GRATITUDE LIST

somehow feel drawn to do gratitude more often so may do that as long as it feels good.
-getting in some driving lesson today,even if it wasnt an ideal one since i felt overwhelmed.i drove side streets and crossed busy streets and am getting better at reversing and driving a little faster.i was driving in the neighborhood me and best friend had our first apartment.
-that i'm crying less now
-my style and taste
-doing some visualization today in several few minute increments and several seconds increments on imaging positive conversations. it made my body feel good and made my mood better in a general way though not specific to the situations yet.
-being able to try and surrender and see that being backtracked in life doesn't mean i won't get back forward again and being able to appreciate the connectedness to life,even if some parts of feeling like i'm going back in time hurt like hell
-the connection to best friend i still have such as being connected to his parents,his sweaters i wear,the computers having both our names on it,his parents pay my phone bill,etc,etc.i actually used to be so scared that losing him if he died would cause me to lose all that,so at least,from this i can see that wouldn't happen and that they do care about me
-having high ideals for myself
-knowing for myself in my heart this is wrong,and not how it's meant to be and that I can have what I want and don't have to conform to society's norms
-the pizza slices i got from the pizza place by my first apartment and best friend's first apartment
-deciding to even do just some kind of cleaning yesterday and cleaning off the table
-deciding today i will do at least some kind of cleaning again and will sweep the dining room floor
-deciding today i will do at least some kind of small amount of exercise even just some lunges or something and will do at least a speaking affirmation session. after all,this stuff did work and i shouldn't give up. the past months were not all a waste,even if it seems like it.
-the miracle of finding out yesterday my brother cut his hair and is wearing brighter colors. it has been something that has given me so much hope. i set that intention this winter! that was my wink from the universe telling me not to give up.
-warm weather
-deciding to buy the pearl of great price
-deciding to start keeping my beliefs and wants to myself. i think even if this takes practice and i only start doing this little by little more and more,that will make great positive effect and i will get better at doing that. i believe there is a sacredness to that and it was how i did things when i first learned of loa and had more success and less loa filters blocking me
-appreciating the experience of going to that indian restaurant and the cool little strip it was in.i felt like i wasn't in my city. i loved it.
-going ahead and deciding i will fill out that application for the flower shop
-realizing all that's happened is not predestiny,no matter how much it may look like it
-eye massage
-that i have an appointment with a free mental health professional so maybe that'll be good to help deal with all this hurt

-being able to appreciate each day and see what each day brings
-huge serendipity from friend and business partner last night. she randomly emailed me a link to a post a guy made who we talked about a year or two ago and whom i first said the phrase "god will right that" because him and another guy were doing shady business. It was when i first said,i don't believe in karma but i do believe things get righted. For months,that's what i said to best friend about how him and R are treating me and on the last phone call he even said "yeah,yeah,i know God will right this." The post from guy was admitting that he made mistakes and is in therapy and that the shadier guy was bad business. This connected right away to me and THEN during me and her talking about this and telling me her she gave me a sign,she randomly sent a picture in the messages of a photo of broken glass being put back together that had reminded me of a metaphor of me and best friend when i first seen it and had decided was metaphor that we'd become healed. This was all random on her,and even if for some reason I did tell her certain things,it was still very much a serendipity for both to happen. It felt like something having this happen. And,it was just what I needed to get me through and cheer me up that I will win this and it's not over yet.
-all the signs and inner knowing R will get hers
-how adorable the cat is
-that even though today was soul crushing as I got a free food card,and medical card,that according to my mom when i told her the story,she was surprised how easy i got it,which told me something about myself and my vibration and whatnot. She had somehow thought it difficult and yet I got it the same day and it was easy besides the wait time,and i didn't think it a big deal at all having and found it humiliating whereas she thinks this is a good thing as if i somehow got gold and wow,i got it so easy.
-my creativity
-vegan chili
-that my house plenty of food
-vegan chocolate and vegan latte for breakfast
-that i feel like family with best friend's family
-that it seems even they(best friend's parents) have been shocked with the news of what has happened
-that at least now maybe i can go to psychologists and other things for free
-that even though today was awful,and a lot of tears i have gotten through it
-getting kitchen floor swept last night
-spending the day on and off imagining what i want
-logic
-my phone
-kindness
-water
-trusting my heart
-that the cat has been chortling just like my lovely cat who transitioned two years ago used to

-mountain dew
-vegan chili
-coffee
-doing some short meditations today which helped a little
-doing some deep breathing and visualization to change scenarios in my mind when i had anxiety this morning. everything is in the mind,and to think otherwise is an illusion. to buy the peal of great price and truly master the mind is to master life
-getting out of the house for awhile and feeling reassured by some things
-doing some driving and feeling like i am getting better at it,and am about 80% there to being able to get a liscense. i'm driving faster,and drive side streets smoothly,and busy streets i can handle if my mind is calm enough
-doing an loa de-clutter so i can go back to basics again and the ease of life again like i had in 09 when life all around me was chaos. life is bigger chaos now,and this time i'd like to enter an even deeper surrender and ease
-knowing i need to just get a handle on my mind,and stop thinking outside affects of anyone whether it's psychic attack from my brother,small thinking from best friend's dad,manipulation from best friend's girlfriend,or reiki from best friend can be stronger then me. my biggest flaw has been constantly looking outside myself for blame and to be a victim and my mind going in so many directions looking for the cause which contradicts everything i claim to believe in on a conscious level. it's no wonder i've had trouble. i've constantly thought i had loa on my side,as i talked out loud about it yet kept worrying about things outside me causing me to fail,and had such deep filters on. that isn't buying the peal of great price at all. and i'm going to clear these filters little by little until i manifest with ease,and stop having so many doubts. i'm making some progress with keeping my desires and beliefs to myself as well. i talked less about best friend today to best friend's dad and avoided asking about him which normally would be so tempting. my biggest problem,and only problem was that my mind was indeed out of control
-sleep
-making it through another day
-the serendipity i got when my pain was deepest which i believe was telling me to be strong,and don't give up,i will get what i want and things will get right
-emailing some job postings to myself and getting some inspiration about that and what's possible
-getting a few dishes washed last night
-knowing all i need to do is clear resistances and filters. that's all my problem really is,and that's what enough meditation should finally do. no more complicated loa processes. just deep,deep meditation until everything shifts and rearranges itself again

-mountain dew
-being healthy
-getting in a driving lesson today and going faster then i have thus far since starting these last winter and maintaining driving on the busy streets for about 15 minutes even though it felt like it was giving my nerves quite a workout by the time i was done. i'm managing at driving,and all that's left is a mental hump i need to get over.i feel like i'm about 80% there,and it's the mental hump i mostly need to get over.if i had to get in a car,and drive side streets,i could handle that with ease,but busy streets would give me fear.
-the beautiful weather today and how lucid it all felt
-the beautiful rainy weather last night that felt really good. the rain smelled wonderful.
-praying with best friend's dad. it was interesting,but i got a similar feeling from it that i used to get when best friend sent me reiki
-that i got the therapy meeting over with today. that the ladies working there were very nice
-going in to get a latte before mental health clinic and feeling confident despite it all of my worth
-feeling how amazing,talent,smart,etc,etc i am despite it all with things that are my weaknesses
-having a feeling the agoraphobia...is actually still gone,despite not being able to do my plan because of betrayal that happened. something tells me that the agoraphobia was actually just a mental block all these years and once i discovered it,it was gone in my mind's eye
-that as crazy as it all sounds,i feel like if it comes to it,i will handle getting around even now going to live with best friend's parents in their neighborhood unless a miracle happens. something tells me i am just going to actually become more fearless from this and my fears will eradicate. after all,i lived there before and felt fearless and manifested a lot of great life things,even while there.
-that me going to live with best friend's parents actually fits perfectly in my mind as if life is rearranging a healed relationship with best friend and that all this can actually just be an inner cleansing
-reading a few pages of a marianne williamson a course in miracles before bed. was drawn to re-read this a few weeks and never did. the few pages i read were perfect. it was all about "just relax." Indeed,surrender is what seems most important to me right now
-finding out best friend's mom found me a seminar and offered me to go to become a fitness instructor. this put me in such a good mood last night
-getting a really good feeling things are going to go my way very soon,and that right will be restored
-doing an loa detox
-socks
-being more in tune with what i really want then i have in awhile
-imagining what i want better
-keeping my beliefs and desires to myself more and it becoming easier to do. i'm coming off quieter,but i'm also feeling better
-limiting beliefs coming to me that could help me shift this situation and bring me my miracle and close this chapter once and for all and bring better
-the law of attraction getting just a little easier by decluttering and keeping things to myself
-hummus
-cinnamon cake best friend's mom got for me
-feeling like family with best friend's family and that i like that feeling
-sleep. i'm really enjoying sleep lately
-everyone seeming to think i have so much going for me,and how flattering it is when people are impressed by my intelligence,talents,etc,etc when things come up. i just know i'm too good to be in this situation but i know i'm going to come out of this better. maybe what's meant to happen is a renewed relationship with best friend,me finally knowing how to drive and earning some money and getting around on my own a little and not being so afraid. the crazy thing is,this all seems SO simple now. it just will take some time for parts to come together 100%.i could probably go and get that liscense in 1 week if i studied and really focused on getting over this mental hump. this all seems so scary,but my issues really are mostly if not totally mental and to anyone with all i have going for me looks like easy as pie to overcome. this gives me strength and excites me to see where i will be 1 year from now.
-positive quotes such as "you can only when if your intentions are good."
-that i somehow got an appointment with psychiatrist for next week even though at first she said it'd be a few weeks
-that i feel like more and more filters are starting to come off

-these donuts given to me yesterday
-coffee
-getting pizza slices bought for me. there was 4 huge slices. that is enough for a few days
-meditation.i have found in the little intervals i started doing a day or two ago,that my mind is overall more calmer
-keeping my beliefs and desires to myself and how much more powerful it makes me feel,and how i feel it heals my perceptions and prevents me from complaining quite so much! i love it.i may be quieter for it,but it's nice. i wonder now if this was the side by side key to meditation this whole time for years,to make meditation more powerful since when i first started meditating,and learning of loa,i was following that more,too.
-that i did a driving lesson and drove 40mph on a busy streets along the forest preserves. wow. me doing that. it was very mood uplifting to realize i did that.i was very nervous for most of the time but by the end,it felt kind of easy.
-the amazing moisturizer i got from whole foods last week. i love it. it smells like candy and is super moisturizing. that lady who suggested it at whole foods was right!
-feeling a sense of power i haven't felt in some time.i think it's the embracing silence and being given the reset.i still feel super sad,and in shock at times,but then there's this secretly powerful feeling within that is coming more and more where it's like my intuition is activated and life's truths are hitting me with no doubts in my mind at all
-meditating for a minute by the water.i appreciated the views while driving so much i wanted to get out for a minute
-manifesting more serendipity. again,back to my roots. serendipity i loved when i first started getting a lot of it when broken open and discovering meditation then loa during my spiritual awakening. today,i seen a car that was the car my best friend had for years(same color,make,etc)and then right to the other side,it was the car he had gotten after that(same color,make,etc). I was so quietly intrigued i found myself peering at the car logos(i'm not a big car person) to be sure that wait,is that the same cars he had? And,they were!
-that freaky feeling when analyzing life's events,that life seriously feels like a sequence of dreams!
-how cute the cat is when he puts his paw on me as if to tell me something
-sleep. i am really appreciating it lately
-getting the dishes done yesterday.i really wanted if nothing else for that to get done,and it did.
-imagining throughout the day what i want,with as little pressure as possible,and doing it intuitively
-the laptop im using
-my phone
-that i feel at least a little more relaxed and less rushed about getting my whole life together asap.
-healing shifts in my thinking about things,and ways to think new
-that now my life will become a lot about meditation,yoga,and i will be someone who knows how to drive
-my mom coming by and going for a short walk and realizing wow,this neighborhood is so freaking beautiful. the colors of the night sky were just perfect. it was a warm spring night,and it made my heart ecstatic but was bittersweet knowing i'd only be here for one more month,unless a miracle happens.i worked so hard to get out of where i was for years,and now have to go back,and I know that's not right and is an injustice against me,but I know I will get what I want again. I just know it. The universe seems to support this,and it seems intuitively as if all of this is just a test,perhaps something to help me finally reset
-remembering to keep affirming life is easy,since for years life has seemed so hard. i'm ready for easier life lessons now,for life to become easier.
-savoring the beauty of things more like the weather. how is it when pain is deep,gratitude for things becomes so much easier?
-forums like this and loa forum i'm on
-getting a little more focused in on,it's time for me to go and get the liscense.

Am so sad,and crying again. My heart feels so empty. None of this feels real,and all I can say is i feel victim to imagining of others,by believing all these outside things had power over me.
-coffee
-my venus dimples
-that my brother cut his hair.i got proof today that he sent,and he donated his hair to charity. all this proves loa is always working and i feel is telling me not to give up. my flaw was i tried too hard and didn't surrender,and gave all this power to outside sources
-meditation
-taking some practice tests for driving online.i almost passed the first one,and i got some learning in from taking them
-sleep
-the book i've been re-reading that does actually say the perfect things i need to hear right now
-the laptop im using
-the knowing i have that i will never see R again.
-believing R and best are going to break up any moment now
-trying out the hair mask last night i got
-deciding to take the lesson that i had judged some things too harshly and to not do that in the future

-things adjusting a little and starting to feel less awkward with me and best friend's parents
-walking by myself to cat litter at pet store.i had a panic and had best friend's dad reroute me on the phone to right direction and it felt amazing once accomplishing this goal.
-going to whole foods and being able to pick up a few things
-getting some mascara last night from whole foods
-getting some great tasting strawberry sorbet last night
-getting in a driving lesson yesterday for about a half hour downtown. i had pretty much little to no anxiety which was great. i think i'm almost ready to get the liscense.
-interesting little life things..i noticed the snow started and got heavier when i went for my walk to the pet store...and did the same thing when i started driving.i know i shouldn't pay much attention to things like that but regardless i find it interesting. right after doing those things,weather cleared up...
-hearing his dad say after his mom said "well,she got what she wanted didn't she" referring to R,his dad replied saying "we'll see." His dad tends to space out though and mishear but it made me wonder if good could come
-still believing in a miracle could happen at any moment
-that i'm all confirmed for my fitness seminar this next week and how exciting that is. a lot going on this month!
-feeling less embarrassed about food card now and realizing these days a lot of people are getting assistance
-seeing the good sides of my situation such as that i can eat cleaner now,and work out a lot more,and that so far,i think i'm going to get really into fitness,meditation,yoga,and doing my hair and makeup more as my new path,and being more into wearing active wear
-that this change will have zero effect on my first career,and can still do 2nd one too
-that best friend's dad said he will put a certain amount of money on my card so that put me in a good mood
-meditation and how amazing it is and that i feel like this painful experience is putting a reset on everything for me so i can get back to being in the flow and trusting life again and manifesting with more ease
-appreciating my apartment and neighborhood so dang much now. this is exactly where i want to go back to when best friend wakes up and that's the inner knowing i've kept inside that i know best friend and i are going to live with each other again. that's what's given me solace and strength and kept me from breaking down,the fact that i feel me and him nothing has changed,and that this is all just a test and temporary to bring us closer together again and that we will be living together again shortly
-seeing little "signs" about me me and best friend will be back in each other's lives again.i put little stock into "signs" now,because to me that just shows what's on your mind and i had so many fearful things on my mind so was seeing bad "signs" for months and serendipity is more what i trust vs signs,but even still its kind of nice
-just knowing i will never see R again
-that i'm just surrendering now,after everything and in that is how i'm becoming reset
-the magic of keeping things to myself.i'm still rebuilding that muscle
-imagining a little bit on and off throughout the day my desires.i want to do this more.i was doing it alot but yesterday and today was a little less
--best friend's mom saying if there's any classes i want to go to at studio she goes to to just let her know and i can go
-cleaning the kitchen floor and getting trash out of here finally
-this vegan chocolate i'm eating and coffee drink
-feeling like setbacks can only make me greater and that as hard this is,i can come back having achieved renewed relationship with best friend,living where i want to again,but also better in becoming hotter,more independent,and successful,calmer in mind and energy
-social media
-that i have a job for first career before month is over so that is good
-a creative idea on how to possibly have night out's without it being quite so crazy expensive since i'll be staying so far away now. not sure if it'd work,but i do know setbacks in life make us more creative
-being smart
-my new sandals i got in the mail the other day
-feeling like i can finally just go and finish this writing goal i had set in december once i have time the next few days
-the feeling that i am going to get so much better from this experience
-being healthy
-that it's a sunny day out

-vegan chocolate
-getting the cat returned finally. very hard to do.but at least it's done
-best friend's family all being very kind and supportive and encouraging
-being given a sandwich and soda from best friend's dad after he went to talk to his friend
-coffee
-getting a driving lesson in and driving around my neighborhood for about a half hour or so and very little anxiety during. i practically know how to drive now
-feeling like family with best friend's family and how good it feels to be around them
-yoga pants
-meditation
-somehow having some kind of vision for myself for where my life will go now
-the really weird phone call from landlord last night that made it seem as if best friend never broke the news to her and that via my focus i had kept things in limbo these last few days. however,by this morning,best friend's dad said something that revealed they had talked at least since last night.
-that it seems as if best friend has been more distant and responding less to everybody in the last months,as if it wasn't just me
-getting quarters and garbage bags
-emojis
-sleep
-have a photographic eye
-that even though i broke the faith we'd renew the lease here,i still have faith in other things
-feeling more secure in some ways,that at least some things will be ok,and will work out
-my purse
-my sandals
-getting bathroom cleaned last night
-being smart
-heat
-blankets
-calmness

-coffee
-pink cupcake from bakery
-that the sun is shining
-getting a driving lesson in today
-S emailing me yesterday
-my purse
-my sandals
-being given money today
-getting that time of the month today which is wonderful,since then by saturday,i should be light which is great,since i was concerned about having to do a long seminar while being heavy and having to work out
-meditation
-gratitude
-doing some squats last night
-sleep
-my neighborhood
-the power of silence and keeping things to myself
-getting laundry put in dryer
-that i have a lot of things going on this month i am looking forward to
-my funky purple comfortable pants i love
-best friend's flag t shirt i'm wearing
-manifesting apartment viewing getting canceled which was interesting

Love, love, love :grouphug: You don't know how much I appraciate you making this thread :-) it always reminds me to keep positive when I see it! I think I'll play a little game from now on. Every time I see your thread on "what's new?", I will have to name 5 things I'm grateful for in my head :-)
-positive music (that's really very helpful to stick to positive music :-) if you want, I will be happy to send you a list with a couple of songs I listen to)
-planet earth
-making new friends
-Being an empath and understanding 2 sides of the equation (I really didn't know how much it is significant untill I met this guy who kinda represents the opposite? it's really a gift and I think people develop into it).
-lucid dreams and other beautiful experiences in my head.
-The fact that focusing on positive things long enough makes you feel really good (like Abe said, right? that 17 seconds rule, then going up to 60).
-Letting go of feeling bad because of other people's behavior and realizing I can't control them (not that I'm trying to) and that's really ok and for the best. We are not one, each one is an individual and that's what's beautiful here on earth.