Thank you so much.Me going into therapy last year was a good decision I made.
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Well,I haven't seen W cat and T cat from first litter and T kitten from last litter has been a little sick and S kitten still missing. It's just all so strange and bizarre. I've been trying to keep my spirits up. W and T cat were the most loving of them all and T cat was such a success story having been one of the most afraid ones for months until we finally earned her trust and she would literally curl up in our arms instantly after that all the time and was just so loving and submissive to us,even following us to our cars,the garage,etc. it's very odd to have not seen them in the last few days. I have felt stressed and overwhelmed. I bit my lip in the middle of talking to hold back my tears about it earlier and started slowly crying thinking about it.
-valentines day chocolates
-art
-T kitten and how much he loves to cuddle with me
-getting M's husband to take me to the neighborhood to look for S kitten at 5:30 am
-coffee
-inspiration
-sleep
-feeling well rested today
-tension fading more with M. She caught me standing in the doorway this afternoon just standing there looking out. She was confused. I told her I was just looking for T cat. I was lost in thought about it. I think after a meltdown last night about other things,her and her husband have warmed up to trying a little more with me again. She took me to go for a walk today with her,then to her class and then to a bakery/cafe to pick up some sweets and then starbucks for coffee.
-the beautiful weather today. so warm. felt like summer.
-the beautiful night skies
-fashion
-my style
-my big wide eyes
-newness and the new changes i've been making and becoming
-L.E. The connection I feel with him. He seem to really get me and feels like my other half. It's so strange. I've never felt it this exact before. It's like what i've prayed and dreamed for. He says things that feel like me.i randomly decided to message him last night.i made sure it was not coming from a place of helplessness or feeling low and almost didn't do it,but decided i want to keep trying to break away from old rules i've had for myself
-organizing and throwing more things away
-yoga pants
-my new perfumes
-my heart chakra spray
-my bed
-M taking me to her yoga class and how great it was.i sweated a little bit and felt stronger and more capable doing the poses today
-a p.r sending me a beauty product i want
-all the paying jobs i have now confirmed for march which will make march another high earning month
-stomach exercises
-my stomach getting flatter and stronger
-seeing how cute it is H kitten warming up to me more and more
-having a kind heart
-being an interesting person
-having beautiful,wide young looking eyes
-my eyeglasses
-deciding to watch a movie online the other night
-my boss and how great she is
-watching the weird ways life unfolds and the mysteriousness of it all
-cuteness
-how beautiful my eye color is
-makeup
-chlorophyll
-my goals
-motivation
-apps on my phone
-masculine energy
-journaling
-happy thoughts
-music
-art
-being almost done with the article i've been working on
-being able to work in the industries i do
I feel so helpless yet at the same time,possibly blocked(from meds) from feeling it fully. T kitten now manages to seem better which has eased some of my stress.
-M's husband buying me the hair color so i can touch up my hair since i'm feeling insecure since looking at a very brightly lit mirror last night.
-L.E and the connection i feel with him.
-getting a little bit of work done
-learning
-getting some studying done
-ideas
-creativity
-feeling lots of extra creativity bouncing out of me lately
-sleep
-T kitten sleeping with me last night and this morning
-coffee
-V confirming for me i'll either have a makeup artist for upcoming job or she's going to do it since she's a liscensed esthetician
-have a flexible back
-back stretches
-throat and third eye solfeggios i'm listening to
-art
-inspiration
-deep cleansing breaths
-doing a nice meditation session tonight
-ear plugs
-my peacock eye pillow
-how beautiful my eyes are
-my hair
-my stomach getting nice and strong and sculpted
-being an interesting person
-trying out my electric toothbrush i bought finally and how cleansing it felt
-my eyeglasses
-my nubian heritage olive oil and green tea body lotion
-having nice lips
-having a kind heart
-feeling my feelings
-connecting
-having dreams the other day RC from my past like me and was trying to tell me so
-my heart chakra spray
-getting things more and more organized
-beauty products
-chlorophyll
-beautiful summery weather today...in february..which is very strange for where i live
-becoming more flexible and loosening my hamstrings
-emotions
-happy thoughts
-prayer
-taking time for myself
-quiet
What a weird day. From an utterly peculiar message from L.E that I can't figure out(I even got a weird feeling,maybe dejavu after it),to extremely unusually warm weather in my city,to W cat returning shortly after I woke up looking very groomed and just eating in the yard like nothing had changed.
-W cat returning. Very happy start to my day indeed. Shortly after waking up,I went out to the yard a 2ndtime and there he was eating like no big deal. he looked unusally groomed..I've tried washing him and havent been able to yet somehow it looked as if someone gave the guy a bath. I brought him in and showed M's husband who was very happy to see him(he feels the biggest connection to W cat). M's husband told me he had spent part of the day going around the neighborhood looking for and calling for the missing cats,and apparently W cat had returned only 15 minutes after he was calling for him so he thinks W cat was closeby wherever he has been.
-dontco
-T kitten being all better
-T kitten sleeping with me
-going for a one hour walk with M
-things that make me marvel and hmm at the universe
-unusually warm,summery weather today...so utterly strange seeing people in t-shirts and jeans this time of year..it's usually coat weather!
-coffee
-sleep
-getting creative with my money and managing to buy myself an acupuncture session,ordering myself a dinner to be delivered(was craving red sauce) and ordered some more canned food for the outdoor cats and had free shipping on that.
-my paying jobs i have for march
-my job coming up this coming week
-getting a free class offer in my email and deciding to book it
-makeup
-fashion
-art
-creativity
-masculine energy
-cuteness
-sunshine
-TV episodes online
-awesome quotes and things to post online that fit my personality
-water
-backbends
-chlorophyll
-prayer
-inspiration
-motivation
-my phone
-nonconformity
-my insomnia that i had this time last year for some time having manifested itself as being cured. it's the little things.
-dimmer lights
-smiling
-unique beauty
-decluttering
-happy moments
-miracles
-water
-coffee
-chlorophyll
-stomach getting flatter
-reassurance on what the heart is looking for in other places then first seeked,or even possibly in some ambiguous way in the way seeked as well
-happy and meaningful life moments
-love
-spirituality
-glitch in the matrix type experiencs
-my electric toothbrush
-L.E
-deciding to touch up my hair color and how great and soft it already feels
-music
-positivity
-colors
-good food
-happy stories
-cleaning out my purse
-cats
-feeling my feelings
-masculine energy
-meditation
-prayer
-W cat returning
-the internet
-yoga pants
-art
-creativity
-connection
-doing some studying
-getting a little work done
-nice warm showers
-doing some spiritual exercise last night before bed
-blankets
-sleep
-beauty
-entertainment
-laughing at life
-doing some reading
-loose hamstrings
-my glutes getting a nice curve and very toned
-coziness
-being unique
-doing more searching and posting flyers for S kitten
-hope and hopeful thoughts such as remembering even E cat from first litter went kind of missing for a bit and wasn't around much in late fall,and i was worried.
-signs from the universe
Attachment 1875
*thumbsup*
-getting back into raising my vibe using sound therapies.
-music
-art
-creativity
-warm weather AGAIN today
-nightskies
-going to the grocery store
-the smell of cat fur
-funny and heartwarming things cats do
-being so close to done with article i'm working on
-my bed
-getting caught up on phone calls today
-sunshine
-coffee
-my stomach getting leaner,stronger,and more sculpted
-yoga
-yoga pants
-learning
-looking slimmer
-my hair looking and feeling nicer since touching up the color
-doing more studying today
-my style
-getting some more posters posted for S kitten
-M's husband saying he knows he will see T cat from first litter again
-my laptop
-blankets
-water
-chlorophyll
-glitches in the matrix type experiences
-kind people
-inspiring people
-dreams coming true
-positive things
-colored pencils
-being offered more paying jobs today and told about other upcoming ones later on
-deciding to let go of L.E. For some reason he sent me another message today that only made him seem like even more of a jerk. i just don't get it. He's not the guy I thought he was in his videos. Plus,there's probably little personal aspects that wouldn't make it work. If he's already being a jerk now,it's best to just say no. After having gone through an awful abusive relationship,and all the other b.s i've been through,it's probably best i don't stay interested. i'd end up a punching bag. the weird thing is,i feel like the angry tension now I feel at him,feels like we already were dating,and usually when i have that feeling i'm pretty sure,i always have ended up dating that person. maybe,i'm just feeling that because i felt a connection with him,i don't know..just try to logicize it...I'm letting him go with love. Let myself do a little mini grieve over it tonight feeling my feelings,and am not even going to be mad after this. let him be who he is,where he is at. i thought maybe we really vibed but who knows maybe he's just a pompous jerk or was playing me like an experiment.
-that I somehow detached naturally without effort today. that's when i got the message,which at first seemed like it might be a nice,sweet one. all i did was focused on how good the nice weather felt and finishing up some work.
-the beautiful amazing weather again today.
-sunshine
-nightskies
-the beautiful way the air feels
-T kitten
-physical exercise
-deep stretches
-my stomach getting stronger
-chlorophyll
-finishing up my article tonight
-sweaters
-yoga pants
-my winter boots
-my electric toothbrush and how clean it makes my teeth feel
-my goals
-my motivation and desire to really focus on my goals
-creativity
-art
-hot guys
-finding a really great...and perfect timing even, love song that hit me deep with feeling
-fashion
-music
-entertainment
-going looking for S kitten today
-coffee
-feeling more focused
-all the paid jobs i have coming up
-doing some coloring in my mandala coloring book tonight
-all the offers i get that would bring me publicity and are high end and flattering
-positive changes,newness,and evolving
-the beautiful tortie kitten i keep seeing when we go looking for s kitten
-kind people
-pronoia
-trusting life
-taking less naps today
-loving myself
-water
-being happy with my decision to let go of L.E and following my heart and avoiding him. if he's going to act like poor him,he can't be bothered,well then i'm giving him what he wants. he's probably too immature for me,and high maintennance. why did he even send me another message? it's as if he felt bad,but was rubbing it in that he's a cocky jerk.
-feeling my feelings
-listening to some solar plexus chakra and thetas music playlist
-my article being done and sent to p.r and posted on social medias and made public
-doing a little studying today
-music
-passion
-love songs
-backbends
-ab exercises
-loose hamstrings
-naps
-coffee
-getting a ride to work today
-beauty
-taking the train home today
-M's husband randomly giving me $20 today
-writing down some of my goals and dreams today
-yoga pants
-cuteness
-hot guys
-T kitten laying with me
-H kitten and T kitten bringing them in this afternoon when it rained. Poor H seemed a little afraid of the rain.
-my style
-fashion
-chocolate
-my job tomorrow
-my lower body getting nice and shapely and toned
-my venus dimples
-water
-entertainment
-naps
-heartwarming articles and art
-compliments
-doing a little reading today
-doing a little coloring today
-makeup