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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-laptop
-internet
-a nice big mason jar of water to drink
-trying to be strong
-my determination to have a good day
-my phone
-my phone charger
-lip balm
-sleeping at apartment all day yesterday in morning/early afternoon which was a first and showed i was comfortable
-getting acquainted with normal sounds and neighbors sounds being here
-being smart
-that i choose my reality and at any moment can change anything
-that best friend came back for me today
-music
-black window cover
-beauty
-attractive guys
-inspiration
-motivation
-seeing signs from best friend of him calming down and that he's seeing something off and slight insight into why he is how he is and seeing little things showing he is still caring and trying
-stomach being nice and flat
-my desires
-sweaters
-getting some good brainstorming done for new business venture after a meditation yesterday
-vitamins
-heart being much better then it was a few weeks ago
-patience
-calmness
-my rain boots
-pictures and photography
-warmer weather yesterday
-this website
-donuts and soda snack yesterday
-reassurances
-miracles of my past that show me what's possible
-blankets
-having things to look forward to
-some sense of normalcy this week
-no longer having to go back to best friend's parents during daytime. thank god.
-yoga pants
-empathy even when other's dont have it
-being clean and feeling clean. love the feeling of fresh washed face
-finding the positive in things
-gratitude
-becoming much more logical over the last few days and "sane"
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-love
-romance
-finding the beauty of life's dramas
-hope
-meeting my goal and how bearable it has been
-reiki
-doing work thing i wanted to do today
-brimming with ideas for bettering myself and desires
-music
-surge of feeling i got at a certain moment of the evening A. Not sure if it was telepathic but it was a knowing type strong emotion
-laptop
-internet
-best friend only making me wait half as long tonight
-telling him nightmare today and confiding early morning my fears and him seeming to be calmer and more normal today
-ideas we are working on to better me
-my new favorite dressy top i've been wearing lately
-my phone
-my phone charger
-my notebook
-pens
-being smart
-my confidence increasing
-vitamins
-emotions
-art
-the fashion industry
-new goals to overcome once i'm settled
-sleep
-sleeping again almost the whole daytime
-that best friend doesn't start until a little later tomorrow. those days are easier
-prayer
-being finished with my book and deciding my next book already i want to buy
-being closer to achieving some goals now from before from all this
-my beauty
-getting some sense of normalcy this week
-having laundry in the building finally. something i've wanted for some time.
-all i have going for me
-feeling healthy
-being able to love
-being able to see the positive in things
-knowing i've grown a lot as a person over the years
-knowing i create my reality
-subjective reality
-calming a bit and having a bit of a raised vibration and feeling a stronger sense of power with my intentions from it
-positivity
-strength
-being cautious about certain things and dedicating to ensuring reality flows for the best for me
-reflection
-my desire to shine and be a star
-my desire to pave away quickly into making a lot of things happen at a speed unlike any i've ever moved at before
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-realizing that once everybody has seen how bad and scared i have really been,how much support I have recieved. That's what I wanted in the first place and it shows me people can show support despite being very involved and busy with their own lives. besides best friend and his neverending support,he has reassured me his family will always help me and they've offered me things. The girl R has offered to be my friend. My mom has offered to check on me more and has even said if i had to i'd stay with her. My dad offered me a job at his job if i needed it. My brother's offered me weed. Guy R has offered me money and to talk with me. L offered to take me for soup(knowing i've been sick) and hang out with me.People on social media on a few posts that were vague offered lots of support which surprised. it showed me God wants you to be strong and handle things on your own but at the right times,you will see people are there for you in their own small way. It has shown me no matter what I can handle things and will be ok. I''m also grateful realizing i'm physically stronger then I think. I don't like how I found that out,but still.I need to know I think that I can be resourceful,and strong in body,mind and spirit. I need to trust life. And,all that takes away the fear of your fear which is important since fears can be risky because of the loa. On top of all that,all the positive steps in gear to ensure a more secure future. it doesn't feel like 100% enough,but then nothing ever is and true security is as i always believed,a state of mind.
-being able to reflect so i can change my reality
-seeing more and more that the world is a mirror
-feeling more confident about taking on certain ventures and paths
-that i can get my eyebrows threaded this weekend finally for the first time in about two months and get groceries
-knowing where i need to be is my apartment and able to work towards my dreams
-yoga pants
-best friend promising to bury the hatchet tonight after talk we had
-realizing i still have a very weak vibration about my phobia and i need to change it asap and really cleanse it
-comfortable clothes
-pretty clothes
-reassurances
-seeing the good in the bad
-emails
-the internet
-laptop
-getting things done
-water
-mason jars
-crying it out and letting it out,knowing my weaknesses and feeling like things have been balanced now with all the wounds i caused best friend
-switching to light colored sodas only since dark ones are the worst for you
-my fashion show duffel bag i love
-my beauty
-proving i can stay alone in apartment at daytime and how easy it's become.i even sleep pretty easily once the sun comes up. not perfect but it's major progress.
-that the month is almost half over. sounds negative but i know time will be healing as i see more time passes and that all is well. and,it will be daylight out longer too after a certain point which will be helpful for me.
-rationalization for my fears
-feeling love for others right now. idk why i just feel so much love. it's weird and makes no sense.
-realizing i've been nostalgic for everything lately not just D and that proves also that this is just panic attack stuff about becoming older and also the stupid,stupidest thing i've ever done of setting the intention of unconscious becoming conscious which i need to really remind myself of everytime i wonder why my left went to hell this year.i didn't even know what shadow work was at the time but that's what i asked for not meaning to and i don't believe in it now.i think it's harmful.i think personal growth should have challenges sure,but not like this. it should feel more inspiring,thrilling and not quite as hard. also,realizing doing joseph dispenza processes too may have brought some of this on,too. thank god i have a good memory so i can trace back how everything could have been created which calms my worries.I wanted so bad to 'lose my mind and create a new one." I was desperate for change. I was hurt by a stupid guy. I was intrigued by the fact that I didn't even know I liked him so what else could happen if i asked for unconscious to become conscious. Maybe it could create positive changes. But,only hell had come from this. I closed that intention about a month or two ago after realizing it as a potential cause for all this and feel all that's left still happening is residue from that intention. when you top all that off with the fact that i had just recently healed from grief,oh my! a recipe for disaster.i have no doubt in my heart that's what's caused all this and all i can do now is look for the good in it while dealing with the residue aftereffects of all this.
-massage
-that i've been catching up on sleep. have still been very tired. it's been a rough time. like i've been in battle. constantly on edge and suffering physical effects but little by little,it's going away. i'm catching up on sleep more. i'm doing my beauty things little by little which makes me feel good. my ear feels just about healed. i'd say 99% there. chest is a lot better,too. but,still residue effects so i'm still being stressed.
-deciding i may just have to give up making massage appt and it's not a big deal.
-inspired action to contact people to get things going again for work
-feeling like i'm finally going to move forward now
-feeling more stable. it's so nice being able to do the little things without the fright i had a few weeks ago
-blankets
-ordering my next book tonight and it was only 1 cent somehow plus shipping
-calming music that makes me feel
-doing some writing today
-feeling like i've become more loving from all this
-all my ideas on how i will move forward
-knowing i'm a very loving person
-feeling like i'm having a healing of some sort of the heart chakra from all this and maybe it's because this chapter really is closing and i'm moving into new things. God,i hope so.
-looking forward to the new year!
-acceptance
-this little thing that happens sometimes when i'm not seeing clearly from fear thought that tells me it's not true..things seem "blurrier" like literally..
-this website
-subjective reality
-laundry machine and dryer in the building. we've been doing laundry a lot ever since and it's so nice.
-best friend's reiki
-vitamins
-affirming to myself a few times recently that it's safe to let go.and that only good things happen when i let go
-water,the moon,and nightskies
-feminine energy
-masculine energy
-cats
-my creativity
-things that are cooling
-that i'm really healing and things are going to be ok. the inner knowing coming to me.
-metaphorically feeling like i'm coming out of the ocean i was drowning in and hands waiting for me to enter the next phase of life now.
-embracing the seasons
-stretches
-yoga
-jumping jacks
-forgiveness
-newfound appreciation for best friend
-feeling a weird sense of oneness suddenly too
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
sick from drama and feel like my solar plexus and heart chakra have been knocked out from the trauma of the stress. this has been the longest phase.
-buying a new box of tea to try which grabbed my attention. green tea and lemongrass. was drawn to it because it seemed good for heart chakra
-being home finally after two mistreatments that were really bad and humiliating
-mom and brother being there for me after all that happened and helping me to not feel alone and like this would work out
-my strength and conviction
-my determination
-L to talk to even though i am not sure i like him
-joining loa forum for advice
-beautiful weather today
-calmness after all the madness
-at least getting apologies finally for both things
-getting to go grocery shopping today
-perspective that he is not calmed down still and spite is why he is acting this way
-warm shower
-sleep
-faith
-knowing the contrast is booming strong desires
-being told how skinny i am today repeatedly. it's actually from the stress but it made me feel good since i like that look
-patience
-wisdom
-being love no matter what
-the guided meditations i did last night
-using all this to propel me and studying hard that the world really is a mirror
-being smart
-my selfless side
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-smores poptarts
-finally getting my eyebrows thread for first time since october and that it all worked out with being able to go even and that place i ended up going to since first place i tried to go to was only$6. i'm still in amazement at that price. so nice.
-today feeling somewhat normal-ish
-that R is out of the picture
-that managing to stay in apartment in daytime is now easy
-the feeling i got a bit ago that the incident in spring that i am just about to let go of now.it feels almost time. it's odd.all this time i hung onto it thinking it wasnt a big deal when it was then thinking this is a huge deal and will i ever be ok again,and now it just seems i'm almost ready to let it go.
-my mom helping me out today
-getting to see moms cat twice recently now
-catching up a little bit of sleep today.
-hearing C doesn't work somewhere anymore which means a possible manifestation i had worked on for sometime
-that my book shipped today
-getting some dishes done today
-L to text
-seeing my transitioned loved one's pic on my moms phone
-wearing some makeup today and eyeliner which i havent worn in months and how good that felt
-being classy
-sweaters
-figuring out and trying my key for the first time today
-being kind
-sodas since i'm still drinking those instead of coffee for now
-the loa website giving me some ideas
-remembering what a high vibe feels like
-visualization meditations online i love
-feeling just a little bit more caught up on life
-feeling moments of life feeling good again
-the positive inner knowings i had recently
-water
-vitamins
-warm showers
-my bed
-getting through another day
-best friend being slightly more reliable.
-my understanding and perspective of things that allows me to be wise and patient
-being able to trace how bad things that make me nervous pop up so i can soothe myself
-being safe
-that all i care about is safe and will love long lives
-feeling more and more convinced of subjective reality whenever i think about the law of attraction
-ideas
-starting to feel just a little bit more safer again
-getting business work things done tonight
-job to look forward to in beginning of next month
-inner determination and optimism
-my interests and happy things
-feeling positive minded for some reason like everything is going to be ok and life's going to get better,even though external circumstances arent there yet
-the bank account im about to get
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-that best friend came out just when he did at gas station.
-that i live in an inherently friendly universe that protects really bad things from happening
-that i'm safe
-the rush of emotions i felt and how much i love best friend when he finally texted back
-L to talk to
-having a sweet heart even when it seems everyone hates me and is mean to me,the fact that i know
-that today's experience i know is a signal to turn things around and to instantly tweak my vibration and has caused me to stop and reflect on things and realize life cant be lived like this,it is time to change right now and to appreciate the little things and stop the crazy drama
-that God always protects me and mine
-the quiet calm from higher self that always comes on times where something scary happens that instantly changes reality and keeps me safe
-cats
-my mom
-sleeping really good today
-some kind of apology and being told by best friend he will think about things and all that's happened
-best friends protection
-accepting and understanding imperfection
-getting a smidge of work done and getting some interest generated in new business
-self forgiveness
-being home now
-after meditating last night,the clarity and healing feeling of some negative energy blockages being cleared. it felt bittersweet as it made me realize mixed feelings about moving forward and all the time wasted from drama and fear vibration but it was healing,too and i felt a sense of aliveness from it
-the power of quiet
-meditation
-getting some journaling done last night
-how after good sleep my ear feels practically healed and just knowing that if i could keep catching up on sleep and have stress go away for even a week,it'd be 100% healed.
-remembering and seeing I have not been myself for months now. I have completely unraveled as if someone put a curse on me. I cant remember last time i felt so powerless. And,now i'm undoing that little by little,remembering who I am and my strengths and pulling myself together.i wouldn't even recognize myself if i looked at myself lately and the old me was watching.i need to empower myself and raise my vibe so i can have more power and be respected again and get the treatment i've been waiting for.
-higher self telling me that if just raise my vibe i'd manifest a lot of the changes i been wanting quick.
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-testing listening to headphones so i can listen to solfeggios again since they raise my vibe quicker then anything else i know.i managed to listen to one full 6 minute heart chakra audio then decided to stop and all going well
-water
-vitamins
-my determination
-knowing i'm going to win
-how good it will feel when everyone sees how amazing i am and how strong i am and when i get the treatment i deserve again
-my beauty
-makeup
-my yoga mat
-my feeling of wanting my third career i transition into to perhaps be something movement related such as fitness
-my mom being there for me and helping me out through this frustrating time
-music and how strong it can make you feel and take you away
-jumping jacks
-stretches
-getting a bunch of work done for new business today
-having money left for me so it was easier to do what i had to do today
-being able to teach my mom some yoga
-laughing at life and the humor of my mom
-what i can offer
-pepsi my new drink i've been going to instead of coffee
-staying in apartment alone for 20-30 minutes before my mom even arrived as she was late and handling it well
-my conviction
-getting little pieces from best friend of what's really going on and what he is doing and seeing he really is scared of losing his relationship
-being safe
-getting away from going to dad's place since it seems time to stop now and is making things worse
-really getting to know a neighborhood well for the first time. this is the first neighborhood in my life that i've lived in for a bit and and actually have gotten to know a little bit. it is kind of cool.
-that by staying home,at least i have a better chance of my physical health coming back to me quicker
-inspiring things i see
-ear feeling a lot better after sleep and heart being pretty ok today
-remembering happy things
-that i have a lot of interests
-that at least with what what i'm doing now,i'll have even more free time to do the things i need to catch up on
-that this month is more then half way over
-that my book is almost here
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-some entertainment for the night
-laughing
-red wine
-potatoes
-spices
-really random things happening to just prove how crazy and fun and spontaneous life can be
-being a fun person
-techno music
-people who keep in touch with me after all this time
-my job booked coming up which im really excited for
-goofy moments with my mom
-random fun life moments that remind me to treat life as a party
-yoga pants
-being thing
-makeup
-water
-vitamins
-dancing
-hope
-remembering fun
-feeling so light and fun and remembering fun and what it's like to have fun and some of the things i live for again
-being able to listen to headphones again and finish up a heart chaka playlist starting last night up until the next afternoon little by little building up how much i listen. it was so nice to use headphones again and listen to chakra music again and i know i helped my vibe raise and clear because i felt bursts of happiness and excitement and let things go easier and yet felt my feelings,etc it was just a lighter feeling i had overall.
-sodas
-gratitude
-my i believe affirmations and making effort to control my mind for parts of the day and seeing the difference it made
-sleep and getting caught up
-feeling like my looks are starting to come back
-seeing how everybody is crazy and has ridiculous drama and is so foolish
-great fashion design
-some work getting done and getting business generated for new business
-being a girl
-my bed
-my bathroom and how nice it is and how funny that is considering my last bathroom was so tiny and everyone hated it
-how cute my apartment is and how it looks like a photo studio and the chic outside of it that looks like nyc
-building up to staying alone at night for up to an hour now of early evening times
-interesting life experiences
-starting to worry less
-becoming stronger again and how sure i am that i'm getting my life back and that things are going to return to normal more and more quickly
-things that slow the mind down
-sweets
-my kind heart
-cats
-that i get my new bank account tomorrow
-all the new positive wonderful things coming
-that winter solstice is almost here
-my ability to curate well
-being young
-looking the same as i did when i was 17
-my conviction,determination,sanity,all coming back stronger
-my sense of humor
-blankets
-being safe
-all my loved ones being safe
-that i'm becoming better in every way
-my wisdom and ability to reflect on life in a logical way
-feeling more confident
-laughing at life
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-best friend finally being reliable with time and not playing games for first time in almost 3 weeks since the fights started. this shows me we will resume to being healthy with each other. first i kept believing it even when i wasnt seeing it,and now i'm seeing it. even just this one night showed me something.
-the dog being calmer today. i actually felt fondness for her today.
-my brother getting to see my apartment and him being impressed with it
-mom coming by
-being able to stay alone at night up to 2 -2 1/2 hours now. i know i'm getting better and this feels amazing
-getting my new bank account opened today
-finding out you can deposit cash now in the machines. so weird. i felt like i entered a parallel reality.
-the bank teller being so sweet and saying she can tell i have a good heart and saying she think i'd be a good teacher. this came up so randomly and made me feel sooooo good!
-vitamins
-picking up a pizza and ordering it on my own. felt so good to do that.i don't usually do things like that if i ever have even
-getting some toning workout done today which felt good
-today being a pretty good today
-my vibe having raised a bit from the chakra musics,being home,and meditations
-being able to listen to chakra music on my headphones again. so nice.
-my ear doing a lot better. it seems as long as i can sleep and get minimal stress,i don't even feel like there is an issue like it's that close to being healed.
-makeup
-being classy
-inspiration
-beauty
-healing happening
-cool things that interest me
-things starting to feel more and more normal and better
-yoga pants
-my rain boots i use as winter boots
-deciding to give up fish oil since it makes me nauseous and hasnt seen to have a positive effect on me
-selenium which HAS seemed to have had a positive effect on me and possibly relieving depression
-being calm
-getting work things in
-that things are moving along
-that i'm going to get through this month
-how great january will be
-empowering myself
-speaking affirmation videos
-having an interesting personality
-starting to love myself more again
-desires,hopes,and positive wonders for the future
-blankets
-how much more calmer i am compared to weeks ago,and since october. wow.
-seeing how unempowered and powerless i was with my vibration and actions and so on and finally feeling like an empowered person. it's amazing i got that low and for so long.
-music
-photo apps
-spicy food
-potatoes
-slowly transitioning back to a plant based diet and how good that feels
-social media
-the internet
-realizing the core of my problems lately has been a lack of trust in life
-cool things about time like feeling like time slowed down at parts of the day
-not even checking tarot anymore and seeing how many times it told me really negative things that weren't at all true. creepy. cant imagine how someone can base their life off that. :(
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-new places to try
-mom staying with me tonight
-that i can listen to headphones and do my chakra building music
-that best friend is being nicer and is making some slight changes and can tell i'm getting through to him and just need to be patient
-having laundry machines in the building
-getting to sleep all day since i couldn't fall asleep before
-no issues with ear as far as i can remember tonight
-potatoes
-spicy sauce i love
-getting some cayenne pepper
-getting a response for something finally about something
-the interest getting generated for new business
-lemon essential oil and deciding to use some for my hair
-getting some normal things back and improvement with things
-that it's not easy to stay until early evening alone in apartment
-thoughts of desire for what i want and sweet success
-sodas
-snacks
-that i'm eating more plant based foods then i was a few weeks ago at least
-being able to donate some more money to my favorite charity which makes me feel good
-being loving and having perspective
-vitamins
-being able to sit down and relax for a bit
-all the new things to do and try
-that my vibe has been rising and clearing some energy blockages
-clean clothes to wear
-L to text. He's been the only one around through all this really. I should at least hang with him one more time.
-still having dreams and remembering miracles and loa and universe awesomeness
-warm showers
-my amazing bathroom
-twitter for new business getting a bunch of followers
-feeling my feelings
-the internet
-reassurances
-mercy
-forgiveness
-relaxation
-being classy
-my standards