i am full of anger and pain

I had an unhealthy relationship with someone. I believe in law of attraction and believe a lot of it was bought on by myself and chosen by myself in some way, but the memory has nearly destroyed me and her. I felt like I had to break her down in self defence to stop her breaking me down. I don't know, she is out of my life now, i just want my brain calm. I have recently starting posting on another message board which her and I both used to post on. I had to stop posting there years ago because she hated everyone on it, had feuds with them all and made constant fights with me whenever I happened to chat to one of her enemies - even if I didn't know who they were and just made a remark to them randomly, even if they had been a friend yesterday and I didn't know she had fallen out with them. I just now chatted to someone and I had to sit back breathing, "shes not here anymore, I can talk to that person, I wont be yelled at". I need peace.

I don't have any actively effective recipe for mental solace but my opinion might be of use here

cutting ties is an acquired trait , i.e you do it over and over with lovers and ultimately letting go becomes easier.

initially it's downright rigorously tough and takes emotional toll , but if you stick to it , it's that much more easier.

I used to be a very angry person "not anymore I'm happy to say" - that quote helped a lot :)

Hi Buzzcock.
Peace will come, little by little. There is a cliche that says "one day at a time". It's a cliche but it is also true.
Hugs.

in memoirs of a geisha they have an amazing quote

the heart dies a slow death
shedding each hope like leaves
until one day , nothing remains

hang in there , let time work its magic