Fear...a gift?

Earlier this year, when meditating on my crown chakra, I suddenly remembered a suppressed memory from my childhood and that motivated me to do some deep searching and healing. I had a lot of terrifying experiences during my childhood usually due to typical sleep paralysis episodes and some strange encounters. Anyway, I resolved most of my feelings about them and made some important distinctions: a few of the encounters were with legitimately cruel beings when I was at a very young age. But most of them were actually pretty cool, even though some of the experiences were clouded with fear. So I got to wondering how deep I could go with this ... how many distinctions could I make?

for the first time in years, I had a couple fear episodes at night. As soon as i put my awareness on the fear, it would go away, leaving me confused...the fear came from nowhere. So, I eventually played around with astral sight and saw a higher aspect of myself nearby; it left immediately and I fell asleep. This process repeated a few times: fear wakes me up, astral sight, higher aspect leaves, I fall asleep. Eventually i awake and surrender to whatever is happening to me and I have a brief projection, black out, and when I wake up, i have a stack of parallel memories like I've never had before. upon re-entry, i have memories of my physical body and the sensations, my astral body and it's sensations, my dream mind and the dream ending, keywords and catch phrases to write down, flashes of guided visions during my astral travel, a higher aspect of myself doing energy work in my heart chakra area then brain and crown area, some sort of mind-self that had been contemplating universal concepts.

It was a humbling and mind blowing experience. I wrote it all down and finally got some sleep. I put some thought into this the next day and I was convinced that my higher aspects had been using fear to wake me up and make me participate in their nightly experiences. Now my/our experiences.

These are some reasons why I think fear is a good thing:
It breaks sleep inertia...normally 1-3 hours long, fear reduces it to a few seconds.
it puts us in an ideal state of mind for spiritual work: mentally sharp, focused, with few interrupting thoughts.
It broadly places our awareness on many things simultaneously, like a generic cosmic consciousness experience (definitely not the same thing, but likened to it)

I have since given my other aspects unconditional permission to wake me up as much as they want.

I had a couple more nights of fear episodes and strange experiences, but nothing quite like the one before.

One thing that changed almost immediately was the fear...within a couple days it turned into a spinal energy surge that would wake me up. In the last couple weeks that have followed, that energy surge spread through out my body and became more like a wave, a gentle pressure that rolls through me. Last night, I was awake for about 4 1/2 hours and almost half of that time was spent observing my higher aspects doing energy work on me.

The other half is where it gets weird to me and I have a hard time understanding and explaining my experience. I've been waking up, feeling my other aspects project out and leave me. It's very boring for the first +/-30 minutes, and I haven't found anything fun or productive to do in this state. The only thing I seem to be able to do is remote view, as my consciousness bounces back and forth between my physical body, dream mind and etheric body. I can't raise energy at this time, of course.

Eventually though, my other aspects start returning and do partial or full reintegrations with my physical, then do partial or full projections again. I always feel something change, but mostly...I have no understanding of it. Sometimes I try to participate or help, but I end up getting put in my place, which is to be an observer only.

I am learning some rad stuff, though...I'm getting acquainted with my subtle bodies in new ways...the ways they do energy work, their travels (but only a little), their nightly habits, etc.

I've had some radical nighttime lessons, for instance, the hiss/fizzle. One night, the hiss/fizz sound/feeling came and i locked my awareness on it and where it was coming from...just above my solar plexus. I had a brief OBE, and reentered my body immediately. I tried to reproduce the hiss/fizz (poorly), so the hiss/fizz came again, let me observe it, I OBE'd, then did it all one more time. Since then I've practiced it some and had really cool results with it helping me trance, focus, and project. I used it once on my wife and had fascinating results (she doesn't' project, though). I hope to study it some more and perhaps do an experiment with another willing projector, where I can attempt to facilitate improved conditions for projection in the same way that our guides and higher aspects do it for us each night.

Anyway, I'm done rambling. I just wanted to share some of my recent experiences, partially to share, partially to get them straight in my mind, and definitely to get insight from you guys. My spiritual development has surpassed my understanding of it.

About fear: Fear is just a negative way to gain that awareness. That totally focussed awareness can come up in fear, but this is not a necessary connection. Fear is the negative aspect of this kind of awareness.

About your experiences: Awesome! :D

Take good care,
Oliver

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Originally Posted by Korpo

About fear: Fear is just a negative way to gain that awareness. That totally focussed awareness can come up in fear, but this is not a necessary connection. Fear is the negative aspect of this kind of awareness

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you're totally right. it sucked. And even after I logically convinced myself (in the daytime) that I knew what was happening, it was still tough to convince myself (mostly at night) when it was actually happening. fortunately, I had a few mid-day experiences that encouraged me to go into this state of complete surrender. As long as I am in total surrender, there is no fear, only baffling mystical experiences.

One night, a voice told me: "When the energy stops, fear starts."

I'm not quite sure what it means, but i've had no fear episodes in a long while. On the contrary, i've been lucid more during the night instead.

just thought i'd report in.

I've been having a bad time lately with fear- I asked for something, stupidly thinking I could handle it, and now I'm not as sure. Turns out I had more fears than I thought. I think this is Kundalini related, but maybe I'm trying to put a positive spin on it.
On a lighter side,

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I've been waking up, feeling my other aspects project out and leave me. It's very boring for the first +/-30 minutes, and I haven't found anything fun or productive to do in this state. The only thing I seem to be able to do is remote view, as my consciousness bounces back and forth between my physical body, dream mind and etheric body. I can't raise energy at this time, of course.

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I've had periods in which this happens a lot and I always 'feel changed' in some subtle way that I can't put my finger on. What I'm starting to learn is that when this happens the character/themes of my dreamstate lessons change and I get into either a 'finishing/graduation' or I start on something different.

well, maybe you can figure this out (if you're experiencing something like what I had, or maybe even if you're not); the fear would go away once I had the energy moving straight upwards along my spinal column. I mean, when the fear would come, I would try to put my awareness on it but never really located it. Eventually i would get tired of that and start doing energy work instead, and the spine energy movement seemed to have something to do with the fear.

Please experiment that and let me know what happens.

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Originally Posted by sleeper

One night, a voice told me: "When the energy stops, fear starts."

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Fear is a block. Each fear and each limiting belief is. The less there is of this, the more flow is. Fear stops energy flow and creates stagnation.

If you make more energy move, chances are that fears are unearthed and have to be faced and let gone off. Like cleaning the pipe. The circulation exercises build on that - flush the channels with energy and over time you dislodge deeper and deeper stuff. It is however seldom mentioned, discussed or warned of. If you want to "push" more energy through the pipe, if you build the pressure, it will loosen "dirt". Then you have to deal with the "dirt".

If energy spontaneously enters you, the phenomena are the same. If energy hits a block, several things can happen, depending on the kind of and amount of energy and the nature of the block. A fear block clogging the "pipe" most strongly will give you a fear association, and a strong enough energy might intensify and dislodge it and flush it out. But chances are that the dormant fear will be first experienced more intensely.

BTW, even if you cannot directly feel or experience a block energy flow can dislodge it. Whether you feel the block depends on the ability of energy sensibility - in general and for the blocks specific subtle frequency - while moving energy by itself does not. I believe there is a relation, but it is not necessary proportional or the same in both directions.

Any purifying process brings up deep stuff. Either flow prevails or block. The more block, the less flow. Intense traumas can block energy flow so much diseases of the body and mind can result. The psychosomatic principle can be directly expressed in terms of energy by the statement sleeper received: Intense emotions, beliefs and traumas can block out the natural circulations and flows of the body. This brings stagnation, sickness and compounding problems.

Persistent or unexplained sudden fear is a symptom. Same for anger, hate, anxiety, despair, self-loathing, etc. All these strong attachments show where the flow is impeded. That is where the energies of our mind are blocked and block out other energies. Effects accumulate and bring harm to us.

CF,

Fear creeping up during a Kundalini process you ask for for example is not a sign of "that you cannot handle it." Instead it is a sign that the process works into the deeper layers of you, confronting your "less conscious layers". You cannot expect to shine a light of awareness unto something and not experience it. You have to come to terms with it somehow. You can ask for a different speed of progress and you can experiment with what you think you can handle, and the speed will determine impact and intensity. You actually get what you ask for. ;)

You can almost shock yourself more awake, and that is what I believe people call "Kundalini raising". It is an energetic shock to the system that will unlodge a big amount of what is blocked in your system by a massive energy surge, and either you come to terms with it quickly or you there will be a lot of suffering and harm. I don't believe this is a necessary phenomenon or how it has to work. The intensity depends on your personal ambition and personality structure, and how many blocks there are in body, emotions and mind.

I don't personally believe that the phenomenon is of another quality than any other energy phenomenon, the energy itself is just a fact of life and the amount thereof is determined by our beliefs, openness and such things. I'm sure there is an energy of the kind "Kundalini", and that it has its own properties, like many different other energies do. But that's about it for me - I don't think it is in a different league from all other energies there are.

Oliver

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CF,

Fear creeping up during a Kundalini process you ask for for example is not a sign of "that you cannot handle it." Instead it is a sign that the process works into the deeper layers of you, confronting your "less conscious layers".

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I realize this, it's that every time I ask for it I think I'm ready to deal with it and it always surprises me. I think I've thought of everything and the awareness reminds me that I'm not even started. It is quite amazing.

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You cannot expect to shine a light of awareness unto something and not experience it. You have to come to terms with it somehow. You can ask for a different speed of progress and you can experiment with what you think you can handle, and the speed will determine impact and intensity. You actually get what you ask for.

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I do, which is why this process is so bittersweet. For example, for the past few days I've been emotionally vulnerable, and in a 'mind fog' that truly surprised me. The mind fog is lifting, these new insights about myself (that just cropped up) are something new that I didn't realize. Now, I get it- at the time, it was surprising in many levels.
By handling it, I mean being able to live in the 'everyday world' while processing all that came up, some completely surprising. Plus I've had a headache ever since that hasn't yet lifted.
But that's ok, it'll pass.