring back the love of my life. I cannot rescue him from whatever underworld he exists in now. Once, I tried to actually contact him and I think something really evil came through so I am not going there again.
So, I thought I would just take some time and come back to the forum. A number of other things happened during the three years since his passing. My son is better so that's good. I still talk to my dear love all of the time when I am alone or in the car. Sometimes I get thoughts that seem to be responses back but who knows. Just unresolved grieving, I suppose.
It is still almost impossible to believe that two lives that were so perfect, so powerful, burned so white hot, could be separated maybe forever. It was not supposed to be this way. We used to both talk about how that after a few years and resolution of some different issues, we were finally going to live the rest of our lives together in a really good and wonderful way. So, when I am alone and talk to him out loud, I find myself repeating that this was NOT the way it was supposed to end. I just do not understand.