GRATITUDE LIST

-feeling my feelings
-getting my laptop charger in the mail today
-getting my yoga blocks today
-my medications
-the conversations with L and that he contacted me even at all,he really made me feel something i'm not sure i've ever felt before. i can't quite put my finger on it.
-water
-bananas
-weather being warmer
-cats
-s kitten's health looking better
-my bed
-feeling mostly pretty upbeat this last week or so
-yoga
-my beauty
-my potential
-reflections
-how joyful it's been to reflect on my past lately
-the powerful journaling sessions i've been having
-laughing
-nightskies
-feeling more moved on from tragedy of last year
-meditating today
-calmness
-doing some reading
-sugar
-deep cleansing breaths
-getting more things organized
-great ideas
-cleaning more,getting walls cleaned up
-music
-my phone
-having a loving heart
-inspiration
-how much L and the surreal experience of him having contacting me and also all the reconnecting with my past has really inspired me
-my nightcreams
-surrendering

-my white sweater i've been wearing a lot lately. i love how it looks on me.
-my vibration being pretty up the last week or two
-cats and all the adorable things they do
-water
-hot tea
-hazelnut coffee
-meditation
-motivation
-compliments
-prayer
-affirmations
-my peacock print eye pillow
-being told i'm thin
-laughing
-music
-yoga
-yoga pants
-deep cleansing breaths
-calmness
-my medications
-entertainment
-dreams and wishes
-feeling like maybe i could have love again
-my abs looking nicer lately
-confirming a job today so i'll be able to meet my january goals when i thought i wouldn't and exceed them plus the experience it'll give me
-blankets
-sleep
-ordering the next book i plan on reading
-getting an appointment for S kitten from the volunteer who helps us sometimes
-starting the new year off not too bad,and interestingly
-appreciation
-starting the new year off with connection which is my main intention for the new year so already off to a good start. i can't wait to keep it up. it's changed me already.
-starting to remember the feeling of life being magical and dreams coming true again
-having a nice chest
-my body starting to feel stronger
-feeling like things are starting to become easier and tensions starting to sail away

so much has happened already this year and this year has barely started. today was a devastating day. lost S kitten. on our way to clinic,her and her brother jumped out of the carrier in front of it,and we only managed to catch one with the help of staff. luckily,we have lots of animal advocates who are helping us look,posting flyers online and on the block last seen,and giving us ideas.i am staying confident we will find her. i miss her so much.
-all the people who helped us find T kitten and try to find S kitten.
-the people who have faith we will find S kitten.
-that on the block S kitten was last seen,there was people who leave food and shelter out for ferals,so it seems to be an animal friendly area.
-that T kitten is now fixed at least
-managing to calm myself down after being treated badly all day by various people and having a kitten i love become missing,and having to miss work
-optimism
-sleep
-coffee
-M bringing me food for dinner
-prayer
-God
-laughing. the cats did something so funny,that even on an awful day like this i couldn't help but smile.i was in the bathroom and suddenly hear the music M's wife usually plays when making playlists for her classes. i knew no one was here,so open the door and sure enough T kitten is sitting in the computer chair sitting in front of the computer where the music was coming from,i'm guessing bemused where the sound came from.i made a joke that i guess the cats wanted to party(i had two other cats in the house,too).
-sweaters
-ibuprofen
-finding out i dont have to file taxes this year

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by buttercup

so much has happened already this year and this year has barely started. today was a devastating day. lost S kitten. on our way to clinic,her and her brother jumped out of the carrier in front of it,and we only managed to catch one with the help of staff. luckily,we have lots of animal advocates who are helping us look,posting flyers online and on the block last seen,and giving us ideas.i am staying confident we will find her. i miss her so much.

---

Oh no! I'm so sorry, dear :/ it seems like you really really love her! I understand the way you feel... And I hope she will return safely to your arms, very soon... :heart: I've had cats who got away, and returned everytime. Even months after... (and you don't have to, of course, I really understand if you don't, but from a LOA point of view- you could walk around the house pretending like she is with you... If it makes you feel better, then it's a good sign. And maybe you can try not to focus on the lack... And it's hard to do, I know! but it seems to work for me, with other things. And maybe you could search The Secret website for stories of people who were in the same situation and succeeded. But I would truly understand if you wouldn't want to try this things right now. Now is a hard time.) Anyway, good luck! :grouphug:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by dontco

Oh no! I'm so sorry, dear :/ it seems like you really really love her! I understand the way you feel... And I hope she will return safely to your arms, very soon... :heart: I've had cats who got away, and returned everytime. Even months after... (and you don't have to, of course, I really understand if you don't, but from a LOA point of view- you could walk around the house pretending like she is with you... If it makes you feel better, then it's a good sign. And maybe you can try not to focus on the lack... And it's hard to do, I know! but it seems to work for me, with other things. And maybe you could search The Secret website for stories of people who were in the same situation and succeeded. But I would truly understand if you wouldn't want to try this things right now. Now is a hard time.) Anyway, good luck! :grouphug:

---

I actually read some inspiring loa stories about missing cats returning and have faith the universe will be delivering me an inspiring magical tale i will remember of S kitten returning.one thing that eases me a little also is knowing she was from a feral cat family and part outdoor cat so has some street smarts.Her mom cat is also a tough cookie which im sure she some of that.

-seeing some manifesting of my desires
-reading some inspiring loa stories about missing cats returning and also about cats homing instinct
-checking the other animal shelter today for S kitten we wanted to check
-believing the universe will be giving me a magical manifestation i will remember of S kitten
-my boss from last few days of work being so polite and laidback
-my sense of style
-my beauty
-having a nice body
-yoga
-coffee
-sweets
-water
-cats
-after the beautiful connection i felt with L.E,and then all this with S kitten,realizing and remembering love again despite all the heartbreak,pains and mistakes in life,and the all encompassing nature of love and how it's not about all the little petty things we get so consumed about and remembering the important things in life and, connection. remembering the magic of life again
-a great meditation last night that gave me great insights about connection
-having nice little insights coming to me lately
-water
-new experiences
-people out of the blue contacting me
-resources for lost pets i've been using
-my kind heart
-somehow being able to be positive throughout all this.i smile thinking about how l.e made me feel like i could see the light of a new path and that i could feel close again to a guy and fall in love someday and my beautiful little s kitten and and being reminded about the beauty of miracles and magic. inspiration to let go...and believe..
-my bed
-seeing new episodes uploaded to site of TV show i've been watching
-my bed
-the weather being warmer lately
-great music
-the kindness of others
-my cheekbones
-beauty role models
-my new perfumes i've been wearing
-that i get paid tomorrow
-being able to laugh in the face of past insults and see the hypocrisy and feel stronger for it. this whole month has been..strengthening and revitalizing.
-getting a ride to work today
-inspirations
-ideas
-my phone

was thinking about how years i'm going to look back on last year and the time where ex best friend betrayed me and how it would it feel looking back..it was one of those pivotal life moments that changed me that i never thought would happen. And,it was frightening. So frightening it may have been the cause of my panic attacks. Thinking about 10 or 20 years from now and looking back to last year scares me like crazy and feels surreal and eerie. picturing life without him is frightening..but also is him as a stranger and from a far away past. It's enough to send me in a psych ward just thinking about it. that reality just feels too disacossiating.i'm also in this phase of starting to feel old which is nerve wrecking and also very oddly enough,starting to understand romantic love's place in life and desiring it. parts of life,even the painful ones,some have start to shift to me being able to understand it a little and have it make sense. even,how i've been talking to my old best friend A and the R from my past stuff feels like perfect timing..even if also seemingy "obvious" and storybook like. it's crazy how things can be the "right time." I feel like i have come a little stronger. The anxiety issues i had last year literally don't exist.i feel like i am ready for romantic love in my life. I now understand how i'd become close to someone again and that it can happen again. Pain is what makes one spiritualy curious and i am so very curious to really play with the law of attraction. I've felt too blocked to do since all the pain. But,i am ready to start meditating more,journaling more,and playing with the loa again so i can start understanding my life story more and feeling empowered again and so life doesn't feel so crazy.
-T kitten sleeping in my arms
-reflection
-medications i took today
-sleep
-fever breaking
-knowing S kitten is on her way home and that i will see her soon
-water
-feeling excitement in my heart
-buying an electric toothbrush tonight
-sending more cat food to my mom
-emailing and googling some pet psychics
-my eyeglasses
-entertainment
-music
-my beauty
-soup
-putting up S kitten's online flyer on another site
-M's husband going out searching for me for S since i was sick and hanging up some flyers for me
-being smart
-friendly people
-my kind heart
-getting bedsheets nice and cleaned and changed
-the cla supplement i've been taking which seems to be working for weightloss

-feeling a lot better physically today
-more tension faded between me and M. We actually spoke a few times to each other today and she even said bye to me when she left.
-the optimism i have despite the devastating disapperance of S kitten
-in my anger,deciding to go ahead and book a pet psychic session. sometimes anger brings clarity
-water
-my bed
-weather feeling warmer today
-positive inspiration
-sleep
-feeling spoiled
-emoji valentines m&m's
-tofu
-laughing
-smiling
-genuine guys
-believing in love again
-feeling inspired
-cats
-TV episodes online to watch
-entertainment
-cleaning a good amount today
-feeling motivated
-buying some yoga pants today i right away seen and liked and a sportsbra yesterday on my wishlist
-fashion
-T kitten sleeping with me when he does
-people to chat with on fb messenger
-finding my favorite mascara and favorite lipbalm today
-great ideas
-the internet
-my hot pink roses
-practicing connecting and feeling and how effective it's been for me

-my ivory colored sweater
-dimmer lights
-my eyeglasses
-cats. and seeing the beautiful tortie cat family and a black cat by lady who takes care of feral's house. it was two small torties and a mom tortie and a black cat
-kindness of others
-buying the pet psychic session and waking up literally to the minute on time for it today. not sure if it was accurate or not,but i'm glad i did it. i'm also grateful for how it reassured me some,and reminded me S kitten too has a higher self. the psychic before i said anything seemed to agree that S kitten is avoiding humans right now and is not with any.
-feeling my feelings
-coffee
-red sauce.
-L,the guy i found interesting from afar randomly touching my heart this month.
-feeling myself becoming more and more connected again
-the book i've been reading
-plants
-flowers
-blankets
-my bed
-innocence
-TV episodes online for free to watch
-buying these yoga pants that right away i seen and liked
-fashion
-no longer being sick
-water
-seeing the manifestation of some of my desires this past year
-meditating today
-sleep
-yoga pants
-having a great body
-prayer
-doing a little yoga today
-colors
-beauty
-scalp massage
-deciding to listen to some solar plexus and theta musics playlist and work on raising my vibration
-finding out things about others that gives empathy and understanding
-dental floss
-changing things up for variety
-inspiration
-motivation
-staying confident
-my uniqueness
-feeling flattered and accepted and admired as is
-art
-creativity
-laughing
-spirituality
-evolving,and learning and not taking life too seriously

-L,who i will now refer to as LE,for ease touching my heart this month and for how sexy his voice is.i remember back ago,that used to be one of my favorite features on a guy was a sexy voice,and his voice is very sexy.
-sleep
-my warm bed
-cute pictures
-T kitten cuddling with me
-music
-feeling upbeat and motivated
-meditating tonight
-prayer
-stretches and how strong they make me feel
-feeling like i have more aim and direction in my life lately
-coffee
-the way the air felt outside today,so nice
-writing down what i want to talk to therapist about tomorrow
-getting some calls done today
-buying myself another pair of yoga pants i've had my eye on and some macarons that have caught my eye
-funny and interesting news stories
-art
-books
-ideas
-TV episodes online
-my confidence growing
-CLA supplement playing a part in keeping my weight down
-looking at old pictures of myself and realizing i have a really nice body
-organizing and throwing more things out last night
-inspiration
-smiling
-laughing
-feeling good
-friend J contacting me today
-messaging with friend A from the past today
-water
-amusement
-deep cleansing breaths
-my medications
-my beauty
-my desires
-pinterest
-becoming smarter financially
-practicing connection. today,it was as simple as feeling connection with the sound of the air filter,and how relaxing i was finding the sound of it. i'm usually indifferent to it,but today i just found the sound to be nice,soothing.

-staying strong
-beauty
-looking young
-dimmer lights
-my bed
-cats
-T kitten to sleep with me
-cuteness
-my lips
-my bodylines looking nice and slim
-my style
-yoga pants
-getting new yoga pants i just ordered in the mail already
-coffee
-chocolate
-having a little junk food today
-my eyeglasses
-water
-sleep
-the little heater in my room
-being pretty productive today
-going to therapy today
-trimming my hair
-laughing
-not taking life too seriously
-newness
-inspiration
-knowing cool people
-meditation
-journaling today
-feeling positive emotions
-feeling like LE may be a soulmate,there's just a lot of serendipity, in sync going on,seeing myself in him,and this weird hmm feeling about him that i've never felt before. there's parts that are very similar yet opposite/complementary. it's weird. I never thought i'd recognize someone as that to me from afar that is someone i had known from a certain media of some sort. one random thing i noticed is on fb,i have a black cover picture that's just a black square,and he has a white cover picture that's just a white square,it could just be him never choosing a cover pic,but it's still odd.
-TV episodes online to watch
-chat messages with friends online
-looking like a model
-editing some things in one of my business's email
-donating money to one of the charities i like
-updating my resume
-doing some of the course lessons i bought
-learning new things
-journaling today and how good it felt after,even though initially i didn't want to do it,really
-being a nonconformist
-sending emails out for jobs
-having ideas for one of my business'es and getting some work done with that
-making goals that push me a little bit,and aren't what originally i wanted but may be able to do
-putting out some actions to get some things moving with various work things
-lipgloss
-the weather feeling nicer today
-the book i've been reading which is so crazy,but challenges ideas on life and is a mind trip
-yoga
-my phone
-having nice hair
-face massage and face stretches
-feeling pride in myself for becoming more competent and accomplished
-buying some business work of mine for my print records

-seeing the law of attraction at work
-bananas
-yoga
-snacks
-orange juice
-coffee
-the internet
-T kitten
-hope
-smiling
-meditation
-my bed
-self forgiveness
-ideas
-getting sportsbra in the mail and it looking great
-exploring connection this year and how well it's been going so far
-inspiring chats the other day
-learning and being almost done with first course load i've been working on
-TV episodes online
-laughing
-trying new things
-getting caught up on things
-knowing cool people
-possibly having a new creative director
-sunshine
-motivation
-the little heater in my room
-my beauty
-my uniqueness
-manifesting a job for primary career the other day
-all the reconnecting with people from the past
-champagne macarons
-believing in myself more and more and becoming better
-cleaning and organizing
-water
-makeup
-music
-goals
-dreams
-progress
-being a (first career)
-cuteness
-reflections
-miracles
-M getting the flyers for S kitten printed for me

-loose hamstrings
-dimmed lights
-a made bed
-TV episodes online to watch
-my bed
-the little heater in my room
-sleep
-hope
-being almost finished with first course from all the courses i bought online to study
-the internet
-my phone
-cats
-cuteness
-my kind heart
-having nice teeth
-deep cleansing breaths
-self forgiveness
-chipotle burritos
-yoga pants
-yoga
-doing some journaling today
-mouthwash
-feeling more in tune with my desires and direction in my life
-working in the fashion industry
-getting a little work done today
-positive inner knowings
-positive possibilities
-looking young
-orange juice
-creative expression
-art
-pinterest
-having nice curves
-music
-sending some emails out
-pictures
-motivation
-succulents
-colors
-getting more things organized and cleaned

-bananas
-orange juice
-coffee
-the little heater in my room
-chipotle
-sleep
-my bed
-happy thoughts
-optimism
-finishing up my first course and getting a certificate from the course package i bought recently
-loose hamstrings
-a made bed
-tension fading more with M and even going to the gym with her today
-doing the stairmaster today
-physical exercise
-TV episodes online
-cats
-M saying she'd go to the movies with me for the movie i mentioned kind of wanting to see
-cute and funny things cats do
-my winter boots
-having nice teeth
-my beauty
-my style
-laughing at life
-feeling my feelings
-pinterest
-plants
-beauty
-my phone
-nicer weather in the daytime today
-sweaters
-having nice curves
-things picking up in some areas of work

-TV episodes online
-reflecting on things
-remembering i've done a heck of a lot of things in my life,i've certaintely lived fully
-seeing life as like a story
-my bed
-cats
-cuteness
-the little heater in my room
-connection
-the unusually warm weather today
-yoga pants
-surrender
-mouthwash
-yoga
-music
-doing a little studying on the next course i'm working on
-getting a little work done today
-seeing a notice for first work thing,which is great,as my desire has been to see more of that kind of thing pop up in my reality
-seeing the law of attraction at work
-my heart chakra intention spray
-learning
-laughing
-comedy
-my unique beauty
-makeup
-coffee
-sweets
-my meds i'm
-calling my therapist today to talk about my anxieties.
-my winter boots
-tension fading more with M.
-M giving me money today
-great uber prices
-self forgiveness
-getting a massage today
-blankets
-the deepak chopra love affirmations meditation audio playing during my massage
-new experiences
-relaxation
-the positive ways i've been evolving
-feeling more connected lately,seeing my new year's resolution has been working!

-cats and all the cute and silly thing they do
-sleep
-my bed
-sweaters
-doing a nice one hour stretch and tone workout
-chana masala
-sweets
-coffee
-trying to eat at least one nourishing meal today
-my medications i'm on
-water
-having a nice large chest
-my heart chakra intention spray
-meditation
-doing a nice journaling session today
-doing more studying today
-possibly booking a job for march that will exceed march financial goals
-lots of jobs and job opportunities popping up more and more in several career areas
-prayer
-exploring more with connection making sure to daily feel connection
-lower body getting nice and toned
-the weather being nice again in the daytime
-my beauty
-my hair barrette
-the internet
-TV episodes online
-laughing
-an invite from a friend
-meeting interesting people all the time
-being smart
-getting some work done
-ideas
-learning
-feeling my feelings
-reflecting a bit on what i want in a guy
-feeling inspired and motivated

-cats
-my outdoor cat family
-orange juice
-doing a nice 1 hour intuitive stretch and strengthen exercise routine
-feeling sore and strong and good from yesterday's workout
-water
-coffee
-sweets
-sleep
-my bed
-the little heater in my room
-my meds
-doing some studying today
-working on strengthening my belief a little on certain things tonight
-going shopping at whole foods today
-cute valentines day things
-sending out more emails
-getting more things popping up for primary career
-TV episodes online
-beauty
-my beauty
-sweaters
-perfume
-things that reassure
-feeling more and more confident and accepting of myself
-things that make me happy and peaceful
-hope
-doing some more organizing today
- my hair barrette
-my poise and mannerisms
-inspiration
-laughing
-compliments
-my strength
-being smart

-makeup
-sleep
-getting my certificate in my latest course i completed
-water
-a great workout last night at class and learning some new things and seeing improvement and that i'm getting better from classes previous
-music
-entertainment
-my bed
-the little heater in my room
-M helping me get something set up for the post office to get a refund
-possible little hmm "glitches in the matrix" things
-some possible positive news about S kitten as well as positive signs all around me and noticing it more
-fashion
-seeing that affirmations/intentions/heart desires do come true,even the randomest ones that may takes years to come. truly fascinating!
-seeing the law of attraction at work
-the internet
-getting my beliefs about certain things feeling stronger
-pinterest
-facebook
-positive changes
-being easy on myself
-the weather getting nicer again
-coffee
-gratitude
-colors
-art
-beauty products
-my beauty
-getting things more organized
-smiling
-newness
-creativity
-walking
-becoming more competant and confident
-seeing my stomach start to get some nice muscles
-being smart
-being talented
-becoming more productive
-the delicious italian bread i ate today
-cats
-T kitten sleeping with me
-deep cleansing breaths
-changing my thoughts
-changing my perceptions
-remembering all happy moments in my life,and all the things i've accomplished
-becoming new
-warm showers
-night skies
-relaxation
-peace
-my skin having become more moisturized the last few months from adding vegan omegas supplement to my diet
-having nice teeth
-having nice hair
-connection
-goals
-positive manifestations

-realizing ever since starting therapy and starting meds and all the celebs who are "crazy" and on meds,that i can finally be more of myself and embrace moments that aren't perfect such as apathy,and not always strive for positive 100% of the time and in doing this,i actually become more confident,and more contented
-art
-creativity
-motivation
-the little heater in my room
-my bed
-the medications i'm on
-my new yoga pants from alo yoga and how great they look and feel
-chlorophyll
-coffee
-sweaters
-T kitten
-meditation
-feeling like more signs of coming closer to finding S kitten. today,a shelter that has been helping us had a kitten for us to look at. it wasn't her. but the fur was very similar to hers. this cat was older,though. and,i got my first call from someone who seen an ad i placed for S kitten. it wasn't her,either. this cat also looked older,but the person was very kind and said they would keep the cat if they didn't find the owner,and was encouraging saying their sister lost her cat,and found it months later.
-laughing
-having nice eyes
-water
-sleep
-forgiveness
-plants
-lip balms and moisturizers
-feeling clean
-acting
-my first career experiences
-getting some things done today despite sleeping most of the day
-starting the next course i'm doing
-getting some writing and editing done
-my ambition
-inspiration

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by buttercup

--the medications i'm on

---

oh hey now! me too!! what horrible trials I had to go through to get the right medication and the right dose.

I'm so glad we are both on medication we agree with.

Sending positive vibes your way sister , we are blooming girl , we can both feel it.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by DarkChylde

oh hey now! me too!! what horrible trials I had to go through to get the right medication and the right dose.

I'm so glad we are both on medication we agree with.

Sending positive vibes your way sister , we are blooming girl , we can both feel it.

---

Thank you so much.Me going into therapy last year was a good decision I made.

Well,I haven't seen W cat and T cat from first litter and T kitten from last litter has been a little sick and S kitten still missing. It's just all so strange and bizarre. I've been trying to keep my spirits up. W and T cat were the most loving of them all and T cat was such a success story having been one of the most afraid ones for months until we finally earned her trust and she would literally curl up in our arms instantly after that all the time and was just so loving and submissive to us,even following us to our cars,the garage,etc. it's very odd to have not seen them in the last few days. I have felt stressed and overwhelmed. I bit my lip in the middle of talking to hold back my tears about it earlier and started slowly crying thinking about it.
-valentines day chocolates
-art
-T kitten and how much he loves to cuddle with me
-getting M's husband to take me to the neighborhood to look for S kitten at 5:30 am
-coffee
-inspiration
-sleep
-feeling well rested today
-tension fading more with M. She caught me standing in the doorway this afternoon just standing there looking out. She was confused. I told her I was just looking for T cat. I was lost in thought about it. I think after a meltdown last night about other things,her and her husband have warmed up to trying a little more with me again. She took me to go for a walk today with her,then to her class and then to a bakery/cafe to pick up some sweets and then starbucks for coffee.
-the beautiful weather today. so warm. felt like summer.
-the beautiful night skies
-fashion
-my style
-my big wide eyes
-newness and the new changes i've been making and becoming
-L.E. The connection I feel with him. He seem to really get me and feels like my other half. It's so strange. I've never felt it this exact before. It's like what i've prayed and dreamed for. He says things that feel like me.i randomly decided to message him last night.i made sure it was not coming from a place of helplessness or feeling low and almost didn't do it,but decided i want to keep trying to break away from old rules i've had for myself
-organizing and throwing more things away
-yoga pants
-my new perfumes
-my heart chakra spray
-my bed
-M taking me to her yoga class and how great it was.i sweated a little bit and felt stronger and more capable doing the poses today
-a p.r sending me a beauty product i want
-all the paying jobs i have now confirmed for march which will make march another high earning month
-stomach exercises
-my stomach getting flatter and stronger
-seeing how cute it is H kitten warming up to me more and more
-having a kind heart
-being an interesting person
-having beautiful,wide young looking eyes
-my eyeglasses
-deciding to watch a movie online the other night
-my boss and how great she is
-watching the weird ways life unfolds and the mysteriousness of it all
-cuteness
-how beautiful my eye color is
-makeup
-chlorophyll
-my goals
-motivation
-apps on my phone
-masculine energy
-journaling
-happy thoughts
-music
-art
-being almost done with the article i've been working on
-being able to work in the industries i do

I feel so helpless yet at the same time,possibly blocked(from meds) from feeling it fully. T kitten now manages to seem better which has eased some of my stress.
-M's husband buying me the hair color so i can touch up my hair since i'm feeling insecure since looking at a very brightly lit mirror last night.
-L.E and the connection i feel with him.
-getting a little bit of work done
-learning
-getting some studying done
-ideas
-creativity
-feeling lots of extra creativity bouncing out of me lately
-sleep
-T kitten sleeping with me last night and this morning
-coffee
-V confirming for me i'll either have a makeup artist for upcoming job or she's going to do it since she's a liscensed esthetician
-have a flexible back
-back stretches
-throat and third eye solfeggios i'm listening to
-art
-inspiration
-deep cleansing breaths
-doing a nice meditation session tonight
-ear plugs
-my peacock eye pillow
-how beautiful my eyes are
-my hair
-my stomach getting nice and strong and sculpted
-being an interesting person
-trying out my electric toothbrush i bought finally and how cleansing it felt
-my eyeglasses
-my nubian heritage olive oil and green tea body lotion
-having nice lips
-having a kind heart
-feeling my feelings
-connecting
-having dreams the other day RC from my past like me and was trying to tell me so
-my heart chakra spray
-pinterest
-getting things more and more organized
-beauty products
-chlorophyll
-beautiful summery weather today...in february..which is very strange for where i live
-becoming more flexible and loosening my hamstrings
-emotions
-happy thoughts
-prayer
-taking time for myself
-quiet

What a weird day. From an utterly peculiar message from L.E that I can't figure out(I even got a weird feeling,maybe dejavu after it),to extremely unusually warm weather in my city,to W cat returning shortly after I woke up looking very groomed and just eating in the yard like nothing had changed.
-W cat returning. Very happy start to my day indeed. Shortly after waking up,I went out to the yard a 2ndtime and there he was eating like no big deal. he looked unusally groomed..I've tried washing him and havent been able to yet somehow it looked as if someone gave the guy a bath. I brought him in and showed M's husband who was very happy to see him(he feels the biggest connection to W cat). M's husband told me he had spent part of the day going around the neighborhood looking for and calling for the missing cats,and apparently W cat had returned only 15 minutes after he was calling for him so he thinks W cat was closeby wherever he has been.
-dontco
-T kitten being all better
-T kitten sleeping with me
-going for a one hour walk with M
-things that make me marvel and hmm at the universe
-unusually warm,summery weather today...so utterly strange seeing people in t-shirts and jeans this time of year..it's usually coat weather!
-coffee
-sleep
-getting creative with my money and managing to buy myself an acupuncture session,ordering myself a dinner to be delivered(was craving red sauce) and ordered some more canned food for the outdoor cats and had free shipping on that.
-my paying jobs i have for march
-my job coming up this coming week
-getting a free class offer in my email and deciding to book it
-makeup
-fashion
-art
-creativity
-masculine energy
-cuteness
-sunshine
-TV episodes online
-awesome quotes and things to post online that fit my personality
-water
-backbends
-chlorophyll
-prayer
-inspiration
-motivation
-my phone
-nonconformity
-my insomnia that i had this time last year for some time having manifested itself as being cured. it's the little things.
-dimmer lights
-smiling
-unique beauty
-decluttering
-happy moments
-miracles

-water
-coffee
-chlorophyll
-stomach getting flatter
-reassurance on what the heart is looking for in other places then first seeked,or even possibly in some ambiguous way in the way seeked as well
-happy and meaningful life moments
-love
-spirituality
-glitch in the matrix type experiencs
-my electric toothbrush
-L.E
-deciding to touch up my hair color and how great and soft it already feels
-music
-positivity
-colors
-good food
-happy stories
-cleaning out my purse
-cats
-feeling my feelings
-masculine energy
-meditation
-prayer
-W cat returning
-the internet
-yoga pants
-art
-creativity
-connection
-doing some studying
-getting a little work done
-nice warm showers
-doing some spiritual exercise last night before bed
-blankets
-sleep
-beauty
-entertainment
-laughing at life
-doing some reading
-loose hamstrings
-my glutes getting a nice curve and very toned
-coziness
-being unique
-doing more searching and posting flyers for S kitten
-hope and hopeful thoughts such as remembering even E cat from first litter went kind of missing for a bit and wasn't around much in late fall,and i was worried.
-signs from the universe

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by buttercup

-masculine energy

---

Attachment 1875

*thumbsup*

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by DarkChylde

Attachment 1875

*thumbsup*

---

lol.

-getting back into raising my vibe using sound therapies.
-music
-art
-creativity
-warm weather AGAIN today
-nightskies
-going to the grocery store
-the smell of cat fur
-funny and heartwarming things cats do
-being so close to done with article i'm working on
-my bed
-getting caught up on phone calls today
-sunshine
-coffee
-my stomach getting leaner,stronger,and more sculpted
-yoga
-yoga pants
-learning
-looking slimmer
-my hair looking and feeling nicer since touching up the color
-doing more studying today
-my style
-getting some more posters posted for S kitten
-M's husband saying he knows he will see T cat from first litter again
-my laptop
-blankets
-water
-chlorophyll
-glitches in the matrix type experiences
-kind people
-inspiring people
-dreams coming true
-positive things
-colored pencils
-being offered more paying jobs today and told about other upcoming ones later on

-deciding to let go of L.E. For some reason he sent me another message today that only made him seem like even more of a jerk. i just don't get it. He's not the guy I thought he was in his videos. Plus,there's probably little personal aspects that wouldn't make it work. If he's already being a jerk now,it's best to just say no. After having gone through an awful abusive relationship,and all the other b.s i've been through,it's probably best i don't stay interested. i'd end up a punching bag. the weird thing is,i feel like the angry tension now I feel at him,feels like we already were dating,and usually when i have that feeling i'm pretty sure,i always have ended up dating that person. maybe,i'm just feeling that because i felt a connection with him,i don't know..just try to logicize it...I'm letting him go with love. Let myself do a little mini grieve over it tonight feeling my feelings,and am not even going to be mad after this. let him be who he is,where he is at. i thought maybe we really vibed but who knows maybe he's just a pompous jerk or was playing me like an experiment.
-that I somehow detached naturally without effort today. that's when i got the message,which at first seemed like it might be a nice,sweet one. all i did was focused on how good the nice weather felt and finishing up some work.
-the beautiful amazing weather again today.
-sunshine
-nightskies
-the beautiful way the air feels
-T kitten
-physical exercise
-deep stretches
-my stomach getting stronger
-chlorophyll
-finishing up my article tonight
-sweaters
-yoga pants
-my winter boots
-my electric toothbrush and how clean it makes my teeth feel
-my goals
-my motivation and desire to really focus on my goals
-creativity
-art
-hot guys
-finding a really great...and perfect timing even, love song that hit me deep with feeling
-fashion
-music
-entertainment
-going looking for S kitten today
-coffee
-feeling more focused
-all the paid jobs i have coming up
-doing some coloring in my mandala coloring book tonight
-all the offers i get that would bring me publicity and are high end and flattering
-positive changes,newness,and evolving
-the beautiful tortie kitten i keep seeing when we go looking for s kitten
-kind people
-pronoia
-trusting life
-taking less naps today
-loving myself
-water

-being happy with my decision to let go of L.E and following my heart and avoiding him. if he's going to act like poor him,he can't be bothered,well then i'm giving him what he wants. he's probably too immature for me,and high maintennance. why did he even send me another message? it's as if he felt bad,but was rubbing it in that he's a cocky jerk.
-feeling my feelings
-listening to some solar plexus chakra and thetas music playlist
-my article being done and sent to p.r and posted on social medias and made public
-doing a little studying today
-music
-passion
-love songs
-backbends
-ab exercises
-loose hamstrings
-naps
-coffee
-getting a ride to work today
-beauty
-taking the train home today
-M's husband randomly giving me $20 today
-writing down some of my goals and dreams today
-yoga pants
-cuteness
-hot guys
-T kitten laying with me
-H kitten and T kitten bringing them in this afternoon when it rained. Poor H seemed a little afraid of the rain.
-my style
-fashion
-chocolate
-my job tomorrow
-my lower body getting nice and shapely and toned
-my venus dimples
-water
-entertainment
-naps
-heartwarming articles and art
-compliments
-doing a little reading today
-doing a little coloring today
-makeup

-music
-discovering new things
-inspiration
-my job today and how great it was to be creative and back at it,and all the inspiration i always get on all kinds of things by working with other creatives
-new pictures of me
-how strong and toned my lower back is getting
-becoming more confident
-instagram
-getting another paid job offer for march
-cute and adorable things cats do
-getting some heartwarming pictures of T kitten laying right on my chest,sleeping
-getting flyers made of T cat from first litter
-cuteness
-facebook
-deep stretches
-finding someone who really gets a concept i want to do for something
-how nice it is to have my article completed
-working in the fashion industry
-smiling,and also realizing after having posted a smiling picture of me how incredibly unusual it is for there to be smiling pictures of me
-makeup
-feeling ready and desiring a real relationship
-pinterest
-coffee
-healthy digestion
-compliments
-beauty
-feminine energy
-unique beauty
-creativity
-being able to be around and cultivate feminine energy today
-M telling me she put money in my account tonight
-things that are funny
-leggings and yoga pants
-embracing some of the ways i've changed
-having big beautiful eyes
-waking up on time today
-beautiful night skies and how great the air feels
-making cats happy
-sweaters
-getting better at letting go
-entertainment

-getting my next certificate for the course i've been taking. this one was the hardest yet.
-getting T cat flyers up on portal
-yoga pants
-coffee
-sleep
-my beauty
-t kitten and how cute he is just sleeping
-cute things cats do
-my kind heart
-being productive
-cute stories
-animal life and animal connections and observing life
-vegan ramen noodles
-deep yoga stretches
-my class tomorrow
-my phone
-blankets
-my belief starting to get stronger
-doing some reading today
-fashion
-femininity
-ignoring LE's last message,(i have no idea what it even says),and withdrawing and how great it is to let go. it's made me stop and reflect that maybe i should start waiting until after initial contacts with someone to decide if i feel a connection with someone. maybe that's where my troubles in the past have stemmed from,even.
-getting someone for a project i want to do
-ideas
-accomplishment
-meeting goals
-having nice curves
-pr being happy with my work and promoting it
-colors
-entertainment
-art
-creativity
-positive news articles

-spiritual music
-hot tea
-physical exercise
-dimmer lights
-getting my next course certificate,since deciding to just cram in the courseload in a night
-my phone
-seeing the new pics of me,and that they were not too bad
-the realization i had before bed last night about letting go
-self forgiveness
-my headphones
-healing my stomach issues
-chlorophyll
-sleep
-my blankets
-my bed
-a nice journaling session today
-coffee
-T kitten
-putting up flyers for T cat today
-marinara sauce
-dedicating myself to letting go of anger
-feeling at least twice today,like time was slowing down
-my beauty
-having many talents,interests,and accomplishments
-deep cleansing breaths
-feeling myself little by little coming back to myself,and embracing inner quiet
-ideas
-pictures
-compliments
-sweaters
-my beauty products
-letting myself feel heart chakra sensations today,it was a sensation of sadness like my heart was broken. i let myself feel it,so i can feel the sadness fully, no matter how "silly" it,so i can truly let go. i let the sadness waves go through me. no need to add words to it,or identify it,but just feel it. i know how i am with guys when i like them. iget attached quick,then when they become jerks,i keep giving them chances. one thing,i've never tried before is this. instead,i usually just chalk it up to normal playing games and think it too early to say bye,and keep thinking of the good.
-cuteness. that is one thing my life has an abundance of.
-all the opportunities i get.very recently,just from someone wanting me to be a judge in a beauty paegant,to another person asking me to be on a podcast,and then someone that's a journalist who wants to talk about some things with me,and hear more about it.i said no to the first two,but might consider the last.
-inspiration
-taking less naps today
-

i think i fear things being out of control. when things are out of control,i feel like a failure. like,i just can't keep it together. when,i have the illusion of things being in control,i feel secure,i feel...slightly stable,i feel ok,like i'm managing. like,i'm ok as a human being,i'm not so bad. i metaphorically feel like i'm falling,losing control,my hands are losing their grip,and i feel shame,but as i'm losing grip,i feel like i'm going to fall,and i'm going to let go,and find that bliss,but right now,my hands are still just starting to lose their grip,and i am just starting to feel the bad feelings of inadequacy for not keeping it all in control,for failing. the feeling is as if i'm on the verge of a panic attack for not being better.

last night,i felt like i was going crazy,i felt like on the verge of a panic attack. strong feelings of disassociation. feeling like i need to get away. i started looking up meditation retreats. that's partially why i think i wanted to check into a mental hospital those past months. i think i'm looking for a mental vacation,a forced quiet.i feel like i need to do an internet/phone cleanse for a while,and just long quiet/meditation periods. i think maybe that's what my soul is craving.i haven't done that in awhile. when i've done it in the past,i found profound healing,life changing realizations,and my vibration rose very high. i remembered "me." so,this is my next mission.

today,i missed my class and ate a ton of junk food. i think i've convinced myself before that i need to mess up from time to time,just to feel in balance..as if letting myself mess up a little bit,makes me feel stable,and more likely to do better,i don't know.

-going to whole foods today. i think just getting out of the house helped my mood a lot.
-sleep.
-leggings/yoga pants. my favorite things to wear
-cats.
-meditative realizations/insights
-water
-coffee
-sweaters
-chlorophyll
-stretches
-physical exercise
-the little heater in my room
-forgiveness
-getting castings
-gratitude
-updating my resume today
-updating one of my social media pages today
-doing a little reading
-doing a little work on the next article. each article becomes me being immersed in the topic of said article. i like it.
-TV episodes online
-entertainment
-music
-pinterest
-blankets
-beauty
-my hair
-vacuuming my floor today and M's husband mopping it for me
-embracing feeling
-connection
-my wisdom
-my goals
-ideas
-doing new things
-new apps for my phone that look interesting
-kindness
-started to get more into the idea of the law of attraction again
-doing a spiritual intentions exercise the other day
-having a work social this week
-hot tea
-lavender
-style
-self love and appreciation
-deep cleansing breaths
-the internet
-person i didn't end up meeting with recently wanting to meet this week.
-getting more flyers put up for S kitten and T cat and going looking for T cat
-clean clothes

-soda pop
-water
-coffee
-going looking for S kitten today
-getting a text from someone who possibly saw T cat today
-quiet
-the floor in my room
-TV episodes online
-entertainment
-T kitten sleeping right next to me tonight when i wanted to lay down
-yoga pants/leggings
-high end designer fashion
-getting an appointment to see psychiatrist tomorrow
-unique beauty,and seeing features i have becoming more desirable in the mainstream
-seeing all the cats except T cat from first litter that's missing and S kitten missing gathered in front of the house. Even dad cat scrambled by for a moment.
-observing life
-my goals and desires
-being easy on myself

i finally read le's message before bed last night. it was nice and normal. so,i responded right away.i still feel like there's a lot of things in sync between him and i.
-messages from le that i read before bed last night and then tonight.i decided from here on out,i will just respond right away instead of waiting until before bed. this feels more right to me now,more natural.
-hot guys
-going to the psychiatrist today. am on all new meds and am starting to despise my psychiatrist. why the heck does he bring up sex things randomly? apparently flowers symbolize sex. wtf.
-tv episodes online
-sleep
-waking up on time.
-doing my hour long meditation like i had as a goal.
-water
-coffee
-my authenticity
-cleaning out part of my closet
-that i am getting a pedicure and manicure tomorrow
-T kitten laying with me and all the cute things he does.
-self forgiveness
-getting a flyer posted up for S kitten
-cats

-L.E
-my fabulous new pedicure and manicure. got a nice spring vacation-y color.
-working today
-doing some coloring
-doing some reading
-doing some reading
-getting some work done on current article and feeling close to finished
-naps
-uber
-healthy digestion
-coffee
-sugar
-tofu scramble
-water
-T kitten and all the cute pictures i get of him
-W cat and how cuddly he is
-cats
-all the cats i am connected to
-sweaters
-drinking more water
-feeling less tired today
-makeup
-confirming a job for an event i wanted to do
-feeling like i get some things easier then i used to..i think my vibe is higher and certain old blocks are just gone
-my child-like qualities
-ideas
-creativity
-femininity
-entertainment
-upbeat moods
-my hair
-observing le's behavior and feeling like he likes me and might be playing games a bit
-my kind heart
-music
-yoga
-doing 20 minutes of neck stretches
-hot tea
-lavender
-my phone
-writing down notes for my meeting tomorrow
-waking up on time today
-my eyeglasses
-writing down some affirmations in my journal at work today
-having healthy teeth
-beauty
-my confidence growing
-sending out more emails for jobs tonight
-interesting people
-laughing
-plants
-pictures on my phone
-the fashion industry
-connection.
-the feel of the streaming water on my feet at the pedicure place
-nonconformity
-taking things one day at a time
-smiling
-appreciation

-kind people. more,and more,i meet such wonderful,kind seeming souls and it is really inspiring.
-earning money again
-ideas
-going to my work social today,even though i didn't want to. things like that are key to growth.
-the amazing food at my work social. i loved the hummus,pita,and cooked veggies.
-trying lacroix finally at work social. i had wanted to try it before. it is good.
-heart chakra and theta musics playlist to listen to
-uber. i always find the best deals on there over any other ride-sharing app
-sweaters
-my alo yoga,yoga pants.i love them.
-makeup
-my style
-my eyes
-chlorophyll for helping detox my liver and flatten my stomach
-lavender
-hot tea
-cats
-having next article almost completed and feeling like i'm getting better at writing and more comfortable with it.
-TV episodes online
-naps
-new experiences
-all the paid jobs for march .if all goes according to plan,this could be my highest earning month ever.
-entertainment
-my eyeglasses
-water
-coffee
-sweet soda.
-deep cleansing breaths
-meditation
-getting some flyers made for T cat and S kitten in spanish to try that since my neighborhood and neighborhood S kitten was last in are neighborhoods with a high hispanic population
-sunshine
-all the upcoming work projects
-acccomplishing and manifesting cool things i didn't before
-T kitten and how much he likes to sleep with me. he has a little habit now of climbing on my chest right in front of laptop these days.
-M putting more money in my account for me
-creativity
-feeling more confident in myself in a very genuine way
-yoga
-laughing and funny things. last night,i put on a youtube video of cats meowing for T kitten,and he got startled and jumped off me looking for cats. so funny. lol.
-all the positive possibilities. i see things with such a creative,photographic eye,that i was even having the thought of buying a camera and getting into professional photography for a hobby.
-optimism
-smiling
-being easy on myself
-pronoia
-plants
-inspiration
-gaining some new twitter followers
-manifestation of desires
-the fashion industry
-compassion
-happy stories
-vegan ramen
-all my awesome life experiences i've had
-getting a free cup from my work social today of work logo
-sleeping cats
-amazing music that i can find to have a spiritual connection and inspiring even though it's techno music and probably the last thing to be considered that
-awesome creations
-possible positive signs
-the ability to see

-water sounds
-naps
-tropical vacation pictures
-having money
-naps
-my stomach being nice and flat
-chlorophyll working nice for detoxing the liver and flattening my stomach
-cleaning
-cats
-a social media post i made accidentally getting me a lot of likes and comments
-being proactive
-newness
-inspiration
-going to my meeting today
-wanderlust
-places i want to check out
-fashion
-pinterest
-twitter
-facebook
-instagram
-the internet
-ordering myself a pizza and fries for dinner as a sort of reward for being proactive lately
-compliments and being flirted with and considered attractive
-makeup
-laughing and funny things
-caring less about what people think these days and how freeing that is
-person i met up with today offering me a ride home today,which was nice especially since uber wanted to charge me almost $30 for some reason
-coffee
--meeting new people and mingling
-coming home and seeing T kitten right on the front steps waiting for me. it both broke my heart yet was absolute adorable all the same. this guy has definitely made himself a house cat.
-putting up another flyer near coffee shop for S kitten since it was near the neighborhood she has last been seen
-life experiences and growing as a person
-music
-making my bed and flipping the mattress
-lavender
-sweaters
-the little heater in my room
-my perfumes
-positive changes and transformation
-physical exercise and doing some hip stretches last night and how good it made me feel today
-the avant-garde
-my inner confidence growing more and more
-all the job offers and confirmations lately
-relaxation
-the crisis help line
-my goals and desires
-my contact today,finding out she already knew of me from my first career and had wanted to work with me before on that which was interesting. once i seen her,i got the strange feeling she may have knew more about me then i thought and then she revealed she had asked her boyfriend if she should tell me if she already knew of me or not or if that would be weird so that was interesting.
-compassion
-being able to see
-sunshine
-self forgiveness
-deep cleansing breaths
-cuteness
-love
-learning
-femininity
-facial exercises

-cats
-chocolates
-going to whole foods shopping today
-the weather feeling really nice and fresh some parts of the day
-my prada candy perfume. i think this is my most favorite perfume.
-meditating for an hour today. having lots of really great meditative insights starting to come to me after during and in between some visualization sessions
-letting myself feel my feelings. cried several times during and after meditation.
-water
-coffee
-sleep
-being attractive
-unique beauty
-music
-art
-creativity
-music
-having a casting tomorrow
-M agreeing to go to a movie i suggested that i seen a preview for and thought looked interesting
-having great taste in things and style
-doing some work on the website for 2nd business and updating it
-adding more money to my savings
-authenticity
-buying some lacroix which maybe can be something to help me quit soda
-cuteness
-beauty
-fashion
-deciding to go to the gym with M and getting a nice sweat from doing the stairmaster
-deciding to take an extra inderal after a phobia of mine being mentioned and feeling like that was the magic amount,it's the first time since starting that med,that i actually felt a difference.
-hamstring stretches
-ab exercises
-laughing and my sense of humor,and funny things
-deep cleansing breaths
-cute clothes
-positive changes
-hot guys
-life experiences and growing as a person
-my phone
-TV episodes online

Had a raging panic attack in the early evening. Had slept all day and missed the thing I had to go to today. I felt angry and on edge,but not sure why i was so angry. I just felt so stuck. I couldn't stop crying and shaking. M's husband heard me and came in and talked with me,and prayed and then gave me a pill of some sort. I deactivated one of my social medias for awhile. I started to feel better shortly after. I think I just needed to give myself a break. Shortly after,I felt calm,upbeat,and things started to feel kind of clear..and new.
-M's husband coming in and helping me.
-calming down and mood changing to feeling clearer,and calmer,and more upbeat
-getting that time of the month
-massage. the more i pay attention to my body,it's just strange. my hands and feet had so much tension i noticed tonight,i wonder if perhaps,it's the emotions of earlier made them tense.
-vegan ramen
-deactivating one of my social medias
-water
-sweet soda
-ease
-backbends
-deep cleansing breaths
-the meditative insights from last night
-entertainment
-the internet
-music
-thinking positive
-fashion and style and lots of nice looking things online
-pinterest
-very nice weather today and how great the air felt
-job possibilities
-allowing myself to think more and more about the possibilities of being in a romantic relationship again in my life and how nice that would be when it happens
-yoga pants
-self forgiveness
-medications i took today.
-an interesting and educational article i read tonight
-cleaning up and organizing my closet some more
-inspiration
-starting the next course from the course package i bought online back in january
-my tastes in things
-the things i want to do for fun
-acceptance
-surrender
-reserving another class from the class pack i bought in december
-embracing and allowing imperfection
-cats
-buying 3 bags of cat litter and sending to my mom
-art
-fashion photography
-my eyecolor
-my beauty
-unique beauty
-hairties and my hair barrette
-drinking more water today
-clarity
-having nice teeth
-my lower body getting nice and sculpted and toned from hamstring work

-doing some shoulder and arm exercises
-la croix as a soda replacement. went a day with no soda and no soda cravings,drinking la croix instead.
-sleep
-space
-deep cleansing breaths
-sunshine
-great weather today
-going to therapy today
-coffee
-going to neighborhood S kitten was last seen and looking for her and putting more flyers up
-the internet
-all the creativity i was feeling yesterday and bunch of creative ideas and joy coming to me
-my eyeglasses
-T kitten
-water
-throat and third eye chakra solfeggios music
-headphones
-tofu
-affirmations
-happy news stories about things similar to what im going through popping up in my reality
-calmness
-getting some more work done on article that's due next. being just about finished with it.
-colors
-my beauty
-style and fashion
-my favorite prada perfume. can't get enough of it lately.
-makeup
-being considered very attractive by others
-finishing up the closet
-happy memories
-gratitude
-having a great body. why in the world does it take hindsight of looking at picture in the past to realize wow,i looked freaking amazing. i talked a bit about my ocd today in therapy.
-getting more emails sent out for jobs
-blankets
-chlorophyll
-happiness
-being easy on myself
-unique beauty
-pinterest
-feeling optimistic
-entertainment
-being appreciated
-inderal
-midol
-my desires and goals
-activating back my facebook
-twitter
-breaks
-instagram
-funny things and laughing
-art
-music
-inspiration
-my phone
-my inner confidence growing more and more
-growing as a person
-healing
-flowers
-dreams come true
-my femininity
-kindness
-ideas
-beauty
-being able to see
-face exercises and face massage
-scalp massage
-smiling
-my cuteness and child-like qualities
-authenticity and nonconformity
-gifts
-compassion
-compassion for self
-awesome meditative insights as well as insights on life and reality
-my talent and accomplishments
-being thin
-clarity
-positive changes
-positive possibilities
-prayer
-acceptance
-surrender

-not taking any naps today
-inderal
-lemon flavoring
-sweet sodas
-coffee
-emotions
-love
-kindness
-space
-pinterest
-sending some messages to people who expressed concern for me
-sunshine
-sleep
-TV episodes online
-doing a little studying today
-doing a little reading today
-getting a ton of job offers and confirmations lately. i can't remember last time it's been this high..i think i'm learning how to stay that right amount of detached on this topic so it's allowing things to flow
-pinterest
-my eyeglasses
-yoga pants
-T kitten
-compassion
-getting more flyers made for T cat and S kitten this time in french
-etsy
-ideas&concepts
-fun
-laughing
-entertainment
-music
-fashion and style
-beauty
-clarity
-having a clear appreciation for my beauty last night while looking through some pics of myself
-yoga
-following my interests/following my bliss
-sending out more emails today for jobs
-going for a little walk looking for T cat and putting up flyers for her
-my beauty
-plants
-flowers
-the internet
-my phone
-pictures
-being able to see
-my perfumes
-uber offering flat fares package again
-M putting more money into my account
-deep cleansing breaths
-my unique way of looking at things
-colored pencils
-doing some coloring tonight
-newness
-positive changes
-relaxation

-self forgiveness
-being easy on myself
-vegan ramen
-being almost done with article ive been working on
-becoming more confident
-fruity crispy bites
-ideas
-feeling motivated,passionate,and creative
-all the emails coming in lately
-TV episodes online
-makeup
-my beauty
-beauty
-clarity
-having a nice body
-hamstring stretches
-physical exercise
-the dimmer lights in my room
-laughing
-deep cleansing breaths
-T kitten
-sweet soda
-water
-coffee
-inderal
-deciding to try cutting back on quetiapine
-clean clothes
-optimism
-ideas
-doing some more reading today
-fun
-nonconformity
-excitement for life
-my prada perfume
-my eyes
-pinterest
-music
-fashion and style
-my phone
-manifestation of old desires and growing as a person
-pictures
-being able to see
-compassion
-etsy
-blankets
-sweaters

Well today was rough. I had some shadiness happen and just lot of a lot the money i was supposed to earn for March. The whole experience made me angry and reminded me why i hate the first career and line of work i ever went into and where a large stem of my issues with trust and self esteem even stem from. When this happened,it instantly shot at my self esteem and made me question myself. I hate that. As i calmed down a bit,I tried to trust all would be well,and sort of observed the experience.i came to realize,it was easy to see how i manifested this one.i was critical of the vibe i got at the training today. before,a coulpe thoughts would flash in my mind about what if they cut one of my days thinking is it too good to be true,and well a few days ago that happened. Then,in the evening I had a few thoughts along the lines of what if they didnt like me and randomly cut me. Sure enough,randomly as heck....that happens. I could go all over the place and put a bunch of concepts in my head such as could others affect my reality/what if it was intuitive hunch,etc,etc, or i could i keep it simple...i thought negatively. After feeling awful,and letting myself take a nap,i woke up and realized,i've just been lazy. I havent wanted to put in the effort of controlling my thoughts a bit. For a variety of reasons..fear of failure to feeling like it's not natural and trying too hard. Maybe i partly allowed this experience into my reality to plain as day see with ease how it was all my thoughts. And,now post nap,i realize it's a fear of failing to control my thoughts combined with wanting my reality to feel free and spontaneous that's made me lazy to control my thoughts. That 2nd part if a misunderstanding of the law of attraction,and the first part is just from traumas in my life. I feel,too though the more we believe in the loa,and even the true nature of reality,the more we SHOULD be able to let things roll off our backs. I've seen so many eerie loa manifestations of how i've changed my reality. I've actually started to have more success with intention manifesting by just easily/naturally giving space in my mind after setting an intention...doing that has given me a lot of easy manifestations and ease. My fear is literally just becoming someone who does a ton of loa processes again just to only intentionally manifest from time to time and to be trying too hard. Also,one of the first thoughts i had after this experience was that i want to go out somewhere in nature so i am going to plan that. So,as much as i'm upset by the loss of a lot of money,and hurt feelings,i am able to see the good in this. And,I did manage to get them to say they'll pay me for today and the tomorrow despite me not going tomorrow now so that's a little something,i suppose and im trying to trust life that maybe something even better for me is going to pop up on those days i was going to work. I think surrender in that sense and acceptance is so key to flow. I still think it's odd to let this roll off my back..but i feel by doing that it just aids in healing whatever inner traumas could lead to some negative manifestations plus there's nothing wrong with being a nonconformist and living differently..by trusting loa,we trust the magic in life,and the power in letting go and flowing. i just also feel like im growing as a person with this attitude and allowing into my life the space to allow more goodness into my life.
-being able to see the good in my experience today and how it manifested
-being told i'll still get paid for two days of work
-feeling petty good about myself almost in a bit of egotistical way at the meeting..i know part of that is "wrong," but am observing that the positive aspects of my confidence growing.
-growing as a person
-uber flat fare package
-unique beauty
-being easy on myself and letting myself just nap after upsetting thing earlier
-sweaters
-music
-la croix
-fashion
-pinterest
-grapeseed oil
-band aids
-how beautiful my city is at night
-vitamin e
-skyscrapers
-laughing at life,funny life moments
-coming to realize life is about trying to do a lot and be ambitious,but at the same time balancing that out with also being easy on yourself and slowing down at times,all the while practice being present and connected.
-getting a high end opportunitity in my email while at my meeting today
-T kitten
-last night,while going through pinterest,and adding pics to my project i wanted to start working on and how healing it was to just start working and that great confidence and creative surge it gave me.i remember last summer,having the thoughts that this is something very special,i should try and take pictures of them. sometimes,it is creativity and outlet of expression that really heals me.
-TV episodes online
-the internet
-short circuiting negative thoughts
-space
-alone time
-being able to see a recent experience in my life as another obvious connection to the loa..this stuff is spookily real.
-experiencing lots of little "glitches in the matrix" type things lately.
-emojis
-deep cleansing breaths

-crackers
-chlorophyll
-backbends and how amazing they make me feel
-the brownies M got me
-being a pretty positive mood considering what happened yesterday
-water
-coffee
-skipping soda today and having la croix. i feel cleaner and like parts of me are healing when i dont drink soda.
-deep cleansing breaths.
-T kitten
-cute cat pictures
-the internet
-laughing at life
-pinterest
-my confidence growing
-sweaters
-my style
-twitter
-having great taste
-music
-emojis
-my phone
-beauty
-having great curves
-positive changes and evolving and the new person ive been becoming
-beauty ideas
-my eyebrows and how great they look unkempt.ive been debating a way to try and work with the look somehow..on one hand,it looks less groomed,but on the other,very child-like which is my style
-makeup
-beauty products
-all the awesome things i have coming up
-inderal
-self compassion
-facebook
-messages with people on facebook
-cleaning my floor today
-getting my article done and being happy with it
-having nice eyes
-yoga pants
-connection and becoming more connected again
-short circuiting negative thoughts
-my goals and desires

-sleep
-sweaters
-how cute T kitten looks when he is sleeping
-french language and how charming it looks and sounds
-my personality
-my unique way of being
-new inspirations
-inspiring people
-knowing so many inspiring people
-expressing myself
-music
-being in a nice phase of reinventing myself that is really nice
-positive changes and becoming new
-deep cleansing breaths
-hot guys
-high cheekbones
-dental floss
-my stomach being extremely flat today and finally seeing the little tweaks that are transforming my body for the better
-going around the neighborhood posting more flyers for S kitten and T cat
-my confidence growing
-having nice eyes
-physical exercise and how good it makes me feel
-pinterest
-fashion and style
-my strength
-happy memories
-feeling attractive
-all my accomplishments
-having another casting tomorrow
-makeup
-coffee
-sweet soda
-fudge brownie for breakfast
-being easy on myself and taking things one day at a time
-facebook messages with others
-connection and becoming more connected
-my motivation
-short circuiting negative thoughts
-laughing
-my beauty products
-hand massage
-yoga
-relaxation and relaxation exercises
-the new mouthwash i've been using
-my great taste
-twitter
-facebook
-doing more studying and getting my next certificate for that course
-emojis
-femininity
-having had my dreams come true befor
-compassion
-being brave
-an interesting moment with M coming to talk to me about something.i already knew as her husband had told me about a day ago but i thought it odd she hadnt said anything and had been quieter this week so when she came to me,it seemed like an aha moment kind of explaining something in my head for me and making sense of things.
-pronoia

Hi, lovely! :heart: this is the story from The Power that I mentioned... I thought it may be to long to add to the PM, so I'm just writing it here, hope it's ok! I though this story was very inspiring, I hope you'll like it...
with love,
dontco.

Quote:

---

When my family had settled in the United States, we flew our fifteen-year-old dog, Cabbie, to be with us. One night, not long after Cabbie had arrived, he managed to get out of a small gap in the fence. Our home backs onto mountains, so it was far from an ideal situation. In the dark we searched the streets and the trails leading up to the mountains, but our dog was nowhere to be found.
As my daughter and I were searching, negative feelings of anguish began to increase. I knew we had to stop searching and change the way we were feeling inside immediately. The
negative feelings were telling us that we were imagining the worst, and we had to change the way we were feeling quickly and imagine the best. At that point, every possible outcome
could still happen, and we had to choose the outcome of having Cabbie safely home with us, by imagining and feeling that he was home.
We returned home and we pretended our dog was with us. We put food in his bowl as though he were there. We imagined hearing the bell around Cabbie's neck as he walked down our hallway. We talked to him and called out his name, as though he were there. My daughter went to bed imagining that her best friend of fifteen years was sleeping next to her
bed as he always did.
Early the next morning, we discovered a notice on a tree at the foot of the mountains saying that someone had found a Ii ttle dog. It was Cabbie. Just as we had imagined, our dog
returned home safely to us. No matter what changing situation you may find yourself in, imagine the best outcome and feel it! When you do, you will change the circumstances, and you will change ~ the situation into what you want!

---

-crackers
-chlorophyll
-water
-coffee
-sweet soda
-believing in the manifestation of my heart's desires
-creativity
-pinterest
-going to the casting today
-sleep
-naps
-laughing
-the hilarious things T kitten does
-messages from dontco
-reflections
-happy memories
-getting out there and doing things even if it's uncomfortable at first
-new experiences
-going to new places
-being in a phase of reinventing myself
-having nice curves
-makeup
-fashion and style
-music
-having great taste in things
-heels
-doing some reading today
-hip opening stretches
-my little 2 lb dumbells in my room and doing some upper body exercises with them today
-acknowledgement of things
-black leggings and yoga pants
-writing down notes for my psychiatrist appointment tomorrow
-twitter
-getting the shout outs from dance studio i work at on article i wrote. that made me feel very good.
-becoming thinner
-getting the cert for the last course i've been studying for
-the internet
-my phone
-cool apps
-my beauty products
-cats
-unique beauty
-photographic moments
-being able to see
-going to whole foods for shopping tonight
-the potatoes i got from the whole foods cold bar.
-hot tea
-deep cleansing breaths
-taking life one day at a time
-being easy on myself
-self compassion
-connection
-the way my eyebrows have been looking lately and new way of doing eyebrow makeup
-learning
-femininity
-the way the air felt today when i sat outside for a few minutes,nice and clean and fresh
-positive possibilities
-relaxation
-my prada candy perfume

Love it,dontco!