GRATITUDE LIST

-D texting me angrily tonight saying he hasnt had any females over besides his mom and me. I told him i wasnt interested and apologized for some of the things i said. Strange how after i texted him not interested he only replied to one of my texts after that.Im grateful that he stepped up and said something. And for the relief that there was no females over and it was all in my head and i have no reason to be humiliated now by what neighbors could have seen. Also strange how he texted today. I sent him my vicious messages about 3 nights ago. Then on my balcony i seen him walking to the door. Shortly after, I got the messages from him.
-taking some extra pills to get me though the day after what happened last night that had me wanting to cry and praying to sleep
-sleep. i slept til 4pm. Not good. But, it felt good. And, i had a lot of vivid dreams.
-mikes hard lemonade and having some tonight
-doing laundry
-my great fashion sense
-meditation
-prayer
-journaling
-my rose quartz heart
-squats
-my face looking slimmer
-checking my mail
-my femininity
-my fendi socks
-my strength
-goals
-water
-coffee
-my hyaluronic lip booster
-my sunflowers
-ordering some lavender epsom bath salts for my mom
-mopping the kitchen hallway
-blankets
-ideas
-cuteness
-donating to the humane league the other day

-sleep
-not having dinner
-squats
-going for my 5 mile walk today
-being considered attractive
-my hair
-my blonde hair toning spray
-water
-starting my retinol again today
-looking young
-my retinol hand serum
-prayer
-getting a bill deferred today
-my hyaluronic lip booster
-cleaning
-talking to m's husband today
-laughing
-my anxiety meds
-being a kind person
-my burberry socks
-cuteness
-seeing a cat today on my walk
-fashion
-pictures
-peaceful sounds
-nightskies
-goals
-hope

-beauty
-my retinol serum
-being considered attractive
-feeling comfortable enough to wear a tank top today
-sleeping. i slept lots last night and it felt good.
-spaghetti
-my anxiety meds
-pillows
-playing with a fun photo editing app and getting a new pic up on one of my social medias
-prayer
-water
-going to the store today for some things i need
-talking to M's husband on the phone
-my retinol hand serum
-having nice cleavage
-sportsbras
-having nice curves
-my face looking slimmer
-entertainment
-having nice hair
-getting my debit card today
-deciding to buy cat food and try keeping a can in my purse everytime i go for a walk in case i see a cat
-cuteness
-all the cats in my life or that have been in my life
-smiling
-friendly people

-getting my haircut today
-compliments
-my gucci purse i wore today
-sleep
-letting myself lay down and sleep when feeling sad and helpless
-guacomole
-colors
-getting some groceries
-water
-doing a little reading of my book
-making a self hypnosis
-my fashion sense
-being considered attractive
-taking some positive actions
-my eyebrows
-air conditioning
-common ground
-getting a ride to my haircut
-prayer

-D feeding me italian ice last night. It was oddly heart-warming and a bit erotic.
-fashion
-design
-finding out some things that clarified my fears with D were all in my head
-D telling me he won't hurt me anymore or have us repeat our past cycles of how things are with us arguing
-kissing D
-how D looks at me a lot like he's reading me, and last night when something came up that had to do with a topic of a previous argument, i was thinking about something and he seemed genuinely concerned asking me what's wrong and what am i thinking about and it was something not related to our argument but we both had remembered at that moment the argument and it was him just making sure we were good and there wasn't anything on my mind i wanted to resolve.
-feeling like D and i have accepted the inevitability we are going to keep coming back to each other based on the little things we both say without thinking about it
-D showing more and more signs of caring about me and trying to make changes when he sees things i don't like or that hurt me and just making effort in general to improve things with us and make me feel better
-yin yoga
-getting my 6 miles in lately
-my clothes being so loose yesterday my pants were sliding down a lot
-D always being very turned on by me
-M being there for me more lately
-all my cats i love
-cuteness
-my mom feeling better
-my electric company being very understanding and offering me a great payment deferral and payment plan
-the evictions ban being extended
-ordering a new phone case
-trying out hibiscus tea
-water
-air conditioning
-support from others
-having a romantic/emotional connection with someone and the enjoyment of that building
-topping my hair color today
-hair masks
-becoming better at adulting
-sleep
-coloring
-prayer
-inspiration
-finding ways to fix things online
-cleaning
-D saying maybe we do when i was messing with him again about an argument we had in the past when he claimed we had nothing in common
-D wanting me to like him and approval from me
-how good my makeup looked last night
-my burberry hoodie
-my givenchy teddy bear
-neighbors being nice to me
-getting my phone to act better
-salad
-kindness
-reflection
-feeling my feelings

-D sticking with seeming to care about me, more and more
-when D calls me sweetie and is patient with me
-my hair color
-going to my doctor appointments the last 2 days
-my sense of style
-acupuncture
-my givenchy teddy bear
-coffee
-M offering to buy me some lip balms she seen on a health website she likes
-water
-hibiscus tea
-face rolling
-being smart
-having a sense of humor
-under-eye filler
-doing ab work today
-inspiring my dad to start walking
-cats
-my brother being safe
-air conditioning
-sleeping less today
-my new at home chemical peel i've been using for my neck
-music
-beauty
-my beauty
-talking to my therapist today
-my state finally being in the pre-application phase for lost wages federal assistance
-feeling love feelings
-spaghetti and bread with himalayan pink salt ghee for dinner
-xanax
-self-compassion
-seeing cool street art i like
-a cool mobile photo editing app i recently found
-seeing cool creatures while out and about and how much some of them connect with me
-feeling my feelings
-evolving as a person
-prayer
-solutions
-greenery
-inspiration
-kindness from others
-ideas
-hyaluronic acid
-my dior brow mascara
-H cat thriving
-my mom and her cat seeming to be doing better
-M's husband seeming to be doing better
-re-organizing my bathroom shelves
-cleaning my bambi stuffed animal
-my fabric refresh spray

-benzodiazepines
-hot coffee
-delicious food
-going for my 7 mile walk
-that D and i are still talking, even though it feels different and that he's staying consistent with not disappearing and insisting we can talk
-compliments
-fashion
-sleep
-making conversation with a female senior citizen and how nice she was
-2 different people being happy to get some animal advocacy stickers from me and being glad for what i was doing
-a nationwide ban on evictions in my county til the end of the year
-my state being approved for the lost wages assistance program
-my hair color
-hibiscus tea
-being a nice person
-cleaning
-blankets
-air-conditioning
-being inspiring
-motivation
-cuteness
-my new cell phone cases
-hope
-detachment
-the breeze from outside
-creativity
-being smart

-D being more consistent with texting me
-D saying something sweet tonight and unexpected-that he wants to get me a gift soon
-when D calls me sweet names
-my hair color
-starting to change my makeup more to match my new hair color
-my style evolving this year
-detaching from D a little bit today
-things working out for me today
-yin yoga
-the chill in the air this morning
-my burberry hoodie
-coffee
-cashapp
-that D listened to me and didn't cut all his hair off
-romantic feelings
-music
-not letting toxic people bring me down today
-being kind
-prayer
-naps
-being smart
-my beauty
-going to the gym for the first time in awhile and how nice that was
-being considered attractive
-newness
-drinking more water
-my givenchy bear and sleeping with him
-how D looks at me
-M's husband finally calling me back
-finishing the bathroom shelves
-cleaning
-finding a marble rock i liked recently
-gin-gins
-reflecting on things i like
-my cozy lauren moshi joggers
-having a very european look
-the backs of my legs getting toned
-cozy socks
-drinking my hibiscus tea regularly
-my new neck peel i've been using
-smiling
-M being nice and sensitive to me lately
-blankets
-night skies
-my femininity
-inspiration
-using my cute new flashlight M's husband got for me tonight
-donating to a suicide foundation the other day
-my retinol serum
-having great skin

-D and i making up
-hibiscus tea
-physical exercise
-my hair
-face/eye massage
-my chemical body peel solution
-hibiscus tea
-laughing
-sleep
-my make love not war joggers
-my clothes getting looser
-blankets
-cleaning
-benzodiazepines
-newness
-moving things around to rearrange
-clean clothes
-food card being reloaded
-my burberry hoodie
-baby wipes
-choosing to focus on my aesthetics, wellness, fitness and health
-air conditoning
-art

-D showing how attracted he was to me the other night and how sexy he is
-that at least D talks to me more and ignores me less and seems to try to get to know me more again
-hot coffee
-tony's chocolonely caramel sea salt chocolate bars
-delivery
-M being nice to me and taking me to get groceries today
-xanax
-sleep
-prayer
-my make love not war joggers
-face rolling
-making an appt for more filler and botox
-makeup
-the body peel i use for my neck and seeing some results from it
-deep stretches
-fashion
-the slight chill in the air
-the night breeze
-lint brushes
-cleaning and organizing
-doing some written affirmations tonight
-music
-comedy
-friendliness
-loving feelings
-appreciation
-beauty
-seeing cool things to take pictures of
-color
-socks
-water
-more rioters starting to get arrested