-
Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-case finally being dismissed. :) lawyer said J requested i pay his lawyer fees i said no and it never even went to the judge.
-finally being able to move forward and knowing i won this
-everyone who supported me and said congratulations
-D meeting me at the courthouse and taking me to his secret place and telling me he wants to be with me and even talking things far in the future like forever
-how caring and sweet D can be. Like when we were discussing an insecurity of mine and something he did before and why it bothers me and started crying and he grabbed my hand and made me look him in the eye and said he was sorry and that was his mistake. Also, how he met me at the courthouse after court. It was perfect. Surreal. One chapter ending, another beginning.
-hot tea
-being strong against the harassment and bullying that happened to me last night when i told a guy i was friends with i was no longer single. he cussed me out, said creepy things, went on one social media calling me ugly on my pics and on another kept posting i was a freak and then from a fake profile called me a ♥♥♥♥ and threatened me. i was crying in the morning and my heart hurts that someone would want to hurt me like that.
-that MH called him last night and told him to leave me alone
-sleep
-getting psychiatrist to prescribe me a new antidepressant since i feel i've been being told by my higher self that it's time to swiitch
-taking an extra lorazapam after getting a feeling it might be ok and doctor saying he does give me extra even though it didn't make sense, and i'll see again today if that's true, being able to be more loose and take an extra when i wasnt feeling so great today was nice i feel way calmer.
-ibuprofen
-midol
-seeing my feral cats today
-my medications
-coffee
-warm showers
-sunshine
-socks
-making my next appt for my lip injections
-seeing a cute card that seemed perfect for D's upcoming birthday and buying it for him
-buying a card i thought was perfect to send to my legal advocate as a thank you
-buying a cute shirt from one of my favorite shops
-sending more cat food to my mom for her cats(my cats too, still)
-having great cheekbones
-sweet things D says sometimes..little moments like saying "i care about you" while looking at me when i was talking about everyone being happy for me with the court thing and how it meant a lot because i usually feel like no one cares about me.
-music
-art
-all the walking around the city me and D last night, the views of the secret place we looked at, the pact we made, sitting by the water and talking
-learning so much more about D in the last week or so
-iced lattes
-my gray belted jacket
-people who help animals
-my sense of style
-being a romantic
-my feminity
-my cozy funky print purple pants
-my prada slides
-my pink prada sunglasses
-my sophistication
-being good at writing
-my goals
-deciding i want to make some changes in how im doing my finances
-sending more money to my saks card today and adding a bit to my savings and overdraft protection
-getting checks in the mail yesterday
-feeling happiness yesterday
-D's natural dominance
-my skincare products
-flowers
-sharing my stories
-being a genuine person
-my accomplishments
-that i've lived fully
-space and detachment
-plants
-smiling
-MH's wife asking if i want vitamins yesterday. It's the first time in awhile she asked me for anything. And her being happy too that my case is dismissed.
-shopping
-yoga
-face yoga/face massage
-inspiration
-
Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-standing up for myself
-my check for my rent coming in today
-coffee
-sleep
-being considerate
-strawberry waffles
-so far the new antidepressant working well
-blankets
-getting my new serum in the mail
-my charisma
-skipping dinners for about 4 days in a row
-reading my favorite supermodel also does intermittment fasting
-music
-the face tan water i've been using
-donating money to world wildlife federation today
-my face starting to look better
-my creativity
-entertainment
-lifting myself out of the dark spell
-smiling
-showers
-having great cheekbones
-my style
-being a nonconconformist
-being smart
-my sunflower balcony doormat
-D calling me babe for the first time yesterday
-my gucci purse
-being talented
-plants
-cozy socks
-my weight dropping down
-being productive
-making efforts
-having dreams still
-kind and supportive people
-creativity
-art
-feeling my feelings
-water
-diet dr.pepper
-finding vanilla ghee at the store i worked at yesterday
-getting my eyebrows threaded
-rest
-trees
-shapes
-having beauty
-my femininity
-what i can offer to the world
-healthy digestion
-being a thoughtful person
-greenery
-growing as a person
-
Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-staying calm and collected
-being productive
-the romantic moments D and I have shared thus far and realizing wow, he is not leaving here like the big obstacle in december, then in March. He's here. He's staying in this city. It feels good realizing that.
-how gorgeous D is
-that there is no going back with me and D now
-D calling me in the morning
-my beauty
-iced almond lattes
-compliments
-starting to feel sexier again
-weight going down
-having healthy teeth
-my style
-my thoughtfulness
-my cheekbones
-my kind heart
-burning incense
-shopping
-my hulu subscription
-drinking my apple cider vinegar detox drink today
-entertainment
-music
-spicy food
-blankets
-my pink prada sunglasses
-naps
-staying strong
-my black and rose colored nike shoes
-having a tight backside
-smiling
-working for cool products
-MH giving me a ride to work today
-my food card re-loading today and picking up a few groceries
-getting a cute pop-up card for my friends birthday yesterday
-design
-art
-flowers
-plants
-masculinity
-my humidifier/diffuser
-my new heart socks
-the warm sunny weather yesterday.
-cats
-being smart
-warm showers
-water
-touch
-yoga
-physical exercise
-self nourishment
-makeup
-peaceful sounds
-beautiful skies
-fun and cool new experiences
-colors
-
Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-staying strong and not answering his calls, even if i'm not sure that was the right thing to do though it felt like what else could i do
-that he did try calling all those times
-shopping
-sleeping
-thinking i might give up diet soda
-that fantastic vegan cafe MH found and took me to yesterday
-that yesterday was a good day
-the sunshine and great weather yesterday
-getting all the job stuff i had to get done yesterday
-getting my lip injections yesterday
-MH cash-apping me money yesterday
-music
-fashion
-getting the money i was shorted and 2 checks i was owed
-getting refunded on an uber ride
-getting $5 uber credit from how often i use uber
-having a nice, curvy tight bottom
-my eyes looking younger when i wear half as much makeup
-yoga
-going to my favorite neighborhood in my city yesterday
-being friendly
-being charismatic
-seeing some of my feral cats today.
-getting my lorazapam yesterday when i was afraid i would have to go a few days without
-everything in the daytime seeming to work out really well for me yesterday
-doing more of the stuff i used to do again before my ptsd got worse from J stuff
-compliments
-my vulnerability
-my professionalism
-my charisma
-my kindness
-finding the perfect gift bag and tissue paper for D's gift yesterday
-peaceful sounds
-my sense of style
-water
-cleaning and decluttering
-meditating
-journaling today
-reading more of my book "the universe has your back" yesterday at the coffee shop
-having nice hair
-the internet
-my sexiness
-taking actions to create movement in my life
-my hyaluronic lip moisturizer
-my coolness
-the awesome life experiences that have helped me to develop some self worth, and things to fall back on and remember when feeling down
-my authenticity
-my intelligence
-colors
-romance
-smiling
-buying new pants i can wear to jobs today
-all the jobs i had the last week
-doing laundry and getting caught up on it
-appreciation
-
Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-talking to D, finally. He filled me in on what he was up to, and said please don't go away and said to stay on the phone longer. i said happy birthday again and hung up. It was after he tried explaining himself about the other day. I just couldn't.
-that when I told D I needed him after MH was being a jerk, he called me right away twice. At the end of the conversation, in a low voice it almost sounded like he almost said he loved me. i swear it sounded like i l..
-that D let me get away with his breaking one of his rules due to how upset i've been.
-my new lips from my lip injections
-naps
-my hyaluronic lip moisturizer
-that 2 part of my gift for D came in the mail today
-that i was able to wish D a happy bday on his facebook the way he set up his settings
-how much D and I have in common
-that my feelings for D keep growing in a deeper way.
-my gucci t-shirt
-my jaguar necklace
-being creative
-being productive
-meditation
-night skies
-my sense of style
-fashion
-having beautiful eyes
-my feral cats
-hard seltzer
-my ativan
-my medications
-working towards finding more goals to push me forward more
-cleaning, redecorating, and decluttering
-my thoughtfulness
-greenery
-booking more jobs today
-buying more vitamins today
-my prada socks
-blankets
-sweaters
-the goose i seen today in front of therapy and conversed with
-my femininity
-my child-like side
-being a loving person
-my hulu subscription
-being a nonconformist
-physical exercise
-peaceful sounds
-cuteness
-smiling
-feeling good
-pleasant memories
-my intelligence
-
Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-the sun peeking out just now
-support
-vanilla ghee
-yoga pants
-coffee
-my medications
-pills that calm me down
-getting some sun yesterday and lounging
-my style
-my leopard print coat
-cuteness
-telling the landlord about the debit card mishap
-strawberry waffles
-my creativity
-eating cleaner
-vegan food
-cutting down dramatically on the pizza this month
-shapes
-laying down
-being productive
-my hair color
-entertainment
-my hulu subscription
-my caring heart
-having a great landlord
-calming myself down
-trying to stay present
-having a lot of jobs this month
-my laptop
-flowers
-cats
-plants
-my femininity
-being smart
-pretty things
-water
-showers
-reflection
-rest
-fashion
-how much D shows he doesnt want me to let him go underneath his anger mood swings and bullying
-yoga
-
Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-crying it out. makes me feel alive at least.
-the thought, love and care I put into D's gifts
-that D picked up his gifts and said he would look at them slowly when he got home
-a cute pic i can post on social media of one of them that i think is cute
-sweaters and hoodies
-blankets and pillows
-anxiety medications
-ibuprofen
-coffee
-the sun coming out
-D answering the phone right away this morning and being sweet and saying he will talk to me tonight
-my lip injections
-my hair color
-getting some inspiration from D about where to take my life direction
-having beautiful eyes
-having a unique beauty
-green grass
-water
-my skincare products
-my account getting higher
-paying my comcast bill today
-my new black work leggings that arrived the other day. These ones are thicker which i like
-face massage/face yoga
-cleaning the house a lot yesterday
-cats
-my sense of style
-music
-makeup
-the flowers i bought for myself yesterday
-getting cash credit after an uber driver was rude to me
-the color green
-humor and laughing at funny things
-acquintances to text
-that guy B i met in September who liked me texting me
-getting a pill from MH to calm down today
-reflecting on the weirdness of the day
-my cuteness
-compliments
-D saying he will talk to me tomorrow tonight
-pictures
-my creativity
-MH's wife offering me to crash at their place-
-MH staying with me until power went back on after we left their house to see if power was back on yet
-doing my job tonight
-getting some inspiration and direction today
-my nike rose colored and black shoes
-standing up for the girl at the grocery store when people were getting cranky and rude about waiting
-knowing cool people
-MH and I ordering a pizza tonight
-connection
-learning people
-being friendly
-my charisma
-buying a beauty magazine today at the grocery store, new razors and mouthwash
-being an interesting person myself
-my flowers
-being of a higher vibe then i was over the fall and winter
-sunshine
-greenery
-beauty
-being an honest person
-my beauty
-how much i'm growing as a person
-knowing directions a teeny bit now
-seeing my feral cats today
-cuteness
-my jaguar necklace
-
Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-talking to D today, and how baby smooth he sounded this time and reassuring and realizing he was calling all those times today for concern about me not to yell at me or ask me any questions and he even seemed to know me well in that moment
-hydrocodone
-potatoes
-lattes
-the rent check clearing
-working for a vodka today
-cash app
-being productive
-mind clarity and deciding to be myself and post what pictures i wanted on social media, the way i wanted
-my hulu subscription
-the beautiful weather
-the wind
-stain remover
-my pink asos socks
-my gucci floral slides
-nightskies
-compliments
-sunshine
-hard seltzers
-my face thinning out
-my beautiful hair color
-beauty
-my beauty
-the generosity in people's hearts
-felines
-my lips
-romance
-my phone
-my medications
-getting more groceries today
-having a rheumatologist appt tomorrow
-that D is staying in my city, which despite it all is the best thing i wanted most of all back when we first ended in winter
-getting my business phone call done
-playfulness
-makeup
-my eyes
-that i manifested getting together with D. I don't even know if i remember setting the intention. it had to have been years ago. and when it happened, it was so surreal.
-water
-showers
-ghee butter
-lights
-
Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-getting all my recaps in
-water
-paying a bigger chunk to my saks card
-getting over my fear and talking to D today
-reassurance from D and believing it and that he is staying here, and him and his ex are over
-shopping
-getting paid
-my lips
-a hydrocodone to calm me down
-seeing my feral cats today
-my beauty
-having a nice body
-figuring D out a little and sending him some messages i thought would be helpful
-how young looking i am
-fashion
-coffee
-feeling a little more "together" about things
-that now no matter what at least D is not with his ex and it's because of me, he's staying in this city, and we talk on the phone regularly now
-cute little innocent signs of how much D likes me
-cuteness
-yoga pants
-being considered attractive by others
-physical exercise
-deciding to give up diet soda
-colors
-my new succulent face mist
-sleep
-greenery
-wellness
-hard seltzers
-my thoughtfulness
-updating my resume
-taking others input into reflection
-laughing
-humor
-nice messages
-flowers
-all my jobs
-buying the domain i bought to try something out career-wise
-being talented
-getting the bike lock i was saving up
-a little movement coming into my life this month
-having an appointment with a new psychiatrist this week
-my hulu subscription
-being unique
-the internet
-my apartment
-being a nice person
-my phone
-hot guys
-manifesting hot guys into my life
-finding ways to put things on social media to express the way i want to
-adding some playfulness to my apartment with some nintendo mario wall decals
-my taste in things
-doing a spiritual grounding intention setting exercise the order day
-picking up a copy of newbeauty magazine for leisure reading the other day
-inspiration
-a project inspired by D i am working on with my artist i did another fashion illustration project with that turned out amazing a few years ago
-peaceful sounds
-chocolate
-photography
-beautiful imagery
-the sound of rain
-inner confidence
-self acceptance
-inner peace
-art
-pillows
-glamour
-deciding i need to go visit my mom's and brother's cat soon
-my strength
-stretches
-socks
-self reassurances
-my beauty products
-calmness
-yoga pants
-sweaters
-having great cheekbones
-creativity
-newness
-
Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-the pharmacy telling me my ativan will be ready tomorrow
-getting angry about something with D and calling him up and yelling him and telling him how i really feel which ended up in me insulting and "bullying" him. which i feel like i needed to do after all he did to me. afterwards,i felt a release and couldn't stop smiling.
-sleeping last night after praying and affirming i would. after feeling way off and a bad breakdown yesterday, and some very symbolic nightmares this morning it seems like my inner demons wanted to come out to play. i was still shaking at 8 am and my brain felt funky and weird let myself sleep til 11 am and then was no longer shaking and my brain felt normal. this was from 3 days of not having my medication and i decided to embrace my pain a little and am debating trying to taper off the medication.
-self-nourishment
-m's husband talking to me on the phone when i had my bad breakdown yesterday
-people considering me attractive
-compliments
-cleaning
-having money
-shopping
-colors
-beauty
-being friendly to others
-cuteness
-uber
-laughing at life
-my hulu membership
-food
-showers
-having a lot of work this weekend
-focusing on the bigger pictures goals, and changes to make
-sunsets
-my beauty
-looking young
-looking thinner today
-taking control of my spiral down by trying to control my thoughts and praying
-getting prescribed a weight loss medication
-music
-art
-how beautiful my eyes are
-day 1 of giving up diet soda
-buying a new black shirt for work
-the free stuff i get from work
-buying my favorite candies from my favorite candy boutique
-getting the versace perfume i treated myself to in the mail