I'd love your list of songs. :) Yes,I love gratitude and believe in it. My goal is to get more into that state even when i'm not doing my gratitude list,but just on and off all day!
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-landlord letting me know best friend was coming to pay rent. he didn't mean to let me know,he doesn't know we aren't speaking,but i think things like that happen,because universe knows I'd want to know. He knocked on door thinking he was here because he seen light on and i told him we aren't speaking but i could call his dad so then he called him and told him he was in back so i just went back inside.It left me with mixed feelings but I do believe it happened for a reason. Not in a predestiny sense though but because universe knew it'd be something i'd want to know.
-my purse
-my landlords
-calling best friend's dad to see if he heard anything
-coffee
-being able to see things logically and with clear perception and to see an injustice was done to me,and justice will come
-joel osteen quote i like about how every unfair thing done to me,i will be paid back for
-having that time of the month,because oddly enough for me,it feels relaxing since the days before i tend to be more on edge
-socks and how good they make my feet feel
-wondering if the apartment i dreamed of the morning in october,that i then found out we had a viewing of when i awoke(one of the few psychic dreams i've had in my life) if we had chosen that,would everything be so much different and better now? We could've moved in right away so no staying with his parents which opened us up to this mess and there was a one year lease,so there'd have been more time to work out our stuff though really our stuff didn't start until november from staying with his parents. I felt a high vibe when we viewed that apartment. I felt an ok vibe when I viewed this one. I can't help but wonder about different actions i could've chosen for a different now. I literally dreamed of that other apartment before I even viewed it. But,then we chose this one.
-emails with S.
-the power of silence and how amazing it is
-squats and lunges
-getting that yoga mat finally placed in the laundry machine
-tuning into thoughts a little. i felt in the last 24 hours or so,slightly urges to text best friend.i don't know if this was just my mind,or if there was something i was getting from his side wanting me to text him. but,in the last hour,i literally almost felt drawn to actually text him as if it was inspired.
-things that give hope. one of those last days,before i was stabbed in the back,i literally received a thought/visual that did not come from me. It was shortly after I had asked him about hugging me and does it make him feel weird and then a few aisles later,i get this cutesy visual and thought infused with a very happy feeling as if bright pink and red heart emojis decorating the thought/visual of him coming up to me and kissing me on the cheek. i never did believe he ever stopped having feelings for me,and i am more evolved then him.i think he just represses things very deeply.
-getting some writing done on that article that is a dream of mine i finally am going back to working on.i did a meditation in the beginning of working on it,so it then flowed and then by time i completed my time of working on it,i felt about 40-50% done with it! so it's getting there.
-simplicity
-decluttering
-my creativity
-being able to see things logically on why i behaved or did a certain thing,but then move forward from it. my mind is becoming more meditative and i love it. meditation is what i discovered before any of this other stuff,well gratitude technically was first. i had gotten so pulled into all these loa processes throughout the years,but meditation is the answer. meditation makes everything else come together so you don't need any loa processes. meditation is the true magic. meditation is what LED me to learn of law of attraction.
-my happy memories with best friend,and of living together.i enjoyed it so much.i only wish i could enjoy and savor the last month more of being here at my apartment,but it's hard with how sad i am. it's scary not knowing 100% exactly what's to come. but,i doubt it'll be being back here at this apartment. and,would i really want that? the crazy thing is,this apartment does hold good memories for me. and,honestly,within me,i feel like NOTHING has changed. it would seem as if i'm in denial,but i just feel like everything will be fine,and is going to work out. what's hilarious is part of me likely wants to come back here to this neighborhood once everything gets sorted and healed. i feel like this is the perfect neighborhood now. i feel like i'll even be happy to go back to where me and best friend first lived our first apartment.
idk,either the praying or meditating is having an effect,or God has empathy when people are down at their worst,because it seems the little things are sort of flowing just a bit more,and little things that are good keep cropping up.
-lattes
-getting my eyebrows threaded today.i am mostly a diy-er kind of girl,but getting my eyebrows threaded is one thing i love going to get done.
-sleep.
-inspiration from crush A seeing some social media posts he made made me feel more inspired to go after my dreams,and finish up a writing goal i had made. i find it so odd how he posted that at the timing he did,yet again. it's like a twin psychic connection.
-getting in a driving lesson for even just 10 minutes today.
-my beauty
-getting rid of the freewill argument in regards to law of attraction once and for all with logic
-finding out my fitness seminar is only 12-6 instead of 9-6 this weekend which is even better
-meditation. my love! meditation is my love.
-my purse
-my black flat sandals
-my style
-my intelligence
-my creativity
-writing a little to do list in my phone for myself
-my phone
-best friend's mom calling me up less then an hour ago telling me she may have a job for me as a volunteer at her gym. i am actually really excited for this! i really like how she helps me more then best friend's dad. he was looking at a pizza shop which is insulting considering my qualifications plus i'm plant based and then a hospital job when i'm practically phobic of hopsitals and it'd take 3 busses to get there he said which considering i'm mildly agoraphobic would give me a heart attack to get to
-the mascara i got from whole foods yesterday. it looked really good on me. i may start getting more into natural cosmetics lines.
-taking it kind of easy on myself since it's that time of the month and my inner feelings want to slow down just a bit
-deciding it's time to quit pi forum for at least awhile
-how much his parent's are helping me. i may complain and feel awful about some things,but they are really helping me out with a lot and so i am grateful for that
-finding out i had more money then i thought on my card yesterday and dropping a few dollars of it towards my monthly bill i have
-the nightskies,and skyscrapers last night
-emails with S
-getting some groceries today
-daydreaming about becoming really famous and successful from all this the other night
-socks for making my feet feel good
-
idk,either the praying or meditating is having an effect,or God has empathy when people are down at their worst,because it seems the little things are sort of flowing just a bit more,and little things that are good keep cropping up.
-lattes
-getting my eyebrows threaded today.i am mostly a diy-er kind of girl,but getting my eyebrows threaded is one thing i love going to get done.
-sleep.
-inspiration from crush A seeing some social media posts he made made me feel more inspired to go after my dreams,and finish up a writing goal i had made. i find it so odd how he posted that at the timing he did,yet again. it's like a twin psychic connection.
-getting in a driving lesson for even just 10 minutes today.
-my beauty
-getting rid of the freewill argument in regards to law of attraction once and for all with logic
-finding out my fitness seminar is only 12-6 instead of 9-6 this weekend which is even better
-meditation. my love! meditation is my love.
-my purse
-my black flat sandals
-my style
-my intelligence
-my creativity
-writing a little to do list in my phone for myself
-my phone
-best friend's mom calling me up less then an hour ago telling me she may have a job for me as a volunteer at her gym. i am actually really excited for this! i really like how she helps me more then best friend's dad. he was looking at a pizza shop which is insulting considering my qualifications plus i'm plant based and then a hospital job when i'm practically phobic of hopsitals and it'd take 3 busses to get there he said which considering i'm mildly agoraphobic would give me a heart attack to get to
-the mascara i got from whole foods yesterday. it looked really good on me. i may start getting more into natural cosmetics lines.
-taking it kind of easy on myself since it's that time of the month and my inner feelings want to slow down just a bit
-deciding it's time to quit pi forum for at least awhile
-how much his parent's are helping me. i may complain and feel awful about some things,but they are really helping me out with a lot and so i am grateful for that
-finding out i had more money then i thought on my card yesterday and dropping a few dollars of it towards my monthly bill i have
-the nightskies,and skyscrapers last night
-emails with S
-getting some groceries today
-daydreaming about becoming really famous and successful from all this the other night
-socks for making my feet feel good
-my new favorite vegan chocolate
-being healthy
-midol
-getting my psychiatrist appointment done today and getting prescribed sertraline
-getting female things picked up that i needed
-a little visualization success story while on the phone waiting for someone to pick up and while reading a return to love about how objects change by our observing them and realizing i have been telling the story or struggle which would include long phone time and how can i "jump" out of that story and create a new one then deciding to imagine for a few seconds someone picking up,then best friend's dad came in car which distracted me and had me "let go" and boom she answered. That was fireworks to me and put me in a good mood. I need little stories like that right now.
-how great my eyebrows look
-feeling comfortable
-serendipity and noticing another serendipity now with me and best friend. and,also realized some things i thought of negatively as patterns may actually be serendipity,and being able to understand how it doesn't make it "predestiny." it was freeing. I realized back when best friend and i took label off our relationship and he felt i chose someone over him in a sense in 2009,he then got into fitness as a career starting with his mom placing him as a front desk at a gym. Then,in winter,he brought that guy up once or twice,which to me felt as proof best friend isn't over me,and i have been feeling he chose R over me,and now i am getting into fitness and may even end up starting by being placed front desk at a gym. It's quite strange and interesting to me. I was having panics last night,and also thinking gosh,how much i wonder had i missed out on all those years while best friend was out and about at work and such,if there's a whole world about him i have no idea about. it was uncomfortable. I am glad i have realized all of this as "serendipity and cycles" vs "stuck patterns and predestiny." I feel I am becoming reset more and more with things.
-how strong i've been
-getting front room floor cleaned last night
-that i can focus on some independence things i have learned over the last years,even if they are small to me. from taking care of a cat without the cat being at a parent's,to being home so much as if i'm living alone which might scare a lot of people as much as navigating alone scares me,to knowing how to cook some foods on my own. I have achieved some things that are "grown up" in the last few years,even if i am stunted in some ways. the psychiatrist used that word too today. "Stunted" which i like,since i find it accurate. I am stunted in some ways,but that's ok and shame isn't going to help me now.
-being given money today so now i can maybe get those other pants i kind of held back on last night,though also wasn't 100% sure on them anyways
-getting the pants i did choose last night,and the free lingerie that comes with every order
-that best friend's parent's are helping me to get on my feet
-the release feeling that comes from that time of the month.i always feel relaxed.
-my phone
-serendipity about crush A after thinking about him which got my spirits lifted a bit
-having great taste
-being smart
-the marianne williamson book i've been re-reading. it really is quite great,actually.
-getting facebook updated a bit the other day
everyday,my heart is so empty.
-got a certificate for the fitness seminar i did today. that was pretty cool.
-the feelings of familarity i kept getting during the seminar
-lattes
-makeup
-having pep in my step and feeling more confident having something to do i was excited for and for actually wearing a little makeup and brushing my hair. i got a lot more looks and positive attention,too which is interesting.
-finding pants that i definitely did not see before that best friend's mom loaned me.i swear they weren't there before and look like pants i would want,too and was looking at online. so weird!
-that i'm in therapy now. there's a solace in that,actually.
-the serlatine. too soon to know how it's working yet but am glad to have it with whats going on right now
-manifesting deciding to contact an old friend and her suggesting we get brunch then a gig offer for first career right after feeling lonely last night and depressed. was interesting how that happened.
-having a nice body
-appreciating my look.i like having a sort of nerd-ish,gawky girl look
-that tuesday,i can maybe take a cycling class then yoga
-water
-leftover pizza
-freeneville podcasts.
-meditation. i love how it guides me to the next step. today,i felt called just to pack my next bag in the next and then during my 2nd meditation for 5 minutes,felt guided to go do another walk to somewhere tomorrow morning,perhaps the bakery. i just feel guided that overcoming the anxiety issue is the base of everything,and to continue on with the plan i made even if i will have to change it in ways come may.
-doing some driving today
-sertaline i've been taking
-manifesting something cool from my thought experiment i tried.i visualized finding a pink feather in my doorway,and today i seen an art photo of some white abstract picture with what looks to be a pink feather in the middle. i can't possibly see what else it could be,and it called out to me.i feel like little things like this are happening to tell me to keep the faith no matter how painful and frightening things are. i'm finding more to be grateful for and more manifesting ease in some ways these days,it's odd.
-makeup
-having brunch plans with a friend this coming week at a place right by my house. so glad i manifested that
-my sense of style
-goals. reminding myself again,no matter how scary things are,by accomplishing one thing,then another,it puts everything together. if i can even only feel 100% comfortable walking to anywhere no matter where i live that's within 2 blocks,that's actually an accomplishment and I can move from there.i think it's just a matter of keeping doing a little,and being consistent,and then it'll all form and be so super easy that by next year,i'll be looking back in surprise at how hard i had made things over the years of my life.
-water
-finding my keys last night. looked and looked for 2 hours and then finally found them right on the desk chair. so weird!
-getting pizza slices bought for me today
-deciding to help out my mom with one thing she asked even though i felt uncertain at first and seeing all went well with it,and it seemed to really make her feel better
-getting my dishes done for me. so nice.
-spending 2 hours or an hour an half or so studying driving written tests online last night. felt good to spend that much time studying.i can feel i am so close to being ready
-walking to the bakery to get some cupcakes. a very easy goal,but i felt confident doing it,and best friend's dad seemed very happy that i did it.
-getting my pants i ordered in the mail today and that they looked great,and the free lingerie with every order from that boutique. love it. i always get my order so quick,too.
-finding out where i'm going in may,that the name of the neighborhood isn't what i thought,but is just by it,which made me feel slightly better
-deciding last night,maybe where i'm going ISN'T that bad of a neighborhood and how would i feel living there if it was a safe neighborhood? And,all this resistance melted away,and things felt ok. It was freeing. And,then deciding,I should start pre-paving for when i'll be there for safety,and ease,and all that
-a list of things i want/desires i intend to manifest i wrote down and keep in my purse. i looked at it again last night and was surprised somehow some of them already manifested. i guess in some ways,i have become less resistant lately.
-my phone
-doing some driving today,and getting better at it. i literally feel like i know how to drive as long as traffic isn't super busy and someone is with me.
-eye massage
-sleep
-that my mom liked the cupcake i gave her
-meditation and how amazing it feels.
-awesome kind messages from people online
-that best friend's parents have been so helpful to me and kind
-being able to see things in a more positive way
-my sandals
-my beauty
-that i know i am improving and bettering myself,and it wont be long before i have a liscense and from there accomplish other goals. it feels like i am about 90% there with being able to get a liscense
-today feeling a little brighter and more optimistic for some reason
-though it's painful in hindsight,seeing how gloriously just fine this neighborhood is for living and navigating around in terms of safety.i see so many diverse people walking about,women with my specs walking around at night,people jogging.i spent so much time in fear and now by the time i started being less afraid,i have to leave here.
-being able to appreciate the beauty in life,and having a photographic eye. i am often from time to time stopping and seeing the view in front of me as a photograph,and appreciating the trees,the angling of things,and so on.
-that as scary of a time as this is,using this time as a reset button and not giving up on the law of attraction or my dreams and knowing anything is still possible
-the sertraline i've been taking.i am not sure if it's the meditation,the pills,or best friend is still sending me reiki(had a weird feeling he still was) or a combination but have found my mind is much quieter throughout the day,it's almost as if i'm stoned.
-doing the cycling class and yoga today. found it too slow for my style,and yoga made me sad thinking about things,but by the end i felt good,i needed it,and some of the poses reminded me of playtime such as what children would do.
-best friend's mom saying i am good at yoga,and very flexible and saying i have the structure for yoga,and would be a good teacher. that was awesome. she is an instructor and that's what i've been wanting to do,so that's a very good thing that she thinks i'd be good at it.
-getting into lotus pose surprising myself since i was confused by it at first,and being the only one who could
-finding best friend's stuff still here today when i got home
-water
-allowing myself to imagine what if best friend is planning on coming even while i'm here,and how would i respond and imagining myself just staring at him taking in the sight of him sadly then asking him can i have one last hug then trying to kiss him,and telling him i've waited for him for years and how could he do this. i miss him like crazy. one good thing though is finally earlier today i realized,i have focused clarity that I really want to manifest some kind of polite communication from him such as text to check up on me. this would mean so much to me and raise my spirits up incredibly with this whole ordeal.
-email from S.
-food
-sleep
-happy things i have connected to in life. for some strange reason,I feel a sense of connection more then i have in awhile to things i desire,and have desired.i just feel that strong sense of "ah,that made me happy,i enjoyed that/that makes me happy/i enjoy that" whether it's my brother's cat,or the neighborhood i am now leaving,to yoga,to the beauty of the generosity best friend had showed me in the past,i am just really recognizing gratitude and feeling of that which i connect to,and have connected to
-imagining things i desire on and off throughout the day to retrain my imagination
-doing some more work on article last night. about 45% done,i'd say
-doing a little driving today. rush hour scares the heck out of me,and i drove crossing the busy street during. my nerves were shot after that,but at least i did it.
-business partner sending and responding to some things today
-makeup
-heat
-cozy feelings
-that somehow despite all that's going on,i'm saying yes to more things. maybe this is what's meant to happen,to learn how to say yes to more things at once,and see it all comes together
-a nice pleasant soreness from cycling last night
-coffee
-muffin
-trying this creamer best friend's mom suggested to me,and it being quite good
-email from S
-ex A contacting me this morning and making plans to see me this weekend. so random.
-having a dream this morning that L apologized to me
-the internet
-meditation
-creative ideas. who knows,maybe deep pain and being reset will really help me to become in the flow and have more things happen at once,and more ease with it. that was always a block for me in the past(having a lot going on at once overwhelmed me). but it seems that's a theme for me lately. in driving,you have to focus on a lot at once,and be focused. at the fitness seminar,you had to focus on a lot at once(doing the movies,being on beat,saying the moves). i'm also realizing a goal for me,is i want to start getting things done quicker. i take a long time to get ready,to clean,things like that and now it seems it's time for that to stop. it seems i need to learn how to take on more at once,and handle it with flow,while loa decluttering and getting things done quicker which is perfect for meditation becoming more important in my life again since that declutters me and simplifies my spiritual routine without me feeling the need to do a lot. it calms my mind.
-getting a follow up for a job offer from first career.
-my meds i've been taking
-being smart
-being beautiful
-sleep. slept a lot again. though,i think i started to have a panic during sleep. i do not remember,it may have been the other night i am thinking of,i just have a memory of my heart starting to speed up like crazy
-writing notes to myself from freeneville podcasts ideas of what my ideal life would look like.i couldn't fully answer the question but so far,i got that i would be living in a simple and minimal,small-ish but luxe apartment in a at least reasonably safe neighborhood. meditate daily,do yoga daily,walk and grab a latte at a nearby cafe. that's as far as i got. in an existential mind crisis,i asked myself what would happily ever after be for me at this point,and i realized there is no happily ever after,just a series of happily ever afters but the best i could come up with at that moment is i'd love to see an article published on a certain publication written by me.i like questions like this since they get the mind thinking about what the heart really wants.
-choosing love,no matter what. it hurts so freaking bad what's happened to me,and it logically feels idiotic to love,but i still do.i can't help but still love best friend and forgive him. i can't help but still be reasonably nice to my mom,and so on. people hurt me,and i can't stop choosing love.
-that i've gotten this far since the news broke and what i've gotten so far since then from that done.
-my phone
-seeing loa at work for example,i didn't want the hospital job,but i didn't really fight it,i just knew i didn't want it,and kept it to myself,and then somehow the text "magically" transformed to me being offered a computer instead of me being told why i need to be computer savvy. that's actually kind of cool if you think about it.i was supposed to text saying i am computer savvy and from there get more info on this,and instead got offered a laptop he was giving away. super weird.
-getting pics selected for job 2 i do
-makeup
-emailing myself job listings and getting a little excited thinking about the possibilities
-being given more money
-doing a yoga class today and watching kickboxing and zumba,it was like diving into best friend's world
-trying a pizza place and finding when i went by myself that they had a vegan pizza option which i got
-the delicious peanut butter cookie i got today at the pizza place
-brunch plan tomorrow.i feel almost guilty for doing something fun with all that's going on but at the same time feel like i need it,and it will benefit me.
-emails from S and S making me laugh when he asked me if i want him to help me forget about my pain for a few hours. i played dumb and he dropped it and we changed the subject but it made me laugh which i needed
-the warm weather today
-the beautiful colors of the sky at night
-resting for a bit on couch at best friend's parents house before yoga class.
-my style
-therapy going better then i thought it would
-latte this morning
-getting my clothes washed
-seeing in life i am better then i think i am,and will be ok
-seeing that neighborhood i'll be living in come may maybe isn't so bad to walk around to get to things,and seeing young girls walking around
-my beauty
-finding my jewelry and seeing jewelry i didn't even remember having
-coming home and seeing everything in tact.
-getting a bunch of files deleted off the phone and getting uber back on
-best friend's mom saying she isn't crazy about R either. though she could be lying,but still is nice to hear
i cannot believe it's been 3 weeks since i heard from him,over 3 weeks. time really is an illusion. sometimes,it feels like parts of time are "missing" even. it's weird as in where was i really for all of that hour.
-shadowing for best friend's mom to be a volunteer at a gym she works at. it felt good. on one hand,i feel like i'm getting a lot done the last weeks,but then on the other,it feels far from enough,too. and,one thing i've realized is that i've traded one fear for another,as in,i now start to have fears oh,well what if they die,and so really my core fear is just being able to take care of myself. that's all i need to eliminate. and,i thought the key to eliminating that was to become 100% independent,which i now disagree with.i think,also i discounted myself in some ways.though,i am stunted in some ways,there's a lot of things i have done,and have grown with,and i have some things that are more wise then the "average" person. it's not like the last years were a total waste.and,so where i'm currently at,is i do want to catch up on the areas i am stunted with,that's what I TRULY wanted all along. I want to trust myself,and trust life again.
-doing a yoga class again tonight.it was nice. i'm getting really sore from all the classes i've been taking
-great weather today
-seeing a friend i haven't seen in over 2 years today for brunch
-getting our brunch comped and only needing to pay for my latte
-how good the latte was with coconut milk. i may have tried a coconut milk latte before,(i don't remember).
-inspiration and hearing how my friend has had setbacks,too even similar to mine such as having to go live with her father and share a room with her son at a point in her life
-that everyone seems to think the separation from best friend will be a good thing because it'll help me grow and become more independent and give me freedom
-feeling like a reset button's been pressed since he broke the news and like things are opening up
-getting an invite online on a social media randomly from e's friend to a party. very strange
-my phone
-staying strong
-getting some clarity on something i thought was more of a lie possibly,which was nice
-my meds i've been taking.i think they may actually be helping
-getting a call and email from a promo job today.i wanted to stop with those however,i think right now it'd good be for me just to get a paycheck again just to see myself get a paycheck again and get in the habit of it,even if it is starting kind of small,and going back to where i was dissatisfied.i figure if right now i am earning $0 then earning anything will be an improvement and THEN from there I can start making goals and trying to "feel it real" with doubling that,then doubling it again,so on and on. best friend's dad keeps urging "normal" jobs that have benefits because he sees them as more secure,but most people i know have their own businesses and even friend i met for brunch has started a business and was talking about a friend who started a business for resume editing and well even technically,i've started my own business however it's just not making money right now,so starting businesses is something very much in my circle,it's something more familiar to me. normal jobs frighten me and intimidate me and i doubt myself about getting them,yet starting my own business does not,but there's a mental hump with that. at this point,it seems i'm going to end up becoming a very,very busy person with all the various interests i have and things i do. even my therapist said i have a lot of interests.i must seem crazy! the key is just overcoming this anxiety/mental humps,and from there things would go so well.
-the nightskies and how goregeous they were tonight
-feeling the sun on me today and how great it felt
-getting a little more better on driving practice test online
-friend checking me in online
-best friend's mom saying things about R again that seem like she doesn't really like her
-seeing the one bill got it's payment
-peaceful sounds
-setraline
-meditation
-emails from pi member
-sleep
-being healthy
-knowing i need to learn how to get busier,and handle it,and it's just a matter of adapting
-calling back the number for the job i was offered yesterday
-feeling a little calmer
-imagining the possibilities
-sending more money towards monthly bill i have
-my phone
-getting toenails painted
-my body getting toned
-best friend's mom saying we need to get me some new gym shoes since i'll be spending more time at the gym now
-getting cute new pink and black and gray gym shoes today that best friend's mom took me to pick out
-going to the movies with best friends parents after the shoes and feeling like a spoiled little kid,first best friend's dad brought me sour patches he got for me,then best friend's mom said i wanted popcorn and they got me popcorn and pop for the movie
-doing a little driving today
-really nice warm weather today
-how great the sun felt today
-how great the night air and skies felt tonight
-meditating this morning,just like i wanted and ending it with a prayer and thinking of 5 things i'm grateful for
-my style
-my unique,quirky beauty
-the citrus scone from whole foods i had for breakfast this morning. was so perfect.
-email from S this morning
-how symbolic and metaphorical life is,it really is quite interesting!
-the delicious pizza slices i had today
-great weather today
-getting my writing draft done to 50% after meditating,which felt good and deciding i will now make it part of my schedule to work on writings at 9pm everyday.i like that time for working on writing.
-having coffee and sour patches while doing a ton of driving practice tests online this afternoon. then doing more practice tests online in the evening. i'm getting better at absorbing the information
-emails from S
-water
-getting more garbage taken out today
-perspective that it's only been about 3 years of living in the area i'm in now anyways,and before that i did a lot of things while living further,and so somehow i'll be able to make it work
-meditation today.i did about 3 short sessions today,and now in some sessions i also pray,and then think of 5 things i'm grateful for
-doing 2 short feel it real visualization sessions while waiting for best friend's dad at the post office. i like things like this. i need to get used to doing little spiritual "exercises" throughout the day even when busy with other things,since lots of people have been far busier then me and managed to have ease manifesting and success.
-getting more stuff moved out of the house
-my sandals
-sweaters
-my style
-being physically attractive
-being flexible
-staying calm when feeling tested today by business partner,and just overall calmer in general lately. maybe it's the meds,or the meditation,or just feeling reset after all that's now gone down
-being able to savor the little things other seem to take for granted like how great the sun felt on me today,how great the nightsky felt on me,the flavors in the pizza,the satisfaction in having things string together nicely after meditating and going to my writing draft,the visual appreciation of the shape of the trees and the color of the green leaves that reminded me of candy. feelings.i remember feeling this way back when i first discovered meditation,too. everything just felt more intense and lively.
-sleep
-doing yoga class tonight
-a night walk with best friend's mom home from the gym. and how funny it was since it right after i said to best friend's dad that i wish i had a walking buddy to go for walks with,and then when we get to gym she says she walked there,and we agree we will walk home.
-emails from S
-smores poptarts
-doing some driving today,though it's still very hard for me
-getting a little more situated to staying with best friend's parents. it's starting to feel more normal. the eerie thing is though how familar it all feels,and i can't trace why that is.i wish i could. my mind's been wandering to if maybe i used to worry what would ever happen to him way back in the day when we were dating maybe? i'm not sure if that's right either,though. everything is just so weird. even how natural them starting to feel like family is,and seeing how they were like that even before,i just had my own issues. it's all a mind trip. what is going on is what's going through my head
-the rose tea i tried. so amazing. love it
-colors
-my style
-my body structure.i have such a nice,stand-out perfect shape that looks both very sexy,yet sleek
-getting my bangs cut
-throwing out the rest of the broken chair
-getting a response from gym director about me volunteering
-that best friend's mom seems to dislike R as well.
-meditating this morning
-sleep
-sleep
-meditation
-music
-awesome song dontco sent me
-adding prayer and gratitude at the end of my meditation sessions and doing my meditations every morning now
-inspiration
-getting more of a frame of what i want to be and where i want to go
-yoga
-my sertraline meds
-my phone
-the internet
-getting better at practice driving tests and passing them consistently now
-that things seem to be moving with the volunteer position at the gym which would give me something for my resume that is "normal job" and also gets me in the door with fitness
-S emailing me. I can't figure out what he wants,that he emails me regularly but also won't really make plans with me
-rose tea
-feeling a little bit better that i am getting things done and that things will be ok
-getting a job offer on primary career.
-my body getting nice and tight and slim and feeling strong from the classes and fitness things i've been doing
-calmness and surrender
-meditation. feels so good
-gratitude.
-prayer
-the nice rainy weather last night and the way the air felt and the nightskies
-coffee
-remembering that no matter what happens,you can never lose you
-being almost finished with the dishes
-deciding to send business partner a message to find out what's up
-staying calm
-sweaters
-feeling like maybe the bike thing would still work and be an easy thing to learn to do. best friend's dad has said he will get me a second hand bike since best friend took the bike he said would be mine out of the basement recently when i wasn't here.
-inspiration
-trying to see what my intuition says/what inspired actions to take. right now,so far,i have that i want to take a ballet class
-cutting the ends of my hair last night
-thinking about the little positive manifestations i have made throughout the years. for example,i used to have a lot of breakouts on my face and worried my skin would always be that way since i was in my 20's and this was still happening and i was always told that's an adolescent thing but once i discovered meditation,and then started going out more socially,that is actually when my skin started to clear up. very odd!
-getting the volunteer front desk position. so exciting. and that it'll be a nice easy way to get in the door with a normal job also because i get to start off just shadowing others there. the manager seeming to have a nicer vibe today and seeming more uplifted and possibilities for advancement with this position and all i can learn from it and go further with it. he even said maybe sometime down the line i can tell him i want to teach a stretching for kids class as an example
-the delicious pizza and food from old neighborhood i used to live in that i got. going there reminds me of happy,simple times since it was the neighborhood of my first apartment
-the amazing bakery next door from the pizza shop i stopped at that had amazing treats i got a cakepop,cupcake,and macarons and all were excellent
-doing yoga class today
-M offering me to take a class at studio she goes to tomorrow
-getting an answer about job on sunday. it's been cancelled which is annoying but at least i know now
-my awesome pink sneakers
-makeup
-my beauty
-having a nice body
-inspiration
-applying to a gym job last night that was a gym i had wanted best friend to apply to before
-joining a bunch of meetup groups last night from biking,to writing,and entrepeneurship,etc
-joining a newsletter for writers last night after seeing an article on getting published that i liked
-getting another draft done on writing article. i'm about 55% there,and i realize this article is important to me now.i'm actually starting to enjoy the art of writing again,too
-doing mirror technique affirmations last night
-a more meditative mindset lately. i found myself gazing in appreciation out the window across the room for a few seconds a a tree with violet flowers that kept catching my attention
-colors
-new ideas on how to find jobs for first career i do
-manifesting yoga certs getting brought up to best friend's mom which was something kind of in my list of intentions to manifest. it seems some things are coming along quite quickly,or at least right on time with what seems to be little resistance
-meditation. felt so good to do it today since i missed yesterday
-getting more dishes done
-being able to observe things with loa and telepathy. having a lot of unintentional remote influence lately. i just think a thought,and someone brings it up. a great,easy way for me to play with loa
-sleep
-finding out place i want to go to for a class doesn't require ballet slippers when they left a message answering that even though i didnt ask that but it was something i needed to ask which was perfect
-nice warm showers
-cozy comfortable clothes
-emailing myself a list of agencies for later
-seeing more and more exe's who are best friends which just proves my point i've had for years more and more,which makes me mad now considering what best friend did,but also feeling an urging that this is telling me something,such as maybe my own doubts about society thinking it's weird,and that playing a part in things manifesting. this feels right to me.
-more inspiration to overcome all fears and realize fear is just an illusion,no matter how much i am buying into the story at the moment
-feeling like it's time to get over the driving fear as well,and the driving subliminal audio i started playing again
-my body being nice and tight from the classes i've been doing and feeling stronger
-best friend's mom's friend who remembers me from years ago when he met me and best friend when we were a couple saying we will speak again. it seems like everyone has been saying that which is really reassuring
-doing some driving today,and after crying it all out once feeling overwhelmed,ending up driving better afterwards
-being given more money,and more money put on my card
-getting more stuff moved out
-sleep
-great weather today and how great the sun felt
-feeling like i'm really close to getting the driver's liscense.i go back and forth between feeling like i'm so close to getting it,and like i'll never be able to drive
-how beautiful the city is
-music
-meditation
-inspired ideas that come during meditation
-another job offer for primary career which is nice,since other thing getting postponed again really made me feel awful
-my determination
-last night after best friend took stuff out while i was gone,and how heartbreaking that was..he even left the damn closet light on...seeing how exactly pretty much all or most of what he took was exactly what i had kept checking for to see if it was still there whenever i'd come back the last weeks,so again,loa at work,also because yesterday was the one day i stopped thinking if best friend would come to apartment or not while i was gone,too
-getting a response to one of the jobs for the work i used to do last night.very exciting!
-adding a couple new intentions to my written list i wrote out about a month ago,and seeing how quite a few of them did manifest already
-getting some driving studying done online tonight
-getting more garbage taken out
-that after the drama of attracting seeing EX best friend,and then his gf suddenly deciding to start following me and harassing me,and then me losing the volunteer position,that at least i know EX best friend's work ethics aren't good according to manager,and that he is going to try and place me into a different gym. unbelievable. can't believe how immature and high-school-ish her stunt was.
-getting a reply right away for an interview to a host position
-my ambition
-getting a date confirmed for first job freelance gig(hate the word gig).
-the protein drink best friend's mom made me.
-that at least best friend's mom seems to be on my side,and said she believes me because she seen how R is,and she told ex best friend that she isn't allowed in her house anymore
-the amazing,beautiful,sunny,warm weather today
-the beautiful colors the sun created. very surreal
-my hair looking amazing after coloring it last night
-meditation,which always helps at least a little bit
-feeling like everything will be ok
-my hair
-makeup
-doing a cycling class that gave me a nice healthy flush and then a yoga class. i'm so excited for my life to turn more fitness focused
-delicious banana protein drink made for me
-best friends mom "M" offering me if i'd want to go to california for a month to help take care of her grandfather and that she'd give me money too so i could do stuff too since she knows how much i like california. was quite a tempting offer. this too felt very familar as if it happened before.
-getting more stuff moved out of apartment
-getting a bunch of interview requests and responses for jobs i applied to when i woke up this morning. was super reassuring.
-getting two phone interviews done today for possible work
-seeing the pool at the gym,and just seeing it putting me in a good mood. just the smell of chlorine puts me in a good mood.
-the beautiful nightskies
-best friend's mom's M's nice friend who goes to her yoga classes
-being told i have very long legs today
-the black tank top i wore today and how good it looked on me.i looked so slim,young,and feminine. it's such a perfect cut. it made me have the perfect model build.
-having an amazing body structure. i love the lines of my body
-choosing a health plan for the insurance and enrolling myself in it
-that i'll soon have a bike and best friend's dad bringing it up today. i can really see myself riding it and going far
-my body looking slimmer from all the workouts i've been doing
-being inspired to make my finances really good from all that's gone on and to really love money
-that M told me the manager of gym is going to call me and to just tell him i can handle the situation professionally
-vegan chocolate toffee
-meditation
-inspiration
-desires
-getting papers printed
-getting clothes thrown in wash and then dryer
-having my mom visit for a bit
-getting more stuff packed and out of the house
-that ex best friend's mom seems to be on my side,and all the jokes me,her,and ex best friend's dad made about her tonight
-sour patches,the bigger sized ones. they remind of being a kid. love them.
-water
-vegan toffee
-meditation
-M(ex best friend's mom) saying i am going to hip hop class this saturday,i think. it looks like i'm going to be getting very immersed in fitness from these changes which i like
-deciding to buy the cute activewear legging pants i wanted a few months since i seen them back in stock and a little less money now somehow on the site i shop at
-applying to some more jobs today
-getting my best score yet i believe on one of the practice driving tests
-my phone
-relaxing
-doing a round of EFT last night even though it was very late,and having the core cause of my insecurity about something career related come to the surface which was great.
-sleep. had interesting dreams.me and ex best friend went on different planes. so symbolic. it was literally him getting off to go on a different plane. it's interesting the way our minds give us dreams. how is it that with how awful he has been to me i still love him? he is family to me.i just don't know how he can be so awful lately.i miss the days when he'd go to his aunt's house and watch a movie with her while i was at a job.
-doing some work with second business for a little bit. very discouraging with business partner wanting to drop out after launch of project one,but all i can do is take life one day at a time,and keep at it,i guess
-the laptop i'm using
-therapy today
-latte today
-dream that seemed symbolic of ex best friend breaking up with R. It was of him and a snake that looked fake like it was plastic and he killed it. i was thinking about that snake dream i had before when she first came into the picture before bed. it was of me seeing a snake and he couldn't see it,but then i said look it's right on you,and he seen it and then killed it for me well,it's wrong to kill animals but it's symbolic. it was the point of him saving me,too.i call her fake a lot and had called her a snake a lot so the dream this morning was interesting
-taking a nap
-booking a paid job for may. met my goal. it's just a one-time job doing what i did before that i stopped doing but it's been so long since i earned a check that i thought booking one of these just to get the feeling of getting a check again would be good for me.plus,i book this kind of work with ease unlike other jobs i apply for where there's more trouble since i lack experience with normal jobs.
-meditation
-sweaters
-my stomach being nice and flat and sculpted from the cardio work
-getting stuff moved out today and handling it not too bad
-latte this morning
-leaving behind a symbolism gift ex best friend gave me 12 years ago alone in the bedroom that was mine behind as a sort of final statement for him
-laying down
-pizza and fries and soda for lunch
-the guided meditation during yoga
-getting protein drink made for me
-a hip hop dance class tomorrow
-getting several job offers like what i booked the other day from a different agency and a confirmation for one to work this week!
-getting starbucks cinnamon cake and 2 cakepops
-my phone
-M saying well,soon i'll know how to drive,and then i can use that to get around when her and her husband aren't using their cars which motivated me a bit
-M calling her husband while we were moving asking him if there was a way he could bring my couch since she knew i was sentimentally attached to it,and then offering to buy a couch to put in the room. it really cheered me up that she even cared that much.
-another thing with A that I seen in my feed showing we are very in sync and he is going through similar things as me
-another gig offer from primary career
-getting yoga pants,and active wear top bought for me
-bonding more with M and getting more comfortable with her
-cake pops. love these.
-getting a good sleep last night that was very rejuvenating
-showing i am different now then before with people i'm staying with and that i am trying
-my rain boots. so cozy.
-that M has seemed to be on my side about R
-some time to myself before leaving this morning
-lattes
-sweaters
-going to the movies today
-getting that time of the month
-S emailing me
-feeling relaxed
-getting some driving done today including driving back home from a certain point which was really cool and also driving up a hill at another. feeling like i'm getting better in some ways with driving
-deciding tomorrow to go back to daily meditating
-that ex best friend's dad works tomorrow so i can have house to myself for a little bit
-that i went inside pizza shop by myself today so was given a chance to say ex best friend's dad's wife brought me to owner in conversation which was great since i got worried if it seemed like i looked like a much younger woman he was buying food for
-asking for ride i need to job i got for thursday which will be my first paycheck i earned in quite some time
-making a list of appts i want to call tomorrow
-my new pink water bottle
-getting a couple things unpacked
-J having something sent for 2nd business i do
-business partner now starting to seem slightly more interested again
-that so far things have been going mostly ok with new living situation and new life changes coming.
-my rain boots and how cozy they are
-my mango body lotion from whole foods
-green tea face scrub
-pink cake pops and cinnamon cakes from startbucks brought for me today
-getting to meditate today
-making the calls today
-applying for jobs today
-feeling better after a shower and breakfast this morning
-having something click with me today about reversing that now makes me understand how to do it better
-inspiration
-the sunset
-nightskies
-M showing me how to use the oven,and making the food for me
-MH saying he will bring me to my job and if he gets called to work will just end early that day so i can still do mine
-getting most of my stuff brought in my room and closet mostly cleaned out
-having house to myself for awhile today which was nice
-adjusting in some ways to new arrangement
-kindness
-getting to meditate this morning. ah,love it.
-having house to myself again for a little while
-having breakfast
-feeling better then yesterday morning upon waking
-job this week is still on,and got a follow up email today about it. will be so nice to get a paycheck again.
-that so far it's actually been a pretty easy transition mostly so far with being here
-gratitude
-more stuff being organized since yesterday
-doing a little root chakra sound therapies last night before bed
-having dreams/desires
-taking things one day at a time
-feeling like best friend maybe does care for me with how angry he is at me. his actions scream he wants attention. he was complaining to his parents and his dad told him he has to let that anger go,it's not healthy. why is he so angry if i'm out of his life now? I haven't spoken to him in almost 6 weeks. It almost makes me thinks he wants me to have tried contacting him. He literally came in and cut himself out of my art print. On one hand,it seems he is being so mean and on the other,it makes me think he wishes i did try to contact him and is surprised i didn't. but what did he expect after the news he broke and finding out all those lies,and not to mention it's also pointless considering R probably reads all his texts. I love him,but sometimes you push someone away to a point where all you can do is let go. It just makes no sense why he is being mean to me still when he dropped me.
-that i almost know how to drive,and i know this is the year i will be getting my liscense. it seems silly with how long it's taking,but it doesn't matter,it's a goal i know i'm going to achieve and progress is an amazing feeling.i could probably pass the test if i were to go now,but we are waiting until i'm so good,that there is no chance i won't pass on the first try.
-inspiration
-actresses/models with a look like mine
-comedy show actors and watching some clips last night before bed
-eye massage
-getting 100% on some of the practice written driving tests now. so close to being able to go and get the liscense!
-coffee and vegan chocolate for breakfast
-the laptop im using
-M saying we are going shopping this sunday at this nice mall she likes
-the cycling class and then yoga class last night
-M telling me her friend D( i've seen a few times lately who is nice) works in advertising and is his own boss and when i seemed intrigued,she offered to have me talk to him if i want
-getting a lot of job offers lately and booking exceeding my goals.
-seeing how to get more into things again simply by focus. by focusing a lot on getting back into one type of work i've done,i'm now getting a lot of offers for that,and then the same started happening with acting,and now have things opening up with that. it's very cool. the things that are most similar and what i have experience in are what i get the most offers for so i get less offers for "normal" jobs
-meditation
-inspired ideas to make my resume look more classic and that the work experience i have would look really good if i altered to make my resume format look more classic with instead of going with the format i was taught before for that kind of work
-getting my eye appointment made. and,had a dream i found my eyeglasses the morning of that so maybe that was because i'd have my appt made that morning so it represented that
-having house to myself again
-that so far the adjustment made hasn't been as hard as i thought
-that my dad's house where my brother's cat is at i miss isn't as far as i thought so i can find some way to come visit even easier then i thought soon
-music
-that i can do lotus pose and the symbolism behind being shown that back when i first was shown i could do it. she kept encouraging me saying she knows i can and i was the only one who could,and i snapped into it really easily once i seen what it was. and it really does seem more and more like all of life can be a metaphor.i've also been noticing dandelions like crazy the othe day which have a symbolism of rebirth.
-the nice walk home from the gym last night. love getting some time outside at night.
-being able to see the positives of my situation and that maybe it will help me to reach new goals and get to places i want to go much quicker and overcome blocks i wasn't overcoming before
-realizing/remembering i've done a lot of cool things in life
-that the girl who booked me for the job i work tomorrow has actually worked with me before,she remembered me and we seemed to vibe a little bit with each other
-getting refill figured out. pharmacy had it on file and called me and it's ready today.
-having eye appointment tomorrow
-that i get to work today
-that MH has seemed to now let me do more of my own thing and there seems to be less projection
-cakepops
-feeling pretty calm while driving last night,and having minimal anxiety
-sweaters
-sleep
-a lot of job offers lately
-nightskies
-bike being brought up yesterday that it will be getting bought anyday now
-buying an acupuncture certificate for myself yesterday
-meditation and getting the chance to do so again this morning
-manifesting flowers. i had been thinking how much i want flowers for my room and how much i love flowers in general. i'll often eye them in appreciation while in nature,and at grocery stores and was just thinking on and off in general how much i want flowers for my room. i came out of the shower this morning and was in awe at this big beautiful bouquet with a balloon M had got. I asked if ex best friend got it for her and she said no one of her students did,and she asked if i wanted the flowers. I said no,and insisted i can't take her flowers,that's her gift,but she said she will throw them out if i don't and that she always just gives them away to one of the other girls when she gets gifts like that because she doesn't like flowers and she only brought them home because she thought i might like them,and her husband confirmed later that it was true,she would've just thrown them away so i put them in my room. this just made me really happy. it was such a simple thing,but they are just so beautiful and made me feel so spoiled,to be honest.
-doing my job today and how good it felt to be out and about and in the scene again. finishing my job very early and even being told i did a good job by team lead and finishing quicker then her.it really does seem as if universe is really on my side lately,and trying to tell me to keep going,and don't give up.
-M asking how my job went and how nice that felt
-the coffee shop i went to today,and the trendy feel of the place. one of the male baristas looked like a model.it was an interesting coffee shop. different then other ones i usually go to.
-getting my yoga pants i ordered online about a week and half ago or so in the mail today
-the sunshine today
-water
-cake pops
-getting better at talking to people in some ways,and caring less what people think
-being able to meditate again this morning and ending it with a prayer,and 5 things i'm grateful for and having house to myself for a bit
-feeling love for ex best friend despite how much he's betrayed me
-getting my sertraline today.idk how but things are flowing with so much ease in some ways,that it's almost miraculous. at today's job,i did better with that stuff then i ever have possibly,and it was the first time i had done it in about 2 years. the prescription i thought for sure i would have to wait on refill after talking to receptionist and still not finding form
-being given more money today
-laughing at life
-being ok with new situation now and accepting of it,and no longer seeing it as that bad. it's really weird how ok i feel with it all now,and there's some kinks still to figure out,but overall,i don't feel so bad about it.
-how nice M and her husband have been being to me
-seeing all these signs of things reconnecting in the sense of things i like,like past things,and things still being connected. it's really interesting and affirming.
-that somehow things are actually going quite well,and feeling pretty spoiled.people seem to really be having a lot of empathy for me,too. I've been given flowers,i'm being bought candies all the time and snacks ,and things i like,i'm being taken to the movies,the gym and dance classes,and shopping for clothes,and am getting a bike bought for me. it all actually feels kind of nice,plus there's so much less drama in my life so my mind tends to feel more clear,which is perhaps why there is more flow,too. i've also been feeling like i'm very much living day to day,which i actually like. it makes me feel more present,and also in the flow.
-that i get to go to a ballet class tomorrow
-everything working out with my eye appointment and optometrist being very nice and picking out new glasses that have a sort of funky look which look like they make my face features/eyes really stand out
-the sun and warmth today
-things adjusting pretty well and feeling more comfortable
-M helping me when the vase broke with the cut on my finger,and helping me clean it
-T being so nice and saying hi to me on the phone and how nice it feels to feel like they're family,and they are
-seeing the good sides of my situation
-taking ballet class and how nice the instructor was. she said i have beautiful feet and great accessibility in my hips and was encouraging towards me and helpful.
-going shopping at whole foods
-lattes
-vegan pizza from whole foods
-being genuine
-being kind hearted
-that the pants M gave me actually fit perfectly and are an extra small
-rest and laying down
-having protein made for me earlier
-having house to myself for a short bit and doing a meditation
-being beautiful
-inspiration
-being in tune and getting in tune with my desires
-adjusting/adapting well to things
-writing notes to myself
-the positive changes coming about and feeling of newness
-feeling very spoiled. M took me shopping today and I got a new wardrobe. I got fitted and found out my size in chest is a little different then i thought and is actually a 32dd . Ended up getting new lingerie,workout outfit,perfume that came free,and a new dress.
-M buying me chocolates today before we went shopping
-M buying me my favorite cakepops after shopping
-going to the movies tonight with M and her husband
-looking slim in dressing room and my abs looking like they had definition
-appreciating my haircut today
-latte i had this morning
-my style
-M making me protein drink before we left
-catching up on sleep and waking up feeling well rested
-seeing A on chat on a social media site which seemed like a sign since i haven't seen him on there in so long
-deep cleansing breaths
-blowdrying my hair last night and how nice it looked(i don't usually blow dry my hair)
-flowers
-compliments
-thinking of life as an adventure and looking forward and enjoying the new changes coming about
-the chocolates M got me yesterday
-getting out of my gloomy mood i was in for a bit earlier
-that i'll have my bike soon
-water
-being given more money
-getting money put on my card to pay a bill
-M saying she wants to start paying more each month on my bill so it gets paid off quicker and so we are going to start doing that and to remind her Wed because she is going to send money to my card to pay it
-confiding my feelings a bit to M's husband about things like my paranoias and feeling like i don't deserve all they're doing,etc
-getting pizza lunch from my favorite pizza shop in old first neighborhood i lived in on my own today
-the way the air felt today,very fresh,as if it was about to rain
-taking a nap in the early evening
-my stomach getting flatter
-how beautiful my flowers are blooming
-M making me protein drink again
-getting my room cleaned a little more,and organized a little more tonight
-getting some of the things done on my to-do list today
-meditating and adding more items to my intentions to send out to the universe list
-having a young look
-all going well and confirmed with things i had set with jobs so far
-applying to more jobs tonight
-from the contrast of no longer having the volunteer position because of the drama,realizing that volunteering at a gym front desk is something i'd like to do,and something that excites me as a resume builder or being front desk as a job and since that,thinking that maybe i can find more opportunities like that,and since then seeing more and more things pop up that say looking for volunteer help in exchange for free classes which is perfect for me so i can get experience working front desk
-comedy and laughter
-the very friendly,skinny white and gray cat who greeted me today. she was so nice!
let me share with you something I haven't told anyone ever.During my training the instructor would tell what to do to the class , if most people didn't get it right then the instructor would say "DC , you are to come forth and demonstrate how it is done , I suggest we all pay attention" - those compliments were like chocolate , money , Christmas and pyrotechnics on the 4th of July.
Could you please add this to your list next time (only if it appeals to you) "The fact others take heart from my gratitude list too , nothing I write here goes in vain"
DC.
-that others are taking heart in my gratitude list and find value in it
-rose tea
-chocolates M got me the other day
-the cycling and yoga class I did today and getting a nice sweat in,and M telling everyone how flexible I am,and that i'm very flexible. I think she's crazy but she says I just am not understand some of what she says but that she knows i can do it
-wearing one of my new activewear pants today,and how model-looking i looked wearing that with the blank tank top,and my pink and black gym shoes
-my pink gym water bottle
-getting my bags organized today so i could just bring one with me when i left the house today
-pushing myself out of my comfort zone and posting a pic even though not 100% sure of it
-acupressure
-getting an offer to work at a yoga studio unpaid in exchange for unlimited yoga classes.i applied,and just believed i would get it,and that it'd be easy in,and then sure enough had some back and forth emails today. contrast from the first volunteer position not working out helped me realize i do want to do something like that,and from there seen several similar opportunities but better like that,and now this manifested. and,about a year and half ago,ex best friend was also going to try and get me in to work a day a week at one of his gyms but as paid staff so from loa standpoint it is kinda interesting to see the unfolding of this. M was very happy for me when i told her and she said she'd take it,and that she is still working on E(the manager who said me volunteering maybe isn't a good idea because of drama of ex best friend) and that he might still call me
-how beautiful my flowers are
-getting a gift for my brother's cat sent to ease me a little longer until i can go and see the cat again.
-deep cleansing breaths
-having the house to myself again this morning,and having a chance to meditate since house was quiet. things really have been flowing quite well,actually.
-feeling very beautiful
-art and entertainment
-M's husband showing me two bikes today online asking what i think of them to buy me one. i prayed about getting the bike soon so that is cool that happened,too
-my stomach getting flatter
-feeling drawn to start cleaning up my diet more again,and go back to being full vegan(have been vegetarian lately)
-coffee
-vitamins
-brownie for breakfast
-all the job offers i've been getting
-getting house to myself again this morning and meditating and how great i feel from meditating and the inspired ideas that come to me during
-doing a few mirror technique affirmations
-sleep
-setraline
-music
-getting a few more things from front porch brought into room
-feeling more abundant lately
-manifesting a bike today. we went to a store,and right away i seen the perfect one,the perfect color, and just knew and we got it. it made me so excited to have this,and i test rode it in the store for a few seconds and then down the block once getting back.
-pink cake pops
-the new yoga clothes i've been wearing
-that i get to start training tomorrow for the work/trade at the yoga studio tomorrow.i can hardly believe how easily some things are falling into place.
-M's friend D saying at yoga class bringing up that i may be teaching yoga soon.i guess he heard it's what i want to do. Maybe M told him when i was around and i forgot.
-M saying i should teach yoga and pilates because I have the perfect body for it.
-getting a call this morning to work a big yoga festival in my city that is this weekend. everything is so yoga related lately for me. love it!
-having protein drink made for me
-practicing driving some more tonight
-nightskies
-my brother getting the L card,since it's something he wanted
-M's husband saying he would give me a ride to an expo i want to work at the end of the month
-prayer
-laughter
-having a job now as volunteer/work trade at the yoga studio and how well i feel i vibed at the training and how easy it all seemed and how nice the studio was. as soon as i got there,i just knew right away,i wanted to work there
-amusement at some stranger who worked there taking the elevator with me when he found out i was phobic when i asked a question about the stairs and then asking me out
-being complimented by M that i look nice today and like i'm going to a modeling job
-my chic business casual/sporty outfit of all black and my sense of style
-makeup
-blowdrying my hair out and how nice it makes me feel
-seeing the cat i like again today that lives next door
-having a protein drink made for me
-meditation
-how many awesome things have been happening for me lately
-brownies from whole foods
-nice weather today
-feeling like life is an adventure
-sleep
-vitamins
-setraline
-how it feels like everything is working out for me,and that for the volunteership that didn't seem to work out at one gym,i now have a volunteership at a yoga studio downtown at a really nice studio so that's even nicer then the original thing and now the bike ex best friend took that he said i could have before i now have an new bike in a color i love. both of these things are things i loved upon first sight and feel like an upgrade from the original and the original felt like things ruined/taken away from R and/or ex best friend so it feels nice to see life providing me with even better in it's place and things even more in alignment with me
-rest. don't know why i'm so tired lately. maybe i'm doing more,or maybe it's the anxiety
-how tight my body is getting from all the classes
-bhakti chai tea
-peanut butter cups
-techno music
-exotic things
-makeup
-my new perfume i am wearing today
-my new yoga pants
-pink sportsbra
-my mint green colored leg warmers
-that i get to work the yoga festival tomorrow which is exciting
-my new job at the yoga studio downtown that i start next week. so exciting. the vibe there is so zen and minimal
-being in a good mood
-sleep
-getting my bill paid for the month
-writing my goals down
-having house to myself this morning so i could do some silent meditation
-relaxing a little bit about rushing to get things done
-that my brother seems very happy with his new food card he gets
-this gratitude list i do
-deep cleansing breaths
-inspiration
-how good it feels to be productive after a day of work
-feeling nurtured
-the money i've earned this month. i've exceeded my goal and have realized now with where i'm staying that one advantage is i'll have a lot of extra spending money
-feeling like i'm getting better at the kind of work i've done today
-going food shopping today
-getting some new makeup today
-getting some new sweets today when m's husband made me go inside starbucks and gave me money to buy the cakepops i like
-the tea M made for me tonight
-rest and naps
-getting into natural eco beauty brands lately.
-M wanting her husband to take me to gym tomorrow so she can work on my arms since she thinks they are too weak
-acceptance
-reassurances
-deciding it's time to let go of certain guys in my mind lately and start imagining traits for someone new
-laughing at life
-whole foods