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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-feeling comfortable
-tofu
-vegan chocolate
-pleasure and feeling good
-going to meeting today for job at gym
-my power
-that B is in my mind hardly at all,even without trying,though i do still want him,even if i'm ok without him.
-being an understanding person
-my beauty
-sweaters
-all the change that's occured and the momentum since this year has started
-that things feel more normal now,and i almost slightly miss the craziness of the first two weeks of this month,just because it gave me a crazy inner drive that has calmed down now,though i know the calmnness if temporary i'm sure. theres a lot changes in store,still.
-coffee
-sleep
-meditation
-being wanted and how attractive i am
-loving myself
-getting a paid side job offer that is interesting to me
-business partner being a little more responsive and explaning a little why she is so mia
-emails with K. feels nice to chat and girl talk
-having big breasts
-super cute shoes that are just my style and inexpensive that i want to buy
-my hair and how long and thick it is
-being in a more back to myself state to where i'm feeling like turning down some things that don't feel worth my time
-color therapy
-hot tea
-going tanning today and how good it feels
-new instagram followers lately,a lot.
-how much attention people pay to me even if they don't say anything
-my feminine,childlike side that makes men feel needed
-smiling
-how fun life can be
-that i'm an interesting person
-embracing who i am and life
-inspiration
-physical exercise and fitness and strength building and how good it feels and how beneficial it is
-things becoming more and more organized
-being all booked up for upcoming business trip
-feeling relaxed
-vegan food
-beauty and being focused on beauty
-sunshine
-things to look forward to
-music and music that calls to me and deciding to listen to a song before bed,because sometimes a song your in the mood for right before bed is a great way to go to sleep. my choice was california girls by beach boys.
-how interesting my personality is
-how delicious life is
-peace
-doing the inner work and staying dedicated to it
-style and fashion and edge
-how cool of a person i am
-all the things i am manifesting that are old desires
-E texting me 2 days in a row so far since we kissed.
-finding possible opportunities
-enjoying the moment
-abundance
-when things align so well
-doing some visualization work before bed,and how much it relaxed me
-facial yoga and how much it relaxed me last night
-how round my backside is
-laughing at life and how much there is to laugh at
-how interesting the metaphysical nature of reality is
-my resourcefulness
-all there is that i want to do
-my great taste and ability to curate and intuitively envision
-all my interests
-all that i have going for me
-how charismatic my smile is,it's like a movie star smile
-how great i am at giving advice
-my wisdom
-feeling at a nice pace with things and not rushed
-how positive of a person i am
-how sweet my heart is
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-moisturizers to keep skin and lips looking great and feeling great
-third eye and crown chakra solfeggios music and how great they feel
-clean eating
-feeling in a great mood
-sleep and being easy on myself that i'm sleeping more the last few days,it could just be what my body is needing
-business partner being more chatty and on it with work today
-getting work done today that i wanted to with career 2
-feeling more decisive about things i wanted to feel decisive about
-my mood turning around since i started the day feeling slightly gloomy and eh
-things to look forward to for the next 3 months straight
-a clean environment and how great that makes my mind feel
-affirmations and how helpful that is scribbling them in my notebook as i drift to sleep. simple,easy,and a great timing since my mind is entering theta
-my beauty
-releasing of resistances
-feeling wanted
-knowing i have a lot going for me and am a great catch
-that i can now edit captions on instagram and how at ease that puts my mind
-how flat my stomach is getting again
-hot tea and how good it makes me feel
-living a life of healing and happiness and how great that makes my life and that happiness and healing is the way to everything we want
-the little 5 minute meditations i do in between my day and how great that makes me feel and boosts my mindset
-smiling
-all the signs i'm getting in the last few days B is around the corner to being manifested. i didn't get signs before,just things i hoped were signs but were kind of blurred and my emotions were,too but these different,and are happening out of nowwhere and calling out to me like the universe pulling me to say hey. that's how signs always are,you don't have to look for them,they come to you and call you and you just know that it's a sign or that something is going on
-my caring heart
-being a beautiful person
-how in shape my legs are getting
-my eyes
-deep cleansing breaths
-love
-visuals
-appreciating all phases of life,from the quiet to the sunny,to the crazy to the dark.the dark is the hardest but when you realize the true nature of reality and that fear isnt real and neither is loss and that we are all interconnected and that reality is subjective then you can somewhat embrace the darkness as just another part of the story
-my fame
-all the offers coming in to me lately
-expansion
-being myself,trusting myself,and cutting back on overthinking and how amazing things flow and my confidence rises when ido that,i become my true self
-all the new instagram followers i keep getting
-being vegan
-living the good life
-observing reality
-my place in the universe
-my personality
-my femininity even if it makes me "difficult,whiny,etc."
-laughing at life
-how crazy this month was,like so crazy,i didn't expect this at all,it's been non stop jaw dropping moments and i cant wait to see what this means for march since i'm i have personal number omens that revealed themself in meditation to me years ago and things have been unfolding according to them,and another number omen is coming up now which should mean it sets the tone for the year and this month was the precursor to that for other one of my number omens
-how exciting life can be when you embrace the more painful,and less enjoyable parts and do the inner work and try to at least somewhat be patient and let things unfold and have strength.
-how high vibration i feel,it's actually almost scaring me
-colors
-appreciating beauty in life,for example a fabric from an old dress that just seems especially beautiful to me today
-that E kissed me saturday night.idk why or what it means,exactly but i am glad it happened
-feeling clean
-deciding to start doing an hour of strength training a day
-third eye chakra work and how powerful it is and good it feels.i can usually get third eye opened well if it's less activated within a few days tops depending on where my vibration is.
-my knowledge
-my inner knowing
-being known and respected by high end people;my status
-being remembered after all these years by people
-my vulnerability and authenticity and not being afraid of that
-how tan my skin looks
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-chakra healing music and how healing it is for me
-my knowledge of chakra so i can clear energy blockages and raise my vibration with ease
-that despite sleeping too much again i got a decent amount done
-that i felt happy today and like life is beautiful and had an inner smile
-how sore my body feels from working out and adding on to toning regimen again.i feel barbie doll tight
-how smart i am about nutrition and clean eating
-a delicious vegan dinner
-coffee and how amazing it is
-high protein food and how tight it makes my body
-E texting me again,which makes everyday he has texted me since he kissed me,minus one day. this is weird,and i dont know what to do.
-flowers,and their amazing power
-the power of loving yourself
-my wisdom
-my honesty
-my sensitivity
-my caring heart
-working in fashion
-how a clean vibration allows your mind to be clearer and things to flow more and a calmness about it all. so powerful. if you want to manifest with more ease,clear your chakras and gain a little understanding so you can see what needs to be worked out. i can get all balanced within a few days tops usually
-animal advocacy
-touching stories
-my sensitivity
-hilarious videos that make me laugh so much it causes a wonderful soreness in my stomach
-living a life of pleasure
-how good physical exercise feels that it's just the same as hot tea or a massage to me in terms of pleasure and healing
-that im focusing on primary career again this year and all the offers coming in! today,a high paid one,and the other day a glamourous one. both came with such ease,too. all because of my chakra clearing work that allows me to use third eye for manifesting easier.
-affirmations i write in my notebook as i drift to sleep to secure my mind
-ideas
-instagram
-deciding to decline date with L,which includes work with L as well. I felt relief after saying no despite that he was offering me a lot of things and the work opportunity would've been good
-sleep and forgiving myself for having so much of it. it could be all the spiritual work and maybe my spirit knows things are coming next month.i will get myself on a schedule tomorrow.
-getting two beautiful heart shaped donuts this morning which was a pleasant surprise and made me happy. the little things that make me smile.
-best friend and how wonderful he is
-how much more quieter and contented my mind is lately
-my style
-sweaters
-peace
-the journaling session i had last night which went longer then anticipated and was distracted but helpful and healing
-a clean apartment
-looking forward to spring
-eager anticipation
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-coffee
-waking up a little earlier
-the sun shining today
-feeling in positive spirits today and like all is ok
-all the realizations with E. E liked me this whole time,his friends even knew,everything makes sense now
-feeling clean
-a lovely cardio workout
-my beauty
-my flexibility
-getting some yoga snapshots done
-my resourcefulness
-new beginnings
-those moments in life when you realize your thought of and liked more then you realize
-good food
-realizing from this L thing of me declining and it making me angry how he is,what i do want,and setting myself on the path to get it
-sleep
-happy music
-having goals to focus on,something to strive for that makes you feel good
-chakra healing music
-my place in the universe,and feeling like i have a spot where i belong that cannot be replaced
-realizing how right my hunches are.i lurked this girl's page today after she kept being on my mind for some reason,i thought she was a cool girl after initially feeling i wouldn't like her and had told B that i thought she was hitting on me when i talked to her,and sure enough i think she is bisexual and in a relationship. so odd,and interesting all the different kinds of people i know and meet.
-reassurances and affirmation
-peach tea. its a detox tea and i think it is detoxing me!
-how hard i've been pushing it and increasing the fitness toning and how sore i am now and tight and sculpted i'm getting
-learning more and more the things that make me look the best
-the model life
-being immersed in a life of beauty.
-laughing at the amusement of life
-moisturizers and how great they are for keeping me looking younger
-how tan my skin has gotten from the bed us. the last session really got me darker
-warm,happy,life is a vacation thoughts
-living a life of pleasure and feeling good
-the feeling of freedom and living it up
-expressing myself
-that my laptop will be back tomorrow
-meditation and short mini 5 minute meditations throughout the day and how amazingly beneficial they are to me
-all the work offers pouring in for primary career and knowing this is the year for that career. it just is. :)
-my young,child-like side
-all the intense chakra work in the last day and half and how much it's boosted me and helped me realize things
-realizing confirmation now that in the summer when E and i last hung out before he got mad at me and we stopped speaking for months and he asked me advice about a girl which i now suspect was me,he was calling that girl innocent. he was saying her birthday was in so and so time and asking me about what to do. my birthday was in so and so time,but i didn't think he knew that. all this makes me feel he has paid far more attention to me then i realize. and,to think he thinks i'm innocent. so cute! i had wondered back then did he mean me but thought that would be too silly and narcissistic of me to think so,but that's right when he got mad at me and stopped speaking to me after that and never wished me happy birthday.
-songs about haters to inspire me and also pump me up while i work out
-all my fitness,beauty,and primary career and artistic motivation to push it in honor of all the pain i've been through,and that which i loved and lost
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-going shopping today
-how cleansed i feel
-peach detox tea
-getting a new great fitting supportive swim top that makes me look great
-how amazing and perfect my body looked in the fitting room. so slender and toned
-how tan my back looked in the fitting room
-all the vegan products i keep finding to try that looked good. today picked up some vegan meatballs
-living a life of pleasure and healing
-deciding again to just say what the hey maybe i will give L a chance after he texted me last night and him asking if it's weird he asked me for drinks and us talking a little about it and seeing what happens
-creative ideas to cut costs
-getting laptop back today and having a discount on it
-best friend sending himself positive energy and me and seeing the effects of it including strangers being randomly very nice to us and how clear minded i felt
-my beautiful charismatic smile
-the positive energy best friend sent me last night that was so intense i felt drunk.i was laughing so hard at so much
-business partner being more chatty again
-deciding to go with the flow about how much i have to do and not stress
-the strong motivation i had last night which inspired me also to find new fitness tips to encourage me to push it harder. decided i will start toning sessions in one session vs separate and listening to my favorite pump me up motivational music while doing it instead of the stock music that's in videos and wow what a difference it makes.
-how sore my body is today.i am limping!
-starting my cardio earlier today because i felt that motivated to do so and had a time slot
-how great my eyebrows look
-having a beautiful soul
-getting out of the house for a bit today
-nightskies
-observing the beauty of life
-happiness
-my i always win it and i'm the best attitude
-observing reality and enjoying the stories we create or at the least understanding them a little bit
-my confidence
-my dedication to fitness
-my vibration being so high tonight that all these smells in the grocery store kept coming alive,i could smell everything it was intense,and evrything just seemed so abundant. it was wonderful. it's like we numb the beauty of life with our clouded perception but when we raise our vibration and clear our perceptions,everything comes alive again
-fear being an illusion,only love is real
-enjoying being a grown up and how sexy and thrilling post college age adult life is. it's so thrilling and enjoyable
--my creativity
-chakra healing music
-my strength
-forgiveness
-trusting life
-that I create my reality
-beautiful ideas
-third eye chakra work and tools to activate
-pictures
-expansion
-that every guy has a crush on me
-how desirable i am
-how feb unfolded. it started off painful and confusing and took me completely somewhere new,but isn't complete and was just a preview
-my insights i get
-metaphors
-how beautiful the color of my hair and how long and thick it is
-enjoying in hindsight and appreciating the months that drove me crazy back in the moment this fall. it's all part of he journey that in hindsight will look a lot different
-cycles of things and how interesting it is.
-that things always come back in my favor with me winning or getting the respect or admiration or acknowledgement i wanted.
-the friends i have
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-protein water
-how hard my nails,bones,and skin feel
-blogging and being back to it for a month
-how happy i feel, it's like i'm on drugs
-best friend and i going for a drive tonight
-coffee
-watermelon candy. yum
-a nice vegan dinner that was so healing. ah,so healing it is to get rid of animal products from one's diet. it feels so detoxing
-peach detox tea and how good it is and how much i crave it
-my body and how sexy it is
-yoga and how wonderfully opening it is
-how open my chakras feel
-feeling like i'm on drugs,so high,i feel. so clear minded
-hypnosis and how wonderful it is. so wonderful. so wonderful.i listened to it before bed last night and it helped me fall asleep
-the sun shining today
-the beautiful night skies and how healing that was
-how thin and sculpted the back of my legs feel
-becoming comfortable and content with my truth
-how amazing february was
-that B logged into dating site again because i know it means he hasn't found anyone since he also did a few days ago.
-friends and how amazing they can be
-laughter and how good it feels
-how valuable i am
-my wonderful personality
-crystal singing bowls to slow my mind
-how easy it is to induce your mindset into certain states
-that i can now see the month of feb in a wonderful light and as perfect
-how cinemtatic and story book like life is
-emails from K. how amusing she can be!
-wonderful videos that make me so happy!
-things that help me align with my values and affirm me
-my beautiful smile
-my lovely eyes
-how great and sculpted my back looks
-getting to do my intention theta setting exercise last night
-that roommate is all of a sudden wanting to move to certain north side neighborhood,too. crazy!
-my uniqueness
-watching a movie last night and how nice that was
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-protein water
-coffee
-tofu
-peach detox tea and how cleansing it is.i can feel this tea really affecting me
-being easy on myself that i'm eating more,sleeping more,and drinking more tea then normal since it seems to be what my body is is wanting
-the power of gratitude. it is eerie and amazing
-all the sound therapy and energy sent to me lately.i feel like i'm on drugs. it's quite heavy. chakra healing,hypnosis,thetas,energy sending my mind feels super super blank at times,it's incredibly nice.
-fitness as my motivation
-the hour of strength training i did. wow. it went by quick.i could do this everyday. feels good to push it.
-my appreciation of visuals
-tanning
-tofu
-my mind being more clear today so i could clarify my blogging better and be more decisive about it
-peace
-forgiveness
-kindness
-all the new foods i've tried since becoming vegan
-a job on upcoming business trip confirmed
-relaxing about all i have to do and want to do and embracing life being in limbo and lazy
-cool artistic cinema clips that inspire me
-how unique and interesting my personality is
-how sculpted the back of my legs are getting
-getting draft 2 of work writing done and finding enjoyment and appreciation in it
-meditation
-people who seem to get me
-B being on my mind today a lot. for the first time in about two weeks.i miss him and still want him
-seeing he checked into dating site 3 times in last week including tonight which shows me he hasn't found anyone
-finding detail out about B that made me feel a little guilty but also showed me he must still care. found out he changed his profile picture to an old one which he doesn't normally do and he did it a few days after E and i kissed.i think he seen the group picture of me and E and other friend on my ig and got suspicious and jealous.i realize now more and more things add up to that besides B being very jealous,why he is so jealous of E. he knew something i didn't. he only implied E had a crush on me and said i was difficult. he was holding back though and knew more. B also deleted me after E liked my profile picture and texted E twice to hang out after we ended to which E said he was busy then E hangs out with me right after which probably made him B upset and also it was odd B texts E to hang out when he said him and E don't hang out often at all but then asks him twice and had told me it was odd when E texted him when we first started dating and was asking me what i thought of it. so,there's something with these two guys of a jealousy.i am going to do some meditation about this soon because i feel guilty too about telling our friend something that wasn't even really true,only kind of true,but just slipped out because i was angry and it felt true at the moment. it's hard when someone you care about drops you like your dead with no way to communicate,in your pain sometimes you say things you wish you hadn't because you are so lost. i hate that it happened but i was so lost and and angry and couldn't talk to B.i feel guilt about some of that,but in my head he treated me like i was dead to him and he hated me and was so cold to me with what he did and i thought i'd never see him again and that he was saying awful things about me. maybe i should've been more patient,i don't know,but i feel guilty about this.i think the picture changing thing is definitely something,and a sign of strong feelings though. even if they're not positive. i want forgiveness even though i wasn't wrong.i feel like the immature brat in how i've reacted,but how he was to me was so cold,it was hard to act pretty in the position i was put in. funny thing is he could be talking all this junk about me,and here i am feeling guilty.i do have some healing to do about this.
-a clean living room
-my best friend
-being someone who marches to the beat of their own drummer
-my ideas
-
Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-feeling clean
-abundance
-going tanning today
-happy music
-how in shape my stomach looks today,nice and tight and sculpted
-tofu eggs
-dark chocolate that is vegan and how great it is for third eye chakra
-how beautiful the weather was today!
-coffee
-a life of healing and wellness and feeling good
-randomly deciding to text friend A and then it seeming to not go well since he is an aries,but it getting smoothed out and all being good. conscience feels better now and accepting of imperfection.
-best friend agreeing that when someone drops you and you have no way to talk to them and think you'll never see them again,lenianancy if you say imperfect things should had because your so lost and hurt
-peach detox tea
-laughing at life
-emails with K. she makes me laugh
-work done from creative director today
-getting another draft of work done last night and having fun and laughing with it
-pillows
-entertainment
-hypnosis
-quiet
-being a happy person
-spirituality
-a direction and goal to focus on and look forward to
-several goals to look forward to. what would we be without our things to work towards
-the one hour toning session last night and how i felt i could've easily did more and how easy it is now for me to keep toning when i do it all at once and listen to music during
-how round my backside is
-seeing through people and seeing other's flaws and intuitive understanding with people which cuts down on problems
-my fame
-that life has relaxed a bit
-living a life of beauty
-focusing on becoming better and better,higher and higher
-forgiveness
-deep healing
-my style
-my femininity
-having a deep understanding of aphrodite energy which enables me to seduce men without trying
-inspirations
-finding the good in every month
-patience from best friend
-my empathy
-my kindness
-confidence,assurance,intuition,and all i have going for me
-my sense of humor
-my randomness
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-the hugest sign about B. omg,third eye chakra work you are so good. it came out of nowwhere and just knew it was a sign,like all signs,they just call out to you. so good! and he had been on my mind a lot these last two days,then also feeling today like whatever. so good,the natural unfolding of manifestation! now,i just need to let go and forget. the timing feels impeccable,though,as in right.
-vegan meatballs
-all the beautiful epiphanies last night while blogging piecing together more pieces of the pie of being able to manifest things in my life and also making decisons on things
-realizing more clarity on E,A,and B issues and the truth about the gossip
-coffee
-peace detox tea
-candy
-a wonderful 1 hour strength toning session last night. the time goes by so fast while i do it
-deciding no again to L. and no to dating
-my unique way of seeing things that is wise yet child like
-the life coaching side to me
-my youthful child like spirit
-how open i am to others and accepting
-vitamins and nutrition
-nourishment
-a nice chat with best friend today
-a nice email from K today
-business partner showing me her ultrasound today. it was amazing! i never seen a real one before.
-sleep. been sleeping so much still,i dont know why.i woke up so late.
-third eye chakra work
-all the clarity and decisiveness and how simple life feels now,if not completely figured out and still somewhat lazy,i have clarity and decision on all i can in the moment and that feels great
-heat
-meditation
-how tight and sculpted my abs are getting,and the ab lines
-excitement
-my unique personality
-my chest
-how thin and long my arms are
-how relaxed i feel
-upcoming business trip to focus on
-my feminine,neurotic personality
-focusing on happiness
-beautiful affirmations
-that it's a full moon right now
-cool art,pictures,symbols,lyrics,etc that describe just what i'm going through
-romance
-knowing what i want
-perfect life moments to look back on
-laughing at life
-my beauty
-being a positive person
-kindness,empathy,understanding,forgiveness
-vodka
-that before i decided to make dinner i realized,i didnt need to do dishes to make dinner,i had some available for what i wanted to make and can just do dishes later
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-coffee
-makeup tutorials online
-makeup and how transformative it is and the power of makeup
-my stomach getting sculpted
-sitting on the porch today for a few minutes and how much it boosted my mood for the day
-the sun
-how much me and best friend are getting along lately
-work getting done today
-emails with K
-E texting me last night
-all the ways i am improving myself to be a better catch and loving myself to attract more love and happiness into my life
-vegan chocolate with cherries. so good
-positive animal advocacy news
-doing an average of one hour of toning a day lately,and how easy and motivating it is to get stick to
-all the little things i've figured out in the last 9 months to boost my happiness,attract more love and romance,and improve my looks and confidence and status and peace that were the missing ingredients all these years,and things i repressed
-calming ocd thoughts down,and recognizing behavior that is ocd
-smiling and being a beautiful soul person
-being yourself and authenticity
-appreciation of the little things
-finding the little things you like,are things others love too
-beauty and beautiful people
-being the best
-all the vegan food places in upcoming business trip location
-fun things to do
-how much i've changed,how much sweeter and more mature i am and what i've learned and realized. my increased strength and wisdom
-things i have to look forward to
-that i have lavender oil picked up for me
-relaxing
-meditation
-me,my tastes,personality
-all the compliments i receive
-getting in a great theta intention setting exercise last night
-hypnosis
-things to try
-pretty things
-abundance
-being a woman
-being a 'first job'
-how big my eyes are
-my soul
-beautiful spiritual reminders such as my fave quote desire is your soul speaking to you
-the signs i'm still getting
-my creativity
-healing perceptions
-text from my ex,A
-the power of beauty
-my learning of things psychological that i can use to benefit myself
-blogging
-feeling good and how good i've been feeling. i can't remember the last bad day i've had
-getting dishes done last night
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-finding a foundation brush and now a new,more evolved way to do my makeup
-fun music
-the great lavender oil i got last night,and how relaxing it is and soothing
-peach detox tea and how wonderful
-great blending of different things
-vegan meats
-coffee
-emails with K
-getting in a great hour and half toning regiment last night and how the longer i work out for,the more i want to work out .tonight,i will stay in and do two hours
-acknowledging my feelings,desires,and what i can do to soothe and ease and feel better
-all the huge signs i am getting
-a lovely old work photo i enjoyed that captures my personality that i found
-all the instagram likes and follows i am getting lately
-having a talk with best friend and encouraging him to put his notice in for two more classes this monday
-how spoiled i am
-all the amazing things i have seen and experienced
-the color of my hair
-how thick my hair texture is and lioness like
-sitting on the porch for 5 minutes today and how great the sun felt and energizing
-living a feel good life
-all the fun things there are to do
-how great my eyebrows look
-that i am evolving more and more and becoming better and better and more of who i want to be
-how beautiful the full moon is
-the relaxing energy of pisces sun
-the internet
-seeing how i create my reality
-reassurances and affirmation
-sweet things to savor
-clean eating
-reflecting on how much i have changed and progress that's been made since this time last year
-remembering my lost loved one and sweet moments with her
-remembering with clarity how i became vegetarian shortly after she came into my life,and vegan shortly after she left
-happiness and the power of it
-how great of a personality i have
-my specialness
-embracing my height
-my intelligence and emotional understanding
-how amazing i am
-my confidence
-my maturity
-all that i've accomplished
-that i can prepave and do other things to help me create my reality,if i so do desire
-deep cleansing calming breaths
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-makeup
-having a veg out night of junk food and watching movies
-getting groceries today
-night skies
-enjoying some time on the porch in the day time and evening
-feeling desired,being an object of desire
-emails with K
-having stronger feelings and aknowledgment so i can see what i want and mold that energy to take actions and make goals
-lavendar oil
-appreciation
-reflection on all that i've changed since this time last year
-the long one hour session of yoga i did after one hour strength training and how opening that was to my chakras and how good it felt
-sweet snacks
-good blending of ingredients,colors,etc
-all the new instagram followers
-sweet memories of my lost loved one,and that she was in my life
-art
-emotions
-passion
-stories
-inspiration
-entertainment
-all the meditating i did last night
-getting the living room cleaned up last night
-quantum healing meditation which always manages my ocd,and clears energy blockages
-perspective
-self improvement
-being smart
-all the fun i've had in my life and being able to reflect on that
-my friends
-all the cool people i've met
-the power of happiness and positive focus
-little tweaks to make myself feel better in the moment
-glamour
-fame
-all i have going for me,and all i can do to make myself better
-beauty
-things to aspire to
-my potential
-the power of energy molding
-being a woman
-the fun of life
-the sun and the energy it gives me
-my eye color
-being in my 20's
-things to look forward to
-sexiness
-all the adventures coming to my life this year
-bohemianism and spiritual things
-how much more active with dating and social life my life has been in the last months and the momentum this year started off with
-
Re: GRATITUDE LIST
had a really bad anxiety attack an hour ago so hopefully the gratitude list brings me up some more.
-that i can retrace my thoughts to see how they created,for example,an anxiety attack
-subjective reality being the true nature of reality
-lavender oil
-retracing and tuning into how i can feel better and how things became what they are
-intention setting theta exercises
-beautiful colors
-more snow melting
-signs
-mom calling me back
-best friend calling me back
-l flirting with me and pursuing me
-acknowleding and realizing how stressed i've been all week and that it's why i felt so lazy all week
-right after aknowleding how stress i am,manifesting a huge chunk of that stress getting removed
-how big my eyes are. when did that happen? i had always wanted huge eyes the shape i see them lately,that slightly wide almost bulgy look that looks kind of cartoon like almost and very innocent,and child like.i always had big eyes,but they look bigger now,and mine used to be more round whereas now,they look a little wider.i had set intentions for this i'm sure so it's interesting if this is a manifestation
-how young my skin is looking and my face lately
-getting my room cleaned tonight
-dim lighting
-calming down and realizing the irrelevancy of it all,and getting so upset and caring so much what others think,etc
-how beautiful the moon is
-beauty in the broken
-how beautiful the white flowers look in my house
-acknowledging whatever desires come to me so i can make my life better
-how easy it is to mold energy to turn things around,and change my perceptions and thoughts to change the whole reality of something
-that life is but a dream
-being easy on myself
-coming to my senses,and relaxing
-calming my perceptions
-all the upcoming work offers for upcoming trip
-how great my eyes look when smoky
-the beautiful sounds i hear at night in the silence such as cars driving by,trains,etc,etc. very soothing.
-water
-that at least two forward moving actions are happening this week,and one thing i've been waiting for to happen
-beauty
-movies to watch last night
-how good that margherita pizza was yesterday
-macarons
-l wanting to take me out today
-using others as inspirations to be better,and to think less and do what i want on my terms according to my pleasure
-knowing how i can create my reality,and can change things right now to anything. there is power in the moment and i can have fun with that instead of feeling pressure,or dread or indecison.i can instead enjoy the ride since that's the only point
-l suggesting a place that is right by me for our date so it'll now be super easy for me to do
-resourcefulness
-feeling calmer and in a better mood already
-when guy's try to make things more convenient for you
-
Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-how much better today was then yesterday. yesterday feels like a glitch on the radio
-this hot peach tea i'm drinking and how soothing it is
-how amazingly beneficial it is to take rest days from working out.i took two and my body is so tight today. wow.
-tofu eggs. so nice i can now have one of my favorite foods again in a vegan version
-all the instagram likes and follows i am getting
-my favorite vegan chocolate with cherries and how great it is for the third eye chakra and 2nd chakra. yum.
-coffee
-being a "princess."
-the amazing strength training session i did for an hour and half then 30 minutes of yoga and how much stress it released and the endorphins.i feel so good right now
-clean eating
-a nice nourishing dinner
-how amazing the weather was today and sitting on the porch soaking up some sunshine and the snow melting away
-letting l flirt with and possibly going on a date with him.i feel bad like i'm stringing him along,i just don't know what i want,and he makes me feel kind of good
-crystal singing bowls audio to relax to right now and slow my mind down
-dim lighting
-how tan my skin looks today
-my wide and large my eyes have gotten. i'm amazed and wondering when did this happen
-being easy on myself for waking up super super late and that i still somehow got a lot done. impressive
-all the work i got done today and decisons i made and how stress relieving that was
-getting dishes done today
-all the mini 5 minute meditations i throughout the day and how clarifying that was
-all the spiritual truths that have come to me about freeing myself more and more from untruths and worrying what others think and the more i do that,shed those layers,the more i come back to me,and am free and things such as there are no flaws only things you learn to accept or evolve from. also,that in the subjective reality model i live in,hedonism is the maxim for life and to just follow my pleasures which gives me a spiritual detachment and allowing myself to also not worry about how others percieve things or possible misunderstandings. this always raises my vibration and manifests miracles and so i know it is "truth." all fear is an illusion. all love is real.
-this forum and this thread and all the notes i have and lovely things i can remember and look back on
-how tight and sculpted my backside,arms,legs and inner thighs look. it is very sexy
-how sexy of a woman i am
-how much i like to dance and how much guys seems to like me to dance based on things they've said and done
-foot massages and how good they feel,hitting some healing nerves as i rubbed my feet a little today
-that spring is near
-that i have plans to see E this weekend
-how great of a catch i am
-how long and beautiful my hair is
-how great my silhouette looks whenever i look at a reflection.i look like the image of perfection with my long,thick tousled hair and perfect slim,hourglass frame that is long but not tall.
-reassurances
-my ideas for life,career,and other others to make things more efficient,cost effective,and bettering for the future
-pics ideas for instagram posts
-that best friend put notices in for two more of those gyms
-my lavender oil and how good it feels and soothing on my forehead
-my tastes in things and being a tastemaker
-being a romantic
-the abundance in my life
-all the reflection on E these past 2 and half weeks. it's been an unfolding of learning and realizing and seeing what i think and it's so interesting to me i got the tower card before i went out the night we kissed. it's strange to me i ran to him right after B and i ended. it's strange to me he texted B right when we started dating which is unlike him and that B texted him twice after we ended and that there's been a triangle i never knew about with the three of us. it's strange all this time i thought E and i were just friends and now i don't even know. it's strange that all this time i thought E invited me out because i was a friend and now i wonder if that was wrong.he never did text me once while B and i dated. it's strange ithought E told B i was difficult in a friend to fashion and now i think he may have told him that so he wouldn't go after me which also makes sense then why B would never tell him we were going out or why E contacted him "randomly" just to talk. he was checking on things. it's strange how cinematic that whole night with me and E was last time i seen him,it really was like a dream..how we bounced around him frustrated to friends about his love life and me whining about mine and then we became entangled.it's strange that as many amazing kisses i've had in my life,i don't think i've ever had a kiss where time disappeared and the people seemed to disappear ,and the background felt black and it was almost as if there was fireworks in the background. it was like i was taken somewhere. he kissed me,and everyone disappeared,and the background felt black and time disappeared. that must mean fireworks. he said he never kissed a friend like that before. he knows there is spark,as in mutual spark. you don't kiss someone that long and not have there be spark. i would have pulled away. and even how we kissed a few times after the "fireworks' time disappearing kiss.it's strange how last year i used to have dreams of him force kissing me and now he has kissed me. it makes me wonder now if those dreams were psychic,i mean,they were,i had a feeling of that,but i mean,psychic as in,are they foretelling what's to come. i guess time will tell. the funny thing is,i wonder if B will be the one thing who gets between us
-the romance of life
-that more details get to be confirmed for upcoming business trip tomorrow
-the power of gratitude lists
-embracing me,my truth,my story
-how pretty i am
-getting things i had been putting off,done today
-being a woman
-respect for women and for the feminine
-
Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-vacation and summer vibes
-cool music
-a delicious,nourishing,clean dinner
-an excuse not to see L this weekend and deciding it's better not to
-makeup
-how fantastic this primer is i tried today
-going tanning today
-how beautiful the weather was today
-how great my mood is today and energized
-feeling excited for the future and trusting
-being sexy
-being in a cool industry where i get to be style,sexy,and status
-brushing my hair more often to keep knots gone
-deciding after ocd attack again to set aside time to fix the post i was obsessing about and getting it where i want it
-my dreams coming true
-coffee
-my favorite vegan chocolate with cherries
-water
-the sun
-tofu scramble
-my sense of style
-the amazing strength training session and then yoga i did last night,and how much it opened me up and released endorphins
-great ideas for upcoming business trip that will increase efficiency for the future and for the trip and increase my independence and be beneficial in other ways,too
-how my phone magically seems to have more data despite having more photos then ever on it currently
-being a 'first job title.'
-my fame
-making my career comeback and the the new resources available to me and things i didn't utilize before to make things happen
-W replying to follow up email from yesterday
-deciding i will go to E's party,and it will be fine
-how sculpted my backside is
-looking in the mirror at salon today and being amazed at how perfect,round,and tight my backside looked. i looked like i had the perfect,amazing body. and reminded that i can be too hard on myself,and while i will keep up bettering myself,i am much better then i think i am,and i will keep bringing that out more and more this year
-pictures
-all the spiritual truths coming to me and coming back to myself
-being a "princess."
-transformation
-california
-inspiration
-the city i live in
-the shape of my eyebrows
-how slow time has been moving today. it's trippy!
-getting up earlier today even though it was because i had to for an appointment and i didn't sleep well,it definitely put me on the right track
-being open and in the moment to what can happen in the future without a need to know and control and plan a bunch of things of how things will go down
-my classiness
-colors
-how happy i feel
-all i have going for me
-finding out more people who live in my neighborhood and who have a lot going for them in terms of glamour/popularity and allowing it to make me feel better about myself and embracing my beautiful girl from the bad side of town story,even though i'm not from the bad side of town,but feeling as if my neighborhood isn't money has made me feel insecure but that's because a lot of people i had been hanging out with lately come from business jobs and money not artistic fields and reminding myself of these things makes me feel better and more patient
-my child-like spirit
-learning
-all the things i can do to better myself,and improve myself
-how cool of a person i am
-changed perspectives that empower me
-affirmations and scribbling them in my notebook as i drift off to bed before sleep and how secure it makes me feel
-how great january and february were,and being able to appreciate them now
-my flexibility
-living life like it's a vacation
-my beauty
-getting the kitchen cleaned
-meditation
-feeling calm and clear
-the things i enjoy
-all the happiness and loving myself resources i've picked up over the last 8 months or so
-my best friend and how amazing he is
-forgiveness
-unconditional love
-feeling optimistic
-beauty
-art
-dancing
-being a good dancer
-being a good kisser
-my work
-remembering my lost loved one,and stopping to appreciate her and think about her. always will,and will never stop
-powerful truths that soothe
-
Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-how relaxed i feel right now
-getting my protein rich nourishment in
-the burn and sweat from a good workout.
-my 2 hour routine of yoga and strength training that is helping me lose weight more now and getting tight. my backside feels nice and tightened up,my back feels like a barbie doll back,my legs look tiny and log,my stomach is nice and flat and tighter. my clothes are falling better on me. it is making me feel more sexy and confident in the moment. how flexible my body is becoming from all the workouts,and feeling how much more bendy i am.
-hot tea
-dark chocolate with cherries
-telling l no today and explaining myself a little
-my taste in things
-beauty
-how great i am at curating
-how great of a writer i am
-how smart i am
-loving myself
-my unique way of seeing things
-my desires and dreams
-how cute i am
-makeup
-learning more makeup ideas to evolve my look more and putting more pieces together for me
-my eyes
-my hair
-my perfect silhouette
-laughing at things
-my unique personality
-clean eating
-coffee
-water
-my favorite moon t-shirt that was given to me
-my favorite moon necklace that was given to me. i find this to be my good luck necklace now to attract me to be more feminine and recieve more blessings
-the beautiful sounds of the outside of cars driving by,trains,and other soothing middle of the night sounds
-the sunshine today and how unbelievably warm it is and all the snow melting and sitting on my porch for a little bit today
-E texting me yesterday confirming if i am coming to his thing this weekend
-how excited i am for upcoming business trip and how much of it is settled already
-my flowers
-massage
-living a life of following what feels good
-acknowledging my feelings to myself
-fun,vacation-y,happy music
-remembering how great of a catch i am,and how much i have going for me
-all the work offers pouring in
-all the amazing people i meet
-living in a big city
-all the cool things i get to do
-more dreams coming true
-spirituality
-seeing more and more how i can work on myself on the inside and outside
-smiling
-getting back dimples from all the working out.
-being sexy
-instagram mobile photo editing apps
-my style
-my friend S contacting me out of nowwhere to chat and wanting to hang out when she is back in town and how nice that will be actually
-seeming so young to others
-how much more i am loving myself lately. it's amazing the little things that make you look better,feel better,and attract more into your life
-getting a little more work done today
-dancing
-always winning
-
Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-sound being back on my computer
-how beautiful it is out today.i was able to be on the porch without a coat and shoes and now have my first door open again. so happy it's the season for that again.
-nightskies and how healing they are
-my balcony porch
-all the work offers my upcoming business trip
-astrology website to play around on
-making decisons on l and e based on what seemed for the best according to my higher self
-the shape and color of my eyebrows
-my eyes
-E saying ah damn and no worries let's hang out soon. he seemed slightly bummed out which made me appreciate his sweetness again some more
-deciding instead for tomorrow i can still celebrate and how fun it'd be to go get green cocktails. feels good to ask myself what i'd want to do and going for that
-not needing to put heat on in the apartment
-all the reflecting on my love life and seeing what i want
-another work contact asking me out,oh wow,i just noticed his first name starts with the letter B too..and same zodiac sign.i had thought maybe that's a sign because of their zodiac sign,but now even the letter b,too..
-a high protein dinner
-the venus dimples i am getting and how beautiful and sensual it makes me feel and friend commenting didnt i used to already have those which made me feel good
-how free and clear i feel now
-eyes being on the prize
-great music to listen to and workout to
-2 hour workouts
-k emailing me and liking what she had to say today
-knowing i am a great catch
-instagram
-my taste in things
-my likes and interests
-all the dating and love i'm attracting into my life lately,it's like magic and i know its because of some of the things i started doing late last summer
-feeling like a good person and i'm doing the right thing
-feeling full of possibilities
-remembering other things i like
-how abundant i feel and like all is going to be ok
-
Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-coffee
-water
-the warm weather
-how it's going to be even warmer tomorrow. summer weather and it's not even spring yet!
-using today to get back on track with cleaning and meditating so i'll be on a good start for the week
-peanut butter chip cookies
-clean eating
-getting a kabuki brush
-ordering cute new shoes for spring
-makeup
-eyes
-my eyes
-my face
-models
-my vision,ideas,and tastes
-the feeling of fullness,expansion,and possibility in my heart
-the 5 minute micro meditation session i did and my higher self telling me again how important upcoming business trip is going to be and telling me i'm going to get a surprise soon of B contacting me
-the large signs i've been getting of B,the serendipity
-how ifeel about B that seems to be telling me i love him,since the way i've been acting and behaving is in the way of people i've loved in the past. example of how traits of them i am adoring now such as country they are from and astrological sign
-fashion
-makeup
-fitness
-how much i enjoy physical exercise that days off literally bum me out
-music
-minimalism
-art
-the abstract
-seeing the law of attraction at work when i thought to myself i'd love to find green food color at the grocery store when i couldn't and then randomly out of nowwhere all by itself in a section it shouldn't be in,i found a single box of green food color.i was so entertained by it,that i took a picture and of course bought the food color
-my ideas
-my artist mindset
-being famous
-my appreciation for the divine feminine energy
-my hair
-loving myself,and my confidence and following what the loving myself version of me would do. keeping my standards high,and being true to myself
-all the work offers for upcoming business trip,it's amazing
-being success focused
-black tights
-bohemian styles
-all the inspiration
-essential oils
-smiling
-my smarts
-what i have to offer
-giving things space
-the shape of my eyebrows
-looking so forward to spring and summer and how amazing and powerful it will be,it may just be the most powerful spring and summer of my life
-good things that are coming to me
-all the different styles of meditation
-getting perspective on the E situation and how i think he feels and what i think and feel
-being myself
-the abundance in my life
-creativity
-my unique way of looking at the world
-all the possibilities and opportunities and not being afraid to say no to them since i love myself and trust the flow of life to keep providing
-knowing myself
-downloading a vegan app on my phone and finding even more ways vegan foods to try,that are even closer to where i live,and some even more inexpensive
-getting some tea tree oil to try switching to this instead of traditional acne treatment i've been using
-positive changes
-the amazing delicious and huge falafel sandwich i had for dinner last night
-that on my diet and fitness plan,i can eat as much as i want with no worrying or guilt. and,also following what my body wants.
-learning more about adult life and ways people find happiness in their life,and that there's never any reason to worry about getting old as society would have you believe because there's so many ways to have a fulfilling life still and feel young and happy. it amazes me continously,and i'm sure perhaps the loa is in work,as i see more ways i don't need to fear when iget older
-how positive minded i feel
-beauty in the broken
-my beautiful soul
-thoughtfulness
-the little things we can appreciate that are touching or adorable or show something
-getting the living room cleaned up
-learning more and more about life and theories i have of the true nature of reality and metaphysics
-my power
-
Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-coffee
-water
-almond milk
-a stove to cook with
-an apartment to live in
-my eyeglasses
-my fave dark chocolate with cherries
-tofu eggs
-clean eating
-banana fruit spread
-making unique breakfasts that i love
-mobile photo editing apps
-feeling dreamy and romantic again
-remembering other guy's i adore for a bit again
-the romance in my life
-a tip to restore a favorite top of mine
-meditation
-quantum healing meditation
-being a kind and considerate person
-great music
-upbeat moods
-expressing myself
-my truths
-my desires
-a career decision being made today
-getting a work thing done today
-dancing
-beautiful art
-how open my heart chakra feels
-being love
-being a unique person
-my interests
-feeling organized in my mind
-refining my interests and desires
-hypnosis
-the sun
-going tanning today
-my wonderful business partner
-my beautiful loved one who left this physical reality and appreciating her all the time
-style and fashion
-expansion
-the new opportunities and things that can happen and will happen in the future,it is so wonderful
-lip balms
-body gels
-essential oils
-feeling happy
-the beauty i've had in my life
-thinking less
-accepting more
-non expectation
-tights
-my style
-my best friend
-healing
-beauty
-creativity
-boldness and things vivid
-
Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-coffee
-almond milk
-fashion
-banana fruit spread
-vegan food
-heat
-being in a positive,accepting,detached mood,and in the moment
-water
-beautiful art of my loved one who left this physical reality
-colder weather today,i was starting to miss winter
-living in a big city
-D requesting me on fb last night. so weird and random.i did set an intention out to the universe he would though back when i was very hurt,and so am very pleased
-all the makeup tutorials i watched last night,and finally getting it of what i've been wanting to learn and knowing what to buy and how to do it now. so excited
-all the people coming out of the woodwork adding me online to things. A girl R added me on social check in app too today
-tights
-being cute
-all the new vegan options there is to try
-paying attention to my feelings and energy and noticing a sudden rush of energy this morning,which i'm guessing came from D,but then also ended up having E on my mind..started making me think about how energy works again and how powerful it can be and intention setting,etc
-finding out project 21 is actually almost done
-making a career decision with business 2 that gave me relief
-blogging and expressing my feelings and things i learn and reflect on
-how romantic and dreamy my heart is
-the beautiful things i've been through
-desire to allow B to inspire my letter i have to write for work,which i had thought i would already but now possibly a little more
-that i no longer like the taste of cheese or eggs
-the amazing two hour workout i did last night and how good it made me feel
-all the things coming to me to make me better
-the little things that make me happy,or feel special,etc,etc
-someone more famous then me thanking me for what i do which is nice and made me feel like i am making a difference
-things coming together to help me bring my goals manifested and reach new heights
-how amazing i am becoming
-music
-how amazing my abs looked today. flat and lots of muscle lines
-intensity
-how amazing this summer will be
-meditation
-pillows
-that roommate is staying home tonight
-how open my heart feels
-feeling paid attention to and like a lot of eyes are on me and wanted
-being love
-
Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-the delicious banana fruit spread i bought last week that i've been loving
-clean eating and how good it makes me feel
-almond milk
-coffee
-water
-my porch
-my best friend
-dreams about B today while i slept,lots of them,it even seemed psychic
-more synchronicties with B
-reflecting on me,where i want to go,what i've learned,how i've changed,and so on
-the internet
-the power of gratitude
-becoming more mature
-shedding away layers of me that i am outgrowing so i can evolve and become better
-making a list of ways to better myself after anxiety attack before bed
-realizing why my moods have been bad including pms and still waiting for it to come,insomnia,having not gone out for a bit,or meditating as much as i want and its no wonder my mind feels sloppy
-knowing i can create my reality and change things at any moment
-the lines on my stomach of getting sculpted
-how tight my backside has gotten
-how slim my legs have gotten
-the 2 hour work i did last night
-comfortable sweats to hang out in
-the little things working out
-finding a vegan pizza place close by i want to try and that i had been wanting to try vegan pizza
-the possibilities for the future
-all the people popping up out of nowwhere,which also feels like signs
-realizing i am manifesting things that years ago i wanted,even if in the moment i forget that i wanted these things and seeing how much i've evolved
-seeing all the blocks i've put up,and all the facades and how so and so things are really just a matter of doing this/that and can be reasonably done. all the things idealized or thought of as something that gets attention or is something great,is really rather easy to craft and meaningless. studying things as simple as what one would call a "hot girl selfie." and,in fact,it's not really a hot girl,and discerning what that girl really looks like and how that photo is crafted to look like that "hot girl selfie."
-facial yoga
-roommate staying home last night
-a soothing hug i received today
-affirmations
-being easy on myself to do a little less but focus on one or two things that will really make me feel better
-the city
-realizing how much i still assume wrongly for the worst,and how i need to work on that
-
Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-feeling better now
-protein water
-doing things for myself to feel good
-trying vegan pizza at a place nearby and getting it for pickup,so that's off my list now
-clean clothes
-clean towels
-my lavender oil
-going shopping today
-going more vegan then usual with groceries and nixing the muffins which arent vegan since i feel better axing that from here out now
-my cute new pink jelly shoes i got in the mail today and how adorable and doll like they look. very childish and unique
-a greatly curated shopping selection purchases today
-getting the makeup sticks i had wanted to buy today
-the delicious coffee i got today on the way to errands running
-the great lighting in the first bathroom stop i made
-remembering fun and things i enjoy doing and want to do
-tuning in to telepathy and the psychic connection and realizing how much B has been speaking to me. all the strong signs i've gotten of him,two nights of psychic dreams in a row of him contacting me,and then after that keep getting thoughts of how could i possibly forgive him after what he did which i finally realized were telepathic and got me intrigued by telepathic communication and all the conversations we have and that if i could tap into that,i can align us much quicker.i had started thinking how can i after that,and feeling upset until i realized it was telepathic and am now having thoughts of i do forgive and i have,etc,etc and other thoughts to bounce back to him.
-meditation
-using visualizing and third eye for meditation
-letting myself feel sad and defeated after what happened last night and acknowledging twice this week i had things that really brought me down and had me questioning myself and deciding to be easy on myself today
-the love yourself videos i found on youtube that i'm watching and have put me in high spirits right now
-breaks and taking breaks until monday from working out
-getting my monthly thing finally today,which was late,and caused me to feel so awful this week and made me want to hide and lay low even still until next week
-support from others
-advice that seemed from the universe that i'm trying too hard and not going with the flow
-finding eerily accurate transit charts of astrology that was way on point with me and a friend
-the moon and how it looked today
-a new pic to post on instagram and a new pic idea for tomorrow
-deciding to make a resolution to stop checking social medias so much
-quieting myself little by little
-the beautiful sounds of the outside,such as the cars driving by and other soothing sounds that make me feel good
-the power of loving myself and realizing when tracing things back how i could have loved myself more and how much of a different place i am in now,if B were to come back this instant. it would definitely not be the same,i'm just so different now.i do think we'd still be in alignment though.i really,and authentically do.i just feel i'd be softer,more feminine,but more loving,and having higher standards for myself,and more detached.i think me and him would really match well together.
-realizing i really do idealize guys and ♥♥♥♥ behavior they do to me,and wondering why do i do that. is it because it's all i feel i have left once things end? it's crazy,because if i can see how others would think i'm nuts to make it sound so ok and fine what guys end up doing to me. but,yet i do. it's like i automatically romanticize things.i can also see how things weren't perfect with B. there were little things,he was far from perfect himself despite how much i like him,but look at what he did by abandoning me how he did.i think it's wise to have a realistic view of things,too and now am finally on the same page of others who manifest their ex back,where they say they aren't manifesting the same relationship with them,but a new one. that made me uncomfortable before,i had wanted the same one,and to pick up where we left off,and yet part of me didn't see how that could be perfect with the little issues,but now that IS what I want. I want us to align together,to form something new. to use the power of love,self love to transform and create a miracle of things.i realize now i tried too hard even with him,to get things to go a certain way to manifest goals of mine instead of flowing and how that's not really needed and so next time won't do that.i realize now i did come off a little desperate. not appearance wise but energy wise,there was slight desperation on my part,and that's not loving myself and next time i won't do that. it was fear,though.i took myself off the pedestal.i really did. and now i've put myself back on it.i really did adore him,though. that much was true. he took me for granted because i took myself off the pedestal. and i did that the minute i realized i liked him and he wasn't like D. in the future,i will not take myself off the pedestal,or have desperation energy and will instead just go with the flow,and if i want to do something,will just do it,instead of having fear. that's where the desperation came from. a fear of doing what i really want.
-all the serendpity,and mirror-like nature of reality,it's quite bizarre
-seeing the story like nature of reality,and the bits and pieces of stories in everything
-the law of attraction and knowing i can create anything out of nothing. the power of creation. i can always transform one thing to another.
-
Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-d texting me today
-playing with makeup today,though not quite where i want to be which is frustrating
-color blending and just the art of blending different things in general
-third eye chakra work
-protein water
-lavender oil
-my porch
-lavender and chamomile tea
-my vegan dark chocolate with cherries
-a really deep sleep,though i slept too much,i actually slep quite nicely and fell asleep a little easier then usual
-being a girl
-my personality
-all the reflections on how much i've changed and progressed over the months,and realizing i'm right where i need to be
-cool art
-getting the dishes done
-how relaxed i feel and the sense of relief from finally getting my time of the month
-the cozy feelings i felt today
-my child like energy
-yoga pants
-the quiet
-mini meditations
-doing good on cutting back on social media
-being in a better mood today
-realizing how much more i love myself,and how before i really wasnt loving myself enough,not my personality for example
-nourishing food such as lentil soup which soothes me
-feeling very womanly and feminine
-my desires
-feeling relaxed about time
-
Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-beautiful new music to discover that is dreamy,soothing,and loving
-feeling clean
-forgiving myself and being easy on myself
-my eyes
-makeup
-vegan food
-banana fruit spread on cinnamon french toast sticks
-being open to my feelings of D and honest to myself
-coffee
-sleeping deeper
-embracing the seasons and the flow of life,even if it's slower and more internal
-art
-the surge of inspiration during writing work project for what i have to do and having my vision come to me and being so excited about it,and willing to go a little different with it and the ability to express in a way that is authentic,but classy,and mature and artistic
-being an artist
-water
-my porch
-all the great work things today
-feeling so incredibly relaxed today and going with the flow
-pisces energy
-love and being love
-beautiful surreal concepts
-appreciation
-being me
-the work invite i got that looks fun that i want to do
-the samples i decided to request today
-someone who had disappeared responding today to work email finally and getting back to us on when which felt nice and made us laugh
-the universe
-sweet things
-eyes
-pisces energy
-aquarius energy
-work trip coming up and how much i'm looking forward to it
-vegan cookies and how good they are
-living a life of healing and happiness
-being a goody two shoes and embracing it
-the esoteric
-my child-like side
-all my inspirations and taste in things
-all the things i am meant to be in this life
-being an interesting person
-expression
-romance
-nature and how beautiful it is,snow,grass,leaves,the sun,trees,stars,the moon,so on
-vividness and intensity
-the power of the unspoken and telepathy and having that on my mind now
-getting to choose a new upcoming theme now for work project
-being more accepting
-great work being done
-that project 21 is almost done
-feeling like i want to dedicate this week to writing
-yoga pants
-that i get to exercise today
-the dreamy side of life and embracing it and how good it feels
-healing a little bit on what was bugging me last night
-going more with the flow of things and accepting imperfection and pain,etc
-meditation
-quantum healing meditation
-lavender and chamomile tea and how lovely and gentle it is
-creativity
-motivation
-deep cleansing breaths
-release
-
Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-water and how delicious it and vibration raising. been drinking a lot lately with the psychic work i've been doing
-my lavender oil and how soothing it is
-randomly on an internet message board deciding to offer free psychic readings and getting a ton of requests and how accurate i was and all the people thanking me and telling me how grateful they are and that i have a gift. it was so interesting. i had felt drawn to do something like that for awhile. it showed me maybe i really could do something like this as a side job.
-the amazing,soothing warm shower i took and how good it felt
-body oil gel and how great it makes my body feel
-beauty products and how my renewed interest in beauty in the last months
-getting contoured a little more figured out and i think figuring out how to contour a facial feature i've had a lot of insecurity about which is amazing. surgery without the surgery! and finding out,this is what makeup artists and stuff do,and i've likely had this done to me already before and just didn't know it and now have a new tip to make myself more confident when i go out. so amazing.
-the amazing healing energy meditation i did about an hour ago,and how much energy blockages it healed.i've been meaning to this for days now and the first session was so-so,but the 2nd was wow so good when i altered to better method. so powerful and uplifting.i feel so much more secure and empowered now.
-how feminine and sensual i feel lately
-how tightened up my backside has gotten from working out
-yoga and how healing it is and the increased flexibility in my body.i did neck yoga yesterday to heal neck pain i had been having all week and it healed it right up
-coffee
-lipbalms
-my beautiful lips
-my beautiful hair
-how beautiful i am
-the doll like structure of my face
-how thin i am
-my perfect curves
-how tight my body is becoming
-the really cool idea i had about finding natural way to fix face insecurity besides the contouring,there is an online idea. how amazing! especially,since i've wanted to intention manifest this feature to alter,and now these things come up
-fashion
-being ok with taking day off from second career work,since my schedule got so thrown off
-staying dedicated to my fitness plan
-natural ways to heal things
-how small my arms
-finding out things that reaffirm myself and heal my perceptions. pronoia is the way
-positive tarot readings from recent men in my life about how they feel about me and want from me.
-how dreamy and artistic i've been feeling
-going with the flow more and slowing down
-getting super inspired for my writing piece i have to do for project 21 and getting a start on it
-my venus dimples
-that when i see myself positively,i see i am actually quite beautiful
-music
-being so bohemian as i am
-being love
-night skies
-how amazing i feel from the energy work i did,and remembering that one needn't do hours of spiritual practices to be centered,but just a little dedicated time,even 10 minutes a day is enough.
-yoga for opening the different chakras,frog splits,i think open my 2nd chakra,such an intense stretch but powerful. it's amazing all the closed energy we have that we don't know and how amazing it is to release different resistances
-being a classy female,since apparently that's a rare thing
-how much more loving of myself i am,and not even realizing i had not been loving myself on the inside before,and was so harsh on the inner me qualities,and now i am restored on that
-that upcoming busines trip is almost here
-how sexy i am
-that best friend sent me energy to move on from B.i know he did it,i can tell because B had left my mind so much suddenly. i told my friend i know what he did,but wont tell him what,because,i think i feel better this way actually and so am letting it be
-having goals and desires
-my innocence which guys seem to really like. i seem to come off as the goody goody no matter how hard i try,and people always think i'm naive
-that spring is here
-massage. ah,so good. for me,it's always scalp and feet i am most enjoying of
-how smart i am
-all that i have to offer
-being self improvement focused
-all my ig followers
-how spiritual i am
-beauty in general
-comfort
-coziness
-how open my heart feels
-how in shape my body is getting
-heroism
-how i see the world
-my creativity
-my desire to help others
-all the new vegan foods i've tried recently
-how amazingly good this banana spread is i've bought
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-my hair
-a nourishing,flavorful vegan dinner
-banana fruit spread
-watermelon candy. gotta nourish my sweet tooth
-emptying myself
-coffee
-getting a little more writing done for work
-getting up slight earlier today
-the amazing,clear,uplifted mindset i've been in all day because of simple,strong, 10 minute meditation before bed that cleared energy blockages. i'm starting to see that any strong meditation that clears energy has a multitude of benefits including clearer mind,better mood,and improved appearance,more time on your side,etc,etc. it's amazing. it's like you clear the junk out.i feel so much more organized now within just from clearing one energy blockage issue
-my eyeglasses
-water and how delicious it is lately
-california
-yoga
-how slender my figure is
-knee high socks
-being the innocent,adorable type
-figuring out ideas to alter a physical insecurity of mine
-makeup
-beauty products
-showers. so soothing
-hot tea
-living a life of healing,and beauty
-my eyes and how doll like my face can be
-how open my heart chakra has felt
-remembering that you don't need to complicate things or have tools or a computer to spiritually heal,you can do a meditation without anything that can heal. a video or resource online is but a luxury,and unneeded and even hindering at times
-nightskies and how soothing they are
-a bohemian ways of life
-the weather being a little nicer today
-my stomach being nice and flat,and slender today
-simplicity
-minimalism
-how little B has been on my mind,he's been almost completely gone,and not a single urge to check on his online stuff and my perceptions have changed in realizing how he treated me,i shouldn't want him so much anyways but that how i've been is great,because the best vengance is being happy and forgiving to the point where they think you are nuts for not being angry and want you back even more.
-reflection
-feeling in the flow of life and that this is a week of writing,and next week,ill be more action
-feeling so much organized now about goals
-getting little tasks tooken care of
-the power of happiness and love
-how much time feels on my side just from the little bit of energy clearing. it's amazing how some small thing is all it takes to get you back on track
-my taste in things
-how much i love myself
-dim lighting
-being easy on myself
-how sculpted my back is becoming
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-body oil gel
-clean towels
-the positive tarot readings i keep getting on B that are not only super exact perfect,but also keep connecting more and more as in accurate
-doing some spring cleaning tonight
-doing some painting tonight,just to mix it up
-S contacting me to go out.it annoyed since it was so last minute and had it not been,i may have been able to go,but it was nice to be invited
-lipbalm
-going shopping today
-taking today and yesterday off from fitness to mix it up for days off
-the sun
-coffee
-clarity
-getting beauty sample today in the mail
-being peace and love when my peace was disturbed today
-allowing my mind to fantasize a little today when it felt drawn to. felt nice
-getting my eyebrows threaded today and how much better it always makes my face look
-water
-mason jars
-symbolisims
-getting a chic looking new black sportsbra
-how slowed down i feel lately and more in the flow
-how happy i felt tonight
-how forward moving i feel now
-frog splits stretches. love that pose.
-how pretty my face is
-coming to my senses about D
-feeling sensual and feminine
-how amazing of a life i have,and remembering that,and the things i have to show
-cool art
-massage
-feeling better about certain physical insecurity
-instagram
-inspiration
-that upcoming business trip is coming soon
-goal best friend checked off list
-getting best friend to confide in me a little
-talking with best friend today
-meeting my goal of waking up slightly earlier each day earlier and earlier the last three days,almost back on schedule i'd like
-quieting down
-transforming
-shedding aspects of myself
-pisces,aquarius,and sagittarius and all there is to learn from these signs
-protein powder that is vegan
-being as small i am
-being as happy and motivated as i am
-no longer having that need feeling for b
-seeing b checked into dating site again which made me feel good,even though i also know deep down inside,that assuming things is pointless
-feeling cozy feelings
-how gorgeous my hair is
-that it's springtime
-how much my body is transforming,and my muscles tightening
-how gorgeous i looked in the mirror today
-sleep
-my backside and how curvy it is
-having nicely shaped lips
-actually feeling tired,which shows best friend's tip about insomnia may have been right
-cats
-all the metaphysical natures of reality truths and theories that come to me to ponder
-my lavender oil
-
Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-banana fruit spread and how delicious it is on my cinnamon french toast sticks. so good.
-coffee
-my vitamins i love with the calicum,magnesium,zinc,and vitamin d. these are my fave!
-feeling clean
-feeling ready for spring
-feeling ready for actions in my life
-water
-mason jars
-getting spring cleaning done last night
-meditation
-ideas that come to me
-help
-great law of attraction and metaphysical articles that are smart,evolved,and make sense
-being as smart as i am
-lip balm
-the amazing tarot symbols i got several in a row of in the one reading
-sportsbras and how flattering they are on me and much more comfortable then regular bras,no wonder i'm building my wardrobe with more of them then i am of regular bras
-high vibrations
-lavender oil
-knowing that i am in the process of attracting a guy to me who i will find very sexy,masculine,classy,and protective
-knowing that i am in the process of attracting a guy who will spoil me like a princess,and be possessive
-knowing i am in the process of attracting a guy who will enjoy taking me out,showing me off to his friends,pda,and going to clubs and lounges with me
-knowing i am in the process of attracting a guy who will fight for me,and be heroic
-knowing i am in the process of attracting a guy who makes me feel secure and and is practical
-feeling ready for a night out and socializing
-being a pretty positive person,it takes efforts,but i know i am overall very positive,it's obvious in how i speak,and think
-that business trip is just around the corner
-business person responding back to me after disappearing for a few weeks
-feeling like i'm almost ready to move
-appreciating all that i've gone through while living here
-deciding tonight would be a good night for journaling
-deciding maybe i should plan my workouts a little earlier so it helps my insomnia
-being very beautiful
-peaceful sounds of the outside
-lessening
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-beautiful spiritual truths
-third eye being sore,which i'm taking as a good thing,that it's being worked
-coffee
-water
-mason jars
-mugs
-waking up a little earlier
-deciding now to aim for switching shopping day this weekend to a different day
-getting more writing work done today,and seeing it coming together a little bit more,and start to come more cohesive and where it's going
-my desires and wants
-sweets
-music
-yoga and how good it feels
-lipbalm
-getting instagram post made after much overanlyzing
-all that i have going for me
-interesting curation
-my artistic mindset
-being smart
-being unique
-how beautiful my face is
-knowing negative emotions such as insecurity,or crabbiness from dismal weather is just natural and polarity and to let it flow and not take it too seriously
-feeling more and more affirmed of my beliefs from becoming more mature and expanded
-more ideas to better myself and things to learn
-heart chakra feeling nice and open
-my hair and how beautiful it is
-scalp massages
-all the things coming together,things connecting and so on
-honesty with myself about life's failures and pains
-inspirations from all sorts of things from literature to astrology
-seeming like someone who has a lot going for them
-being more content with where i am now,and feeling ok with the moment
-imagination
-all the offers and abundance that's expanded for me
-my style
-my maturity and wisdom
-deep cleansing breaths
-lessening and minimalism
-the coming month and the blessings that will come
-all the amazing reflections from the past months,it's amazing
-relaxation and how relaxed i feel
-how detached i am,and appreciative of the unspoken
-my beautiful personality
-that i am in the process of attracting a guy who thinks i'm beautiful,and a perfect 10
-that i am in the process of attracting a guy who wants to take care of me and will love me
-that i am in the process of attracting a guy who is masculine,protective,possessive,and capable
-that i am in the process of attracting a guy who will feel like a hero
-that i am in the process of attracting a guy who is classy,respects me,and that i can share with and bond with
-being able to smile
-subjective reality
-going with the flow,and embracing slowness
-that upcoming business trip is around the corner and all the offers
-my wonderful business partner and that i met her and she came into my life
-my desire to help
-beautiful stories
-my vitamins
-all the ig likes and follows
-realizing i'm out of iron for past few days or week and that could also be why i'm so tired lately
-feeling in a good mood and motivated
-my positive energy
-all the insights coming to me that something amazing is about to happen
-pronoia
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-beautiful happy songs and lyrics
-open my heart feels
-deep cleansing breaths
-how clear i feel
-coffee
-water
-my wisdom
-learning more makeup techniques that work better for my skintone that i've been wanting to learn
-the power of intentions
-meditation
-my favorite vegan dark chocolate
-lavender oil
-third eye work
-getting more work done today and things forming with my writing
-all the offers pouring in for first career
-how powerful intentions and meditating is for getting writing to come together for me
-feeling ok with things taking their time and not feeling rushed
-my viewpoints,and reflections,and intelligence
-my best friend and how amazing he is
-business partner working with me a little bit today and chatting
-going tanning today
-my beauty
-pronoia
-being better then i think i am
-babies
-happiness
-astrology website being faster today
-being in such a good mood
-being honest with myself
-seeing how i can simplify more to create more time on my side
-my eyeglasses
-my body feeling stronger
-how small my lower back is
-email from K
-positive mindsets
-my spiritual awakening
-that we are eternal
-getting things done today
-waking up earlier today
-realizing my power
-carbohydrates
-all the new instagram likes and follows.
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-positive new month energy
-how beautiful the moon looks
-the amazing,beautiful weather today which was a very interesting way to start off the new month
-water
-mason jars
-coffee
-cinnamon french toast sticks with banana spread and how good that tastes together
-how open my body feels lately
-how open my heart and mind feel lately,the clarity of those energy centers,my chakras feel overall very open
-the excitement i felt in the air that something amazing is coming
-dental floss
-coca cola
-cool art and symbolisms
-all the signs B is around the corner and getting a contact from another person from the past who actually blocked me which also seems very sign like and getting a tarot after that happened to symbolize what sudden contact can mean now. knight of swords. can also mean sudden leaving
-dream like nature of reality
-feeling energetically once i get this letter done,i'll feel much more moved forward in life,since this letter is very wintery and symbolically it's also a release for me to finish them. makes me want to speed up the letter too since i still feel less then half done
-beautiful night skies and fresh air and how soothing and awakening that is
-remembering how much i love my apartment because i can keep my door open when weather is nice and how invigorating that is,and my secluded balcony porch too. it reminds me of a bit of a vacation feel which is super soothing. i love the seclusion and that i can go out anytime i please and enjoy the nightskies.i will really remember this well
-that i have incense picked up for me,my favorite one. that'll be nice to use with the full moon energy.
-my essential oils. cedarwood and lavender.i was able to go without shoes today and used cedarwood for root chakra since it's so much warmer today
-laughing at trolling back the friend who contacted me and the back and forth fun that was
-learning amazing new makeup tips that work for my skintone
-being a woman
-accepting a little bit of craziness and moodiness
-checking in with my feelings,today is that mixed feeling of seasons changing. on one hand,i feel ready to move forward,and on the other i miss winter,because of how lovely it actually was. i know finishing this letter,and this week,will propel to moving forward more,but i'll always hold this fall and winter as special in my heart.i feel things so strongly,the subtle shifts of energy and i loved so much the quiet,cozy feeling of life since the last cycle of things,september or so,and just feel i'm about to enter a new cycle and don't know what's to come,and also sad thinking about other life cycles that have begun and ended in the past. the seasons. they change.
-taking a break from personal blogging until june
-clarity and assurances,clear seeing.
-feeling free and relaxed
-being spiritual and wise but child-like
-gratitude lists
-quantum physics and fringe science videos and articles online
-
Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-water
-mason jars
-beautiful weather today
-sitting on the porch today
-my adorable,stylish shoes that i love and getting some good pics of them i like to post one on ig
-acknowledging my feelings that i feel apathetic,bored,disconnected,and like everyone is living except me. i get that i had to slow down for march,and didn't regret declining things but now i feel like i'm left with nothing,and confused about life,impatient,etc.i feel ishouldn't humor thoughts of B anymore despite all the serendipity i keep getting almost daily,,i need to let go,which i thought i have,but i can feel he's still there a smidge,i need to let go more.i miss E and wish he would contact me. and,i'm really really wanting a night out of clubbing or a great concert,both really,and just want to have fun,exciting summer adventures.i guess a part of me has that fear i won't and i need to let go of that.
-waking up earlier. finally! idk why but my body was just ready to be up.i also did go to a bed a little earlier.i just felt ready. that's actually great. it's been a big stressor holding me back.
-getting super inspired before bed by this one woman i know and seeing how she lives so fully,and does so many amazing things,and to use that as inspiration for my own life,to do more and be fearless.i really do think i'm being held back by not meeting more people.i keep wanting to meet more ambitious people but have yet to. and,just remembering all the amazing people i've met who i admire and what they do which keeps them as admirable people,which is just living their dreams,and being fearless. I so envy her,and that crush on A,even though i know they have their problems too and people admire me as well,but i just want to feel more free,and do more. that's the frame of mind i'm in right now.
-deciding yesterday I had to delete myself off the astrology forum as it's too distracting,and i want to focus more on my dreams. when you focus on your dreams,you just live a different life. you heal from your pain through it,and meet amazing people through it,and use your pain to go higher,and it's just amazing thing. success is the 2nd best "revenge." happiness is the first.
-my cute gray knee high socks. so comfortable and stylish
-delicious cinnamon french toast sticks and banana spread. i love satisfying my sugar tooth and being vegan
-gratitude lists. i already feel lifted to a more hopeful frame of mind now.i keep asking tarot what's the theme for me this lunar eclipse and getting success as the theme for me. i've felt like i'm metaphorically birthing something a few days ago,and so i wonder if i'm on the verge of manifesting some desires. it fascinates me how in tune i get with my feelings and spiritual insights
-how storybook like life is
-coca cola. bad vice, i know.
-my favorite incense
-how long,thin,and tight my legs are. they make me feel so feminine
-edm music . i love upbeat beats. and being in on what's hot
-nightskies
-meditation.i know i need to do more of it. especially with how indecisive i've been feeling. it came to me to delete that profile off the forum because when i start spending more time on them,it does seem to block me from real life social interactions i've found,and so i knew it was time to go as in the past,once i cut out blocks like that,real life picks up. i also have had it come to me i need to finish business letter,which is more then half done,and will also be then propelled forward with life,as it seems energetic symbolic
-sacral chakra work. getting in touch with my wants,and feelings,and femininity.
-frog splits. such a powerfully deep opening stretch.i want to do this everyday.i find it so healing
-knowing that i'm about to enter a new phase of more clearing,and vibration raising,and desires manifesting
-my hair and how beautiful it is
-allowing myself to day dream and dream and believe. from the high rise apartment i am wanting,to the social activities i am craving,it feels good to just want
-reminding myself that i'm where i need to be,and with little things such as wishing i could go clubbing again,and what if i don't,that now is a time for exploring more of other things i've been doing like vegan foods,cocktails,and so on,and everything has it's time and place,and my desires are creating my future,but to appreciate where i'm at,because,as usual,i'll end up looking back on that,and thinking that was a nice time. things have a time gap. appreciate the moment,because everything you enjoy was at one time in the desire stage
-all the new instagram followers and likes lately. crazy. have no idea how people are finding me lately
-astrological appreciation and inspiration
-makeup
-delicious vegan protein powder i used for a drink last night,and had as my dinner and how good it made me feel
-how slender my arms are
-that no matter what,i have moving in august to look forward to and upcoming business trip in a few weeks
-all the work offers coming in
-being able to leave my door open
-the birds chirping
-remembering spiritual truths
-realizing i'm not going with the flow again,since i'm feeling impatient for action in my life yet blocked on how to actually manifest that,besides deleting one site,and deciding to meditate more,and already with that first thing,i ended up waking up earlier and going to bed earlier which i also felt within was a step needed to help me raise my vibration and manifest the movement in my life i was seeking
-the aliveness of life today with the spring colors and so on
-feeling in the spring time mood
-appreciating the winter and fall i had
-being love
-how cozy and quaint life can feel
-being beautiful
-feeling like i'm too attractive to do certain things,truth be told
-how validating life has been lately,another aspect of coming back to myself
-being honest with myself the last 2 days that i am kind of tired of second business career.i don't want to quite let it go though yet,but i'm obviously not quite enjoying it anymore as much. some parts,i am.
-my style
-things coming to me slightly about what i want to do and where i want to go career wise
-truths coming to me,more and more
-having it come to me more,maybe i do like E more then i think,and feel for him deeper then i realize
-cuteness
-art
-realizing more and more the law of attraction nature of things and how reality can ever-change
-knowing happiness is power,and my religion
-miracles
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-water
-mason jars
-coca cola
-coffee
-vegan cookies
-expansion
-going to the little local trendy restaurant a few blocks from my house finally.
-just getting out of the house and having fun
-sangrias,cocktails,and alcohol in general. makes life more fun. :)
-no longer liking the taste of cheese,and in fact,preferring pizza without. had roommates leftover pizza and took the cheese off and it was delicious.
-my little idea to help with indecisiveness ocd,by posting two pics,and later deleting the less preferred when i want to post on social media and my mind goes overdrive
-techno music
-fun
-stylish music in general
-my vibration being raised again.i went crazy the last two days feeling stuck and apathetic
-feeling as crazy as it may sound and having no logical proof,that B is crazy for me,and wants me back. tarot keeps saying i should contact him,and that it'd reunite us. i'm not going to,but it's strange.
-pisces friend revealing he has feelings to me.it made me mad at first,but then it did something awful...it made me realize I do like my friend E. I do. and,dammit,if anyone had been reading anything i've written in the last 8 months anywhere,they'd be able to point it out,too. i do have feelings for E. He is more relevant then i realized. How could i have missed this? I even started to feel during this lunar eclipse that i love him. I feel crazy. I was tempted to contact him. I still feel these feelings. Someone had suggested am i repressing how much i like him,and then a few days later now,i am feeling like this. I had more signs then i realized of liking him,perhaps. and,even now i still feel myself repressing it. i can't logically see why i like him. or how he cares about me. and,i've assumed he'd not be able to satiate me. but,then that's the thing,i assumed. and,feelings aren't logical,they just are. you can't help how you feel. this is just all so weird. i used to have a very subtle cognizant feeling that someday we'd kiss. i just felt it,but repressed it,and we did. i'd have psychic dreams about it,and now he's kissed me. and,now i feel a claircogizant feeling lately,that someday we'll end up having sex. all the things i've been mad at him about,i now see either weren't a big deal,or had a reason for happening,too. it's just so weird,all of this,how much my perceptions keep altering
-getting work letter almost done,so close,and it's such a release.i showed partner where i was at the other day and it was huge clunky mess and she said no wonder i've been going crazy. right away,i deleted a hugeeeeeee chunk of writing,and sort of started fresh. it was such an energetic release.i was taking the letter way too seriously,and going way too in depth and writing too much. so not needed. it's so much shorter,fresher,better now. and,i also feel ok with lettings things go dreamy,and abstract but still tying everything to be professional. it's probably pretty much done,but i'm going to say 80% just to make sure it's tip top before release
-spiritual healing music. chakra music,thetas,and gammas,clear my chakras and help me write better. a great way to multi-task
-nicer weather
-finally feeling ready for spring
-my style
-my child-like energy
-facial exercises
-makeup
-being someone who wants to look pretty and takes the time to look nice sometimes
-faith in myself
-freedom
-my adorable new shoes,that look both like little girl shoes,and like ballerina shoes,and very summery,and in my favorite color,all at once
-cozy feelings
-being spiritually in tune
-people reaching out to me
-my creativity
-being feminine
-mixing things up
-minimalism,secrets,and the sacred.
-romantic comedy movies to watch
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-feeling clean
-getting a delicious iced coffee on the way to the store
-my beautiful orange roses. so goregous. i love them. the perfect flowers for right now.i love orange flowers. so vivid
-these delicious vegan burgers i bought that just looked so interesting to try
-having a really good face day for some reason. my skin has a goregous glow and my facial features looked more in alignment. i wonder if it's the eclipse realizations that came to me,that cleared some blockages that caused this. even with a hat on,and sneakers,and unbrushed hair,i looked BEAUTIFUL today
-stopping at a store that's not the usual store and how much beauty products they had. so bountiful and fun. i seen so many ideas..
-picking up the lipliner on my list to play and work with that
-all the business trip work offers! still coming in
-place to stay for business trip confirmed. :)
-the intense lunar eclipse feelings that came to me about E making me realize he is more relevant to me then i realize,i do have feelings for him,and i had assumed so much about him without even knowing,and that all these things i had been annoyed at by him,was also i had done same things. honestly,it was mind blowing,i had so much more perception changing happen,it's like a light was shown on it and it all happened from friend S revealing he had feelings for me and a girl on a forum asking if i'm repressing feelings for E with all this mental noise. it was like the universe speaking to me,i just all of a sudden got hit with realizing i do like e,and have repressed it. just looking at everything now,and retracing it,it's like a different story,and it is mind blowing to me how i see me and E now. all the people who used to ask if i liked him,or said we looked like we were together or friend A getting jealous and not wanting to be around if E would be there generally,was him sensing something too. i'm just amazed at how much has changed,yet at the same time,realize,it had to be now,it wouldn't have made sense to for it to be back then,now is the time. the only question is,what will happen next since he's seemed to withdraw from me.
-deciding to back off from tarot again.i got fascinated by the illustrations,and the positive aspects of it,and do love signs,but this is no good for me and a block. i'm glad i'm observing blocks,and getting rid of them,so i can raise my vibration more,and have things manifest quicker
-that i get to finish up my writing tonight. am sooo close to done,and finally see where it will go now. and realize now in the future,when i'm that stressed,i need to just chop a bunch off or start from scratch because clearly im taking it too seriously then.i am now more detached from it,and have a sweet,much shorter,fresher piece,that's pretty much done,but i just want to sculpt more and perfect,and make sure i really am ok with it,and that's it's quality.
-facial exercises
-getting my workout done yesterday
-my favorite incense
-remembering my sweet loved one who left this physical reality,and memories of her
-how beautiful the weather is today
-just realizing how much E has been affected by me,and likes me more then i realized this whole time
-how much time i feel have now tonight
-healed perceptions
-my desire for fun
-the beautiful peaceful sounds of the outside,including trains,birds,cars,etc, very peaceful
-feeling more relaxed about life now
-beautiful green flower stems
-me,my personality interests,and quirks
-my child-like side
-how in shape i am getting
-mixing things up
-breaks
-my power
-deciding to speak more positive about my writing,too since i had been complaining too much about it,making it harder
-forgiveness
-spiritual healing music
-quiet
-paying attention to feelings
-signs,including dream again
-feeling good
-spring time
-getting back on track again
-sleeping somewhere else,and getting better sleep because of it. back felt wonderful!
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-feeling clean
-feeling relaxed
-the feeling of release and movement now that project 21 is released. such an energetic release,i realize every time 2nd career projects complete
-high protein vegan food
-altering my workouts slightly because i've been getting bored with them,and how great that feels now to more motivated again
-D contacting me today.
-warm,soothing,mood boosting coffee
-these beautiful orange roses. love the color so much. roses are my favorite flower
-loving myself
-all the new instagram activity later with people somehow noticing me and starting to follow me that know me and offer me things,very odd how i'm being found lately
-an artist i've worked with being featured in my city really close to where i live,a few blocks away,actually. perhaps,i'll check it out.
-positive tarot readings on E and his feelings for me and what he wants,and what he wants to give me. super,super positive. just also,realizing,he's maybe been more caring then irealized this whole time,and maybe could be better for me,and give me more then some of these other guys,and i just brushed it off and assumed he couldn't. realizing and remembering all the little details about me he's always remembered,too which is super sweet and makes me feel special. i adore his sentimental side. being able to picture more then just kissing with him now,but relationship things too
-remembering my loved one who left this physical reality,and making sure she is remembered. i miss her so much.
-my perceptions changing in positive ways that are healing,naturally which is really nice
-enjoying food more then ever since becoming vegan since i now have more pride in what i eat
-business partner being more chatty today
-feeling motivated about 2nd business again and like i do want to keep doing it
-all my accomplishments and cool things i do
-being able to see how E sees me more,and thinking it's cute. he seems to see me as child-like and innocent
-upcoming business trip
-my interests and personality
-water,and drinking lots of it
-music
-allowing and accepting imperfection
-being kind
-my eyeglasses
-that it's spring time,and i've felt ready for it,and moved forward
-that i'm over B ,and also have been for some time,D
-that i seem like someone who is quite a looker in the perceptions of others and based on interest i recieve
-the lunar eclipse,and what S and online forum person said to me making me realize the truth about E and unlocking all my feelings,actually i've been burning my favorite incense which is unlock so that,too could be playing a part
-yoga
-sleep getting a little bit better
-clarity
-being thought of
-knowing i have a lot going for me
-seeing other famous people with my features which me feel better about some of my insecurities
-inspiration
-beauty
-the industry i work in
-how different my mindset,and moods are and happiness compared to this time last year. i've found so many amazing tools to boost happiness and things i've changed that i never thought of before,that i can just be for hours upon a time daily,in a way that is different from before. just so much more mind clarity and ease of getting to happiness. i almost want to write an article or something about it.
-literature and how storybook life is seeming to me lately,more and more
-all the spiritual truths that have expanded themselves to me in the last 9 months or so
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-the rain and how beautiful it is. rained all day. :) i love rain.i love how i can watch the rain on my porch balcony and not get wet. so soothing,and makes me feel very spring-time.
-that it's spring-time.
-my hourglass curvature
-getting a lot of work done today and putting out work together with business partner and how great it looks. got done pretty easily and looks great and enjoyed chatting with her,too
-getting another person i admire from an organization i admire to agree to work on something with me. so excited. it feels so good to live my dreams
-pulling a cool photo from the fall that i want to post on my instagram in a bit to show more of my industry and accomplishments
-my animal soulmate and making her a symbol and legend of so much and her reawakening me to animal advocacy and all that she has taught me,it's amazing. she is so important and i'm so glad i can make her famous and an important symbol to me.i love how i've honored her.
-feeling relaxed,and in good spirits
-coffee
-feeling clean
-the abundance of things to explore
-colors
-roses
-a work offer from primary career that looked interesting
-the amazing journaling session last night that purged a lot of feelings and brought me more clarity on myself
-nighttime
-how much i've matured and evolved and all the resistances i've cleared over the years
-loyal supporters
-feeling attractive
-the amazing webinar i watched from a spiritual guru type i like and how inspiring her energy was and the good mood it put me in
-movies to watch. sometimes a good movie is so nice to entertain and distract for awhile
-how literary life feels lately and inspires me lately
-roommate coming by for a bit to nap earlier
-water
-changing my workouts to be shorter,since before was a lot,and i know i can get a lot done in less time anyways and this will help with motivation since i had been starting to get slightly bored
-amys' kitchen texas burgers with mustard. so super good. i'm so glad i can enjoy things without cheese more then i used to. seasonings or hummus is a great,more satisfying cheese replacement really
-how forward moved i feel in life now. it's amazing. jan,feb,march each had their place,and now i'm in a blank canvas new space to create with. so exciting.
-becoming more confident,and forgiving of myself and authentic
-that business trip is around the corner and how exciting that is.
-how much fresher my hair looks ever since cutting it shorter
-how fresh and alive life feels!
-the power of happiness
-that i cleaned the bathroom last night
-embracing new aspects of myself and becoming stronger and stronger
-having an interesting life
-that it's so beautiful out,i can keep my door open
-my energy and soul
-echinacea tea and how wonderfully soothing it is
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-feeling good
-vegan burritos
-helping out my mom today and doing a small kind gesture,with it as well
-getting a bottle of wine today,because it felt like a loving myself thing to do
-getting this sexy swim cover up that i've coveted for a long time but could never find at a shop that i finally found at a really good price. felt good to get an item i've wanted for a long time,that is sexy,and from a sexy boutique since i don't usually shop at boutiques like that. felt like a very loving myself thing to get. it's very sports illustrated looking.
-finding out a popular cosmetics company i've been hearing so much about and trying doesn't test on animals which made me happy so now i have two main cosmetics brands to turn to that do not test on animals
-my ex,A contacting me ,which makes twice in two days.i felt bad saying no,and it made my mind wander,also feeling like i don't want to in ways,but that maybe i should go out,and then i'd attract more going out activities to me but alas i didn't
-feeling like E feels very very deep for me,in ways that may even be surprising,but ever since i realized i have feelings for him,too,i've been having fear and obsessing type thoughts,almost like waiting to hear from him now,and so it's time to let him go. i know where i stand now. the moon and other things highlighted things for me which was good,and it was good i even let myself feel head in the clouds about E for a week but i'm glad i came down from the clouds and am now thinking of other people to try and make plans with and not waiting around wondering about E.
-that i'm ok with letting business trip pass by before realy going out again since its been on my mind so much and just almost want to get that done,though also,it seems like i'm making excuses to put things off. it's definitely a balance.
-pictures
-inspiration
-spring-time weather today
-the sun
-color of the night sky
-face starting to look younger with makeup techniques i've been doing,and advancing with the makeup learning. i think i'm progressing.
-entertainment
-the shape of my backside and how round it is,and small,and curvy
-feeling feminine
-feeling more motivated,and organized about things to do,and getting them done
-feeling child-like
-a great article on how to love someone with anxiety i came across online.
-feeling overall and relaxed about life.
-water
-iron vitamins. i'm sure they've played a part in my sleep being a little more normal and my energy levels a little higher
-peaceful sounds of the outside such as the trains and cars driving by. it's so soothing to me.
-my favorite incense,unlock.
-working on continuing to better myself,more and more.
-feeling beautiful
-being love
-business partner being chatty lately,and seeming super reasonable about when we can hang out when i'm in her city
-best friend actually seeming to try new things a little bit more lately,which makes me happy.
-the joys of being a woman
-healing different things,more and more
-my eyeglasses
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-feeling clean
-releasing restrictions and repressions more and more
-getting more trip planning completed. what a release!
-after anxiety attack in the morning,making decision that is law of least effort(don't like that name of that law) for work and business partner quickly accomodating.
-after feeling annoyed and stressed at social things with people and feeling not appreciated and like i'm being shut out by people being how i deem in my eyes as shady,deciding to use that as motivation to get pumped up again to be better. i really want to feel more appreciated again,but feel people are being sexist and that i'm dealt things because of being an attractive female that aren't fair and not given things because i won't sleep with certain people or other people take me as rejecting them. it's really not fair,but this spring and summer is all about redesign,recarving,and blooming like a flower.
-freeing myself from E. deciding to make my own fun and focusing on what will make me feel good
-after feeling emotional again this afternoon(i am pms-ing,i think) realizing i struggle consistently with not feeling heard,and i think that's why i do certain things.
-feeling more clarity on my path by taking away certain things,and focusing on others. excited for upcoming work thing with animal advocate guy,and upcoming business trip.i do not care to even plan out anything else until i'm back. this is the path,the tune,the pace that is right for me
-vegan food
-getting a coffee out today
-my blase at people being weird asking questions that are odd today(a neighbor) because,honestly,i am the same way with being weird and random. i'm a very accepting and nonchalant person
-getting the black fabric dye today finally so i can try and restore favorite lucky going out top!
-allowing myself to feel my feelings and be feminine
-a really nice theta intention setting session before bed. worked on almost 30 different things!. and,the music really relaxed me and helped me shift to having more insights
-being able to do another kind gesture
-waking up to a lot of texts today
-my ex calling me in the middle of the night for some reason;i enjoy the fun guys give me,it amuses me which is nice otherwise life would be more boring
-having my eyes on the prize and more motivation again
-dishes being done
-cute animals
-an email from K last night
-all my accomplishments
-realizing i can surpass certain people with certain things if i really wanted to
-being easy on imperfection
-using anger for positivity. sometimes you have to say if people want to be like this to you,then ♥♥♥♥ them and you will go off and make even better things happen then. and,then watch,all good when you come back around you'll see how much they missed you and were talking about you. That's what always happens.
-that love life still seems mysteriously more active since around august or so,i swear it's the loving myself gestures i've done. it's just insane. i'm such a different person compared to before then.
-candy
-hot tea
-feeling better now physically.i had gotten physicall sick from the anxiety this morning but i feel so much more well now
-my stomach being nice and flat today
-my hair length and how much fresher it looks since cutting it
-jelly donuts
-finding an adorable place i'd love to try that i can possibly meet business partner at on trip
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-positive energy sent to me
-water and drinking lots of it
-my face looking more glowy and young today
-my body being nice and thin today
-going over 24 hours without tarot and knowing this time i will stick to staying away from it. i also found some info about tarot&psychic addiction to help me see how illogical and limiting,and not accurate,and so on it is. one day without it,and already i had more time in my day,and felt a little better of a mood lift
-getting follw up information on one of my bookings out of town,and how excited that made me
-facial exercises
-scalp massages
-stress release
-vegan food
-fashion inspiration and finally changing up boutiques i shop at after a few years,so my style can evolve a little bit.it's been a year of evolving my fashion,diet,fitness,spirituality,and dating and it really is amazing
-my lips seeming to become a little bigger and making my teeth and mouth a little more attractive
-makeup
-finding fitness motivation again;i am now doing two videos per day on body part of the day and then my yoga,and also adding tibetan rites as yoga to my playlist again since that's a yoga i find very beneficial. yoga and strength training are my passions
-the beautfiul weather today
-that my business trip is right around the corner,and that not much seems to be needed left to be done,and how excited and healing i know this trip will be for me
-getting the living room cleaned up
-organizing life a smidge and getting things done so things feel easier
-all the awesome and inspiring videos on youtube i enjoy
-california
-feeling confident
-the great journaling session last night i did
-cute adorable animal videos that really show you animals are intelligent and have lives of their own
-beauty
-my animal soulmate
-simplifying and things becoming easier
-meditation
-seeing more and more women who look much younger then their age,and how reassuring that is for when iget older
-feeling comfortable
-the trippy spiritual thoughts i was having last night while i just laid down and did nothing for a bit. i've been on such a spiritual high lately for months now of new things being pieced together for me,theories,and things sticking
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-getting things done,even if it's not exactly fun or comfortable,just to get it over with
-laughing at life and how funny it is
-how much more time i have now,the boost in mood i noticed,AS WELL AS,and increase in intuition and clarity ever since i gave up the tarot.i feel no actual desire to go back to it. it's been almost 48 hours,and i see now it's absurd. it had caused things such as me assuming the worst and manifesting little bits of that causing me to think even more it must be true then,and influencing me to push things away more. can't help but wonder if it wasn't for tarot,would B and i have had certain fights,would D and I went exactly as we went.....and would i have skipped E's party last march. it's amazing what decluttering the little things from your life can do. i keep feeling little urges that the old me would've turned to tarot for,too. like when ifeel slight wondering what someone is thinking or what will happen, worried type feelings but then i stop,and realize i create my reality.i feel firm the universe wants me to nix this.
-my ex A calling me again. This is SO unlike him. idk what is going on with him. he is chasing me quite a bit lately and i don't know why.
-sweet feelings,memories of E
-allowing myself to be angry about guys,sexism,some things from one of the work fields i work in that is unfair and sexist and just letting myself feel that stuff,and knowing that all will be righted. feeling so much more patient with life that all will unfold in the right time.
-lavender oil. so good. idk what it is about this oil but it just does something to me unlike the other oils i've used. i'm so drawn to it,and find it so soothing
-coffee
-banana fruit spread
-cinnamon french toast sticks
-vegan food
-my dark vegan chocolate and how stress releasing it is
-going tanning today
-nourishing my femininity
-how sculpted my body feels
-the inspiring videos on youtube i watched yesterday,and inspiration to expand some things for myself.
-my accomplishments
-my eyeglasses
-opportunities
-deciding to apply to something that i got rejected for last year,because things change and you never know,and i am much more high vibration this year so maybe it'll work out this time
-getting dishes done
-that i'll have a nice glass of wine tonight
-that i've been offered so many jobs for out of town trip,more then enough i could accept,which is very inspiring. universe is very much on my side for this trip. also,that i'm getting my times sorted out now for my exact schedule which is nice. things have come together quite nicely and easily.
-water
-pillows
-relaxation
-being myself and authenticity
-how curvy and round my backside is. it looks like ideal backside of what guys like.
-nice weather today
-just all the wisdom and clarity today and lately
-allowing desires and dreams to rise to the surface
-quiet
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-animal activists
-water,and all the extra water i'm drinking lately. been upping it from 3 liters a day to going for 4-5 liters
-veganism and the vegan community
-agreeing to go out with me ex A this weekend. i kinda have wanted to and felt i may as well since once may hits,who knows where life will go. and funny enough he suggested a place that has a tarot theme liquor menu(i googled the place and seen this)
-lol. very funny and serendipitious since i've been so into tarot art and symbolism lately and just recently gave up doing readings(he has no idea about any of this)
-dying my shirt today. glad to get that done. so far,looks much better,but haven't seen it dried yet.
-my lip shape being fuller
-workouts becoming more fun again on my new plan
-moving on from E. Even though i realized my feelings,i'm also balanced too and rational and realizing he isn't contacting so no point in feeling hurt or longing by his behaviors or idealizing and instead focusing on my goals and making myself happy. the tarot certaintely blocked me from this,and now i can see things much more clearly again.i feel very content with whatever happens,happens with me and E now. I do miss him a little,but not going to make him my world in my mind
-trendy vegan place ideas for while on upcoming business trip that i got from watching vlogger's video channel
-how round and in shape my backside is
-how sculpted my back has gotten. it has the line down the middle of it,my back seems to have always been my strongest,easiest to get in shape body part for some reason
-the sun
-clarity
-how delicious water tastes,it just tastes so good. it's like working out,the more you do,the more of it you want to do. same with water drinking.
-how shiny my hair is
-being in an overall good mood today
-simplicity
-waking up earlier today
-the internet
-inspiration
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-realizing i really,really need to get back on track with meditating. i've slacked off quite a bit on it and my ocd mind has been going a little worse and of course,i know why. what haven't i done much of? meditating. however,i'm four,i believe it is,days strong on no tarot,and so am giving myself leniancy on things as long as i don't go and do that.i still have slight urges to go to it,when i have certain questions in my mind,afterall i've been doing tarot regularly for about SIX months now before i had quit.i don't think i've gone more then a week without it,since then. so,if i'm a little lazier,or distracting myself with other not so productive things,i'm ok with that for now,but starting tomorrow,i intend to get back on track even more and do more meditating.
-protein water. even though i'm giving that up to clean up my diet even more,as i realize i really don't need the water.
-california inspirations. i realize places like california are all about slowing down,yet somehow getting it all done,and that is exactly my vibe.
-fashion magazines from all over the world and being inspired by middle eastern beauty and makeup and argentenian and brazilian,and portugal fashions,and middle east fashions,too
-being honest with myself that ok,i really need to get it together. today was not my day,from spilling and making more of a mess in my home with spilling coffee,and feeling pms-y and just wanting cuddles and feeling needy and lazy,i felt like a little child. as soon as i spilled the coffee,it killed my mood for the day and just sort of depressed me,on top of that,my monkey mind going a little nuts today. mind wanders to the most bizarre phobias. i also wasn't ideal with my diet,as someone had brought me a tall coca cola,and i drank it all.i also am feeling like a lady of leisure lately,and it's making me feel like i need to do more. on one hand,i have the desires,and dreams but do feel blockages and sort of mentally disorganized a little.i should also be using my circumstances i've been given to think more about what to do,and take actions. so many others seem to do so much in their day to day lives compared to me,and then i feel like i do so little,which makes me feel like crap.i guess i do feel a bit stuck in some areas of life.
-i was offered a job today from one of things i used to do,which was nice,actually even though i quit doing those because too much b.s and not enough pay,i'd still possibly consider doing one if i was offered. i'm just not going to go out of my way for it anymore. couldn't do this one because i was out of town. the other thing i realized,is because of the circumstances i've been given,i can focus on only taking the most top of the tier of those kind of jobs,and from that focus by not even bothering with the other ones,maybe i'll actually get them. i've seen this advice before,with career things,so who knows maybe by not having the worry i used to have about medium-range of those jobs,i'll attract higher end ones.
-actually kind of appreciating things with E as they are right now. it sounds nuts,but somehow it feels like it's supposed to be this way,and like deep,deep down inside back in march,i knew this,that we'd not see each other for awhile. it's so freaking weird to me how if you really pay attention,you kind of know.i also realize i kind of like the telepathic unspoken going on right now,and feel like that is sort of sorting itself out,right now..from moments of being annoyed to him,to others of wondering what he'd think of something,to sort of sweet almost swoon-y moments thinking of him. he's actually in my mind less,but he is there,and one thing i've realized since the lunar eclipse E epiphanies is that,he had been in my mind a whole lot more then i had realized ever since me and him met. Weird. We must telepathically chat quite a bit. Lol. But,yeah,i realize i'm really afraid of losing him,and so if i can space out when we next see each other,it's better because then it keeps things from going too intense leading to the typical thing of something happening,and then it ending,and boom,gone. Maybe he'd be different. One sweet thing he said that night we kissed is he'd never do what B did,and i believed him,it's not his energy,his way to do that. It's funny i don't even really know him that well,yet fear losing him,but i think it's also partially that he gives me an attachment to something from the past,a time frame,and it'd be sad to lose that. He is in a sense,like my female friend A,who i kicked out of my life the same year me and him met. It's like he filled her void. They are similar in some ways,and i felt with her like i never really was close to her,even though we hung out,and stuff,it was odd. There's just some people i feel close to,and get close to and others,not so much. I still find it so weird,how all i need to do is get in the right frame of mind,and as long as i'm not ocd biased on something i can have answers super quick. i'm pretty claircognizant. it's only areas of trauma or grief,i can't use that trick for,yet.
-how thin and sculpted my stomach looked today
-my best friend and how amazing he is
-vinyasa yoga
-how sculpted my back is getting
-how curvy,round and shapely my backside is,and how much tighter it is getting
-people with clean,kind,and high vibration energy
-my energy becoming more clean,more kind,and more high vibration
-this forum,and being able to do my gratitude list on here. besides,reminding myself what has gone good for the day,and what i can focus on that is good,down to the little things,it's a nice chance to reflect on things a smidge,too
-the nightskies
-getting new instagram pic posted today and getting a lot of comments,and likes,and doing a seo boost right after since it's a high end pic and if certain people happened to see it,i'd want it to look really good
-peaceful sounds of the outside at night.
-realizing me and A,my ex,can take more pics this weeknd,since i don't really have many,and not a single one of us together i actually like. i've also learned,too,to not fuss about perfect pics with ones you adore,since,amazingly,we tend to miss pics of the best things,sometimes,and in pics,with life,pics only show fragments,and maybe it's better that way anyways. in the old days,people used to have like one pic of someone and they'd love it and look at it all the time,and it was precious. as many pics as i had thought i'd taken of my fur angel throughout the years,i now find myself sad,feeling like what happened,i feel i not took many at all,i wish i had taken so many more,but maybe that's grief and just a natural feeling. also,the good thing is,with creativity and technology,cool things can be created anyways,and you can find a way that is authentic to express to you,and your story knowing that even the imperfections,mistakes,losses,and so on,are part of the unique life painting that is your story and beautiful.
-all the inspiration lately. just watching this vegan yogi in l.a's youtube channel has really inspired me too. she's much older then me and looks amazing for her age,it inspires me to better myself,and how we really can look younger,for longer. luckily,i already do a lot of things that keep me looking young for my age,but i do see more i can do,for example stressing less.
-how hard my nails feel
-how i've basically managed to up my grams of protein per day to approximately 50 where it's now really easy to do,natural,and doesn't take much effort. just 3 months or so ago,i found it a little more of an effort,so i'm happy for that little that's changed. i'm also sure my body has been tighter because of that. and,i can now drop the protein waters and see what happens since i think i've got a handle on how i can easily reach my goals without that junk.
-my lips becoming poutier looking and jaw changing i think for the better from facial exercises.i seem to be re-aligning so that is nice
-my beautiful apartment. it actually is really beautiful.i gushed over it back when i first moved here,and it actually is a really nice place. it would've been so nice if my loved one who had left this physical reality before i moved could have made it here with me.
-metaphysical ponderings about sleep,dreams,physical reality,parallel realities,death and the connection between all those things.more,and more when i go to sleep and awake,that is on my mind. one recent thought was,what if every time i wake up,it's another version of me dying? and,what if death really will be like just waking up from sleep? and,even that,subtle,too not just this intense feeling like society makes it believe,but really subtle like awakening? that might be nicer actually. what if death isn't this big scary change feeling but instead is just entering another reality like a parallel reality,where you barely feel a difference? as i've been saying i believe,that there is no death,maybe that is true even more literally then i had thought,maybe it's like going to sleep and waking up and you don't even really notice a difference? and,then the other night,in quiet time,my imagination was overflowing and i imagined myself having a near death experience(for some reason i was in a princess costume during)and i had died basically and my beautiful lost loved one appeared,and i was so happy to see her,it was such ecstacy,and a dream come true that i lost track of time,time became nontime,as i experienced bliss unlike any i ever have,and my so happy i could cry,and euphoria that just is indecscriable,that time just disappeared and then she answered questions for me about things about why death happens and she said,death is just a change,comparing it to relationships that are romantic and how those end to teach us detachment and prepare us for bigger deaths and that,that kind of heartbreak is like a little death,and mastering detachment is mastering change,and mastering the fear of death,because change is constant and going with the flow is vital. and she said the reason why death happens,and she died,is because on some level,we DO want it,because we then get to experience the joy of reuniting and walking back to the reunion,and to just think about how joyful i felt when i seen her,and that did i know a whole hour had passed while my heart chakra rose out of my body with bliss,as tears sprung from my eyes. without death,and the pain of that,we don't get the joy of the reunion,and so that's why we create those darker things. it made so much sense. the joy of reuniting with a lost lover,is always such a good feeling,but imagine the feeling of reuniting with a lost loved one? how intense that is? i can kind of see some truth to the law of polarity and how it's needed with the law of attraction. and how it sort of creates desire,or creates with it. i prefer the abraham term of contrast actually because they explain it in a way that makes more sense to me but this is profound. contrast creates desire. so many,thoughts,but i'm going on and not sure they're all making sense. this list has taken longer then intended
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-water
-detoxing.
-body flaws disappearing. all it takes is a few days sometimes,and i'll notice body flaws drastically reduced based on what i've been doing. still observing what it is that does that exactly,since it can literally transform so quick. so far,body tightening workouts that are consistent and drinking a TON of water,seem to be the magic trick. like,not just 3 liters,but 4-5. this seems to be the magic number for me. even not getting in my usual water yesterday,and drinking all that soda,and today i still have the transformation,because one off day isn't going to make a huge difference and is showing efforts from days before. so,i'm going to continue to aim for 4-5 a day now,because i cannot for the life of me figure out what else could have changed in the last week or so,besides slight diet clean up,but it was so slight.
-stomach being nice and flat
-how tight my body is and sculpted. back is super sculpted and has a line down the middle of it,and venus dimples,backside is tighter and nice shaped,legs are sculpted,and body flaws just drastically reduced. my shoulders feel stronger and my back feels amazing,strong,and open.
-using tonight to get back on track with meditating since i have the time,so may as well. today,i had itchy eyes and stress in my vibration from work things,so am looking forward to clearing some energy and raising my vibration which is perfect timing so i can be really open and high vibe right before trip.
-more reflections on E.i feel this is just things getting sorted out,internally and on unspoken realm..like the aligning. i just again had intense sexual thoughts about him,idk why but with him he is one of those that i get very very strong sexual feelings towards,which makes me think the sexual tension all the times we hung out must've been some very very repressed energy,or something,i am not sure,or maybe i'm just having the energy from him all this time being sent to me now.i have no idea. sexual energy is an interesting thing i'm still observing and learning. then on and off i've been reflecting with new eyes,that geez is our friendship really over? are we really never going to hang out like we did last year? it just hit me like intuition and made me sad because logically,it's been a really long time since we seen each other. last year was a certain so often,and this year there has been much more spaces. it's like last july really changed things,whatever the heck exactly happened last july.i was wondering about,that too since that was really when we first stopped speaking. i feel intutitively yes,we will see each other again,our friendship is not over. there is still a lot to come with me and him. that is what i feel. it's just a mystery exactly what's next or what will play out and it does make me sad because logically,i can't see how we will ever be the same as friends because how you can go from hanging out ever certain so often,to such gaps,to being integrated again,like how it was. i just can't logically see it,and it makes me sad,because now i miss that.i always take things for granted,but i had not wanted him gone forever,i just needed a break last summer. he never gave up on me,though completely,he still invited me out in fall once,and then his thing in winter,but still. so much doesn't make sense too.all i can think is he must like me a lot more then i realized because of his behaviors of certain things compared to others,like why does he seem so much harsher to me like i'm so much less important,and less great? it hurts me. so either,i am someone he doesn't like as much but just likes me for looks and so tolerates me in doses but then gets fed up with me or he likes me a lot,a lot,like love and so gets more hurt by me and treats me harsher. one thing for sure,is i want answers so i'm setting the intention that whatever happens,i get more answers when things manifest not just things happening. all i know at this point,is that E has liked me this whole time. from his behaviors,i know he thinks a lot more then i realize,and is very indirect,and plays games. realizing how he had nerve to contact B while we dated when he never does,and actually observes things a lot more then irealize. maybe he is in love with me. he sure does swing back to seemed annoyed by me and seeming sweet on me throughout the friendship.i'm just hurt. how did things become such a mess? i had thought i had a friend and now look where things are. months of not speaking last summer and fall to craziness of me meeting b then him kissing me and now here we are again,almost two months since we seen each other,which isn't super long,but it's getting there. i'm not even super annoyed by the time,since from an loa point of view,i can see why it's happening and that i wanted to focus on me for awhile and my goals but it's the what am i,where do i really fit part of it,which is stupid since E being the sweet one he is i think doing this on purpose said early in the night the night we kissed,when we seen our friend A that he hadn't seen him in four months(the same amount of time it had been before me and E had seen each other once i had been to his party in Dec after that time gap of us not hanging out,so i know E is one of those types to go awhile without seeing certain people,i think it just bothers me because in the past when i go from hanging out with someone and then it lessens,it only tends to lessen more and more until i only see them once in a rare while,but life can change at any moment,can't expect all patterns to always stick.i think it just used to be i hung out with E,and he's a friend and i'm hanging out. but then it lessened,and i had some feelings on that,but was like well i've been busy,it was my fault,and E and i are friends but not like super close friends,and now i'm like what am ireally? was i just a hot girl he invited out because of my looks and someone he was pursuing. did all his friends know this? i don't think they all did,but still,it's just very bizarre. i can see now times,where he did things to get back at me. and some freaky things where it's like i changed realities,from how perceptions changed,that's how eerie it all is. maybe he is one of those guys who when he sees a girl with a new guy,he goes crazier and goes for her more,too,who knows.i clearly want more answers. meh. hopefully,in may i get them.
-friend from the past K contacting me to hang out
-nice warm showers
-clean towels
-lavender oil.love this so much
-my best friend and how amazing it is
-looking forward to my plans tomorrow. it'll be good to do something social actually. it's been so long,i've been such a damn hermit because of various going ons.
-ideas
-my creativity
-that i don't have my time of the month yet. hoping to not get it until at least sunday. think i should pull it off.
-my eyeglasses
-the peaceful sounds of the outside,cars driving by,etc
-how beautiful the sky is at night
-veganism
-realizing that where i'm at now,i actually would want a guy to be on the path of a plant based diet,if not on one,and that if he wasn't,i probably would try to encourage it. back last summer,i thought for sure,i could care less and would date a meat eater,and still would but now i've found that 1.)D was the first guy while a vegan that i was talking to romantically and found myself trying to convert him a little to at least be a vegetarian. idk why,and it just came natural. 2.)i already been converting my best friend,and others since last summer. 3.) i've found guys actually are without me even attempting to do anything very accepting of my diet,and even suggesting things to me,like how B suggested vegan sushi place for a date. so,basically,i really believe veganism is the future,and animal products are gross so naturally,i probably will be nitpicky about diet in a guy. i already been thinking about my ex i'm seeing this weekend and how much meat he eats,and how i'd like him to change his diet and i think,possibly,E may be a vegetarian..not sure,just a feeling i get.
-how much more peaceful the apartment feels when the door is open
-cleaning the bathroom last night,and the whoa amount of cleared energy i felt instantly once i cleaned the mirror. i must be really in tune with energy because that was quick that i just felt more clarity. it fascinated me.
-feeling better about the coffee spill from yesterday
-apartment possibilities that are exciting for when i move. it's looking more and more like a tiny studio in a trendy neighborhood may be what's next. i'm excited for that experience.i think it'd be kind of fun to have a tiny apartment for awhile.
-clarity
-innovation
-my style transformation. shopping at new types of boutiques to add different energy and style to me and transform more.
-tea tree oil. like this so much more for healing blemishes,it's natural,and doesn't test on animals!
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-going out last night. it was JUST what i needed to make me feel moved forward and i think what had been causing me to feel so crazy with my thoughts lately is just how cooped up i've been.
-how amazingly me and my ex A were REALLY in sync with each other in alignment. It was crazy. For the first time since we have broken up and i'd moved on,i could actually picture myself possibly in a relationship with him.We were even naturally mimicing each other's movements. He's so mature and non sexist and really appreciates how humble i am and was suggesting all these things he wants us to do,like take me to dinner,and brunch,and meeting his friends and he had said he wants a relationship with someone like me saying someone who's seen him change over the last years and that he's seen me change,implying me since we had mentioned that how we've seen each other change throughout the years and talked about it. he even said who knows maybe we'll end up together. and he talked about an ex of his,that everyone says is perfect for him,and that loves him,but he just doesn't feel it for her,which was very interesting to me. We were very very in sync with each other's values about things we talked about,and him understanding me,and me understanding him,in a way unlike the previous times we've gotten together after splitting.i really really credit this to the loving myself things i've been doing.i like that's he's a provider type,and always pays for all things,and even says he does that for all his people,and that he drove me home in the morning,and that there was no weird,and is never any weird will i be expected to chip in crap.he had also said something along the lines implying he likes that i'm not a type of girl to try and use a guy for money,and i think that makes him want to take me out even more when i'd suggest coffee sometime,he'd say brunch,and say he wants to take me to dinner,and ask if i'm hungry,etc,etc. he also said if we were serious with each other,he'd consider going vegetarian which is something i like now in a guy i've realized in the last months,so that was very nice. he also was very physically attractive to me,and for the first time,didn't really annoy me that much,we were just very in sync,it was quite interesting. he just seemed more..different,idk how or what.i want to say more genuine,maybe? he also was very respectful of my morals and was ok if we didn't have sex. he seemed more to just want me there to hold. i like also how he held me when we walked out of his apartment around the stomach and then holding my arm old fashioned style as we walked to his car. it went pretty nice,a few awkwardnesses that i want to improve on about certain things on my end,but he just seemed changed,i think maybe the inner work i've been doing too,it's like we've evolved to align up to each other.it's quite cool.
-that he tagged me on facebook that we were out.idk why he did,he did it on his own,but i like that he did. it seems like a couple-y thing to do,kind of,though. maybe he is trying to show something to people,idk.
-this girl tagging me that i'm hawaii at a resort with her the other day.idk why she did that,maybe she is just thinking of me,but it made me giggle.
-realizing some of the flaws i'm insecure about are actually stretch marks which is another issue entirely,so that's good to know so i can think differently and realizing one issue is less then i thought
-buying vitamin e vitamins today. it's one vitamin i've been looking to work on getting more of so happy about that
-masculine guys who aren't sexist,respect your morals,provide for you,and don't go icked out by sex during that time of the month.
-getting more makeup today and beauty products. didn't find ideal product i wanted,but some others that i am hoping will suffice.
-getting groceries today
-getting an out coffee today.
-getting a soda in the morning when i got home down the block from me. so needed after a night of cocktails,always.
-uber. so much better then cabs.so much cheaper,too. so glad to start using uber more to get to things. way convenient.
-music
-fun
-empathy
-cute,and happy things
-my eyes,and how large and wide they are
-all the upcoming business trip offers coming in still
-my backside being very curvy and round which i know is very sexy
-my strength. it's one of the things my ex A really admires about me is how strong i am,and how much more confident i've become. he loves how much more i look in his eyes now compared to before when we were a couple years ago,i was much shyer.i feel very sexy being complimented on my inner beauty qualities
-the nice long nap i took today.
-the beautiful springtime feel today. how fresh the air feels. how vivid the candy apple green the leaves on trees were today. and then the nice refreshing rain that occured. a beautiful spring day.
-seeing so much how i live such a "healthy" lifestyle compared to the average person. like,this ex smokes,drinks a lot,works with oil fumes,eats a lot of meat,etc,etc and here i am the girl who meditates everyday,does yoga everyday,is on a plant based diet,doesn't smoke,only drinks socially,etc,etc.
-beauty
-forgiveness
-being a woman
-that my ex A is still in my life
-reflection
-that i can meditate tonight
-awesome creations
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-new hair clip i bought which keeps more hair out of my face because it's bigger
-coffee
-water
-my vitamins
-sweaters
-sleeping kind of nice last night
-new interests i want to explore;right now i'm interested in exploring acro yoga
-my favorite incense
-getting some emails done;feels so good accomplishing things put off. really clears energy to do so!
-nourishment
-meditation and how just a little of the right meditation really is healing
-the white shadow pencil i bought for highlighting which i LOVE. i tried it out last night and it works amazing. it really made me look more awake and younger. so glad i bought it.
-that A seems to love me,and i get the feeling thinks of me as the one who got away and wants to marry me someday. he is so intense,though that sometimes i just need to back off. he is so serious oriented.i feel he'd want to have kids with me.i do feel close to him,though,i want to tell him that. being a soul connection,though,every time he comes back around,he has me checking with myself on internal things i need to change and move forward to. i've almost come to expect it and it scares the heck out of me what that means. after all these years,we are still in each other's lives,and every time we see each other,even if it's not always pleasant,he stirs something in me that causes me to realize i need to change something in my life. it scares me that what if one day,after a certain point,he is right,and we DO end up getting married. and that,on some soul level,he just knows i'm not ready yet and have these changes to make. he drives me crazy. what if we weren't just some intense crazy love story back then that was young and passionate but meant to be short lived but in fact meant for much more? i do believe he really was in love with me back then. but,he also falls in love a lot,i feel. then again,so do i. i do think he wishes he could give me more,but because we were so short lived back then,never got a chance to. i've also wondered if he is waiting for me,and that is why he seems to not get married or often go official with relationships since we first reconciled in 2010. and,maybe that's why he was getting antsy and kept calling me this month. maybe he feels he is getting older,and with things going on with the other ex of his he said he doesn't feel it for,it's reminding him of me and wanting to get married soon,since he had mentioned how his friends keep saying things about marriage to him. it's just overwhelming to me.i had thought i wanted something more serious now,and long term,but with him coming in the picture now,i feel like i want to pace things in my life.he has said very meaningful things. he is one person who always triggers big changes so it scares me. in 2009,he triggered big life changes. and thinking of him in long term ways,always makes things feel final which scares me,as it seems so gloomy.i don't know what's meant to happen,i started to catch on last year after we met up,that he's definitely a soul mate alright that i knew,since he drives me crazy,and triggers things in me,yet feels like home to me,too.i'm just not sure if he is meant to be someone who pops in time to time,and we catch up,triggers things,and then go our separate ways,or are we going to have something happen one day? like marriage. it does have the perfect set up,for us to end up becoming married one day. two people,the young good girl,and the rebellious bad boy have intense,crazy in love,but very short lived relationship,split up in awful way,reconcile and every year or so meet up just to one day end up married. it's a perfect flow,in a way. in 2010,our first time meeting up,was at a coffee shop. i was still awkward,and there was shyness on both parts,and i didn't feel it as much,and it felt more like a,it was good to manifest this,and good to see each other again,just to see each other. it seemed to mean more to him at the time,which makes sense since i was the one who was a lot more heartbroken and in tears when we ended,and so by the time i healed,i was moved on. over time,i was still young and starting to go out a lot,and i just wasn't as into him,he seemed to not be caring enough or fun enough,and then we meet in 2012 again. This time,it was more romantic. I was more confident,and grown into myself,but a little egotistical,and he was a little playerish,still.We had both both vibed more,but i was still immature somewhat,and he was still coming off to me,somewhat fake and i felt distrust still of him not seeming very caring of a person. We had sex this night,and it felt like i was going back in time,manifesting something i had intended back in my heartbreak when we ended things with each other in 2009. I felt closer to him,and him to me,him even saying things about if i ever got pregnant,and it seemed like he possibly tried to make me pregnant with where he finished. He then seemed to be playing games with me,as if testing me,and i just wasn't feeling it,and i also didn't trust him about things which i did speak about a little just so he'd know and eventually we distanced,and he ended up in a relationship. then,it's 2014. by now,i've matured more,and had more grown up things happen by now. we meet up on valentine's day and by now i'm a little more almost in a bitter phase of my life. This time,when we met up,he annoyed me at times,and he seemed a bit bitter himself,actually which is kind of interesting in hindsight to see that we were more similar then i realized. he had just come out of a relationship and was talking about how disappearing is just what he does,and how someday he wants to end up on the west coast,and it just made me so mad on the inside,that,and various things,but what's funny is i had talked too about wanting to move up on the west coast. We tried to have sex,and he was more agressive,which actually put me off,the older me would've found it a turn on,and we ended up not having sex,but he wasn't mad,and we was very loving to me,and he said it would'nt be a year or so next time we see each other when i said it would,but then i had the hardest year of my life,but..the funny thing is,ever since 2012 when i had spoken about some of the things with him that bothered me,he actually was more there for me and so in 2014,i was surprised to see with things the things that hurt me the most in life,he actually cared but then a few months later,he tried to make plans with me,i was in too much pain and said i'm not ready yet,and he started ignoring me. i think he had wanted to give me a necklace when i said i'm not ready. i hadn't known this but after i said that to him,i looked at his facebook,and he posted a picture saying he wanted to give this necklace to someone and then few hours later was when he had messaged me to see me. finally,i picked up the pieces of my life after a hard year,and then the beginning of this year,felt it's been about a year so i contacted him to hang out when i was hurt from a breakup. we had been on and off talking and trying to get together since i contacted him and well now we are here with us having gotten together last saturday. so,things unfolding as they should. it's weird,indeed and i don't think when he first contacted me in 2008,and we became a couple in 2009,that either of us expected it to go like this,or for us to still be in each other's lives this many years later. he is one of those people in life i am very grateful to have met. he remembers things about me,like a most important work contact i love,and other things,and has said last saturday,he's been keeping his eye on me all these years.have no idea what that means.i would like to change the pattern of things,just to prove to myself i can,since one of my worries these days with manifesting is that things with people go in patterns and it sucks so i'm going to try and see if we can meet up again this spring.i really like that i feel he can provide for me,and that he gets me in a lot of ways.
-all the new instagram followers
-that business trip is almost freaking here. so nervous.
-lemon tea. wow. so good,and so healing. so happy to work with this tea for the rest of the month. a great solar plexus tea. as soon as i tried it,i was impressed with how great it tasted.
-uber
-great success tips
-feeling motivated
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-a nice double scoop of vegan protein drink for dinner so i can get my protein for the day in easily without having to worry about it,and also since i feel i went a little lower the last few days
-orange extract which i add in to my protein drinks which makes them taste so sweet
-deciding to start breaking my vitamin e capsules and use them externally as well and see how that goes
-being honest with myself that i'm really feeling like i'm drifting still,and feeling stuck,more-so in a career sense,and don't really know what to do,and that there's a lot of little things i'd like to change but don't know how yet.i think that i'm still slacking on good meditating is also causing this.i'm still overthinking,and indecisive about little things,as well as feeling a lack of purpose and direction somewhat. maybe not purpose,but direction i what i mean. maybe i'm just waiting for business trip to be over before i start making more changes,but i don't like that as an excuse neccessarily,but yet i can't help but feel like it's an important thing to me for this year and that it needs to get done,before i can see what's next.
-how shiny and great my hair feels
-deciding to go ahead and message my ex A on facebook telling him something and sending him music i mentioned to him before. it made me feel better doing so. i must admit,maybe it's just because we had sex,or maybe we just are really in alignment with each other right now,but i feel it'd be really enjoyable to spend more time with him. he is sexy,mature,non judgemental,positive,and a provider,masculine,and has changed a lot it seems. plus,there's a closeness there. his words really have made me wonder if we'd end up together. i haven't thought such a thing in so long,though. ever since we first reconciled,i just figured we'd be in each other's lives,and keep in touch but that's it,but then time and again,i manifest more things that my heartbroken self wished upon during meditation way back years ago when we split up,and my heart just KNEW we'd see each other again one day. and then,we did.i manifested seeing him again. i then manifested us back with each other,having had sex,and now with us for the first time,pretty much talking about dating again. these are all things,i feel i probably wished for back then,that have come about.i feel,and have felt for awhile,that he sees me as the one who got away(even though he abandoned me,lol) and the one he'd like to end up with,marry or have a kid with. idk why. idk what makes me different.i don't have some of the interests he loves.i can see why he'd like me,want to date me,and so on,but not sure what makes me someone he'd want to end up with. it makes me feel even more what we had in 09 was very much real and special to him. we were so different then,so much younger. for the first time since we dated,i feel more of a paternal vibe from him,too. but also,for the first time,at least since we dated,if not ever,i feel the smoke and mirrors was off,like there was just something more real and mature being shown,whereas other times we reconnected,it seemed he tried to cover up more,and had more perhaps uncertainties of how to be,whereas last saturday,he felt more like he knew me,and how to be.it was the first time since we dated,i felt a strong sense of control from him,authenticity,and possessiveness,whereas before,he seemed more blocked. somehow we just really really seem on the same page,it is so weird.i don't even think we were this much on the same page when we dated,but maybe we were
-getting the suitcase in the living room. makes me feel good having it in there,since my goal is to be packed a few days before leaving so i can try and sleep the night before since i don't usually
-going tanning today
-the beautiful,peace sounds of outside. so soothing.
-makeup. got my package last night,and it was in pretty lace bag and they gave me a free full size eyeliner in my favorite color. so excited to try it. it's a color i'd actually be drawn to buy anyways. so excited to order direct from this company again.
-savasana pose. did a five minute meditation on the floor in that pose and i am making that my meditation method of the moment. for me,mixing it up is essential and so i'm going to keep meditating in that pose for a bit.i find it very opening and great for clarity.
-water and how tasty it is
-banana fruit spread on cinnamon french toast sticks. so good.
-how over B i am and have been and seeing how far i've come since then.i see pics of him now online,and think i can do much better,which is mean,but an essential part of healing with these kinds of things,i think. also,am reminded of how nice it is spending time with my ex A,who is a little older,and tougher. Funny,both him and my first boyfriend are guys who would easily win in a fight against any of these guys nowadays. It seems the guys i end up official with are guys who are very capable and physically strong,and caretaker types. B was one guy i was close to that with,though,and actually the guy who was 3rd most able to win in a fight against any guy so for some reason guys i end up actually official with or very close to it,are that type. The provider,protective type that won't get in a fight,but they are keeping their eyes peeled for danger,and could get in a fight,and win in a fight,and intimidate other guys.
-how hard my nails are
-inspirations. from the daughter of kurt cobain and courtney love and the 90's and middle eastern influences,these are some things i'm really inspired by
-chakra healing music. while organizing more files,i listened to heart all the way up to crown solfeggios. these do such an amazing job of clearing energy and raising my vibration for me. my mind almost always gets quieter from the vibration raising,too. from heart chakra,where i get a little emotional at times from that,to throat where my mind gets a little more quieter and positive,to third eye and crown where mind just literally becomes clarified,it is so nice.
-music
-my style
-positive articles online that change your perspective,for example on embracing that time of the month,and why which is something i've been starting to feel more lately. we are taught to HATE so many things,and fear them,like monthly cycles,and death,when if we opened our eyes and changed our perceptions,we can see them in much more positive ways.
-my lemon ginger tea. so good.
-reflection
-going to sleep a little earlier last night,though it didn't seem to make a difference in how tired i was waking up
-great quotes and reflections from others,including famous people,that show others think and believe certain things that are much deeper then this physical reality
-relaxing about imperfection and how much more i had wanted to cover in last letter for project 21
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-coffee
-water
-mysteriously feeling the urge to wake up at a certain time just to see notifications on my phone that my ex A posted a picture of me on two social medias,he even found me on instagram,i didn't even see what it said,as i quickly felt self conscious about my appearance and how i looked physically so asked him to remove and said we can take better ones next time. now,part of me wishes i had seen what he captioned the pics and gotten a better look at how i looked before panicing as i often do about pic tags from my bdd.i appreciate being thought of though and that he wants to show me off. he seems to be acting very possessive and like he wants a relationship with me. for awhile after the pic,i felt so insecure about myself drifting back to sleep wondering how attractive am i really,and maybe i'm not that pretty. it made me feel very down.
-acknowledging that i feel very direction-less about my life. and that it's making me apathetic and like i'm just drifting in a career sense. i had so much more motivation before but ever since march or so, ifeel displeased about certain life things and very stuck. seeing my ex A did trigger more of it,too.i also feel lazy,but like i just need to do my business trip,then come back and see what happens with giving my life some direction. on top of that,having not spoken to E after in over a month,even though my higher self didn't want to see him,i do feel kind of..frustrated by it. all i want to do is have trip be amazing,come back and see ex A again,have my life get direction,and also see E. i'm so down that i feel fears about trip,and worries it won't bring me the soul changes i desire.
-savasana pose in yoga for meditating
-yoga
-getting my workouts done last night
-cleaning the living room
-getting to bed slightly earlier,though it's not seemed to make a difference in waking up earlier. also falling asleep with more ease,which is very nice and sleeping better. maybe that's the vitamin e helping with that.
-roommate stopping by on break
-new things to integrate and try
-feeling feelings for ex A again.i keep thinking he is really sexy lately,and how good of a provider he is
-how wise i actually can be.i re-read some old blogs,and am like damn,i'm so smart.
-that ex A loves me,even if he doesn't remember it/know it. he did actually say it afterall back when we dated in 2009,but has yet to say it since we reconciled.
-manifesting desires.i can't help but be inspired by it. ex A as a huge desire many years ago that iwanted back. the classic manifesting the ex back story. it includes the downsides and the magic of it. downsides being,yes it took some time,though in hindsight,not really that long,and when he came back,i was moved on,and not really feeling it,quite the same. but,now years later,he is still in my life,and there's still something,and still things unraveling so i'd encourage anyone to manifest their exes back. the magic of it is,the beauty of having a dream come true and how surreal it is,and how much it strengthens a bond,and that in my experience,once you do the work,they never let you go,and you never need to do the work again,there's always a strong something there where they always think of you. i've seen this true in several people,years later,from doing just a small amount of work to bigger desires,and it's always been this way,that they just always will think of you,even years later,like this mysterious strong connection. some say you shouldn't manifest things with people,but i disagree,and old books on law of attraction would,too. using loa with people is one of the most fun ways to practice,because seeing it unfold with people desires is one of the most magical ways of seeing the loa at work.
-how writing this list is actually boosting my mood out of apathy and boredom and making me realize i'm just not trying hard enough and that life if magical,and i just need to make some more efforts to manifest my desires instead of feeling stuck on what i want.i do see how and why i've been stuck though
-tights to keep my legs warm
-that i'll start packing tonight a little bit
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
oh,man what an emotional day.i feel so intense,that i feel like i'm crazy. idk why my emotions are so intense today,it's like pms-intense except i'm not pmsing.i feel soooo stuck,and my mind has been in overedrive and ive been apathetic and unmotivated and just aimless. the good sides is i've had short bursts of motivated moments today,particularly after meditating in savasana pose.gloomy,cold weather and i should be excited trip is around the corner but i'm just a wreck. so frustrated and stressed.even my body feels off too like my chest feels slightly tighter,and stomach not feeling as well
-savasana yoga pose for meditating. did it three times today and it has helped me. the last time led me to realize one clutter that's caused me to feel off,and it's stupid but i know it's true,my higher self said so,but i've been using two computers for the past few weeks since the sound randomly stops after a few moments on mine,and i even did letter for project during this time period which took me forever to do,and i obsessed over,and felt not pleased with,so i think it's because of this clutter! i use a computer quite a bit so having to use two has made me feel like not quite myself,it's just cluttering! so,at the least i acknowledged i need to get that fixed.i also decided to try and just use one for the rest of the day when i use it,and use mine,and that i can press pause for a few seconds when it stops and then play and it'll work which is annoying but less annoying then using two perhaps,and also using just mine,feels better,too.
-the masculine men in my life
-forgiveness
-dreaming of E this morning.idk why,i just dreamt he contacted me. maybe it was psychic,idk,but as far as i know he's disappeared.i'm sure i'll see him again but i'm a little disappointed by his behavior. he was also on my mind sexually before that,though.
-my love for my ex A. i actually been thinking about marriage a lot lately. he's so freaking intense,it drives me crazy. he's always been like that,though.i love him.i love how non-judgemental he has always been,there's a lot of hurt there between us,too though but seeing him is like coming home. and,also am i going to get married soon,are things i wonder now. he planted a lot of seeds in my head. he could provide for me in a lot of ways.
-my thoughts before bed about my ex A and ways to clarify my path a bit and seeing how some things maybe would be more work-able then i thought and not so hard. then again it was the middle of the night when i had those thoughts,and my thoughts are always more out there then until day time when they calm more so who knows
-deciding to be easy on myself tonight. my thoughts have been so intense,and volatile that it might be easier,though it feels lazy to be gentle on myself and just focus on calming and quieting.
-feeling better already,though still emotional,by just using only my computer,and having insights that i've felt stuck all these past weeks,but that i have little sparks of clarity and ideas coming and motivation,and that i think when i'm back from out of town is when the big changes will come and this last weeks has just been the build up of that.i just get so frustrated by life sometimes.
-tights to keep my legs warm. it's so cold the last few days. feels like winter.
-packing a little more.
-understanding things now that i didn't understand before
-best friend and how amazing he is
-peaceful sounds of the outside at night
-seeing that anyone's life can change at any moment
-nourishing food
-vitamins
-relaxing and not trying to do a bunch of things at once,but instead observing and allowing things to integrate
-how hard my nails feel
-coffee and how soothing it is
-lemon tea
-things that are funny and people with a sense of humor;laughing
-beautiful,soothing,animal videos and animal videos that change how people look at animals
-calmness and that my mind feels quieter,and my energy a little more clear already
-beautiful music
-that i'm more extraordinary then i realize
-how much my spiritual views have expanded since this time last year
-feeling my feelings,even if tonight has been especially ungrounded.i love her,i love her,i love her so much.
-acknowledging the little things to fix to make oneself feel better.
-my higher self. my higher self always soothes me,comforts me,and gives me the answers
-that my lips are getting bigger
-vegan chocolate and how relaxing and stress releasing it is
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-feeling in a much better mood today
-figuring out how to use my computer with sound and so no more using two computers when i go online which has brought me much more clarity and peace
-getting an out coffee today and pastry today. coffee was so good and perked up my mood more
-feeling loved
-love
-romance
-feeling much more calm about trip coming up and direction of life
-getting to do my quantum healing meditations which manage my ocd last night. makes such a huge difference.i need to do these regularly.
-seeing ideas to bring me more peace,filling in holes of where i go wrong
-loving myself by allowing myself to feel sexy by buying sexy things.
-alternative,holistic,and self healing since i do not believe in doctors
-sportsbras. used to think i'd hate them and they'd make me look masculine but somehow i was so wrong and they make me look so feminine and great,and support my chest so much better
-pops of color
-listening to music when i woke up today,which put me in a good mood
-balancing my root chakra with chakra healing music which made my mood better,too and made a huge difference. i had the time i may as well.
-savasana yoga pose for meditating
-taking a day off from working out last night to just chill
-scalp massages and how tension releasing they are
-face massage and face yoga. also very tension releasing
-beauty,and inspiring beauty icons/beauty idols that have a unique striking beauty
-being inspired to really take it far with my first career and that,that's where i want to go when i come back and that jan/feb was the preview of what's to come,but my trip is the kick off of things taking off
-feeling more content/at peace with things having to do with writing
-feeling more confident overall
-beauty
-body oil gels;they moisturize my body best
-lemon tea. so yummy
-email from K right ten seconds after i thought of her,so weird.
-deciding for sure to cancel one job that is right when i come back from trip.
-what i do for a living
-being smart
-being a nonconformist
-being love and having loved fur angel so much and fighting for her until the last moment and loving her in the best way i knew how
-figuring out that maybe what ex A likes about me that makes me different from other girls to him is my child-like side.i think he likes how childish i am and i am child-like in a way that is very different and stand out from other girls. he's been with feminine girls and girls with glamour in their life,which i have,too but i don't think any of them have the child-like ways that i have without even meaning to or knowing when i'm like that.i don't come off "helpless" in a mature,feminine 50's housewife way which is what i'd thought was his dream and what one of his exes he says everyone says he should be with is like that he doesn't feel it for,but i'm "helpless" in a childish,girlish,clumsy sort of way. where some girls exude that grace and submissiveness,i am the type to stumble and have juvenile face expressions,and an innocence that is very rare.
-glamour
-tea tree oil.i think it actually heals breakouts BETTER then benzoyl peroxide and keeps them from coming back. not surprised.
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
I'm grateful for this website and that I finally decided to get back into all this full time. I'm grateful for everyone on this website that I've came in contact with and that i've had a little chat with. You guys are great and I'm seeing my goals become my life even quicker with the help of this website.
Im grateful for this! thank you all