Quote:
Originally Posted by DarkChylde
they sure are. they're so controversial but honestly for me they've made me a new person.
Printable View
Quote:
Originally Posted by DarkChylde
they sure are. they're so controversial but honestly for me they've made me a new person.
-i met a guy yesterday while working. close to the end of my shift yesterday he approached me and i thought was hitting on me but said he was practicing cold reading people. I thought i got a vibe from him,and maybe i was vibing,too and then suddenly the conversation ended and he politely left and i just thought it a bit peculiar but thought of it as a nice interaction as if he was a friendly tourist that just wanted to chat for a few minutes. today,in the beginning/middle of my shift he came up to me and said my name and i replied back saying "you remembered my name." in a way as if flattered and surprised since i was. and we talked again and he said he wanted to see me again and said he is awkward when he first talks to people and i said i am,too and the vibe seemed to be a little more right on..almost serendiptious. i guess,like i felt a connection. he asked for my phone number and he said next time he is in town he will contact me and i told him to text him anyways when he wants just to say hey. i like how he looked at me and sometimes you just know when you feel that feeling.i hope he texts me. he said he is in my city sometimes and loves it here. today was his last day here.i wish things like this would happen more often. just the other day,i was feeling so insecure and ugly and wondering why its so hard to just meet a guy i like,and even though this was just an interaction/small connection moment,it made my day and boosted my confidence. i found him attractive and my type physically.i realize i need to just savor the small moments more,go with the flow and let go and stop daydreaming. that's the biggest reason my love life has been having such bad luck.
-sunshine
-felines
-compliments
-getting in a good workout yesterday at the gym with M
-whole foods brand hummus
-vegetables
-ice cold water
-benzos
-walking a lot today.i walked for over an hour.
-browsing at saks.i enjoyed it so much. love looking at high fashion.
-trying new things
-hair clips
-iced almond milk hazelnut lattes
-TV episodes online
-M putting $100 in my account the other day
-feeling better
-going for another agoraphobia challenge with the bike of riding around 2 different blocks today alone. my newest goal is to get comfortable with the bike like i am with uber-ing alone now.
-my beauty
-my christian dior eyecream
-my miu miu clutch
-fashion
-my phone
-beauty
-my gym shoes
-my laptop
-alcohol samples
-not having to work tomorrow
-my escentric 02 perfume. it's become my current favorite
-the homeopathic flea spray i've been using on the cats
-being thought of
-unique beauty
-motivation
-goals
-growing as a person
-becoming more confident in some ways
-beautiful unexpected surprises
-getting a refund on the rug i didnt like.i felt bad,but i'm broke and you have to think business with things like that
-deep cleansing breaths
-flowers
-colors
-skyscrapers
-big cities
-buying a cute maximum support sportsbra from victoria's secret the other day.i'm really into athleisure style lately.
-the stairmaster
-my accomplishments
-ideas
-deciding to start doing loa prepaving again
-my new gray comforter
-animal lovers
controversy schmontroversy , they changed my life , ( and you can always count on them if your'e in a rough situation ) , so glad you figured this out :thumbsup:Quote:
Originally Posted by buttercup
Yes,me too thus far. They work for me and have had no to minimal negative side effects.Quote:
Originally Posted by DarkChylde
-my day off today
-my intelligence
-music
-fashion
-benzos
-my strength
-my gray comforter
-transitioning my stuff out of one of two dressers i have to make more space in my room
-water
-deep cleansing breaths
-cuddle time with my cats
-cats
-buying myself a green rose from a luxury flower company i've had my eye on
-interesting and innovative things
-listening to all 3 of my hypnosis recordings and how nice it made me feel
-getting a check in the mail
-gratitude
-stretches
-my christian dior eye cream
-getting this room cleaned up a good amount finally and a closet organizing the closet shelf
-doing some reading of the magic by rhonda byrne
-the amy's kitchen pizza i had for dinner
-watching some TV episodes on my phone with the app i found from the site i used to watch them on
-the internet
-social media
-sleeping in and how good that felt
-feeling good physically
-ideas
-feeling so present and appreciative while on xanax and appreciating the green of the grass and the way the sun felt and laying outside for a bit on my yoga mat in the yard and lounge chair
-my phone
-pictures
-colors
-deep cleansing breaths
-newness
-practicing letting go a bit and the art of applying it
-my beauty
-looking through my old photo albums and appreciating my beauty and seeing that me and the ex look way happier then he does in pics i've ever seen of him with girl he is with now
-smiling
-great design
-relaxation
-nourishment
-how relaxing it felt with my lights off earlier and last night
-watching an interesting moment last night in the middle of the night of the cats. T kitten who is almost a cat now and has grown so much killed a mouse or small rat.i felt bad more then usual when i see them with a hunt,and he was having so much fun with it tossing it in the air repeatedly as if it was a toy we had bought him. Some of the other cats were around him watching including the new baby kitten around L observing him and learning. She seems to mimick and like him a lot. Then P cat took her turn,it was as if her and T kitten shared the kill. I flt bad like the little kitten wanted her turn and it was good for her learning and the poor mouse's soul was transitioned by now anyways so brought her closer to let her take her turn and she was playing just like T kitten,s vicious as him with it having a great time. Mom cat of the other cats was a few feet observing them part of the time. Finally,most of the cats in the yard after playing with the mouse for awhile all were running around chasing each other seeming hyper as if playing tag and play hunting each other. The other cats seem to be accepting l kitten more and she seems to be learning from them.
-manifestation of heart desires
-seeing the small-ish cat i worried had passed on a few times recently because some kids said a cat that looks like the kitten but bigger they seen dead a block away so it wasn't that one. this is the cat that I thought might be S kitten awhile back but i can tell it's not. i do wonder if it's the l kitten's mom and the cat looks a little bigger/healthier now.
-M's husband telling one of the kid's mom apparently to tell her daughter to not pick up the kitten anymore. they had kept coming by to see the cats and it was annoying me so he seen their mom today and told them. i feel kind of bad,but they are annoying my cats plus it worries me and i don't like kids.
-funny quotes,and thought provoking quotes
-sleep
-iced hazelnut almond latte
-food
-having a savings account
-going to yoga class tonight
-having a possible job for my next out of town trip i'm excited for with someone i worked for before
-having social plans tomorrow and the day after,though i'm thinking of cancelling the 2nd one
-cuteness
-nourishment
-cats
-seeing T kitten and L kitten getting along a little more. He didn't hiss or growl at her while on my bed about a foot away from each other..though he did give her some funny looks and even seeing them in sync with each other both cleaning themselves and the little one watching T and trying to inch up closer to him. L really likes him for some reason and i love watching her observe and mimick the cats.
-seeing the psychiatrist today
-doing a short bike ride challenge today
-sunshine
-the lights off in the room
-doing some reading of some wellness magazines and the magic
-TV episodes online
-water
-makeup
-having nice curves
-my christian dior eye cream
-dental floss
-confirming a job today
-deep cleansing breaths
-emojis
-getting the dresser i want out of my room almost emptied and thinking in about 2 days i'll be done emptying it out.
-deciding to buy a makeup trunk as a new spot to put all my beauty products since i was thinking about where i'll put the things i'm taking out of the dresser
-colors
-social media
-smiling
-text messages
-buying some luxury candy from a candy boutique i got curious to try
-finding a candy boutiques online with amazing selections and once seeing where the in-store is at,wondering if i've been there before.
-shopping
-the internet
-happy memories
-my accomplishments
-art
-self compassion
-sleep
-getting my article complete finally
-paying more attention to trying to learn grammar improvement with writing
-having nice curves
-relaxation
-getting a little bit done today
-S contacted me. The guy who asked for my number and said he wanted to see me again last weekend from out of town.Was very happy about this. Also because in my head,it meant i let go and i'm trying to work on being better at that.
-only having one more drawer to organize before i move the dresser out of the room.
-the internet
-warm showers
-my bed
-vegetables
-sweet sugar from coca cola
-ghee
-stretches
-benzos
-trying not let people who try to make me feel bad bring me down
-cuddling with cats
-having T kitten and L kitten by me
-cuteness
-listening to my hypnosis audios today
-lights off and how relaxing it is
-doing some reading today
-water
-trying to make more of an effort to immerse more in gratitude
-my accomplishments
-my phone
-my arms looking nicer since the last few work outs
-having nice eyes
-my christian dior eye cream
-great customer service support
-new experiences
-culture
-self compassion and self forgiveness
-ideas
-writing in my journal a to-do list to reflect on any goals that came to me
-goals
-possibilities and opportunities
-cancelling my job on friday. it's not right how easy i get burned out,but i just need this week to be a little slow
-smiling
-having nice cheekbones
-a girl from my grade school randomly adding me on fb which is interesting because a few months ago i was looking up people on there from grade school
-touch
-massage
-happy memories
-positive news stories/articles
-nonconformity
-different ways of looking at things
-unique beauty
-beauty
-M's friend D touching my hair and complimenting it
-going to pilates class tonight
-having a kind heart
-benzos
-music
-feeling good during fitness class and doing some mental affirmations about my awesomeness which made me feel even better
-getting rid of the other dresser today. love having more room now in my room
-organizing the paperwork drawer before getting rid of the dresser
-deep cleansing breaths
-felines
-returning to somewhat normalcy with M's husband
-getting my candy in the mail. it was better then i expected. very cute packaging and amazing taste.
-fashion
-having money
-getting another check in the mail today
-more job opportunities
-getting my beautiful luxury green rose in the mail. love the vibrant color and smells amazing.
-getting the victoria's secret sports bra in the mail today
-fun
-yoga pants
-vegan food
-doing some reading today
-relaxation
-my hypnosis audios
-sleep
-optimism
-entertainment
-having a clean room
-movies
-watching a TV episode online
-sunshine
-makeup
-nightskies
-kindness
-smiling
-my jewelry
-all my pretty things i own that make me happy
-my escentric 02 perfume. i am so drawn to this.
-getting a positive response back from a p.r
-great deals
-sending out more emails for jobs
-the internet
-benzos
-M defending me last night after something family drama came about
-uber
-being made to feel attractive by others
-buying myself a little cactus on etsy
-feeling better from allergies
-air filter getting cleaned
-my outdoor cats
-makeup
-having a lot to look forward to for the month of august
-getting up there with my savings goals for upcoming trip
-healthy digestion
-buying myself lunch with the giftcard never used partially out of anger,partially because the place is below where i've been working a lot the past month or so,and I wanted something to eat
-having money
-buying myself more of the candy from that luxury candy boutique i liked a lot just because i was craving it so much
-buying some more canned food for the outdoor cats
-no work tomorrow
-TV episodes online
-makeup
-coca cola
-coffee
-sunshine
-warmth
-nightskies
-getting a pedicure today at a place i liked and choosing a gold color which is not usual for me but i'm starting to like warmer tones lately
-shopping
-walking
-growing as a person
-my phone
-relaxation
-naps
-hair clips
-the internet
-water
-exploration
-new experiences
-texting S today just because i felt like it. I really just don't want to follow rules or play games but also want to be different then i have been before in a way where i am pursued and flowing is easy
-some one on one cuddle time with T kitten before i left for work. I think it's good for him to help with his jealousy
-my brain
-the ability to think thoughts
-ideas
-groupon getting back to me
-feeding the cats canned food and giving l kitten canned food for the first time
-cute pictures
-self compassion
-going to therapy today
-iced hazelnut almond milk lattes
-doing some journaling today
-sunshine
-confirming some jobs today
-water
-style
-doing some more reading today
-benzos
-entertainment
-hair clips
-the marine salve i've been using as lipbalm
-my kiehls cactus tibetan ginseng face spray
-my gold toenails
-laying in the room with l kitten this morning and falling asleep with her in there
-calmness
-knowing i will be ok money-wise even if for some reason the job this week falls through
-mental affirmations
-prayer
-things to look forward to
-the internet
-beauty
-learning
-expansion
-shopping
-finding a hair product to fix my hair and buying it
-making the most of the day after client decided to cut me because machine wasn't working and asking for my pay for hours worked and enjoying the rest of event regardless for a few hours
-seeing a text from S right after client cutting me happened which was interesting timing(something bad,then something good). He sent me a picture of his id to show me his age since i said he looked young in our last conversation. His middle name is S. His first name is actually my ex's last name which is something i had been trying to avoid. He is my age,though. It's interesting his name and also his height,because i had said i was only going to date guys taller then my ex after what happened last year and i'd still consider dating this guy despite those two things,and like his age better then the younger one i thought so it makes me wonder since sometimes the things meant for you are a little different then what you thought you wanted.
-drinking some wine
-enjoying a new concert experience i've never been to before
-going roller skating while high on xanax and a little drunk on wine at one of the things they had going on at the concert. drunken roller skating. genius idea having that there.
-enjoying music from a couple of shows today
-friendliness
-seeing the good in things
-getting a slice of pizza at the festival today for my dinner
-uber
-uber ride pass coming back
-candies from a new favorite candy boutique i love that i bought online from twice.
-iced hazelnut almond lattes
-art
-new experiences
-getting a ride to work today
-getting styled up in jewelry today
-new learning experiences
-social media
-bringing l kitten with on the way to work
-growing as a person
-lifecoach texting me to check on me
-not letting idiots and haters bringing me down
-sleep
-naps
-how T kitten runs up to me and sometimes jumps up to reach taller to me. so cute.
-T kitten and L kitten becoming closer. She follows him around so much and today i caught them playing again. It's so interesting.
-getting my cactus i ordered in the mail today
-ice cold spring water
-things that make me feel good about myself
-smiling
-getting another article up yesterday
-inspiration
-beauty
-M's husband seeming in his way to apologize for recent things yesterday afternoon randomly
-warm sunshine
-fashion
-the ability to see
-my arms starting to look nicer and more in shape again
-trying more to trust life and go with the flow
-sweet cold coca cola
-humor
-getting offered a slew of jobs which kind of makes up for a few other things for the month falling through
-positive mental affirmations
-sweet coca cola
-water
-coffee
-getting some work done
-stopping by the prada store today
-uber ride pass
-manifesting my heart's desires
-going to the pool today
-calming myself down after seeing something that made me paranoid
-hot guys
-my tank top that says high vibes on it
-going and getting my blackheads extracted which made me feel better today
-having more abundance
-benzos
-self compassion
-M adding money to my starbucks card since we used mine since hers is missing so now i have the amount i had on it a few days before i bought a few coffees
-samples
-my intelligence
-learning
-listening to my hypnosis audios at the pool and i think falling asleep twice while doing so,once after each one.
-my gold toe nails
-getting things more organized
-attempts at trying to do more per day
-my phone
-getting a new recommendation on my linkedin
-night skies
-new ideas
-new experiences
-growing as a person
-different ways of looking at things
-entertainment
-my dolce&gabbana sunglasses
-TV episodes online
-walking
-hip openers
-my outdoor cats
-speaking my mind yesterday after several things in one day propelled me to say my piece in a dignified way of course.
-fun
-cute things
-going with the flow
-entertainment
-sleep
-getting the recaps done
-accomplishing things of my things i've always wanted to do/experience/accomplish list
-finally getting that time of the month
-the internet
-work accomplishments
-artist from months ago getting back to me
-benzos
-chocolate cupcakes
-iced hazelnut almond lattes
-laying with T kitten and L kitten and falling asleep with them both in my bed
-good vegan food
-sunshine
-nightskies
-practicing gratitude more
-water
-getting $20 today
-stretches
-doing some reading today
-getting more things cleaned and organized today
-see T cat climb up a tree. poor thing went a little high and got scared but made it down.
-my kind heartedness
-positive mental affirmations/mantras
-hope
-trying to trust life and let go
-listening to my hypnosis audios. twice in a row they put me to sleep.
-my intelligence
-my creativity
-relaxation
-midol
-comedy
-carrots
-the ability to see
-art
-motivation
-getting things done
-laying in the sunshine for a little bit today
-going for a bike ride and going 1 block further today
-coffee
-chocolate
-soda pop
-going to yoga class tonight
-getting more things cleaned up and organized
-positive mental affirmations
-benzos
-my beautiful new hair color
-seeing neighbors cat climb tree today
-deep cleansing breaths
-gratitude
-evolving and growing as a person
-having a great eye for talent/taste
-laughter
-connection
-feeling slimmer today
-my tropical print yoga pants
-my gold colored toe nails
-learning
-my leopard print flip flops
-my dolce&gabbana exaggerated cat-eye sunglasses
-doing some reading today
-a good life coaching session last night
-calmness
-nightskies
-dimmer lights
-healthy digestion
-my hypnosis swirl barettes
-fascination with life
-cuddle time with T kitten and L kitten
-lip balm
-makeup
-my christian dior eye cream
-music
-style
-entertainment
-romance
-when my p.r send me stuff
-ice cubes
-my intelligence
-blankets
-yoga mats
-inspiring or interesting quotes that make you think
-feeling calmed down after an anxiety attack and attempt to almost committ suicide again last night
-a thoughtful letter posted underneath my door when i woke up
-doing some reading today
-realizing i don't work saturday which is nice
-ice cold water
-cats
-seeing L kitten wrestle with E cat and trying to play with W cat earlier. I even picked up W cat and L kitten at the same time. She's been fitting in just like family with the colony. I really wish i knew her background. She just arrived in my backyard one day like she belonged. W and E are from mom cat's first litter and are best buddies
-entertainment
-romance
-going for a bike ride and going one block further then last time
-my check funds being available today
-buying more candy from my favorite candy boutique
-having all my upcoming trip money saved up now
-laying out in the sun again for about 20 minutes shortly after i woke up
-sleep
-compassion
-my kind heart
-nonconformity
-my dolce&gabbana sunglasses
-deep cleansing breaths
-getting more things cleaned and organized
-getting more cat stuff cleaned
-a nice nourishing journaling session
-sugar
-nourishing food
-how great my hair color looks
-my intelligence
-starting to feel a little more acceptance of my physical self
-hair clips
-dental floss
-my christian dior eye cream
-doing a 25 minute rebounding session
-stretches
-cuteness
-my eyeglasses
-forward movement
-inspiring videos
-massage
-touch
-fashion
-colors
-gratitude
-music
-my phone
-having strong nails
-having nice lips
-warm sunshine
-coffee
-wearing my buddha rose quartz mala bracelet i bought years ago and have been wanting to wear for awhile
-having money
-my dolce&gabbana sunglasses
-my sense of style
-having an epiphany today about consistency. realizing for so long i wanted so called "consistency" which really could just be attachment,and the key to what my heart is really looking for,the treasure is detachment,letting go,surrender,presence,gratitude,connection,and placing myself on a pedestal. I had consistency with a job for a year and liked a guy so much but couldn't talk,i'd get so tongue tied even though he flirted with me a few times and he ended up in a serious relationship with my boss. Meanwhile,you could meet someone once and years later,they could be the one you end up marrying. The key is spontaneity and openness and a mantra along the lines of "let's see what the day brings." I thought the more i was around him,the more maybe something would happen until i realized,if it hasn't happened by now,it's time to move on. It even played a small part in me quitting and realizing i outgrew that job. Meanwhile,i've had people i've met maybe once that would remember me years later,and say they felt a connection with me or i felt it to them,and end up having the most amazing conversations. It's all going along with the stop trying to mental plan things in your head but just let go. I need to learn to embrace the moments instead of feeling like i'm trying to chase them all in the ether and hold onto them all. They're not going anywhere. That's illusory.
-my favorite hair barettes
-shopping
-my candy being free that i bought at starbucks today
-cats
-ice cold water
-doing some reading outside
-uber ride pass
-massage
-touch
-little positive things
-blankets
-seeing one of my boss's today and her being kind of nice actually
-working with someone i worked with years ago. at first,he seemed almost as if to ignore me,then later on,by the time the boss left (who's his long term gf) it seemed as if he was vibing towards me a little bit. i had found him really hot before and still do. he's just very physically attractive,smart,unique,and kind. some people just make you feel things. it's weird. I tried to shut it off so i wouldn't start going in boy crazy mode though and stayed friendly and professional. I'm trying to work on putting myself on a pedestal.
-my curves
-makeup
-my favorite perfume these days escentric molecules 02
-having a little fun and connection these days,at least every now and then,it's nice
-TV episodes online
-stretches
-growing as a person
-deep cleansing breaths
-relaxation
-my hair color
-friendly people who remember me,say hi,etc,etc
-compassion
-beauty
-kindness
-colors
-greenery
-my miu miu clutch
-music
-taking things in stride despite it being kinda a negative day. ended up flaking on someone because they showed up at my house even though i never confirmed and wasnt available,saw hair on food i ordered,plans i had that i was looking forward to tomorrow cancelled,someone stepped on my foot hard enough for me to screech ouch,etc
-getting a lot done today
-stretches
-getting grocery shopping done
-getting most of my stores done i had to to today
-the internet
-coffee
-soda pop
-vegan food
-candy
-being in touch with what i really want
-serendipity
-my cactus and the little flower it sprouted the other day
-beautiful surprises
-cuddle time with l kitten this morning
-sunshine
-ice cold water
-ice cubes
-self compassion
-doing some reading
-immersing in gratitude
-writing out some affirmations the other day for 20 minutes
-listening to my most recent hypnosis audio this morning
-things to dream about/my desires
-my outdoor cats
-having nice lips
-feeling a little more acceptance for self
-deep cleansing breaths
-relaxation
-M's instructor in the cat with us,and i guess he was in a "weird" mood according to M and seeing that he seemed like someone i could actually kind of vibe with.
-organization and decluttering
-having money
-seeing a sale on candy at whole foods i wanted and feeling like it was "for" me
-being able to see
-sweaters
-colors
-my phone
-growing as a person
-liquor samples
-how soft my skin feels from the new moisturizer i've been using
-deciding to start taking more vitamins
-touch
-massage
-connection
-romance
-chivalry
-entertainment
-connection
-caringness from others
-social media
-pictures
-laughing
-entertainment
-art
-talent
-cuddling with my cats
-being half way done with my recaps
-flirtasious/intriguing words sent
-serendipity
-music
-vegan food
-friendly people
-fashion
-makeup
-going makeup free
-listening to my hypnosis audio twice today
-meeting my goals
-uber
-uber ride pass
-things to work with
-my intelligence
-having nice hair
-starting to feel better about myself
-my beauty
-going for my bike ride today
-candy
-coffee
-coca cola
-ice cold water
-my dolce&gabbana sunglasses
-yoga pants
-dental floss
-inspiration
-sunshine
-hopes
-ideas
-thinking about what i want
-positive mental affirmations
-freedom
-nightskies
-doing some reading
-my favorite perfume
-organization and decluttering
-newness
-reflection
-writing out affirmations last night for 20 minutes
-sleep
-essential oils
-homeopathic pet medicine
-feeling a little calmer,and more secure about summer being almost over
-cuddle time with cats
-nice chat with an acquaintance
-meeting my bike ride goal today and how nice it feels working on that
-feeling attractive
-laying in the sun for 20 minutes today
-self compassion and forgiveness
-hot guys
-coffee
-getting my candy in the mail today
-improved digestion
-uber
-going to pilates class today
-yoga pants
-kindness
-running into people from my past and how good that feels
-my gucci slides
-water
-my determination
-my beauty
-having my upcoming trip all figured out,and jobs scheduled
-openness
-rest
-relaxation
-listening to my hypnosis audios today
-doing some reading
-laughing
-my intelligence
-feeling like i have some direction for the next few weeks
-peace
-my jobs this week
-dimmer lights
-my body being nice and tight and curvy
-makeup
-quiet
-warm relaxing showers
-blankets
-relaxation
-calmness
-all my trip stuff pretty much complete
-lorazapam
-coffee
-picking up my xanax today
-happy things
-staying strong
-the sun coming out
-naps
-watching less TV
-water
-soda pop
-getting pizza and fries for dinner
-my phone
-my improved confidence and how much i've grown
-getting things done today
-cat cuddles
-bug spray
-peace
-stretches
-going for the bike ride and going another block further
-being complimented more and more lately
-makeup
-friendly people
-entertainment
-warm showers
-smiling
-getting a check today
-positivity
-deep cleansing breaths
-new experiences
-nightskies
-the wind
-comedy
-romance
-self compassion
-healing
-slowness
-acquaintances to talk to
-learning and evolving
-lipbalm
-dental floss
-the internet
-touch
-cuteness
-blankets
-dimmer lights
-ideas
had to ask if i could leave work because i had an allergy attack that wouldn't go away evenwhen boss gave me benadryl. even strangers were offering me tissues.
-feeling better now
-going with the flow
-falling into a deep sleep when i got home and bringing L kitten in bed with me. Woke up and forgot she was even in there.
-going to whole foods with M
-lyft
-romance
-entertainment
-love
-buying a new mattress
-kindness of others
-buying more of my skincream i use that i've been out of for months
-having nice curves
-S texting me today,right after he popped in my head and i decided it's time to let go/and detach from him thinking it wouldn't work out. this always happens with him. i took this as a sign maybe universe telling me it could work out.i randomly blurted out in the beginning of our conversation for him to move to my city.i questioned if i should then remembered i am impulsive and am just saying what's on my mind and it felt right to say and our conversation carried on like normal.
-S yesterday texting me,one of them was so perfect and ambiguous he texted me in mid conversation that it's storming here,and to come outside with him.
-working with cool people
-feeling attractive
-being easy on myself and compassionate
-makeup
-newness
-getting back the original digital of art vandalized by ex best friend from the artist himself.i randomly had an idea of possibly doing something artistic with it.i don't know what. and i do want to leave the past in the past,but i feel empowered in knowing i was the one who secured that job for us,and that i have the original digital now.
-my cats
-feeling all set for upcoming trip
-water
-stretches
-doing more organizing
-cuteness
-my creativity
-hope
-openness
-writer i worked with wanting to take me and a few other girls out for dinner
-hot guys
-nightskies
-smiling
-having some ashwagandha tonight
-dimmer lights
-great ideas
-blankets
-having the day off and client being understanding of me not working and keeping me booked on other dates she has me for
-water
-watermelon slices candy
-going to visit my mom today and seeing her cats
-newness
-deciding to rent myself a movie to watch
-deciding to go ahead and just buy myself a new mattress since i've been wanting to for awhile
-my outdoor cats
-naps
-that my naps are not lasting as long
-M taking me to the pool with her
-noticing that when i accept/surrender to something i don't like,it disappears. again,today she was going to go out with ex best friend which made me think he might come to the house but i mentally calmed myself down and said who cares/it doesn't matter and sure enough he cancelled on her.
-M saying she will give me some extra money for my upcoming trip
-having money
-feeling ready for my upcoming trip
-iced almond milk hazelnut lattes
-my beauty
-feeling at peace today
-buying my mom a coffee and putting some gas in her car
-learning
-dental floss
-getting a black bean burger with cheese and sweet potato fries for dinner
-my gucci slides
-glamour
-my dolce&gabbana sunglasses
-giving my mom the cake dish that i have no use for
-being a positive person
-being playful
-smiling
-cuddling with cats
-listening to my hypnosis audios this morning
-hope
-dreams
-my style
-my accomplishments
-deep cleansing breaths
-ashwagandha
-metaphors
-ideas
-accents
-openness
-drinking less soda today
-makeup
-being awake
-my goals
-sportsbras
-improved digestion
-art
-romance
-entertainment
-gossiping/chatting with a work colleague in text today
-fun
-reflections
-growing as a person
-music
-naps
-taking it easy
-surrender
-blankets
-not letting criticisms get to me
-my phone
-iced almond milk hazelnut lattes
-watching a movie last night
-cuddling with cats
-ideas
-being smart
-being able to think thoughts
-feeling more caught up with time
-doing some journaling today
-benzos
-doing my bike ride goal
-the internet
-warm showers
-deep cleansing breaths
-nourishment
-the money transfer from my other bank going through
-going makeup free today
-doing a half hour of rebounding today
-clothes fitting looser today
-feeling better in my skin
-having healthy teeth
-sending out emails for some jobs
-avocado oil
-getting an appointment made for something i've wanted to get done
-doing some cleaning and organizing
-entertainment
-compliments
-colors
-my eyesight
-stretches
-my beauty products
-hair ties
-having nice lips
-my beauty
-massage
-touch
-goals
-gratitude
-manifestation of desires
-nightskies
-the wind
-the feeling of aliveness
-writing out some affirmations before bed last night
-cats
-my strength
-taking l kitten in her for her surgery and holding her in my arms for a few hours when we got home while we both slept
-putting up S kitten and T cat posters after dropping L kitten off at clinic and feeling confident in what in walking around the neighborhood
-iced almond milk hazelnut lattes
-ice cold water
-coca cola
-vegan burgers
-the biscotti i had gotten from whole foods and how good it was
-M's husband buying the cats catnip treats,wetfood and more dry food
-my kind heart
-getting call sheet info for job one coming up
-sleep
-romance
-art
-entertainment
-going for my bike ride goal
-sunshine
-finishing up beauty product organizing and storing away paperwork section of things in a new spot
-stretches
-having beautiful eyes
-my bike
-warm showers
-confirming a paid job yesterday
-humor
-getting my mattress in the mail today
-getting book i ordered in the mail today
-my phone
-pictures
-getting better at changing my thoughts
-rest
-relaxation
-benzos
-goals
-motivation
-listening to my hypnosis audio today
-cuddling and sleeping with T kitten for a few hours this morning
-how cute T kitten is when he tries to stand on his back legs and climb up me
-appreciation
-kindness
my ex is a sociopathic narcissist. I've had a very bad 2 days. Once September hits,things are about to rock and roll with me getting my things in order with getting out of here fast with all the cats.
-S texting me mysteriously right when I was down and about to start my bad day celebration. He texts at strange times,either when i'm really down or when i've let him go in my mind. It's odd.
-seeing my life coach yesterday which gave me some grounding and support
-the suicide hotline
-my cats
-my ideas
-my brain and ability to think
-my mom and dad loving me
-doing a bad day celebration. First,i finished up my 2 mile bike ride goal in one shot. I had been building up to it,block by block to finish before summer is over,and just did it all today. Then,I got home,got scissors,a lighter,wish paper,wine,candy,colored pencils,the trust block the sociopath gave me in our first year after revealing he's a compulsive liar to me,and the last sweater of his i still have been wearing. I cut up the sweater and threw it away. I wear it for comfort because it's dark and hides my body but eff that. I tried to burn the block but couldn't so went in alley and threw it in someone's yard. I then played with my wish paper using it all up making intentions letting them fly up into the sky while eating candy and sipping eppa wine.
-rags
-my tiger print yoga pants
-rest
-self compassion
-my little twitter rampage i went on of venting about some things. it was so needed.
-the new cat bed coming in the mail
-writing out a todo list of things i need to do to get out of here. to-do lists seem to be magic for me with things getting done
-M's husband agreeing to offer continued support once im out of here.
-my determination
-my intelligence
-my phone
-texts and messages from others
-spirituality
-knowing in my heart i am going to get married soon
-going for a bike ride today and enjoying it. i've exceeded the original goal now and just enjoy the bike for exercise
-my tropical print yoga pants
-my determination
-inspiration
-my brain
-losing weight
-ideas
-calcuating how much i earned in june of this year
-feeling ready to just go for it
-kind and empathetic messages,texts since my angry twitter rampage about my psycho ex
-laying in the sunshine for about 20 minutes
-iced almond milk hazelnut lattes
-being smart
-mischief
-being attractive
-sweeping the floor
-cuddling with l kitten for a few hours tonight
-cuddling with T kitten and l kitten this morning and seeing them cuddle together. so cute.
-getting my chemical peel appointment made
-getting my enamelplasty appointment made
-starting some searches on living ideas
-starting some searches for attorneys
-writing a to-do list for what to do before i'm kicked out
-getting my favorite skin cream in the mail
-the new cat bed that came yesterday
-God
-attempting to get another doctor appontment made
-my meds
-attempting to get a trap to get dad cat and whoever else still needs to get spayed/neutered
-motivation
-grass
-doing a little reading
-doing some affirmations in my notebook
-being almost all packed up for my trip
-minimalism
-entertainment
-eyes to see
-bike riding
-losing weight
-being attractive
-feeling more confident about things
-embracing that the old me is dead since last year
-nourishing food
-laying outside for awhile and listening to my hypnosis audios
-beauty
-cuteness
-my cats
-relaxation
-ease
-my sense of style
-M giving me the money she said she'd give me before she threw a fit about the mattress
-the internet
-talent
-warm showers
-excitement
-music
-seeing the law of attraction at work
-ideas
-a brain to think with
-creativity
-naps
-rest
-art
-inspiration
-having a kind heart
-motivation
-feeling passionate
-doing a little reading today
-my T cat pillow
-my intelligence
-all the growing i'm doing as a person
-doing my first full solo trip to my favorite city/state
-surrendering to the challenge that came up and speaking to my ex for the first time in about a year and half. i had no choice but to unchain the door with notice he was coming by to pick something up. after calling my therapist,the suicide hotline,and my lifecoach and taking my meds,the hotline and my lifecoach got me grounded enough to handle the situation and i decided to face him.i sat on the porch around time he came with my phone,keys,and backpack near me,burning my incense with an elle magazine on the porch and a coke and just texted on my phone. we were mutually cordial but distant. when i seen them walking up,i moved my stuff over so they could get in. he said he was just getting something. I said i know M told me. His gf said hi. i said hi. They were out in about 60 seconds. I said did you grab the "one of the items M mentioned." He said yeah,she said bye. I said bye. all the while i was texting on my phone,and barely made eye contact. I got lots of kudos and congrats when i called hotline after and lifecoach to update them after like they had asked. It was a big step in my progress and getting my power back.
-cats
-cuteness
-S the guy from out of town i met in july contacting me again right before they got there and as i was getting calmed down. He always seems to contact me right after i either detach or have something unpleasant happen,it's like serendipity and cheers me up.
-power mantras that make me feel better.
-amazing coffee in california
-amazing vegan donuts in california
-my style
-all the weight i lost while out of town
-the long bike ride i took the other day,and how easy and fearless i felt
-hanging out in the hammock relaxing while out of town
-inspiration
-newness
-new experiences
-getting flirted with,asked out a lot,and complimented a lot
-my creativity
-my unique personality
-my gucci slides
-yoga pants
-the beach
-working with amazing creative talent while out of town and feeling like i used to feel when i did primary career more often
-posting my first somewhat provocative picture on instagram and getting a lot of support on it
-my lifecoach
-the shopping i did while out of town and buying myself some art,a $100 t-shirt,some incense,and an eyeball bracelet and some other cool things,but not too much.i tried to limit myself
-art
-a check getting deposited in my account
-M giving me more money before she left
-all the walking and bike riding i did the last week
-hip openers
-vegan cheese. didn't use to like but now things it's super delicious and is one of my vices
-coffee
-ideas
-nonconformity
-expression
-wine
-cocktails
--getting more caught up on,phone calls,appointment making,and sending out emails for jobs
-confirming 5 jobs while out of town for the city i'm in
-friendly people
-someone saying i have cat eyes the other day and asking if cats are my favorite animal because i have cat eyes. i played with it,and said i connect very deeply with felines. which is true. i've been trying to embrace my weirdness a bit more.
-ibuprofen
-sleep
-innovative concepts
-antidepressants
-benzos
-travel
-L contacting me the other day. he has been so weird ever since we had sex in june. i sent him the long text to leave me alone in july if he has any care for me and let's leave this in peace...and then out of nowwhere he contacts me. i was minimal and sarcastic but then the day after i engaged and we argued all day about ridiculous things that it was pure comedy. i told him i worried i was pregnant for 2 months because benzos messed up my cycle and hope he was planning to pay for my abortion and right away he responded well your not,and of course i would have and let's go get a drink. we argued back and forth all day him pressuring to see me and me saying the only way i will is if he finishes inside me next time saying that thinking he'd say no and he says yes! so i kept trolling him saying i have aids,and chlamydia and am a lesbian and shoot heroin with needles and am asexual,etc,etc and mocking him saying he could read my mind saying he knows i want it saying i know he wants to be a daddy to my kids. by the end i was no longer amused,and was angry and then depressed because he did start to lure me in and i almost gave in. he says things that make me feel awful and mixes in misogynistic almost creepo comments with things that make me intrigued plus our sexual chemistry is very good,he's one of my better lovers.i was so strong,too but then he threw me off saying of course he'd pay for the abortion and not seeming to care or be scared off and saying he'd finish inside me.
-being a new person and how much more i enjoy this person i am now since the old me died last year
-R contacting me yesterday and talking to him on/off all day and night. it helped take my mind off L which put me in a bit of a funk. The final words to L the day after our arguing all day was me telling him i don't want his pity friendship when he was saying something to suggest basically,fine we could kind of be friends. R said he would try and be a better friend to me while talking
-ice cold water
-blood orange lemonade
-compliments
-watching a movie yesterday morning i rented on youtube before finally falling asleep super late
-my strength
-my goals
-showers
-blankets
-my phone
-people to text
-music
-connection
-the internet
-pictures
-seeing all my outdoor cats getting along and being family to each other
-cuddling with my cats
-makeup
-my beauty products
-organizing some of my paperwork tonight
-smiling
-laughing
-my hypnosis audios
-nightskies
-sunrises
-sunsets
-the wind
-feelings
-staying strong
-deciding to work today at the last minute
-having money in my short term savings to use to commute to work and home since i spent all the money in my checking
-having an amazing time at the concert i went to yesterday
-fun
-entertainment
-compassion
-S texting me today but also deciding to let go of him despite all the serendipity and interesting timing of when i hear from him
-serendipity
-taking my vitamins
-iced coffee
-sweets
-carrots
-soda pop
-ice cold water
-laughing
-cats
-cat cuddles
-my sense of style
-walking
-compliments
-music
-the internet
-buying a glow in the dark flower headband at the concert last night
-friendly people
-my growing independence
-goals
-benzos
-ibuprofen
-antidepressants
-wine
-the vegan hot dog i got for dinner at the fest last night
-smiling
-getting a credit on ride that took me to wrong spot which helped me save money today
-good ride sharing deals today
-buying some cat food to send to my mom today
-adding some money to my fund for my next life coach session
-getting things organized
-doing some reading today
-naps
-sleep
-makeup
-learning
-laughing at life and all the outrageous things that happen in it
-making a new acquaintance on the ride home last night. we had a lot in common and happened to live very close to each other so driver joked he was coming to our wedding. he was not my type like that but driver was entertaining,too. was just a crazy night
-sunshine
-calmness
-motivation
-being on time for work
-blankets
-nourishment
-people to text
-my phone
-hip openers
-helpful people
-nightskies
-colors
-gratitude
-sleep
-making it through all the challenges of the last few days and how much i feel grew even in this last week,week and a half
-T kitten who is now a one year old and cuddling with him
-my outdoor cats
-spending some time outside lounging in the sun and listening to music then doing a few yoga poses
-doing a 25 minute rebounding workout
-encouragement
-writing a to-do list before bed last night and feeling calmer about the future from it,realizing i have a backup plan if my do-able plan A doesn't work out,or if something even more better then i can imagine comes about
-M's husband calling me today
-making myself some coffee
-antidepressants,ibuprofen,and benzos
-listening to my hypnosis audios today
-colors
-ideas
-thoughts and daydreams about L that got me all mixed up but feel dizzying and good
-my style
-calming myself down
-my face looking younger today
-doing some reading today
-blankets
-cat cuddles
-smiling
-hip openers
-water
-doing some written affirmations for 3 one sides of a page,so a page and half last night
-getting a startbucks reward in my email today
-allowing imperfection
-deep cleansing breaths
-motivation
-my vitamins i take
-finding a place for the plant that came unexpectedly how i thought it would.i almost was going to get a refund but don't think i will now. I found a home for it by putting it in an unexpected spot in the yard area by using a stick to sort of dig up a little and putting it in there,and adding water. I know nothing about gardening and this was supposed to be for my room but it came with no pot and just packed in dirt. I figured the random unexpected spot would add some inspiration and it looked nice after and i took a pic.
-my strength
-self compassion
-patience
-massage
-naps
-water
-having a talented eye
-listening to some of my hypnosis audios today
-my weight going down
-my body getting more toned
-considering going on a date with V
-getting an uber ride home for only a $1.31
-sunshine
-vegan food
-cats
-yoga pants
-managing to get enough money to get a jacket. been feeling like i want more jackets and sweaters.
-entertainment
-getting a lot of work done on articles tonight. appointments at the psychiatrist and therapist ran so long that i had not much time for some things by the time i was home so figured that was a good area to focus on once i woke up from my nap
-yoga
-compliments
-trying on one of my aqua/mint colored dress tops i bought over the summer yet have not worn yet and seeing how it looked with the yoga pants i was wearing and wearing that for the day as my outfit,mixing it up and experimenting with athleisure and seeing the shirt looked really good on me.
-colors
-getting two calls for jobs today
-having nice looking eyes
-my style
-benzos
-interesting life reflections
-comedy
-talent
-deep cleansing breaths
-closing my eyes
-my ambition
-the internet
-hot guys
-meeting interesting people
-great deals
-sales
-being a nice person
-having a kind heart
-my beauty
-getting a chemical peel today and doing the neck upgrade add-on
-ride-sharing services
-people to talk to
-confirming a job today
-having a good dream this morning. this guy i met in 2013 i seen again in august and worked with who i had found attractive kissed me on the forehead. this was one of those dreams that had feeling,too which is rare for me.i felt good in the dream. satiated. fulfilled.
-staying strong. some moments of the day are harder. but there's things that inspire me and help me to remain motivated and believe in myself. i've been sick a lot the last two weeks since things got intense,most days i have headaches,stomach aches,and heart pains. i feel like my chakras are out of whack and today even my ear bothered me again. my body has been so tense. sometimes i worry if i have a physical health problem. i took only 2 xanax today to try and cut down and see if i can take less on some days that why i have more on other days i need more.
-my style
-naps.
-accomplishments
-helpful people
-friendly people
-getting one of my articles complete today finally,and having things flow a little more tonight while working on it
-seeing things come together
-snacks
-water
-self compassion
-my outdoor cats
-hope
-great articles online
-being smart
-goals
-reminding myself one day at a time
-getting a little cleaning and organizing done
-compliments
-being told i have nice skin that looks young
-being social
-art
-the internet
-deep cleansing breaths
-nonconformity
-adding bigger chunks to my long-term savings
-fashion
-weight going down
-my to-do list notebook
-my intelligence
-remembering the law of attraction
-trusting life
-yoga
-hip openers
-things to smile about
-gin gins
-sunshine
Nightmares and panics are lessening,at least in intensity and physically am starting to feel better but still crazy stressed. V is out of the picture now. He is the uber driver with a sky-diving company who asked for my phone number who i had found attractive before he did and he seemed nice,and polite but then after didn't think i was interested. He also seemed clingy possibly,and i kinda blew him off. Then,decided to start to be open to him and consider maybe going out with him once just to see what happens and he just started to seem like a jerk then. And,so now before that even happening w have parted ways. In the week of texting since he me deciding to be open,things just weren't flowing and he didn't seem as nice,and seemed like he might be the jealous,machismo type and reminded me of traits an abusive ex. I don't think he would be like that,and it's probably that they are both similar culture that is bringing me that reminsence but still. Regardless,i am frustrated that another is not working out. I am trying to go with the flow,enjoy the process but i just wanted to go on a stupid date this time and it didnt even make it that far. Things flow with Maryland guy,and i feel like he is perfect for me and that if he was here,we would be together. things with us stay very casual. which is probably for the best.i want to enjoy that slowness and maybe it's all in my head that he would be perfect for me and the one. regardless,he sends me pics of animals and vegan things when he finds out im an animal lover,and V makes jokes about hunting Bambi in the middle of the night...
-ice cold water
-meeting a friend for lunch
-being social
-my boss saying she thinks i'm ready for team lead positions today
-working with someone very funny today who kept me laughing the whole shift. he also played hero to some girl who was getting harassed by a drunk guy who had harassed us at first which was cute to watch. i feel like you don't see that much these days.
-seeing my T cat a few minutes ago. hadn't seen him all day
-my outdoor cats
-my style
-great uber deals all day
-laughing at life at all the weird things that happened today.
-makeup
-naps
-sleep
-nightskies
-my intelligence
-getting my haircut yesterday
-inspiration
-openness
-prayer
-vegan cheese
-chipotle
-ice cold water
-meditating today. so good. highlight of the day.
-writing a new intention list
-seeing T cat tonight after not seeing him all day just laying on the new bed i bought today for the cats yawning like a little lion king. i asked who does he think he is for being gone all day.
-deciding to buy a new cat bed and another collar for T cat today at the store
-getting my pillow of S kitten yesterday
-getting the catnip seeds today finally
-feeling physically healthier
-going for a bike ride today
-sunshine
-naps
-sleep
-my intelligence
-talking to S some more today. i feel a build up between us,as if more and more i notice him suggesting us ways to see each other and since we met we have managed to keep in contact consistently
-patience
-practicing driving a little today
-organizing jewelry box
-nightskies
-feeling calmer and more pragmatic in some ways about things
-prayer
-doing some reading of current book then a few pages of elle magazine
-having nice teeth
-making my bed
-deep cleansing breaths
-my hypnosis audios
-losing weight
-my body becoming more toned
-stretches
-text messages and texting
-goals
-motivation
-that i met S this summer
-that looking back,i actually had a not too bad summer
-self compassion
-cuddles with T cat
-cuddles with L kitten
-L kitten mysteriously coming into our life this summer
-going for a one hour bike ride today
-sleep
-naps
-that M's husband will take me to get white pants for a job i have coming up
-trying to wear more of my clothes i havent worn yet just to mix it up
-skipping soda yesterday
-S texting me today
-listening to my hypnosis audios today
-stretches
-physical exercise
-calmness
-getting my savings account to 50% more then what it was 10 days ago. which is still not a lot but thats half doubling it. I like setting goals like that,exceeding them and then going up,and up. i find it to be a pragmatic way to get good with money.
-water
-seeing an apartment on my bike route a few blocks from where i'm at now saying for rent,so stopping to put the number in my phone
-being attractive
-getting more comfortable in my body
-sunshine and warm weather today
-deep cleansing breaths
-doing some organizing
-fashion
-giving in and getting the black hoodie i had my eye on. i have too many colors for outerwear and wanted a dark.
-getting my silver windbreaker in the mail
-water
-nightskies
-feeling better about myself in ways
-calming thoughts
-having cute teeth
-friendship
-taking things one day at a time
-positive thoughts/mantras
-feeling much better physically
-becoming stronger
-kind people
-my outdoor cats
-cuteness
-memories of happy moments and all that i've accomplished
-feeling like S and I are starting to talk to each other more often. The other day,i almost felt like a beneath the surface intuitive surge of things coming closer. I like him a lot,but here i hardly know him. We talked for like 5 minutes twice and once he hugged me that 2nd time and ever since then we text consistently but very casually and I just don't know what to think now. I get serendipity about him and everytime i let go of him in my mind or have a bad day/bad moment,he suddenly texts me. He brought up me going to D.C today and I thought gosh,that's crazy to go all the way there for someone i only seen in person twice for 5 minutes. Even what he looks like is becoming a slight blur. And,I realized that's how he must feel about coming to my city. It is crazy,at least for where we are at currently in knowing each other. Maybe if we texted everyday,or had some phone calls,or had spent a whole day together when we had met. This girl today made me think I need to accelerate things with him because she,too had a Maryland(literally from Maryland,too) but she lost him because she let things take too long. But,I have to follow my heart. I did text him after work because of what she said and it was fine,he doesnt seem to play games,but i feel i'm meant to take this slow. I just don't know how to let things get just a little accelerated,though. I do feel though,intuitively that surge as if things are about to become more in some way,i don't know what exactly.
-today was stressful. a work contact/acqutaince wants to pull the piece now because she is getting frustrated about something I have to clean up the mess on. I guess she doesnt like my honesty and she said she is putting her foot down and pulling the piece. I said fine do what you have to do.I hate my city. I'm very anxious about money these days and to have to fix someone's errors is an expense that I don't need. Later,I cancelled on a friend i was going to meet with but I felt tired and was in a bad mood plus my money is so low that going anywhere is stressing me out right now. He seemed weird then just didnt respond. Then,i wanted to cuddle with my cats,but they all wanted to be outside.I found out the other day staying with my dad temporarily isn't an option because i cant bring my cats and he'd want me to pay rent and it'd already be an expense as it is living so far away. Itd be one thing if my cats could come,but overall the deal has no benefit to me whatsoever so that option is officially ruled out. Overall,im grateful for my strength.
-M's husband putting some money into my account.
-opportunities
-compliments. today,a co-worker said i seem like i'd do yoga or meditation because i have a calm aura.
-naps and sleep
-water
-lorazapam. this seems to be the winner for me with best anxiety med
-deep cleansing breaths
-the weight i've lost
-makeup
-getting my adidas hoodie in the mail. good choice going with that one.
-all the upcoming work i have
-my cat pillows
-smiling
-inspiration
S and I have been talking more. Though,he is also becoming more and more perplexing. I wouldn't even think he likes me at this point. I can't figure him out.I think he was checking on me today with his text because i told him about a weird,freak incident with a co-worker of mine last night. He's said he thought upon meeting me i was nice and goofy were his impressions. Goofy? Trying really hard to hold that in and not be offended. The other day i said san francisco seemed perfect place for him to live,which made sense based on what he said and he said no his bad psychic reading skills must be rubbing off on me. Today,he said something,and i said wow,we are so much alike and he said no,he thinks we are opposites and named a few ways how including coming up with that i'm impatient and he's very patient. where has he gotten that from that im impatient? And,that he is very much a skeptic and im very spiritual and my rumi book gave me away. He's seemed different lately. As if he's letting down barriers and being more free or he is moody and has things on his mind or is going through something. idk,but it's an interesting stage in our development.
-that S and I have been talking more often
-soup
-ice cold water
-a nice sunshine-y day
-laying out in the sun for a bit
-going for a bike ride today
-coffee
-cuddling with L kitten for a bit
-seeing T cat today
-all my outdoor cats. E cat has been meowing at me lowly when i greet him these days
-feeling more calmer,grounded,and positive lately
-M and her husband in the yard just lounging and talking to M for a few minutes casually when her husband went inside
-losing weight
-getting paperwork sent in
-all the job bookings
-the trade-ins i made for some beauty vouchers i had
-how great my eyebrows look
-naps
-my beauty
-my hypnosis audios
-sleep
-laughter
-yoga pants
-organizing
-blankets
-music
-how much i've grown as a person since ex best friend dropped me out of his life
-that S and I have gotten a little closer.i think that's what it was that was going on that felt peculiar.
-that it feels like summer
-running into people from my past today
-sunshine
-coffee
-getting a ride to work
-one of the people i recognized making a big deal of me being a "first career" and bringing up a mural thing he said he seen me in a few years ago that i've yet to see. he was actually more attractive in person. i had only ever conversed with him online in facebook before and we were facebook acquintances and he had always been nice to me and genuine.
-becoming more independent
-seeing my T cat. he keeps showing up like no big deal after not seeing him all day.
-my beauty
-makeup
-naps
-waking up on time for work
-getting my black adidas hoodie in the mail
-my dolce&gabbana sunglasses
-my weight loss
-uber
-food
-ice cold water
-new experiences
-doing some more oranizing
-feeling calmer and more grounded
-hyaluronic acid
-doing some reading today
-listening to some of my hypnosis audios today
-dimmer lights
-the internet
-feeling attractive
-wrist stretches
-hip openers
-lorazapam
-friendliness
-nourishment
-lavender
-ashwagandha
-people to text
-letting go easier
-deep cleansing breaths
-positive affirmations
-S
-lavender
-my adidas hoodie
-my style
-compliments
-makeup
-water
-getting in a bike ride today
-lounging in the sun for a bit this afternoon
-friendliness
-fashion
-naps
-yoga
-deep cleansing breaths
-feeling more calm and grounded
-art
-my creativity
-inspirations
-being productive today
-finishing up the article i was working on
-listening to my hypnosis audios this morning
-coffee
-lorazapam
-celexa
-deep cleansing breaths
-cuteness
-chocolate
-getting skinnier
-smiling
-E cat meowing at me lately
-cuddling with my T cat today
-cuddling with L kitten
-all my outdoor cats
-all the cats i care for
-the internet
-entertainment
-freedom
-my phone
-relaxation
-warm showers
-blankets
-sleep
-naps
-waking up on time and going to my doctor appointment despite all the hustle and bustle of last minute changes and getting my bloodwork done
-summery weather
-cookies
-cold beverages
-getting long term savings to $200
-chipotle
-going for a bike ride
-insurance providing free transportation to medical appointments
-uber
-losing weight
-docusign
-music
-meditation
-my black hoodie
-T cat
-all my outdoor cats
-motivation
-more jobs getting confirmed
-getting more cleaning done
-fashion
-my style
-my beauty
-my intelligence
-compliments
-water
-new experiences
-growing as a person
-meeting interesting people
-inspiration
-meditation
-naps
-getting a ride home from work today
-smiling
-prayer
-getting a $20 check in the mail today
-feeling in a better mood today
-lorazapam
-getting my new book in the mail
-doing some reading of my new book and of elle magazine
-my hypnosis audios
-prayer
-uber
-great lighting
-seeing my cat more today
-cuddling with cats
-my body getting stronger
-stretches
-skygazing
-waking up on time for work
-being productive after work despite being tired
-meditation
-mango fruit spread
-sunshine
-aloe juice
-citolopram
-lorazapam
-going to sleep early last night
-working today
-confirming 2 jobs today
-feeling calmer and more grounded again
-my adidas hoodie
-entertainment
-my style
-my dolce&gabbana sunglasses
-my rag&bone t-shirt
-iced almond milk lattes
-my miu miu clutch
-finding my lip balm
-beauty
-my prada bag
-my beauty
-makeup
-unconventional great ideas
-walking
-yoga stretches
-growing as a person
-getting a ride to and from work today
-ashwagandha
-my buddha rose quartz and maroon bracelet
-doing some more reading of my new book and elle magazine
-doing some more organizing and cleaning
-spending time with T cat
-cuddling with L kitten
-all the cute things my outdoor cats do
-nightskies
-M putting money in my account for starbucks
-M's husbands reassurances
-M's husband saying he talked to a friend about a possible free condo i may be able to stay in when i move in
-blankets
-showers
-forgiveness
-healing
-reflection
-listening to some of my hypnosis audios today
-relaxation
-doing some coloring today
-prayer
-laughing
-face massage
-motivation
-cleaning
-feeling better
-confirming a lot of jobs
-going to a "real job" interview today to boost my self esteem
-seeing someone i know that i worked with years ago and mentioning it,and he was nice and said hi and kissed the side of my head.was very cute.
-water
-seeing people i know from work while working today and one stopping and chatting with me for a bit
-manifesting working with the one guy i have sexual tension with who is the boss's bf who i worked with years ago.i worked with him for the first time in years in august and the other day visualized us working together again and sure enough,it manifested like the next morning! his gf came to where we met and brought her dog and we talked about animals and he showed me his cat. they seemed frustrated by each other,which was interesting,moreso him by her. he offered to buy me something from there like a cookie or something which i declined and made a big deal of asking where have i been all these years saying i just disappeared. then,brought up my first career kinda gushing about it saying well,i seem like a model. he was teasing me on and off sometimes too and somethings he said made no sense that i never said so he had to have been playing games and gotten it from facebook. he seemed very excited to see me. it was nice working with him.i'm less shy now(thanks lorazapam) and he's a little more mature. He pointed to a sign that said mnml and i said minimal and he said it is about minimalism hence the short letters. He seemed a bit erratic(what's with guys being erratic when talking to me lately?) and got mad out loud when his gf texted him telling him to meet her at target at so and so time because he didnt want to and had plans with friends. He seemed kind of off his game with work,i was doing most of it,which is surprising since he gets the best jobs(well because of his gf). We had some nice chatting,though he seemed distracted too. At the end,we hugged. And,in hindsight,that hug almost felt like sex.My body and legs were in between his pelvic area and the pose itself seemed romantic. It was a quick hug and im sure he probably hugs all the females he works with. He then said he'd recommend me for being team lead roles in the recap forms. Everytime i see him,i cant stop thinking about him. I'm learning/relearning that sometimes you just get a vibe someone likes you. It's an energy,and he always vibes with me ever since the last two times i seen him. I did feel something years ago toward him but thought he was too weird and narcissistic so let it go despite how in sync we seemed to be. This hug was way more sex then the hug with S in July. Both were quick but with S our bodies were more separated and from afar it probably looked like an awkward hug whereas with D,our bodies were close,and from afar i feel like it would've looked like we were a couple. It's like my arms were just more comfortable being around him. It's weird.
-the book i've been reading
-confirming a lot of jobs
-doing a lot of bike rides
-sleep
-cuddles with T cat
-cuddles with L kitten
-meeting my financial goals
-buying my favorite candy
-buying a new pair of yoga pants
-benzos
-iced lattes
-massage
-my outdoor cats
-reading some elle magazine
-becoming more competant and growing as a person
-my hypnosis audios
-getting a ride to work and to my interview today
-nourishment
-calmness
-sunshine
-my laptop
-makeup
-my adidas hoodie
-nightskies
-meditation
-candy
-coffee
-finding my xanax today
-benzos
-being social today
-meditation
-water
-getting invited to a party by an old friend E which first sent me into a tailspin but then i decided i will go,i am ready,this is a good thing
-my adidas hoodie
-being social today
-coming across a store opening giving away free wine and cupcakes
-friend insisting i take train home instead of uber saying she will walk me to the train and tell me how to do it,and so i did i took two different trains,it was easy,and i got home for $2.25 which was amazing. A big goal for me and accomplishment.
-finding out my boss who is the gf of the guy i like is actually much older then i thought. i thought she was about my age or younger,but she is actually almost 50 and as it sounds she practically is a sugar mama to him and they fight a lot. she even gave a job of his to my friend once during a fight.
-growing as a person
-cats
-hot guys
-hot guys who are chivalrous and protective. some hot young guy collecting politcal signatures gently pulled me to the side in a protective way when someone walked by. was so cute.
-my dolce&gabbana sunglasses
-my phone
-technology
-my body being nice and sore from all the yoga yesterday and feeling stronger
-kindness
-serendipity
-shopping
-colors
-stretches
-entertainment
-sleep
-appreciation
-learning
-style
-positive vibes
-the internet
-entertainment
-vegan cheese
-not going to work today and not caring
-working out today on stairmaster,elliptical and kundalini yoga
-starting to feel a connection with R
-having fun and kisses with R after finally meeting up after all these years. we are both different now.
-R offering to buy me a handbag after me joking about him buying me a louis ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ bag. He's brought it up several times now i think joking
-R saying sweet things and seeming to really care for me and how i'm doing
-my sense of style
-spending an hour looking for P cat. havent seen her in about 2 days now. very stressful.
-meditation
-nice skies
-getting flirted with a lot and complimented a lot
-aloe vera water
-being told by M i look like im losing weight
-M's husband buying me munchkins donuts
-inspiration
-sending out a ton of emails for jobs
-my hair
-my beauty
-feeling in the halloween spirit
-fashion
-makeup
-my T cat. he is so cute.
-cuddling with L kitten
-meeting animal friendly people
-my phone
-uber
-growing as a person
-practicing written driving test stuff again
-getting savings to $300
-my job tomorrow
-driving with M's husband to and from pharmacy to pick up my meds
-motivation
-the book i've been currently reading
-getting approved for care credit
-my credit score improving
-cats
-nourishment
-letting go
-faith
-warm showers
-bike rides
-laying out in the sun the other day and doing outdoor yoga
-having nice curves
-lorazapam
-calming and grounding
-caring people
-meditation
-naps
-self compassion
-my cats
-my job yesterday going really well
-caring people
-uber
-finishing up my book and elle magazine issue
-my style
-remembering my power
-cuddling with cats
-ghee butter
-bread
-vegan burritos
-spices
-soda pop
-water
-ideas
-talent
-being smart
-touch
-hope
-detachment
-the internet
-doing 35 minutes of rebounding today
-feeling calmer and more grounded
-the weather being beautiful out today
-all going well with my doctor appt today
-attempting to pick up records at hospital today
-getting more money added to my account today
-confirming another job which makes up for more of the money i lost so far in earnings
-aloe water
-vegan burritos
-spices
-feeling empowerment
-my maturity
-having carecredit now and a good credit line with it
-my credit improving
-iced almond milk lattes
-ghee butter
-cuddling with cats
-great affirmations
-my life coach
-stretches
-my adidas hoodie
-my beauty
-lorazapam
-sending out a bunch of emails for jobs today
-great skincare products
-feeling like in some ways i am becoming more attractive
-beauty
-buying myself a face mask today
-blankets
-sleep
-listening to my hypnosis audios outside in the sun today
-my dolce&gabbana sunglasses
-music
-my taste in things
-smiling
-writing out affirmations for 3 pages
-my phone
-the internet
-entertainment
-inspiration
-water fountains
-my to-do list
-getting a document set up of disputing a fraudulent debt
-getting flyers made up of P cat. just need to print them tomorrow now.
-sunshine
-nightskies
-rest
-innovation
-technology
-letting go
-goals
-my laptop
-buying myself some gouda cheese today.
-getting confirmed for an odd job last night and getting it all done today
-getting flyers made for P cat
-getting two checks in the mail
-buying myself the silver high top sneakers in the mail i've been wanting for awhile
-iced lattes
-positive affirmations
-physical exercise
-spices
-vegan burritos
-laughing
-naps
-cuteness
-napping with T cat and L kitten today
-staying motivated
-getting a lot done today
-waking up early today
-getting my savings to $400
-having a job interview tomorrow
-doing some journaling tonight
-confirming a job today
-getting some cleaning done today
-vitamins
-my new phone ring tone
-my femininity
-freedom
-how much more independent i've become
-shopping
-kindness
-doing some coloring in an old lisa frank coloring book i found
-smiling
-hot guys
-relaxing some inner resistance i've been having about my love life
-yoga pants
-hoodies
-entertainment
-lorazapam
-going through lots of credit things in my mail i'm trying to fix and doing some work on that
-being approved for care credit
-buying a new wall affirmation decal inspired by an affirmation given to me by my life coach to use for P cat
-efforts
-taking things one day at a time
-my comforter
-other girl having trouble too with job which worked out since i ended up getting anxiety and not going and was able to use that to help my case
-my cats
-being kind
-wonder
-M putting money in my account
-coffee
-ghee butter
-chickpeas curry
-beauty
-vegan pizza
-my beauty
-art
-my computer
-my phone
-relief after feeling cranky and depressed over some things not working out today
-gratitude
-water
-the photofacial doing a good job of fading some flaws i wanted gone
-trying on my costume and how good i looked in it
-how great my legs looked in my costume before i put tights on
-naps
-sleep
-stretches
-my body being sore from a workout the other day
-after social plans going wrong,going crazy and deciding to buy $50 worth of my favorite candy,a halloween pop-up card for a friend who's party im going to and sending more cat food and dog stuff to my mom
-doing some coloring to relax
-sending out lots of emails for jobs
-being in the halloween spirit lately
-sending out emails on trying to find a dentist to get enameloplasty done
-music
-being complimented
-dimmer lights
-getting my business meeting done today and getting a ride there and back
-M putting money in my account
-M's husband giving me $20
-S contacting me today
-compliments
-R contacting me and saying sweet things
-shopping
-my cats staying warm and toasty
-deep cleansing breaths
-naps
-my style
-coffee
-my beauty
-how effective my photofacial was
-doing a facemask last night
-makeup
-fashion
-buying myself a crescent moon barrette and a really cute work top or top that can be used as atheleisure with yoga pants
-walking
-deciding to rent a movie
-l kitten cuddling in my arms like a little baby
-the internet
-goals
-music
-beauty
-connection
-that it didn't rain today
-food
-aloe vera juice
-sending out emails for jobs
-being in a more positive mood today
-growing as a person
-newness
-yoga
-doing some cleaning and organizing
-things to look forward to
-my hypnosis audios
-high vibes
-M telling her husband i lost weight
-how relaxed T cat looks when he sleeps or has his neck or chin petted
-all my cats i love and care for and all cats in general