Doom Impending Dreams

I have suffered from depression and anxiety for pretty much my whole life. I've been on two different anxiety/depression medications in the past. I didn't like how they made me feel though, and I still feel like I'm recovering from being off them and it's been over 2 years now. I've been a loner my whole life, always have felt different than everyone else. I realized recently too that I'm an empath. This has caused me a great deal of anxiety and depression to the point where I've had suicidal thoughts. My father is Schizophrenic which honestly doesn't help with what I'm going through because I just feel like I'm losing my mind.

I've suffered from nightmares my whole life, have journals full of them. I have always been afraid to sleep alone because that's usually when they happen. I experienced sleep paralysis as I got older and for a long time was having recurring nightmares. I would go into sleep paralysis, try to wake up, but end up in a dream where I would be in bed but there were entities in my bedroom. I have had two with a big, black entity. The first one he walked into my bedroom, saw me, and walked up to my bed and touched my hand. The other he was just standing in my bedroom. Another one I have had too is a woman in a white dress. I have managed to dismiss whatever these "entities" in the past few years as they don't bother me anymore, thank god.

I had a really weird dream one morning a few weeks ago where I felt someone touch my hand and when I sat up my boyfriend was there. We went outside and it was dark out and we got into his car and drove off. I remember looking at the clock and it said 10:22 pm. I started telling him I was afraid to sleep and he asked why, in which I replied that I was afraid of the grey aliens. He then said, "Alex, you need to go to the light" over and over until I woke up in sleep paralysis. I then had an OBE and saw three entities in my house but they didn't seem threatening. I didn't interact with them though, instead I flew up towards space but as soon as I got there I got a sharp pain in my heart and woke up.

Then earlier at work I recalled a dream I must have had last night or earlier when I was asleep where my boyfriend and I were driving through an intersection and T-boned a car. I remember the impact, inhaling deeply, and feeling that same sharp pain in my heart.

I just feel like I am so attuned to everything. It's made coping with my emotions hard though which is really setting me back from my fullest potential. I want to write books on these subjects and learn as much as I can. A few years back I told my aunt about these entities that were in my room and surprisingly she suggested that I may be psychic. But that makes me nervous about the dreams with "going to the light" and the car crash.

Hi Kittahkatt,
What I hear from your decription I would also say you are an empath, as an empath you take in all and everything at the same time, and before you have "separated" your self from the "all" so to speak you will be in turmoil and in depresson and fear.
It is not easy to help oneself to beging with, but there is no-one who can do your inner work and help but you yourself.

I have not succeeded yet totally to separate me but what I have now dared to express is that I can not be in big crowds because it is too many individuals to cope with or to take in, I have discussed this with my doctor and she said that I must close myself but that is impossible, so I today know to choose small groups to interact with and skip the big groups so to speak.

This is my self help to me, I know in time I will sure succeed to be able to interact with bigger groups but not now. It is very frustrating not to be able to sort out all the impressions what bombards the mind and all senses, to both see/hear/smell/feel everyones agendas and intentions is hard. Not the kind ones but those who are envious, jellous, angry, arrogant etc those are killing me slowly if I try to stay in there precense and I become sick.

So this is the only help I can give you, try to find ways to calm you down, and try to learn more about when and where you feel best in your skin so to speak, and try to listen to you and not to others who say you have to do this or that, to try to please others is no solution to heal or to learn to know who you are, and where and when you are at your best so to speak.

I send all my love and strength to you, I know you will come through this and find your right forum so to speak and to know in what inviroment you keep your sanity and health.

From the book Cours in Miracles lesson 34.

"I can replace my feelings of depression, anxiety or worry (or my thoughts about this situation, personlity or event) with peace".

Love
ia

Sounds familiar : ). Shielding can help a lot. There are a lot of folks on here that can offer advice on that.

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Originally Posted by Kittahkatt

I have suffered from depression and anxiety for pretty much my whole life.

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Me, too.

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Originally Posted by Kittahkatt

I realized recently too that I'm an empath. This has caused me a great deal of anxiety and depression to the point where I've had suicidal thoughts.

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That, too.

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Originally Posted by Kittahkatt

My father is Schizophrenic which honestly doesn't help with what I'm going through because I just feel like I'm losing my mind.

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No schizophrenic parents, but my mother spent most of her life in clinical depression which had occasional bouts of psychosis.

In other words, I understand where you're coming from. I come from there, too.

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Originally Posted by Kittahkatt

I've suffered from nightmares my whole life

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Me, too, at least, most of my life. I haven't had a full-on nightmare in years, thankfully. Reason I mention it is that it's possible to heal to the point where they're not a problem.

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Originally Posted by Kittahkatt

I just feel like I am so attuned to everything.

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*nodnod*
You need to learn and practice personal psychic shielding and grounding. It takes some effort at first, but after a while, if you do it enough, it becomes second nature. I've found shielding to be incredibly helpful and healing. I definitely recommend it.

I also recommend meditation for the anxiety, but first work on the shielding and get yourself some peace.

You can learn some shielding tips by looking through the sticky posts/threads in the Self Defence forum here. Feel free to ask questions.

Thanks everyone! I will look into the post about shielding yourself. I tend to have a habit of letting people, particularly my co workers and friends, walk all over me. I have started to react versus just let it build up and I am slowly getting better. It's hard because I work in a restaurant, so imagine how I feel sometimes lol. I tend to bottle things up and then explode them on my boyfriend rather than the people actually hurting me and causing me stress. It would probably be best for me to find another job, which I'm in the process of now. It's not easy though to find something and start anew, I'm a very routine person haha