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hi guys, i don't know if this is a selfish request but I need help with my fear issues.
My situation is this, last march 2005 I graduated, took the licensure exams, finished fourth among 178. Eversince I've been able to prove myself,
my self esteem went on a downward spiral. I can't get a job because I'm afraid of rejection. I can't go out bymyself without crying because of fear of going out in the world.
I'm stuck.
Can you give us more information? When you say 'ever since I proved myself' what exactly do you mean?Quote:
Eversince I've been able to prove myself,
my self esteem went on a downward spiral. I can't get a job because I'm afraid of rejection. I can't go out bymyself without crying because of fear of going out in the world.
By being in the top 4?
Fear is certainly the great soul-killer. It seems to me that 4th among 178 isn't bad.Quote:
Originally Posted by lightworker
I remember when I graduated from college I had no idea what I really wanted to do. So I moved some 300 miles away from home and got a low paying job just to get some time to decide who I am.
Well, I still can't answer that. But eventually I just decided that it didn't matter all that much.
I'm doing fine, now. And I'm sure you can manage, though it may take a bit of time.
So don't worry. Be happy!
I proved to the people I know I can be one of the best but, after that I'm stuck. Well thanks anyway.
Moving some 300 miles away from home is just too scary for me.
I'm not sure if this is what you want to hear, but it is not a matter of proving yourself in such circumstances. The result of anything should not matter to anyone except you. The aim is to shift your sense of approval and confidence within yourself, so that when you do something well or when you do something not so well you still feel both are ok because you put your entire self into both of them.
The difficult part about moving into this perception is gathering the understanding that external verification of others such as parents, friends and strangers do not matter.
It is not a matter of quantifying yourself, but rather a matter of being yourself and living your life according to that found sense of self.
This is an important step, and afterwards each event should be taken one step at a time without rushing too far ahead or away from where you are now.
At the present moment describe what is causing you to be afraid or feel a certain way, it is important to understand the exact things causing you fear. If you would like to discuss this more feel free to send me a PM.
Healing provided from the outside will not do a great deal, unless it is combined with looking inside at what is causing these issues internally. Hence this is a good place to start IMO.
Hi LightWorker,
What you feel at this moment, is what almost everybody has felt themselves at some moment in time. What becomes important is what you do when you realize the situation you are in. Some people ask for help, some do not and some try to figure out a way for themselves. Its like being thrown into a running river without the ability to swim. First thing anyone would probably do in that situation is to grab something stable and solid. And my suggestion would be something similar to this.
I would recommend some inner work for you. A way to start this would be to create a list of things which gives you happiness and a list of things which makes you feel sad and irritated. As soon as you have one item on the list , start thinking about it and try to figure why does that item gives happiness or grief. You can build that list as you go on. It is the act of introspection of the items on this list which is important. This practice will give you a better sense of understanding of yourself and would help in building confidence. It will give you an understanding of things you cherish and why and similarly of things you hate and why and then give you a chance of working on the things which does'nt go well with you.
Other effects of this pratice you might see is, increase in will power, concentration and deep thinking.
I am in no way an authority in this matter and I am not any more capable than you are or anyone else. I just recommend which I tried myself. Hoping that it helps you in some way.
This practice in any way does not substitute a doctors advice and I would recommend you taking one. Prolonged low self esteem might turn into clinical depression, it is always a good idea to visit a doctor.
I appologize if I offended someone with this post.
A lot of people wrote with advice but I don't feel I have enough information to know what the real problem is.
Lightworker wrote:Does this mean that by proving to others that you are above average is not enough?Quote:
I proved to the people I know I can be one of the best but, after that I'm stuck.
Do you feel that you are 'one of the best'- do you feel that you have proven it to yourself?
If not, why?
What is it that makes you feel that way?
Please be patient with me and don't give up on this- CF
to cftraveler, I'm really ashamed saying this to other people but i'l try..
Yes I think I'm still worthless and my high test scores don't prove anything.
How do I say this. If I knew my problem,... I wouldn't be asking for help.
I'm starting to hate this forum I've just started honestly. It just makes me look like I'm clamouring for attention.
I don't know what to say anymore. thanks anyway.
lightworker, I hope I didn't come across with too much assumption in the previous post I made.
I came to the conclusion earlier that this is a -neg type problem that affects a lot of people. It is quite nasty and I have noticed it attacks most people who are sensitive to spiritual presence.
Test scores or anything else that comes from the outside will not validate anything for you. This is natural, since you cannot take something from the outside and put it inside yourself -- the thing you seek can only be found within.
Healing can only do so much, as I mentioned earlier. The best approach that I can see is seeking out a therapist, or a close friend you can confide in. The problems need to be explored in depth from inside to discover the causes.
It could also help to keep in mind that these types of states are temporary, and often things will end up better than you might expect them to.
sash, I really appreciate your concern. But I really don't know what to say anymore.
I hope what you say is true, that this is just temporary and end up better than what I expect.
:(
Hi Lightworker!
You know, when you are nearest enlightment it is the hardest time. It always is like that.
Ill send a prayer your way any do this to your self the following two weeks or so.
Type down changes every day that is improving or just no occuring. And let us know what has wanished from the problem front in two weeks. I promiss you that you will be amazed.
Love and light
Kent
First off: Having a problem and asking for help isn't clamoring for attention, and if it is, so what? That is what we are all here for- some of us have had stuff and others' help is what got us to believing we can help others.Quote:
Originally Posted by lightworker
Your problem is that you don't feel worthy. Where did this belief come from? A parent? Family? Friends? It is my experience that smart people (like you) come from smart families that sometimes put unfair pressure on their children and make them feel that no matter how good they do in school, it's still not good enough. There is actually a post somewhere here about gifted children- if I find it I'll post a link.
If that is your problem and you don't feel comfortable posting publicly then send me a pm (or whoever you feel comfortable pm'ing) and we'll be very happy to at least lend some insight into how to tackle your problems. Please don't give up!
The fact that this makes you uncomfortable tells me that we're onto something. I have in other posts said (about my life) that stuff is 'coming up to be healed.' This is painful but if not's up & out it can't be consciously dealt with, instead of letting it go in and rule your life.
Please think about it!
I agree with CF that you probably have stuff that is coming up to be healed. I also agree with everyone that what you are going through is nothing to be ashamed of, that's only your insecurity talking. We all need a helping hand now and then.
Your experience after graduating happens to quite a few people. You have defined your life as being a good student. For years your life was one of study, diligence, tests, and teachers basically telling you what to do. By doing well at this, your self-esteem becomes all wrapped up in this, and suddenly it's all over. The world becomes a very scary place because you no longer have someone telling you what to do, giving you assignments, telling you what to study for tests, etc. You are suddenly on your own, and have to make all your own decisions. Your lifeline has been cut off.
If I sound like I know what I'm talking about, it's because I've been through it. Quite a few times, in fact. The worst was when my son's doctors released him from medical care after 3 years of chemotherapy. You'd think I'd be happy...he was in remission, healthy, thrilled not to endure more pain. But, I went into a tailspin. I felt like the doctors had pushed us out into the cold, cruel world and were no longer there to help, reassure, and do constant tests to make sure he was ok. We were on our own. I went into a deep depression for at least a month. But, it got better.
Baby steps, always take baby steps. You don't have to take the world by storm all at once. Do little things to help yourself. Asking for help is a really good one. Take some time to learn to love yourself. That list of your good points/assests someone recommended is a good idea. I'd recommend focusing at first on your good points. Write down the bad, acknowledge them, and then set them aside until you are stronger. This isn't a good time to dwell on your negative side. Your focus needs to be to increase your self-esteem. Like attracts like, and the more energy you put into the positive, the more positive energy will be drawn to you.
You've been working hard and probably living quite a stressful life with getting ready for exams. Now, it's done...all over and there's nothing to focus your attention on. Refocus your attention. Read some books or e-books on self-esteem and spirituality. Learn to see yourself in a new light. No longer the student in school, but become a student of life. So many people have been through this and come out the other side. Find their stories. It can give you inspiration. Once you find the "new you", you will be able to interview and find that job that you have worked so hard to prepare for. If you have financial resources to fall back on (parents, family, savings, whatever) don't focus on getting a job right now. Focus on getting you right, right now. :D
BTW, what is your license? Don't say if you're not comfortable with telling us.
oh my god... everything you all said just hit me.
before I even clicked this forum I started to think..." here we go again... all talk of nonsense"
I did n't realize that you guys just want to help.
I feel healed right now. I'm crying for some reason. I think it's because every word is true.
To everyone who spent time on me in this forum I created. thank you.
to cftraveler, clearly you don't want to give up on me. For that thank you. Sophroniscus, sash, thank you for your input.
Multihealer, negishail, I will do what you say. I will continue writing down on this forum any development that is the result of your advice.
Painterhypnogirl, I want to tell you thank you. Your words proved to be the most powerful one for me. Do you know you can do this?
thank you all. I don't think there is anything else to be discussed here.
I just want to say thank you to averyone who prayed for me.
I don't know what magic just happened here but guess what? I got a job!
Btw I'm a licensed interior designer, and I just got a visual merchandising job at Lulu Castagnette. After that I was able to ride the mass transit on my own, for the first time. It was liberating.
Looks like a good positive energy has been drawn towards me!
Hi alex! Thank you. And I'm happy to report that I just got two job offers
a few minutes ago. Unfortunately I told them, that I got a job just this morning!:shock:
In some bizarre turn of events, things suddenly go this way. Those are some mighty prayers you sent my way multihealer. And to others who have prayed for me as well, it worked!
Is it just me, or am I the only one finding this too coincidental? Anyway, it's all turned out good. :shock:
Wow, that's great! Now, that's what I call manifesting! :lol: You didn't waste any time, did you? Hehe! BTW, I used to work as an interior designer by way of owning my own furniture store. I've had many incarnations in this one incarnation.