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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
had to ask if i could leave work because i had an allergy attack that wouldn't go away evenwhen boss gave me benadryl. even strangers were offering me tissues.
-feeling better now
-going with the flow
-falling into a deep sleep when i got home and bringing L kitten in bed with me. Woke up and forgot she was even in there.
-going to whole foods with M
-lyft
-romance
-entertainment
-love
-buying a new mattress
-kindness of others
-buying more of my skincream i use that i've been out of for months
-having nice curves
-S texting me today,right after he popped in my head and i decided it's time to let go/and detach from him thinking it wouldn't work out. this always happens with him. i took this as a sign maybe universe telling me it could work out.i randomly blurted out in the beginning of our conversation for him to move to my city.i questioned if i should then remembered i am impulsive and am just saying what's on my mind and it felt right to say and our conversation carried on like normal.
-S yesterday texting me,one of them was so perfect and ambiguous he texted me in mid conversation that it's storming here,and to come outside with him.
-working with cool people
-feeling attractive
-being easy on myself and compassionate
-makeup
-newness
-getting back the original digital of art vandalized by ex best friend from the artist himself.i randomly had an idea of possibly doing something artistic with it.i don't know what. and i do want to leave the past in the past,but i feel empowered in knowing i was the one who secured that job for us,and that i have the original digital now.
-my cats
-feeling all set for upcoming trip
-water
-stretches
-doing more organizing
-cuteness
-my creativity
-hope
-openness
-writer i worked with wanting to take me and a few other girls out for dinner
-hot guys
-nightskies
-smiling
-having some ashwagandha tonight
-dimmer lights
-great ideas
-blankets
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-having the day off and client being understanding of me not working and keeping me booked on other dates she has me for
-water
-watermelon slices candy
-going to visit my mom today and seeing her cats
-newness
-deciding to rent myself a movie to watch
-deciding to go ahead and just buy myself a new mattress since i've been wanting to for awhile
-my outdoor cats
-naps
-that my naps are not lasting as long
-M taking me to the pool with her
-noticing that when i accept/surrender to something i don't like,it disappears. again,today she was going to go out with ex best friend which made me think he might come to the house but i mentally calmed myself down and said who cares/it doesn't matter and sure enough he cancelled on her.
-M saying she will give me some extra money for my upcoming trip
-having money
-feeling ready for my upcoming trip
-iced almond milk hazelnut lattes
-my beauty
-feeling at peace today
-buying my mom a coffee and putting some gas in her car
-learning
-dental floss
-getting a black bean burger with cheese and sweet potato fries for dinner
-my gucci slides
-glamour
-my dolce&gabbana sunglasses
-giving my mom the cake dish that i have no use for
-being a positive person
-being playful
-smiling
-cuddling with cats
-listening to my hypnosis audios this morning
-hope
-dreams
-my style
-my accomplishments
-deep cleansing breaths
-ashwagandha
-metaphors
-ideas
-accents
-openness
-drinking less soda today
-makeup
-being awake
-my goals
-sportsbras
-improved digestion
-art
-romance
-entertainment
-gossiping/chatting with a work colleague in text today
-fun
-reflections
-growing as a person
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-music
-naps
-taking it easy
-surrender
-blankets
-not letting criticisms get to me
-my phone
-iced almond milk hazelnut lattes
-watching a movie last night
-cuddling with cats
-ideas
-being smart
-being able to think thoughts
-feeling more caught up with time
-doing some journaling today
-benzos
-doing my bike ride goal
-the internet
-warm showers
-deep cleansing breaths
-nourishment
-the money transfer from my other bank going through
-going makeup free today
-doing a half hour of rebounding today
-clothes fitting looser today
-feeling better in my skin
-having healthy teeth
-sending out emails for some jobs
-avocado oil
-getting an appointment made for something i've wanted to get done
-doing some cleaning and organizing
-entertainment
-compliments
-colors
-my eyesight
-stretches
-my beauty products
-hair ties
-having nice lips
-my beauty
-massage
-touch
-goals
-gratitude
-manifestation of desires
-nightskies
-the wind
-the feeling of aliveness
-writing out some affirmations before bed last night
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-cats
-my strength
-taking l kitten in her for her surgery and holding her in my arms for a few hours when we got home while we both slept
-putting up S kitten and T cat posters after dropping L kitten off at clinic and feeling confident in what in walking around the neighborhood
-iced almond milk hazelnut lattes
-ice cold water
-coca cola
-vegan burgers
-the biscotti i had gotten from whole foods and how good it was
-M's husband buying the cats catnip treats,wetfood and more dry food
-my kind heart
-getting call sheet info for job one coming up
-sleep
-romance
-art
-entertainment
-going for my bike ride goal
-sunshine
-finishing up beauty product organizing and storing away paperwork section of things in a new spot
-stretches
-having beautiful eyes
-my bike
-warm showers
-confirming a paid job yesterday
-humor
-getting my mattress in the mail today
-getting book i ordered in the mail today
-my phone
-pictures
-getting better at changing my thoughts
-rest
-relaxation
-benzos
-goals
-motivation
-listening to my hypnosis audio today
-cuddling and sleeping with T kitten for a few hours this morning
-how cute T kitten is when he tries to stand on his back legs and climb up me
-appreciation
-kindness
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
my ex is a sociopathic narcissist. I've had a very bad 2 days. Once September hits,things are about to rock and roll with me getting my things in order with getting out of here fast with all the cats.
-S texting me mysteriously right when I was down and about to start my bad day celebration. He texts at strange times,either when i'm really down or when i've let him go in my mind. It's odd.
-seeing my life coach yesterday which gave me some grounding and support
-the suicide hotline
-my cats
-my ideas
-my brain and ability to think
-my mom and dad loving me
-doing a bad day celebration. First,i finished up my 2 mile bike ride goal in one shot. I had been building up to it,block by block to finish before summer is over,and just did it all today. Then,I got home,got scissors,a lighter,wish paper,wine,candy,colored pencils,the trust block the sociopath gave me in our first year after revealing he's a compulsive liar to me,and the last sweater of his i still have been wearing. I cut up the sweater and threw it away. I wear it for comfort because it's dark and hides my body but eff that. I tried to burn the block but couldn't so went in alley and threw it in someone's yard. I then played with my wish paper using it all up making intentions letting them fly up into the sky while eating candy and sipping eppa wine.
-rags
-my tiger print yoga pants
-rest
-self compassion
-my little twitter rampage i went on of venting about some things. it was so needed.
-the new cat bed coming in the mail
-writing out a todo list of things i need to do to get out of here. to-do lists seem to be magic for me with things getting done
-M's husband agreeing to offer continued support once im out of here.
-my determination
-my intelligence
-my phone
-texts and messages from others
-spirituality
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-knowing in my heart i am going to get married soon
-going for a bike ride today and enjoying it. i've exceeded the original goal now and just enjoy the bike for exercise
-my tropical print yoga pants
-my determination
-inspiration
-my brain
-losing weight
-ideas
-calcuating how much i earned in june of this year
-feeling ready to just go for it
-kind and empathetic messages,texts since my angry twitter rampage about my psycho ex
-laying in the sunshine for about 20 minutes
-iced almond milk hazelnut lattes
-being smart
-mischief
-being attractive
-sweeping the floor
-cuddling with l kitten for a few hours tonight
-cuddling with T kitten and l kitten this morning and seeing them cuddle together. so cute.
-getting my chemical peel appointment made
-getting my enamelplasty appointment made
-starting some searches on living ideas
-starting some searches for attorneys
-writing a to-do list for what to do before i'm kicked out
-getting my favorite skin cream in the mail
-the new cat bed that came yesterday
-God
-attempting to get another doctor appontment made
-my meds
-attempting to get a trap to get dad cat and whoever else still needs to get spayed/neutered
-motivation
-grass
-doing a little reading
-doing some affirmations in my notebook
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-being almost all packed up for my trip
-minimalism
-entertainment
-eyes to see
-bike riding
-losing weight
-being attractive
-feeling more confident about things
-embracing that the old me is dead since last year
-nourishing food
-laying outside for awhile and listening to my hypnosis audios
-beauty
-cuteness
-my cats
-relaxation
-ease
-my sense of style
-M giving me the money she said she'd give me before she threw a fit about the mattress
-the internet
-talent
-warm showers
-excitement
-music
-seeing the law of attraction at work
-ideas
-a brain to think with
-creativity
-naps
-rest
-art
-inspiration
-having a kind heart
-motivation
-feeling passionate
-doing a little reading today
-my T cat pillow
-my intelligence
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-all the growing i'm doing as a person
-doing my first full solo trip to my favorite city/state
-surrendering to the challenge that came up and speaking to my ex for the first time in about a year and half. i had no choice but to unchain the door with notice he was coming by to pick something up. after calling my therapist,the suicide hotline,and my lifecoach and taking my meds,the hotline and my lifecoach got me grounded enough to handle the situation and i decided to face him.i sat on the porch around time he came with my phone,keys,and backpack near me,burning my incense with an elle magazine on the porch and a coke and just texted on my phone. we were mutually cordial but distant. when i seen them walking up,i moved my stuff over so they could get in. he said he was just getting something. I said i know M told me. His gf said hi. i said hi. They were out in about 60 seconds. I said did you grab the "one of the items M mentioned." He said yeah,she said bye. I said bye. all the while i was texting on my phone,and barely made eye contact. I got lots of kudos and congrats when i called hotline after and lifecoach to update them after like they had asked. It was a big step in my progress and getting my power back.
-cats
-cuteness
-S the guy from out of town i met in july contacting me again right before they got there and as i was getting calmed down. He always seems to contact me right after i either detach or have something unpleasant happen,it's like serendipity and cheers me up.
-power mantras that make me feel better.
-amazing coffee in california
-amazing vegan donuts in california
-my style
-all the weight i lost while out of town
-the long bike ride i took the other day,and how easy and fearless i felt
-hanging out in the hammock relaxing while out of town
-inspiration
-newness
-new experiences
-getting flirted with,asked out a lot,and complimented a lot
-my creativity
-my unique personality
-my gucci slides
-yoga pants
-the beach
-working with amazing creative talent while out of town and feeling like i used to feel when i did primary career more often
-posting my first somewhat provocative picture on instagram and getting a lot of support on it
-my lifecoach
-the shopping i did while out of town and buying myself some art,a $100 t-shirt,some incense,and an eyeball bracelet and some other cool things,but not too much.i tried to limit myself
-art
-a check getting deposited in my account
-M giving me more money before she left
-all the walking and bike riding i did the last week
-hip openers
-vegan cheese. didn't use to like but now things it's super delicious and is one of my vices
-coffee
-ideas
-nonconformity
-expression
-wine
-cocktails
--getting more caught up on,phone calls,appointment making,and sending out emails for jobs
-confirming 5 jobs while out of town for the city i'm in
-friendly people
-someone saying i have cat eyes the other day and asking if cats are my favorite animal because i have cat eyes. i played with it,and said i connect very deeply with felines. which is true. i've been trying to embrace my weirdness a bit more.
-ibuprofen
-sleep
-innovative concepts
-antidepressants
-benzos
-travel
-L contacting me the other day. he has been so weird ever since we had sex in june. i sent him the long text to leave me alone in july if he has any care for me and let's leave this in peace...and then out of nowwhere he contacts me. i was minimal and sarcastic but then the day after i engaged and we argued all day about ridiculous things that it was pure comedy. i told him i worried i was pregnant for 2 months because benzos messed up my cycle and hope he was planning to pay for my abortion and right away he responded well your not,and of course i would have and let's go get a drink. we argued back and forth all day him pressuring to see me and me saying the only way i will is if he finishes inside me next time saying that thinking he'd say no and he says yes! so i kept trolling him saying i have aids,and chlamydia and am a lesbian and shoot heroin with needles and am asexual,etc,etc and mocking him saying he could read my mind saying he knows i want it saying i know he wants to be a daddy to my kids. by the end i was no longer amused,and was angry and then depressed because he did start to lure me in and i almost gave in. he says things that make me feel awful and mixes in misogynistic almost creepo comments with things that make me intrigued plus our sexual chemistry is very good,he's one of my better lovers.i was so strong,too but then he threw me off saying of course he'd pay for the abortion and not seeming to care or be scared off and saying he'd finish inside me.
-being a new person and how much more i enjoy this person i am now since the old me died last year
-R contacting me yesterday and talking to him on/off all day and night. it helped take my mind off L which put me in a bit of a funk. The final words to L the day after our arguing all day was me telling him i don't want his pity friendship when he was saying something to suggest basically,fine we could kind of be friends. R said he would try and be a better friend to me while talking
-pinterest
-ice cold water
-blood orange lemonade
-compliments
-watching a movie yesterday morning i rented on youtube before finally falling asleep super late
-my strength
-my goals
-showers
-blankets
-my phone
-people to text
-music
-connection
-the internet
-pictures
-seeing all my outdoor cats getting along and being family to each other
-cuddling with my cats
-makeup
-my beauty products
-organizing some of my paperwork tonight
-smiling
-laughing
-my hypnosis audios
-nightskies
-sunrises
-sunsets
-the wind
-feelings
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-staying strong
-deciding to work today at the last minute
-having money in my short term savings to use to commute to work and home since i spent all the money in my checking
-having an amazing time at the concert i went to yesterday
-fun
-entertainment
-compassion
-S texting me today but also deciding to let go of him despite all the serendipity and interesting timing of when i hear from him
-serendipity
-taking my vitamins
-iced coffee
-sweets
-carrots
-soda pop
-ice cold water
-laughing
-cats
-cat cuddles
-my sense of style
-walking
-compliments
-music
-the internet
-buying a glow in the dark flower headband at the concert last night
-friendly people
-my growing independence
-goals
-benzos
-ibuprofen
-antidepressants
-wine
-the vegan hot dog i got for dinner at the fest last night
-smiling
-getting a credit on ride that took me to wrong spot which helped me save money today
-good ride sharing deals today
-buying some cat food to send to my mom today
-adding some money to my fund for my next life coach session
-getting things organized
-doing some reading today
-naps
-sleep
-makeup
-learning
-laughing at life and all the outrageous things that happen in it
-making a new acquaintance on the ride home last night. we had a lot in common and happened to live very close to each other so driver joked he was coming to our wedding. he was not my type like that but driver was entertaining,too. was just a crazy night
-sunshine
-calmness
-motivation
-being on time for work
-blankets
-nourishment
-people to text
-my phone
-hip openers
-helpful people
-nightskies
-colors
-gratitude
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-sleep
-making it through all the challenges of the last few days and how much i feel grew even in this last week,week and a half
-T kitten who is now a one year old and cuddling with him
-my outdoor cats
-spending some time outside lounging in the sun and listening to music then doing a few yoga poses
-doing a 25 minute rebounding workout
-encouragement
-writing a to-do list before bed last night and feeling calmer about the future from it,realizing i have a backup plan if my do-able plan A doesn't work out,or if something even more better then i can imagine comes about
-M's husband calling me today
-making myself some coffee
-antidepressants,ibuprofen,and benzos
-listening to my hypnosis audios today
-colors
-ideas
-thoughts and daydreams about L that got me all mixed up but feel dizzying and good
-my style
-calming myself down
-my face looking younger today
-doing some reading today
-blankets
-cat cuddles
-smiling
-hip openers
-water
-doing some written affirmations for 3 one sides of a page,so a page and half last night
-getting a startbucks reward in my email today
-allowing imperfection
-deep cleansing breaths
-motivation
-my vitamins i take
-finding a place for the plant that came unexpectedly how i thought it would.i almost was going to get a refund but don't think i will now. I found a home for it by putting it in an unexpected spot in the yard area by using a stick to sort of dig up a little and putting it in there,and adding water. I know nothing about gardening and this was supposed to be for my room but it came with no pot and just packed in dirt. I figured the random unexpected spot would add some inspiration and it looked nice after and i took a pic.