GRATITUDE LIST

-water
-coca cola
-music
-getting in a good workout today and seeing results starting to come in from all the fitness
-my hair barrette
-being considered attractive
-L apologizing. Despite how annoyingly perplexing he is,it is something very healing for me for him to do that
-healthy digestion
-doing a little reading today
-M's husband picking me up from dentist and bringing me jelly donuts and my almond milk latte i like
-kittens and how adorable they are.i love watching them play everyday. the two babies wrestle and play and then cuddle with each other. so cute.
-the internet
-putting more money in my setaside account
-getting my check today
-buying myself some cool neon yellow knee high socks
-great deals. it seems i keep manifesting more and more amazing deals coming into my life.
-watching some TV episode of a show online today
-how awesome this thanksgiving will be and christmas with my new life situation
-sunshine
-sweaters
-finding a root canal IS covered by my insurance
-mouthwash
-finding M can bring me on thursday to my job since her thing she was supposed to do had to get rescheduled. life is always working out for me.
-seroquel. since so far it seems to be the best med to quiet my mind and anxiety. just need to make sure not to take more then my prescribed dose otherwise i end up not feeling well.
-getting my purse cleaned out
-being able to get a pet bed and canned cat food for the cats since i had to purchase something for a job i did today
-sleep

-getting the kittens back
-seeing the dad cat checking up on the kittens tonight
-getting the cat family(except dad)all taken to get spayed/neutered and some vaccinations. it was perfect. the cat who hasn't been coming around as much even came at the end and ended up in the trap.i felt so bad doing it,but i knew it was for a good cause and kept trying to baby talk to them through it.i will try to spoil them when they get back. it was good to see all the regulars who come to the yard taken together as a family. it was very hard to go through and i've been just a little anxious since they left.i felt some relief when the kittens came back.
-creating some warmth for the kittens
-giving dad cat some food since he was around tonight
-that i might have a ride to work tomorrow
-whole foods truffles
-my eyeglasses
-getting a third draft done on an article
-letting go of my ego with a work thing that bothered me
-finishing up the finance book i've been reading
-meeting my goal of going to the gym at least 4 times this week
-going to whole foods last night
-blankets
-quiet
-my beauty
-great uber deals
-TV show episodes of a show i like on hulu
-my style
-leg warmers
-nightskies
-sleep
-reassurances
-relaxation

-being able to connect with M and things going pretty smooth with her husband being out of town(he usually helps us out a lot).
-water
-healthy digestion
-dental tip from dentist i've been implementing of brushing my teeth more softly
-coca cola
-M buying me a chile mocha hot coffee drink veganized that was so good
-doing my job today and getting a ride there and picked up
-heels
-creative ideas
-the smell of incense
-warmed up sweets
-my cats coming back. made my day. and they didn't seem too mad at me. two of them kept a distance a bit,but were there later. so grateful they are spayed/neutered,microchipped,had checkup,etc. And,the lady who volunteers and transported them gave me a ton of dry and wet cat food and said next week she will bring some outdoor winter cat houses. i am so grateful. my life just keeps becoming more and more abundant and prosperous.
-smiling
-M wanting to walk around the mall after my job
-warm spots outside for the cats
-sweaters
-leg warmers
-getting more ex best friend stuff thrown away and how cathartic it is.i just keep reminding myself that he probably has NOTHING of me anymore and that this is a new start.
-my kind heart
-dental floss
-watching another TV episode online
-getting praise for my latest published article
-my upcoming trip this winter to california and how amazing it will be
-hope
-sweeping my floor today
-inspiration
-fashion
-coffee
-adding more money to my setaside account
-practice saving

-being able to connect and bond with M the last few days
-hopefully maybe being there for her a little bit after the sad news of T passing on
-being done with work and no work tomorrow
-M putting money in my account saturday which made things work out perfectly with all the running around i had to do and then putting more in tonight
-M taking me to do my audits yesterday
-perfect timing with getting to M right at the same time as she arrived on saturday
-great uber rates
-chivalry
-that people think i'm cute
-allowing myself to ponder the R from my past connection. The R who was my first sexual experience. He is the one guy who if me and ex best friend never became a couple years ago,more may have happened with. I've been pondering if R could help me understand the root of some things for me as well to heal.
-throwing away more stuff from ex best friend
-all my outdoor cats. they bring me so much happiness
-putting more money aside to my setaside account and being really close to my savings goal
-going to the movies with M tonight
-that I should probably get a check or two tomorrow
-grapeseed oil
-vegan omegas,hyaluronic acid,and calcium magnesium supplement i take
-stomach starting to get a little flatter
-water
-giving up cereal
-getting all my reporting done
-clean teeth
-fashion
-watching TV episodes of show i like tonight on hulu
-laughing
-sunshine and the weather getting a little warmer
-W cat liking his little cat bed i bought for him recently.i bought it with him in mind and sure enough,he often uses it!
-sleep
-chile mocha latte veganized
-my awesome amazing trip coming up soon
-that R,ex best friend's gf has been leaving my mind more and more
-seroquel since it does help with paranoia and anxiety and causes no weight gain
-relaxation
-sweets
-that i can hit the gym tomorrow and catch up on phone calls
-my kind heart
-finding my folding table that went missing for a day
-seeing the law of attraction at work with certain past things such as my first sexual experience with R. There was a favorite movie at the time that I watched all the time. And,I just realized one thing that made me think back then that we "connected" is that he loved the movie,too. As it turns out,that experience ended up mirroring quite similarly movie parts of that. This only just hit me recently and kinda gives me understanding on how i manifested it. Life can feel so real,but law of attraction is always at work.

-getting my gray sheetset in the mail
-throwing out trunk that was where time capsule stuff of ex best friend was
-sleep
-cleaning my room
-rest
-going to the dentist tomorrow and hopefully getting 2nd molar finally taken care of
-meditating
-doing some journaling and reflection on goals
-M being nice to me
-adding more money to my setaside account
-entertainment
-watching some episodes of TV show i like on hulu and just sort of vegging out today
-buddha statues
-the diffuser in my room and burning cinnamon today
-sugar. because it boosts my mood
-warmth
-hot coffee

-grapeseed oil
-buying the thing i was saving up for today and starting a sub account for saving
-getting 2 of my checks today
-delicious warm lattes
-getting some beds for the cats and blankets today
-fashion
-my style
-lemon flavoring
-my leopard print cardigan
-my awesome new bedset
-rest
-seroquel
-episodes of TV show i like
-saving little T. I heard meowing and couldn't find where it was coming from and then finally i went to other side of house and found him meowing for help. apparently he was by himself and got seperated the other cats and that scared him. so cute,but i do worry about him.
-bringing S kitten and P cat in the house for a bit.
-going to therapy today
-doing mirror affirmations today

-sleep
-toenail clippers
-dental floss
-meeting new people this year
-my style
-my leopard print cardigan
-yoga pants
-guys to like. seen M today. he iniated talking with me and seemed to be paying a lot of attention to me and his body language every time he was near me was very towards me and near me.i was a little less shy but also sort of spacey from meds. he never did call me though or text after the time before we worked together and he had asked for my number. I admitted to myself today that I do feel attraction to him. at first sight,i'm always like he's not attractive at all,but then shortly on,i'm thinking about him and thinking he is sexy. it's so weird. he had his hair styled nicely today.so far,i seem to see him once a month since we met. wonder if that pattern will repeat. maybe he'll text tomorrow since he just seen me.one thing i am trying to do now is to let go of expectations in my mind and just sort of surrender control and allow the universe to arrange things for me in a way that will be perfect. it's so much more fun that way.
-a photographer on the street snapping my picture while at working today.i was embarrassed but it was flattering
-the weather warming up a little bit
-little T the kitten. he makes me so happy.
-buying a heating pad online today for the cats and the great deal it was and free shipping
-fashion
-goals
-smiling
-animals
-going to yoga class tonight
-getting my chile mocha drink i love tonight
-being on time for work today
-a girl at work today giving me a lipbalm(she had several samples) when i had just happened to forget mine
-coffee
-my kind heart
-entertainment
-laughing
-TV episodes online on hulu i've been watching
-chemistry
-coca cola
-my weight starting to go down a little bit
-hope
-how beautiful my eyes are
-being attractive
-my chanel lipgloss
-my new bedset
-having money

-that time of the month products
-sleep
-grapeseed oil
-having dental insurance
-my weight going down
-hot guys
-getting my sunglasses in the mail today
-new life experiences
-learning
-my outdoor cats
-the heating pad M's husband found working and the cats seeming to like it
-the weather being nicer today
-having a ride to work today
-buying myself a new shirt today i've been wanting for awhile
-having a little bit of alcohol today
-having the house to myself for a bit today which was rejuvenating
-entertainment
-comedy
-laughing
-the look guys often give me that makes me feel attractive
-seeing the thing on R's fb wasn't a negative thing like i thought,but actually a positive animal thing
-things that ease my jealousies
-coffee
-sweets
-buddha statues
-my mom sending me pics of my brother's cat together with her cat and also her dog. that made my day.

-bananas
-water
-sleep
-not having to work tomorrow
-deciding to yes get my wisdom teeth removed
-opening up a savings account
-having a moment,feeling of power come to me that was very positive earlier
-vitamins i take
-coffee
-buddha statues
-coca cola
-dental floss
-being attractive
-my outdoor cat family
-the heating pad for the cats we have so far
-hearing the weather should hit the 70's this week
-my kind heart
-goals
-reflection
-that there's a cycling class tomorrow
-my weight going down
-healthy digestion
-makeup
-getting some cleaning and organizing done
-heels

-making the appointment to get my wisdom teeth removed
-dental floss
-chile mocha latte
-my weight going down
-my appetite shrinking
-TV show episodes on hulu i've been watching
-going to cycling class today
-how beautiful my face is
-style
-hair barrettes
-the weather getting a little warmer
-my outdoor cats and how happy they make me and introducing them to ghee tonight. they seemed to like it except surprisingly mom cat wasn't super into it
-nightskies
-hot guys
-connections with others
-hyaluronic acid
-feeling like my eyesight has possibly gotten a little better(perhaps from the hyaluronic acid)
-healthy digestion
-water
-sleep
-cleaning up my room a little
-being fashionable
-goals
-being smart
-confirming more jobs today
-reflection
-realizing today that maybe a reason i slept with someone i did from 2009 had to do with subconscious reasoning to prove something because that person's mother insulted my looks and i had insecurity my ex bf found her attractive because of lies he told me. i was reflecting on the drama of life and i know me sleeping with that person wasn't revenge on my ex. it just felt like something i had to do. and there was several reasons for it,none of it revenge but the above may have been part of it. he was ex's best friend,or childhood best friend really,and his friends mother had made me very insecure in the past. life's drama is fascinating and bizarre.
-laughing
-quiet
-finding a way to clear more storage on my phone to get some apps back on
-M's friend D contacting me today
-an acquaintance,C contacting me today
-lipbalms
-realizing one reason i do what i do for work,is for the people i meet.i was contemplating if i had a mediocre job that's less then what i am qualified for and more "normal" what it might be like and i'd never meet anybody. somehow,in some way,despite all the lags and needing to work on being more in the flow,i really do think following your bliss and what feels right leads you to things best for you. there may be a lot i need to work on,but there's some things i need to remember. it always ends up being the people i meet who inspire me and remind me of my path and why i do what i do. G reminds me why I love working downtown and at the yoga studio and of other things as well. Even M from the main work i do nowadays,has kind of reminded me of why i do that work.
-

-donating more money to animal charity i like
-getting some checks today
-buying myself something on my list of things i had wanted to manifest for awhile today
-having a dream with R from my past in it. Makes me wonder...it was a good dream.
-fashion
-lipbalms
-my weight going down
-my body tightening up
-going to welfare and getting my food card problem worked out
-beautiful weather today. it felt like summer.
-sleep
-candy
-pronoia
-my outside cat family
-going to cycling class today then working out at the gym. felt good to get a good sweat in.
-the internet
-my appetite shrinking a little
-my strength
-watching TV episodes of show i like online
-goals
-socks
-manifestation of desires
-vitamins
-feeling my will getting a little stronger
-monkey mind mental chatter about D's gf leaving my mind quite a bit
-getting more things organized
-coffee
-positive changes and transformation

-drinking more water today
-my weight going down a little bit
-starting to feel a little more confident about my body again
-my abs starting to get sculpted
-dental floss
-candy
-M going to whole foods today
-taking the train for the first time in 3 years today and overcoming that obstacle and anxiety challenge and taking the first step towards a newer me. sounds silly,but i literally feel like a new person now,
-sunny weather today
-my outdoor cat family
-fashion
-M putting money in my account today
-the instant coffee M bought me that looks good
-lavender
-getting a nice draft done today of article and being almost finished
-my job tomorrow,even though i've had some mental blockages with that kind of work,i know it's good and i just need to keep pushing through
-all the delicious,yummy things the universe has in store for me in the future
-getting better at saving and now having two envelopes i use for saving. one account for near future and another sub account for near future within the same account.
-the internet
-lipbalms
-all the new things i can do now that ex is out of my life
-sleep
-standing up for myself with stupid work thing a boss wanted me to do
-going to pilates class today
-quiet
-doing some reading today
-laughing
-watching TV episodes on hulu

-lavender
-that all the stuff of ex best friend doing things that were our things only makes him more obsessed with me and not over me. today i seen another of our songs,one i gave him in our first month he now seems to have given to her. it's actually pretty twisted..
-M coming in and vaccuming my room
-M giving me money for uber
-chile mocha coffee drink

-having money
-seeing purse i like back in stock at one store
-getting better at saving money
-TV episodes to watch on hulu
-work person somehow being very nice and understanding of me not making it
-coffee
-creativity
-ideas
-being smart
-my sexy curves
-my taste in things
-pinterest
-an excellent visulization today after yoga
-my peacock eye pillow
-going to kundalini yoga tonight
-great music
-meeting goals
-sunshine and enjoying some sun today
-my welfare food card fixed and reactivated today
-water
-lemon bars
-crown chakra and theta music
-quiet
-naps
-weight going down
-dental floss

-fashion
-saving money and having fun with it.
-water
-getting excited about goals
-giving the cats some canned food tonight
-my creativity with getting my job done today
-the CPR being moved to ex best friend's gf house
-M's friend D hanging out with me and going for coffee. i now know i do not like him in that way nor do i feel anything from him either,which is kind of weird since i could've sworn i did the first few months i met him. luckily,i've been getting good at getting the signal from life of when to know to sort of mentally say no in my mind.
-putting money aside today
-nice weather today
-cuteness
-getting more confident and competant and doing things i feared before
-chile mocha coffee
-lots of desserts today,and coffee too actually
-rest
-laughing
-uber
-makeup
-my skin looking good today
-my weight going down and feeling more confident because of it
-my beauty
-lipgloss
-TV episodes i've been watching on hulu
-inspiration
-ideas
-meeting inspirational people
-my new bracelet i got

-dental floss
-getting my wisdom teeth removed tomorrow
-nightlight in my room
-going to psychiatrist today
-TV episodes on hulu i watch
-saving money
-sleep
-my new stuffed animal pig
-coffee
-going to the gym today
-healthy digestion
-yoga
-my stomach getting nice and flat
-my style
-getting my skincare i ordered today
-that charity that helped my outdoor cats get fixed and vaccinated,has offered to take P cat from litter two to get checked up since she seems to have a little cold
-nice weather today
-sweaters
-healthy passion
-fashion
-pinterest
-water
-being kind hearted
-goals
-hope
-positive possibilities
-lavender
-tea
-doing more organizing today and cleaning
-hot guys

-that the candidate i voted for won presidency. kind of exciting
-ghee
-lemon meringue pie
-getting my check today
-buying another heating pad for cat
-going to therapy today
-saving up money
-my beauty
-compliments
-my venus dimples
-coffee
-giving P cat and mom cat cans of tuna
-blankets
-sleep
-yoga pants
-another job offer i applied to today
-uber
-lavender
-hot tea
-TV episodes on hulu i have been watching
-friendly people
-hip stretches
-massage

-reflection. to this day,one of the many heartbreaking things of what ex best friend did is that he used loa to get me out of his life. the irony that i was the one who taught him loa and sending energy and he used it at times to help me and i even encouraged him to practice it,and he used it to get me out of his life. it's very sad. and then i think about the pain of how unwanted he had made me feel for so long. i never really knew how much he hated me,though he tried for so long to show me. but all that we had been through and all that i had thought at the time he had done for me,made me believe of course he loved me a lot.
-the feeling that by the time i come back from my trip in december,i will be a new and different person.
-coffee
-lemon bars
-compliments
-managing all my jobs today
-finding out today my first job was twice as much money which was certainly a mood boost,especially since i've been feeling impatient with my savings goals.
-all the money i'm making this weekend
-the job offers today i got
-money issue from one company i worked with getting resolved
-blankets
-heels
-yoga pants
-my style
-my favorite leopard print sweater
-that the night started to get a little warmer
-taking the train again the other day which is huge for me
-TV episodes on hulu i've been watching
-style
-job offer from primary career that was good
-dental floss
-m putting money in my account today and yesterday
-my phone
-M's husband giving me an emergency phone charger which is a charger you use without an outlet.
-the skincare products i've been using
-lavender
-feeling in a nice mood for a moment while on the way to work today
-great alcoholic drinks
-trying new things
-stretches
-relaxation
-my meds i take
-my outdoor cats

-giving the cats a litle cat feast and giving them the rest of the cat food cups and a little bit of ghee for the ones who wanted a lick of it. like a boss,mom cat had two cups by her. lol.
-weather feeling a little warmer
-water
-saving money
-naps
-working a lot
-handling two jobs a day the last two days in a row
-coffee
-lemon bars
-TV episodes on hulu
-lavender
-coca cola
-getting another pet heating pad in the mail
-my style
-my beauty
-the industries i work in
-seeing other inspiring people do what i do for work
-my favorite leopard print cardigan
-makeup
-weight going down. stomach being flatter.i feel so much more confident then when i was having those fat days from the olanzapine
-ghee butter
-serendipity.i can't stop believing loa is real and life is always speaking to us. during work,i was reflecting on the sadness of the betrayal from ex best friend,and one of our songs came on,and it's a random song,too that was very serendiptious with lyrics such as "miss you." I've been hearing this band every now and then lately since the betrayal.I also am always seeing things with the nickname he called me all the time since then. it's quite odd. it's almost subtle because ive not really been looking for it,almost repressing it,but there's definitely been some serendipity with this.i just don't know what it all means.
-seeing the light at the end of the tunnel in some ways with the year closing out and the busy holiday season when it ends,and then my trip and what will come in the new year.i'm sad everyday about life,and how messed up things have become but i try to see the adventure of it all.
-stretches
-relaxation

seen ex best friend and gf today.i think they seen me before i seen them. luckily i was not more then 20 feet close to them and no words or eye contact was made. still,am getting tired of all the closecalls where they are near me. it seems they are often having instances where they see me or hear me. i can't help but think it's their manifestation because of that. almost all these occurences just feel like their manifestation the way they happen.i decided to see the good in it,and realize this is helpful for neutralizing my reaction to them for if i ever see them face to face again. after all,my intention is to treat them like they don't exist. not bitchy,but completely apathetic as if they aren't even there. dead eyes and all.
-glass of wine after my shift from work
-cheap liquor prices
-acknowledging my feelings to myself
-slowing down and allowing myself to feel more relaxed in the moment
-getting my reporting done for the last few days
-cute pictures
-laughing
-being smart
-makeup
-hot coffee
-chile mocha coffee
-lemon flavoring
-going to eat out with M and her husband
-laughing
-stretches
-my beauty
-my cheekbones
-my style
-my outdoor cats
-TV episodes on hulu
-sleep
-new perspectives
-going to the gym today
-hot guys
-my weight going down
-healthy digestion
-my stomach becoming flatter
-my venus dimples
-water
-saving money
-goals
-my upcoming trip next month
-that in about a week,week and a half,my money should finally be doing ok
-gaining motivation,meaning,and perspective again on life
-nightskies
-heating pads
-my kind heart
-inspiration
-my medications i'm on

-getting my upper wisdom teeth removed and no pain whatsoever
-proving i am becoming more and more competant and capable at the little things before i could not do and building on that
-getting a check today and it being higher then i expected
-the weather getting warmer today
-the sunshine
-sodas
-having these cinnamon bagels heated and with vanilla ghee on top. so good.
-water
-saving money
-fashion
-beauty
-inspiration
-getting straw for the cats and a heated water bowl today
-sweaters
-naps
-leg warmers
-my stomach getting nice and flat
-my striking beauty
-healthy digestion
-having dental insurance
-getting more things organized
-coffee
-confirming another job today
-stretches
-TV episodes on hulu
-productive days
-feeling relaxed
-having no work tomorrow

-drinking more water today
-M's husband adding to the cat house,looking up mylar and telling me he bought a cat house online
-getting in a good workout today
-how great it feels to sweat from a good workout
-sleep
-my style
-catching up on phone calls a little bit today
-vegan pizza
-weight going down
-soda
-coffee
-those cinnamon breads with vanilla ghee
-seeing T cat from first litter today under the tree in front of the house sleeping on the leaves. she was in a deep sleep and looked like a little bambi. it was a beautiful fight. after i seen her,and she awoke,she came up to me and i picked her up and she curled her head into my shoulders. it was so freaking sweet.
-amazing pictures i am able to get of the cats. got one of the T the kitten,H cat from 2nd litter,and T from first litter all cuddling together in the house we have for them
-saving money
-being almost complete with TWO savings goals i've been doing at a time. so exciting.
-TV episodes on hulu
-stretching
-makeup
-getting more things organized
-meditation
-my peacock eye pillow
-doing some visualization exercise and how good it felt
-slippers

frustrated. waiting for M to go to sleep so i can sneak the kittens in. just want to get them in already and also to go to sleep. everything would go a lot smoother if she would just go to sleep already.
-cuddling with T kitten today. he slept with me in the morning and evening.
-ordering myself my first prada bag today. should get it just before thanksgiving. celebrating ex best friend being out of my life by getting it. this time last year,he was torturing me and psychologixally abusing me.i am so glad to be free from that and that this november has been so much more peaceful then last year's.
-how sculpted my body is becoming.
-water
-my meds
-getting the straw into the dog houses for the cats
-that the weather is supposed to be warmer tomorrow
-soda pop
-M buying me more cinnamon bagels today
-doing my mirror affirmations today
-makeup
-my beauty
-face stretches
-hip stretches
-TV episodes on hulu
-sleep
-motivation
-sunshine
-meditation
-optimism
-going to pilates class today
-lipbalm

-ginger
-soda
-feeling like a weight's been lifted and just a little more relaxed the last day or two for some reason
-healthy digestion
-how exciting it is that my first prada bag is on it's way to me
-nice weather
-TV episodes on hulu
-buying some pet products sent to my mom
-getting medicine for the cats. they couldn't get their surgery because they are sick so they gave us medicine at no charge
-chile mocha coffee
-sleep
-going to pilates class today
-going for a walk after pilates class
-nightskies
-that i'm almost done with a round of jobs i've been doing for a client. i'll have to find new work asap and this was a nice consistent thing for awhile,but it'll be nice to have my sundays again and see what else is out there.
-sweets
-meeting cool people
-kind people
-taking the train again today and establishing it as a pattern of being normal for me
-fashion
-being excited for thanksgiving and M saying we are going shopping on thanksgiving
-M's husband giving me $20 today
-coffee
-doing some reading today
-art
-my medications i take
-getting draft done and sent to talent for review
-my job at the yoga studio
-positive possibilities
-reflection

-ideas
-soda
-heating pads
-blankets
-sleep
-my calvin klein scarf
-my sense of style
-makeup
-giving the kittens and T cat from first litter their medicine
-laughing
-M's friend D and how funny he is and nice
-confirming another job today
-having a little bit of alcohol today
-going to the yoga class tonight
-coffee
-doing my job today
-TV episodes on hulu
-warm showers

-ghee butter
-water
-my new prada bag
-getting my reporting done
-bringing the kittens in for a little bit today
-lavender
-soda pop
-M apologizing to me today
-ordering the gift i had planned on getting for M
-sending out more emails for jobs
-naps
-sleep
-my sparkly sweater from zara
-fashion
-coffee
-getting a ride to work
-doing some editing on an article
-lemon bars
-doing some follow ups on emails for first career
-TV episodes on hulu
-not having to work tomorrow
-stretches
-that the cat houses should be arriving any day now
-great deals
-free shipping
-cleaning my room and doing some more organizing
-my medications i'm taking
-ordering some yoga pants i've been wanting
-my weight going down
-my beauty
-cat hugs and cuddles
-straw
-laughing
-sweaters
-how much better my money is doing compared to this time last year
-goals
-getting the doghouse with straw moved to the downstairs level for the cats since it seems warmer there.

-seeing T cat from first litter using one of the winter shelters the animal charity gave.i was so unsure of those ones,if they'd even use them and thought maybe if it's cold enough hopefully they then will and seen T walk out from it and i went to touch her and she was the warmest cat outside so it must be good.
-M making me a protein drink.
-soda pop
-water
-going to a fitness class today

-seeing that everything is working out
-sleep
-TV episodes on hulu
-T kitten from 3rd litter coming in house and how funny he is
-great deals
-fashion
-things working out with follow ups and jobs during upcoming out of town trip
-my thigh gap
-motivation
-my medications
-smiling
-my cat slippers
-sweaters
-meditating today
-my desires
-my hair looking darker from shampoo i started using
-lipbalms
-stretches
-having such young and delicate features
-happiness
-how beautiful my eyes are

-water
-T kitten. i feel a deep connection to the little guy,similar to the depth i felt when i first met his cat mom.
-that the cats are using the winter housing and feeling toasty in it.
-weather being a little nicer today
-getting in a good workout and sweating from it
-face and head massage that helped release a lot of tension
-stretches
-my buddha statue in my room
-my beautiful prada purse
-fashion
-M buying me more lemon bars
-going to the grocery store to pick up some food
-sleep
-my medications
-sweaters
-blankets
-coffee
-having a nice body
-my stomach getting flatter and more sculpted
-having healthy teeth
-healthy digestion
-having great cheekbones
-the job offers coming in for upcoming out of trip. so exciting.
-dental floss
-some good daydreaming today
-music
-interesting art
-soda pop
-tv episodes on hulu
-smiling
-laughing
-neck massage
-getting a saving account opened

I have come to the conclusion that i am going to contact R from my past. I've been thinking about it for a few days now,contemplating the how and if i'm sure and it feels like something i have to do. whilst organizing my closet some more today,i came across journals i did not throw away yet. he may have been more important to me then i even realize. realizing good things i did not remember,and accepting the bitter parts,and getting a balanced perspective. he did like me,and i did do things to seem disinterested. i can see the blocks back then and reading through journals,i seen old patterns i still carry with me to this day.i found i had a picture of one of my first major crush's from the newspaper who had died back in h.s. i couldn't find anything on google the last years,it had been so long,but to see i had even saved his picture back then in my journal was interesting. even if my life was lonely and sad in parts back then,there was life and meaning and the feeling of aliveness. i wasn't as weird as i had thought.i was beautiful. And,R was dreamy and cool just ala the Trip character in the movie we both liked the virgin suicides. reading the journals gave me new affirmation,intrigue,and perspective. it must've just been that right time to go looking back to my past. It's been a hard and disappointing week or two but at least this is something to think about.
-realizing i'm done trying to compete with ex's gf R. I've been mad at M and after what's come about the last few days,i've been distant towards her,and skipping classes. she let me down and this proves things to me and i'm done now. it's time to focus on me,my wants,and finding my happiness. she brought me presents today as if that could make up for it. it was a blender,coffee maker,and sitting buddha statue.i thought i seen two books that looked as if they should be for me,but she hasn't given them to me yet.
-deciding i am going to iniate contact with R from my past within the next few weeks.
-contemplation and reflection
-my old journals
-cleaning out my closet and organizing
-soda pop
-hot coffee
-my outdoor cats
-cuteness
-my new sweater i've been wearing that i got last week
-my new winter boots i've been loving
-my new miu miu wallet that came today. it's beautiful.i think i enjoy my somewhat spontaneous purchases more then my more planned out ones.
-going to therapy today and to see psychiatrist. it's nice to allow myself to be "broken."
-having ideas about direction coming to me
-TV episodes on hulu
-giving M that gift i gave her over the weekend.it came out even better then i expected so am happy about that
-hearing M's sister asking M's husband how i was doing which was nice
-friendly people
-M's husband being nicer to me lately
-sleep
-creative dental solutions
-naps
-my mario badescu hyaluronic acid eye cream
-feeling my feelings
-the wisdom i've gained over the years
-water
-dental floss
-doing a little cosmic ordering on the cosmic ordering site
-stretches
-having a nice chest
-weather being warmer today
-straw
-the internet
-my phone
-positive changes
-new ideas

-my medications
-water
-getting dentist appointment done even though again it didn't go as intended
-healthy digestion
-sleep
-art
-music
-creativity
-feeling back in the moment again of when i was 16 after reading old journals.i remember the feeling of aliveness again,and my roots and feel renewed.
-my plant-based logo t-shirt looking not too bad on me
-sweaters
-pizza without cheese
-hot coffee
-soda pop
-TV episodes on hulu
-taking some time to do some writing that was creative and partially practicing the message I will send to R from my past sometime next month
-interesting concepts
-the weather being nice and warm for this time of year
-T cat from first litter and how much she warms my heart. she is such a sweetie. she used to be the runt of them all and very panicky personality and wouldnt let you pet her,now she curls her head up in my shoulders when i pick her up
-nightskies and how soothing they are
-smiling
-cleaning out more of my closet tonight
-venting
-getting my check today
-stretches
-buying myself some fancy chocolates from bloomingdales that interested me
-my hyaluronic acid eye cream
-beauty
-inspiration
-fashion
-my sense of style
-feeling beautiful again
-goals
-my ambition
-not having work tomorrow
-relaxation
-getting confirmed for another 4 days of work from a client i've been working with one of the days replacing a day that got cancelled by another client so will meet my december minimal earning goals which is great
-getting the outdoor cats through the month of november
-being smart
-buying myself some cute ballet shoes i had been wanting
-warm showers

another sad day. today,because work news coming about leading me to have make a business decision on 2nd career thing i do. i also felt spacey today,and apathetic and then cried in the evening.i feel so hopeless.and,have been having signs of eating disorder.
-R from my past. the one thing that makes me feel alive. he has been on my mind a lot lately. and,he seems more and more logical to be now.i feel like i'm back in the past,and it feels wonderful. the music,the way i felt,that young feeling,the feeling of being "cool," the crazy things me and our friends did like boys climbing in our windows,smoking weed,making out at the park,ditching school,etc.i did connect with him.i brushed it aside because of ex best friend that we didn't really connect but we did. my best friend at the time may have sabotaged me from him,too. she had been revealed later to be too-faced and spread lies,and in my own journal a friend once has said she's not as innocent as i think. she may have told lies about me or blocked me from seeing him on purpose. made him think i didn't like him,maybe. who knows. she did try and break me and ex best friend up and she did sleep with R knowing i liked him.
-my medications
-skipping a day without soda. wasn't hard either
-water
-hot coffee
-friendly people
-working today
-buying more lemon bars
-getting some editing done on article
-weather feeling warmer then it said it would be
-my outdoor cats
-pretty designer things
-ordering a beautiful designer jacket i had been eyeing last night
-sweaters
-my winter boots
-my phone
-getting a facial yesterday and a glass of red wine with it
-fashion
-naps
-dental floss
-getting a ride to and from work
-mom cat going in one of the cat houses we bought for her
-the amazing restorative yoga pose my boss put me in the other day
-compliments
-TV episodes on hulu
-my desires
-memories
-hope
-M's husband praying for me

-music
-finding something amazing connected to R from my past that was emotionally moving for me in another old journal while organizing. i had asked for a sign and thought i didn't get it yet,but maybe i did.
-spending time looking people up from my past on facebook.i usually don't enjoy it as i don't care for anyone from back then,but this time i felt happy and intrigued by seeing how others were doing.
-R from my past. no matter what happens after i send him the message,he has become a muse for me now.i can now see why he was important to me,and why i was drawn to him. maybe all this is perfect timing and i'm meant to heal some things with him. and,i know now's the time,because we aren't getting any younger and it's already been so long.
-spending time writing out some things about R as possible things to use in a message to him down the line. once i send him the message,it'll be semi casual,but it feels important for me to jot down the other things as well.i really want to come clean in a relaxed,bold,yet casual i don't care kind of way. i've never made the first move on a guy before and had been thinking for some time lately that i want to as sort of a bucket list item for me,and he is that perfect person. he practically crept up on me in my mind and then couldn't leave it out of all the guys i had my eye on the last months.
-fashion
-my outdoor cats
-creative dental solutions
-my beauty
-getting some more done article i've been working on. it's now just about 99.99% finished and will be definitely releasing it next week.
-becoming more confident and competant
-rest
-cat hugs
-my chanel lipgloss
-taking some inspired action
-buying some dance classes the other day.
-my medications
-letting myself change
-water
-nonconformity and things unique
-my creativity
-coffee
-feeling better
-getting some organizing done
-my winter boots
-my venus dimples
-stretches
-laughing

i just want to cry when i look at how much time has passed and how much older looking and settled,people i used to know now look. when did i become so old? so many things still like just yesterday,like i was still young. everything felt so unique then,and there was such a feeling of invincibility.
-feeling confident
-getting my note sent to R from my past
-remembering excitement again
-my chanel lip gloss
-my closet transforming to my dream wardrobe
-rest
-finishing my job today
-TV episodes on hulu
-getting a quote for enamel contouring from a dentist
-my style
-my beauty
-my computer
-my outside cats
-laughing
-weather not feeling too cold and the cats seeming to enjoy the snow
-having some alcohol before i sent the note
-things that move me emotionally
-that R still looks pretty attractive after all these years,unlike most people from that long ago i knew
trying out my new pine oil in the diffuser
-lemon bars
-coffee
-getting a ride to and from work

-that I sent R from my past the message
-hot coffee
-sleep
-that the outside cat shelters seem to be working
-sweaters
-TV episodes on hulu
-frankincense oil
-a good dinner
-fashion
-doing some mirror affirmations
-taking a picture of some of the things i bought myself in the last weeks to remind myself of all the abundance
-the heater in my room
-listening to some root chakra balancing music
-getting my mom's cat and brother's cat a 6 foot tall cat tower
-buying a certificate for myself for an ayurveda treatment i've been wanting to try
-water
-getting my article done
-more and more ideas with money
-stretches

-lights out
-my outdoor cats
-doing a yearly journaling reflection and gratitude list and finishing it today
-beautiful life moments
-gratitude
-sleep
-having pizza without cheese and fries for dinner
-soda pop
-hot coffee
-going for a drive tonight
-weather warming up a little
-deciding to buy M's friend D a gift for his dog
-nightskies
-being able to detach a smidge from the kittens and realize they are fine and are going to be fine
-R from my past,who i'll refer to as RC from here out,and how much he's inspired me lately
-the beauty products i use
-sweaters
-the new placement of my bed
-laughing
-interesting facts that inspire me to learn more
-my hair barrette
-how young my face and skin looks
-that i've now gotten the outdoor cats halfway through december
-stretches
-how beautiful and striking my eyes looked when i looked in the mirror earlier

-going to whole foods the other day for shopping and finding some new things to try
-going to the mall for shopping the other day and getting new lingerie,sportswear,and mini skirt and sweater
-the bad cold winter day being over,and now possibly the worst of the season being over with!
-weather being a little warmer today
-water and how good it is.
-lipgloss
-lemon bars
-hot coffee
-coca cola
-T kitten from third litter sleeping with me today for a few hours
-hugs with T cat from first litter. she's got the sweetest spirit.
-getting T the mom cat to come in today to the house. she has not wanted to come in when i try to bring her,but today i guess she got curious seeing her children come in so when i held the door open for her,a minute or two later,she walked in so i shut the door and she wandered the house for a minute.
-optimism
-getting a little check deposited into my account today
-how enjoyable the little trip through my past i've been taking has been lately. it's so curious,as i havent found myself thinking much into this time phrase for so long,but now i find it feeling so alive,and like it was just recently,and the desire for it has been strong
-laughing at life
-sleep
-my medications
-sunlight
-the diffuser in my room as a nightlight
-heaters
-sweaters
-blankets
-healthy digestion
-nightskies
-stretches
-my eyeglasses
-socks and how comfy they are
-TV episodes on hulu
-confirming a job today
-my face looking so great lately and young
-the solar heated water bowl for the cats. i love it. makes things so much easier.
-getting packages in the mail
-writing out my new years intentions the other night
-sending a thoughtful message i felt inspired to send to a co-worker

Gratitude FOR:

• having money xX

-my motivation level increasing
-strong positive inner knowings
-lip gloss
-confirming an exciting job today that i'm pretty sure is a manifestation of a desire from awhile i had wanted to manifest. i like when that happens,it's very affirming. will also look great for the resume
-weather getting warmer
-cats.i love them so much
-TV episodes on hulu
-TV clips on youtube
-inspiration
-romance
-relaxation
-my upcoming jobs
-sleep
-my warm comfy bed
-water
-hot coffee
-lemon bars
-stroopwafels
-ideas
-coca cola
-my beauty
-the diffuser in my room
-my style
-frankincense
-getting a little direction going on again in my life
-yoga
-my medications
-my skincare products
-squats

-my style
-compliments
-christmas being over
-sleep
-my warm bed
-finding missed episodes on hulu on another site
-sweaters
-deciding to focus more on my body as a new years intentions
-the job i worked on friday and how fun it was
-inspiration
-yoga
-soda pop
-getting a new phone
-the heater in my room
-my outdoor cat family
-smiling
-my beauty
-that tomorrow is a new day
-the weather getting very warm for winter overnight
-that the days are now getting longer
-coffee
-smiling
-hair clips
-my kind heart
-being smart
-cleaning up my eyebrows
-cleaning and organizing my room
-art

-the holidays being over
-being back home and out of the hospital
-treating myself to a chanel lipstick the other day
-doing some organizing
-my fashion sense
-the weather being nice out
-the kindness in others
-my book finally arriving
-learning a new word that i like
-my beauty
-my body getting nice and toned and tight
-yoga
-physical exercise
-sleep
-my medications
-my chanel lipgloss
-making money
-having insurance
-cats
-sweaters
-the way the cats make me feel loved
-water
-lemon flavoring
-coca cola
-a nice coffee and donuts after leaving the hospital
-having all my apps on my phone again
-my motivation
-TV episodes online of the show i like watching
-cutting ties to negative connections and negativity from last year
-great uber rates
-cleaning and organizing my top drawer
-the little heater in my room and how relaxing it feels
-being smart and empathetic
-having goals

• Xmas & New year celebrations being done with
• living in 'my' Home
• my 2 new bracelets - blk with 1 turquiose bead [L. Hand] & colours of the chakras bead bracelet [R. Hand]
• weather being dry & mild
• other humans
• that my face looks different , tone of skin , focus of eyes
• having physical body strength
• my lavender roll-on stick
• having clarity
• have 'speech' loud, clar, focused, powerful,articulate
• my hairdryer & the comfort it brings
• the fan
• foot massager
• computer
• 2 wht.dove lamp
• my new innoo aromatiser with led lights
• esential oils to use with it.
• my branch'staff'
• my branch wand
• the song 'different corner' - by George Michael

-throat chakra and third eye solfeggios musics
-an amazing class last night that taught me some new moves to incorporate
-being able to get dressed up
-water
-sleep
-my comfortable bed
-delicious coffee and pink frosted sprinkle donuts upon waking. the little things brighten my day
-sunshine
-my outdoor cats
-scheduling another class from the package i bought
-buying the tinted moisturizer i've been saving up for
-doing a nice yin yoga session tonight
-my goals
-that my vibration has been rising a little bit and i've been remembering happiness and "allowing" again
-my beauty
-having a young look
-going to work tomorrow. i've been on break and i think it'll be good for me to be back
-getting more done today
-sweaters
-bananas
-sandwiches
-coca cola
-surrender
-being easy on myself
-the book i've been reading
-meditating today. i love the clarity meditating brings me
-inspiration
-finding a gorgeous boutique of flowes with great reviews and pics that are much less expensive then most flower boutiques online
-ideas
-M speaking to me today
-kindness in others
-the dryer machine being fixed
-my desires. lately i've been thinking how nice going to the beach would be and about a vacation
-my venus dimples
-doing affirmations today in the mirror
-my arms and shoulders starting to look more toned
-smiling

Dedicated to Buttercup, with love! x
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_gc9-djC7Uk

-flowers
-water
-healthy digestion
-accomplishing new anxiety challenge of taking train to work today
-my job at the yoga studio
-my boss at the yoga studio
-smiling
-a good journaling session today
-sunshine
-coffee
-bringing the cats that like indoors,indoor for awhile on this frigid day
-opening up crawlspace for outdoor cats and adding a cushion in there and some cat food
-having a kind heart
-M speaking to me
-crown and root chakra musics and theta beats playlist
-calmness
-doing some reading today
-the holidays being over
-yoga

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by dontco

Dedicated to Buttercup, with love! x
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_gc9-djC7Uk

---

Thank you. Will check this out. :)

-deciding to quit soda. after now being up to two bottles a day,and noticing a stomach that just won't go away since around then,i just feel it's time. it's the best grown up diet change i can make.
-meditating. after feeling cranky and bummed,it boosted my mood quite a bit
-prayer
-my peacock print eyepillow
-lemon bars
-gratitude
-yoga
-water
-my medications
-waking up earlier lately
-2nd chakra solfeggio frequencies
-chatting with someone from my past who mysteriously added me on facebook last night
-sleeping with the kittens all night and morning and deciding to start leaving them in more
-makeup
-deciding to donate to R from my past's family's gofundme page. it just felt right to do. i felt so bad about the tragedy he is currently going through.i have never donated to a gofundme before as i tend to not believe in that for the most part.
-the little heater in my room
-my bed
-\being a kind person
-finding out product i was waiting for will be here next week. it wasn't on the list like they thought,so they resent it and sent me the tracking number
-friend inviting me out for lunch
-my career status
-people believing in me being able to do big things

-sleep
-naps
-my meds i'm on
-poetry in my heart
-s kitten looking better today
-music
-the internet
-good food
-orange juice
-calmness
-mood being better today
-keeping the kittens in the house longer
-essential oils
-getting package from pr today and how nice it was
-weather being warmer today
-kindness
-cuteness
-going back to my roots a bit in some ways and how exciting it is
-daydreaming
-yoga
-shoulder stretches
-physical exercise
-doing some positive focusing
-remembering happy moments and accomplishments
-doing more organizing and cleaning
-fashion
-dental floss
-water
-sitting on the porch for a minute or two just enjoying the nighttime
-laughing and laughing at life
-feeling excitement,gratitude,and presence even if just for one moment
-appreciation

-being in a better mood the last few days
-S kitten looking more better today
-having the kittens in my room and how easy it's been.
-a guy who was a bit of a person to me that as an "idol" or inspiration messaging me randomly and sending me a message saying he has interest in me. like,this s--- is crazy and proves to me the universe is strange and loa is real. i had felt like i wished there was a guy in my city like him and found him very inspiring and connected with his materials and now he sends me this message two years later.
-water
-having a protein shake today. banana flavored and adding a dash of cayenne pepper.
-having friend A from my past to talk to online the last days
-bringing a humidifier in the room
-coffee
-my perfumes i got in the mail
-sleep
-the little heater in my room
-weight going down and stomach looking nice and flat
-doing a little reading
-eating a lot less lately
-having therapy tommorow
-signs work is about to start picking up again
-my phone
-the internet
-physical exercise
-my ivory colored sweater i've been wearing lately
-my hair
-my beauty
-compliments
-my creativity
-my kind heart
-my bed
-learning
-surrender and letting go
-my vibe having raised a little bit
-laughing
-finding a really good uber deal package i bought
-feeling like the universe is on my side sometimes,and the loa at work
-dental floss
-cat hugs and cuddles

ah,how has this happened. literally a guy two years ago,i thought would be great to date if only he was in my city,and now here we are randomly having conversations,all iniated by him,and finding actual connection in the messages. this is crazy.
-the conversations ive been having with L. he is actually i think semi-famous. him contacting me and seeming to really like me for some reason. this is insane.
-my medications
-feeling so upbeat the last few days
-going to therapy today
-all the activity on my social media the last day or so.
-the kittens in my room and all the adorable awesome things they do
-sleep
-yoga
-orange juice
-having a skinny stomach
-meditation
-my curves
-following an inspiration for one of jobs i do and iniating a new project for it
-the lock on my door
-a job offer today
-someone wanting to interview me for work tomorrow
-my beauty
-my hair
-how great my skin's been looking
-doing some mirror affirmations today
-dental floss
-the dimmer light in my room for when it gets later in the day
-the weather being nice today
-coffee
-sweaters
-fashion
-feeling optimistic about the future and having a little direction
-water
-the universe seeming to be on my side
-laughing