IA´s dream diary....

Last night I did feel total terror and fear in my dream...It was a dead relative male who did come in with dog´s and I was on the floor, tiny...he did petrifye me when he pusched his finger on my nose and said...now meet this little lovely thing...a huge dog who did push his nose to my neck and I did pusch my finger on his chin and said...this is torture, take the dog away..I did see in his eye´s that he did understand what terror he did put me through..but he did it anyway...It was so terrible fearing that I had to awake me from this dream...and I went up for a while and went back to bed, and did dream about an golden spider, big, with very beautiful blue eye´s.,..I had him on a white sheat of paper and I asked him to stay on it..and said...please show me the way...I was afraid but not in a petryfying terror fear...the spider jumped down to floor and I opened the door and he said that he want to travel on me..and did crawle up to my neck where the dog had pusched his nose and it was terrible so I had to awake me from this dream too...

I don´t know what this spot on my neck on right side represent´s...I do get in panick daytime also if some-one tries to touch my neck...I just cant let anyone touch my neck??

I had this teaching dream...wow so complicated it was before I started to understand...They did give it to me in varies of way´s...so I will try to tell you...All thought´s, emotion´s every you can think of...it can be like a flame...or child.,..or what ever you at the given time are using to give it birth...so if it is like a flame...and it will multiply it to several flame´s...and off course it will develop to a fire and spread att all direction´s you can imagen...so the solution is to have a big and good trained fire departement, right...if it is children...then you have to have a good kindegarden departement with skilled nurses, right :-)
So you have to find your tool to help you.
So what can a tool be....for me in this writing moment it is mantras...for instance....Shradda means faith...or Shanti means peace...

The person who have introduced me for mantras is Shawn on the AstralForum.org he is young but skilled....

So this dream do strenghten me to listen to Shawn and I will get all the tool´s I need :-)

Last night I awoke when I heard my son calling to me...Äiti...(mother in Finnish language)...I responded I am here, I will always be here for you, take it easy, all is well...
Thelepathy has started to importunate on me, so I am not surprised over my dream :-)

Last night I dreamt that my car was stolen, I was on the parkingplace to try to find it, I walked up and down, and I tried to remember the right parkingplace I left the car on...Many of cars was snow covered, I thought that one snow covered might be my car and I did take the snow off the number plats but it was not mine, I started to walk back home and half way home I got a thought to look one moore time, and I met a man and he slipped with his foot and did nearly fall down but I did lend my hand to him...and he was so warm, and me too (earlier in awaked state I have bean freazing a lot and my hands was ice cold)..so in this dream I was so surprised my hands was so warm :-)
I went back to the parking place but I had to face the fact...my car was stolen.

Last night I hade both bad and good dreams :-)
The bad one was that the man who did abuse me as a child (he is dead) did come to me and touched me..I went at once in a paralysed state of fear, but I was able to say...get the h...out of here and do not return...this much I have not bean able to say before so this is a good sighn of recovery from this abusive fear.

In this seequense I had souw a zip in my green trouser of gabardine (I had these trousers when I was 16 yrs old) in such a odd way so when I was looking at them I started to laugh so loud I awoke from this dream...haha...

In this episode I hear a voice say...the sigill is broken...and little fear did awoke here...so I left the dream..

In this episode I see a man hiding a dagger in his hand and he is saying to someone...down...like to make him obey him (this I can imagen is from the very abusive time in 1980-81 how he used knife´s to scare me to obey him, he did threaten to cut off my finger etc if I did not do as he said)

Then there was another dream in what I did laugh but I do not recall more than the laugh and the happy feeling I had in the dream....so bad and good as life in it self is...:-)

I feel wonderful today :-)

OMG!! I really do not know how to tell about last night dream...There is rather many interpretending ways to this dream...I wonder if all have importance value??
I think I did see my son´s abuse....The dream was like this...I go into the bathroom, I look at the bath-tub and I see my son as little and when looking closely I first thought he had lot´s of meat in the tub ...my son var lying on his stomace..and the red I thought to be meat was blood....and my spontan reaction was...oh no...was it not over, is it going to start all over again...
I am in chock....

Hi ia,

terrifying dreams, especially dreams that take us back to a trauma, i believe happen because we are ready to glance at them, in overcoming how they subconsciously interpret our everyday lives. kinda like a filter felt through and we aren't aware of it, being there to protect us based upon the traumatic experiences, especially those traumas that happened to us as children.

the ordered consciousness of anyone, and for all of us for that matter, is vast, yet the immediate requirement for dealing with life given the individual experiences, is contained, even as the vastness extends beyond this. contained is the key word, as if to say that one's basement and attic are filled with the historical evidence of our life.

because our immediate requirements while awake during our day do not need the historical evidence, we do not realize it's evidential prowess in the background, as we are busy with the forefront. kinda like a train running on a back track, the noise of which we've become use to, and subsequently do not hear any longer. but this train if triggered can leap forth into forefront, not as the forefront, but between one and the actual forefront. like suddenly, the triggering has placed the contents of the basement and attic within the main floor. suddenly we are overwhelmed as if we've awakened to ourself within our hoarded possessions, they having amassed over our lifetimes without our awareness of it.

the lungs are the seat of sorrow, and much sorrow is causal of shallow breathing, and the lower extremities suffocate, as do even the lower of the lungs. physical ailments symtomatical arise after time, because the other agencys have not been attended to. physical is next door to emotional, as well under the mental. so physical is between the emotional and mental, and gets crushed between these two when these two are ignored, and all the ignored contents cannot but end up in the physical as symtoms of illness.

how can we empty these contents above and below, because if we do not, they begin to fill our dreams, like alarms alerting us of eminent illness. because the physical is between mental and emotional, this means that the physical is the translative throughness with which mental and emotional may share what they have in common, yet it is as the difference between concrete and abstract. this is like two children who can only know oneanother through their physical mother, yet she doesnt seem to know them one from the other or perhaps that they are even there, as they remain hidden under her long dress clinging to her feet. we can call these two ignorance and want, and they cannot be ignored, for they will get their's from the physical from both ends, because the mother doesnt realize the true connection, that these two are indeed a whole, that through the physical body avail a further wholeness toward spiritual health. the body is the temple.

spiritual is above emotional, much like mental is above physical. mental and spiritual are next door to oneanother, yet have no access of connectivity. the throughness must flow back through, such that the physical has to come to grips with its connective import of potentiality.

one must first separate the dreamed memory from the actual occurence of trauma. the roles in the memory are past snapshots and are not the actual persons that were within the occuring tramatic event. this is how the terror may be overcome, so that we dont run when memorys surface, whether in life or dream. these memorys are crying out to be addressed, to be connected, as the healing is twofold, mental and emotional, and the physical is dependent upon this twofoldness if it not be destroyed by illness in the disconnectedness.

taking this all the way through takes courage and faith and trust, from love, which you have. the ultimate key is when spiritual's readiness receives the throughness of consciously aware connectivity streaming through the physical from mental and into emotional. spiritual doesnt care about the contents of the stream, and cares only about the stream, this stream being the true you, which may now be addressed toward whole healing.

the whole of the being's body is like four copies of one schematic, looking at them they do not look the same. yetthey are merely interpretively dissimilar. spiritual and emotional together as one side, are like the mirroed reflection of mental and physical. so we can see now that mental and spiritual are reflectivitys, as are physical and emotional as reflectivity.

this is why the physical has to translate even as seems terrifying to stand in it as physical property within a dream. mental needs to return to its reflective base of spiritual, and physical needs the touched guidence of its emotional refective connection.

so here we return to the twined scenario attempting toward wholeness, as this is life's chief goal, to become whole/healed.

ignorance and want basically, if they do not attain wholeness. prayer>meditation>contemplation; neither of these require a ding dang bit of gnosis or understanding, and we ere in our thinking to require mastering through external resources that feed thoughts about how to become.

folks say they cant meditate because of the mental chatter. wrong. we cannot blame the unattended ignorance that we have tryed to force into silence by filling the attic even tighter. nor can we in turn blame the want, as we feel lacking of whatever it is we yearn for. the yearning comes from the spiritual crying out COME!, for there are the waters of back through healing toward wholeness, et all.

prayer is like answering this spiritual COME!, such that meditation may now bring resolve, a resolve that doesnt care if the mental is three ring circus, it is what it is, but somehow through having prayed, healing waters are carried through, drank by the emotional want, which as thirst can only satiated of spritual waters. filled, these water pass through the physical, healing as well, and into the mental. for what is healed in the abstract cannot but heal the concrete, for they are the same but dissmilar in appearance.

it is like in the book of Daniel, 3 went in, but upon observation were seen 4, this fourth the spiritual component whose arrivaling appearnace is assurance of standing unharmed in the firey furnace of purification.

your peaked interest in spiritual matters that meet you externally, is the note of readiness, or to say are the justification of direction in the life.

justification<purification<sanctification, the back streaming from spiritual, because the stream of prayer>meditation>contemplation have COME!

Say COME and He comes quickly. sumptin like dat

probably reads confusedly, the best i can write it.

contemplation is from emotional toward spiritual, such that one can indeed hear other than their own voice, this as another voice answers. but, what is a voice? is not a voice as simple as being pricked by a thorn and instantly feeling it. any voice is a throughness unobstructed, otherwise a voice is silenced, starved out. the physical pays the symtomatic price for obstructing the natural laws of being human, already whole, but obstructed.

so now we enter into, what is justice, or just. this here topic is all about forgiveness, which begins with memorys, memorys not actual people, as those people have moved on. we all have a prison house within, the occupants of which are within the cells of our memories. because we hold them to being that which in the memories plays out, over and over.

what is right in this? do we open up the prison and free all? and if we do decide to free all, where is the key to all the doors they hidden are behind?

you are the key, the key is merely readiness. when are ready, whatever we are ready for arrives.

we in our weakness require strength that in our weakness is not present. prayer brings sanctification, voice for voice, through and through. responce for responce, end of reactivity given of obstructions. reactivity is like nerve damage, the nerves cannot connect so a shock of gathered voltage is forced back and felt.

~

a lot of metaphors in these words. just saying, because folks like their seriousness of detailed mapped directions. we forget that while we are the same as human, that also upon that sameness has come to be a very unique individual.

i reckon that upon the seriousness we have come to be, and having come to be, we ought not allow seriousness on top of seriousness. life is suppost to be fun and enjoyed, lived to the hilt. hilts down, blades to the sky; low and behold, heaven has nothing with which to hold us.

the ceiling can't hold us: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mDH4TvmDTgY

for a time it could be said that, all roads lead to Rome. NOW|WON it says that, You'll Do...Come.

Thank you Tim for your thoroughgoing answere, I am into too much emotions to be able to respond properly. I only want to tell that when my son´s abuse happened he was 3 yrs old and this happened in 1980-81 from this period of abusive relationship I was in, is 6 month in total darkness what happened, I know during this time the abuse against my son happened, I was not able to protect him, and when my son show me his trasched behind, I was totally devestated and I do not know how it happened or when, but it must have bean during this period what is like a black spot, and off course I fear what more is hidden into this darkness, but I think it has started to revele itself to me now...and I say as you said...COME...I am ready to heal it. Thank you.

Love
ia

I am enprocess of healing, not healed, but healing. all I can do is let it be, and let healing happen for me, not by me, but for me. healed where it counts, letting my math go. it is not our fault that such math overcame our life/lives, and what really counted got lost on a chalk board of guilt and shame mathematically rendered into dualized formulas. well, what counts is what is left on the chalk board all after the cancellations of dualizing formulas. what counts is what is the only word right there in front of the eyes saying, YOU. You count, just as you are, right here, right now.


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Reckoner: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pVegpypXN1I

Thank You John "Farewell2arms"

~

because You 'is like'; it is no wonder at the fallen tears, for nowhere is sorrow more accutely felt than in heaven, where such as You in Hi, truly reside; even as on Lo, You are felt.

let nowhere be now here...on earth 'as it is' in heaven

Tim, believed or not, I do feel loved and blessed and seen by the whole existence, and now of humanity by being here into the site, and specific now by you, thank you bright loving soul :-)