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Originally Posted by
CFTraveler
If you are resisting the circumstances you are in, you are going to have to try to accept them
I accept the circumnstances as temporary realities. I just don't accept their permanency. I'm not willing to live like this forever or to only see the change of decay into a worse situation. If that is my future, I rather die now. It feels like this is not my life. This is what makes me hopeless and unable to concentrate. I never see any real positive change. There are positive events but the situation itself just slowly deteriorates into a worse one where it is harder to believe things could change. It is becoming increasingly difficult for me to sustain any sort of hope at all and drag myself out of the downturns. I do it but I'm not sure how long I can go on like this. It feels like I have nothing to hold on to when I crash, to help pick myself up. All I have is faith. If my experiences erode that away, I'll have no reason to live at all. I have already had moments where this faith was almost at zero and I had to struggle to focus on it and not to commit suicide [For anyone that has a problem with the mention of the S word, know that nothing you say can make me any worse and that "professional" help, which I looked into, is useless in this case]. I want to live, I just don't want to live like this.
I don't mean to be negative but I'm frustrated right now, especially with the year ending.
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or remove yourself from them without drama or anger, and this is not as easy as it sounds. You have to be emotionally calm to be able to focus your energy on what you want, and you will have to first clear the conflict that is in you. This may require a few steps, and they depend on what your situation is now.
Can you expand on that?
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It seems to me you are wanting to fit in a system that isn't accomodating of what you want- perhaps you need to create a new system that does, I don't know.
I don't understand what you mean.
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Sometimes you have to do the 'nuts & bolts' things first before you move on to what you want, but you will have to figure this out. Maybe your family can be more supportive about giving you privacy,
They couldn't give me privacy even if they wanted to. The only way to have privacy is to live somewhere else. I don't know where else I can live. There are no jobs I can get, as far as I know, which would allow me to rent a place of my own, for example. I don't have the heart to manage a business.
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or you need to figure out a way to get this. There are other places you can go to meditate, and there are other ways to program your subconscious, such as reminders in places you can see.
Can you expand on that?