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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-the cat
-relaxing
-seeing and becoming aware that i'm going through a cleansing
-inspiring people
-getting a little work done
-clarity that comes from chaos
-my face looking bright and young and my cheekbones looking amazing
-my haircut
-laying down
-healing
-getting my print today
-water
-kale
-nightskies and air after a storm
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-the air filter in my living room
-drinking more water again
-vegan food
-going for a nice one mile walk upon waking
-the sun
-my favorite sunglasses
-waking up earlier today
-feeling more relaxed today
-feeling more decisive today and having more clarity today
-feeling able to slow down and be in the flow again
-how bright and glowy and clear my skin is
-having a nice flat stomach
-nature
-the cat sleeping with me a lot last night/this morning
-details about tomorrow
-taking things one thing at a time
-doing some writing today
-colors of the sky as the sun goes down
-having a unique beauty
-burning incense
-having toned muscles and venus dimples
-putting a afformation from the past summer personal work i did on the fridge
-finding interesting things
-weather being a little cooler today
-surrender
-deep,calming,cleansing breaths
-all the new instagram followers
-my style
-inspiration
-embracing the journey,and authenticity and the unfolding of who i am and transformation and mystery
-calming thoughts
-logic
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-this new coffee flavor from the brand i get at the grocery store. this one is cafe latte and is my new favorite. so good. very sweet and light flavor.
-the air filter in my living room
-getting in an appointment to spa at the last minute for tomorrow. being open and calm really made a difference. last time,my mood was anxious and i was set on certain dates,but this time felt nonchalant and was aiming for more far off in the future dates and was more open. boosted my mood to get that appointment made
-soda after a night of drinking. my hangover remedy.
-these purple funky print pants i love. so comfortable.
-the sun shining today
-my style
-how great i am at curating
-the freedom losing as much as i have has given me
-sleep
-going out last night and how great it was to get out,even if i didn't really click with most of the girls. i know it's part of the process of finding the right people,is to get out there and try.
-free bottle service
-my best friend and all he does for me
-the cat and how cute he is
-being calmer about things
-finding a bigger sharpener for my favorite makeup product that needed to be sharpened to be used last night
-heels
-doing things to nourish my soul and energy
-the beautiful,big city i live in and how great downtown looks at night
-being easy and loving and merciful to myself
-a acquantaince to text about things to
-feeling that very slight almost sense of aliveness last night
-inspiration
-knowing my likes and things i'm drawn to and that make me happy
-that things are getting done and to just be patient and know all is well and unfolding perfectly
-my beliefs shifting to ones that are more me even if they are spiritually "imperfect." Such as embracing my dark side and that there is a part of me that likes revenge. The book i've been reading has been inspiring me to look at my unconscious desires and my dark side. I am not saying the revenge is my unconscious desire,but my dark side. Perhaps,if we embraced that,instead of repressing it,we'd be happier since we live our lives as stories anyways and aren't meant to be perfect but to learn and evolve. This has been a great aid,allowing myself to have my little veangeful desires without feeling guilty or like i'm being petty. it just feels so much more real! perhaps,it actually is unconscious too since i do tend to do certain things and have little thoughts i'd repressed now that i think about it,that are slightly spiteful. idk,maybe accepting this part of ourselves even tames the desire and brings more peace. i mean,we are all seeking validation,and so acting like we don't want validation at least a little bit seems repressed.and so when we uncover that part of the reasons we do this or that is partially fueled by spite which is fueled by a desire for validation,we are being real,which only brings us more peace and healing.
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-feeling better
-my style
-my comfortable funky print purple pants
-nighttime
-vegan chocolate
-relaxing time
-tibetan singing bowl audios
-lavender tea
-lavender oil
-colors
-alchemy and temperance,blending. a passion of mine,blending.
-getting a pedicure today and the lady being nice and actually complimenting my feet and gushing saying i have the feet of a 5 year with how soft they are and she's never seen that in her 20 years doing what she does.
-animals and the cute dog at the salon. he was so tiny
-going shopping today
-getting a dry brush today
-getting new eyebrow makeup today
-declicious meal i've started having of vegan chicken on a bed of kale with cilantro,parsley,and cayenne pepper and italian salad dressing. sooo good!
-how serendiptious this book i've been reading has been. it's amazing to me
-tuning into what i'm drawn to
-knowing my spa time is helping me to cultivate being a better receiver. just last night an insight came to me after feeling impatient that i'm a really bad receiver. so,a lot to work on still!
-getting a little bit of an alter going on by putting the tiny buddha statues and healing stones by the flowers on the trunk which is being used as a table in the living room
-all the twitter followers i received today
-being downtown today which was nice
-lemongrass incense
-loving myself and being brave and confident
-no longer being obsessed with spiritual enlightenment
-desires
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-vegan chocolate
-the law of attraction
-making an amazing steam room last night that had amazing benefits,including stress relief,removing depression,and causing me to sleep like a baby and have glowy skin the next day. it felt as if it opened chakras,too. was so amazing and inspiring. no wonder i had kept feeling drawn to try a steam room.
-being almost done with this book i've been reading. Am ready to move forward!
-finding greens very easy to eat now
-a nice journaling session tonight that helped me to tune into my more mysterious desires and check in on how i feel about other things i'm repelled by
-great quotes
-a online comment made to me tonight
-water
-nighttime walks
-going for a nice walk in the daytime today and walking for at least a mile but probably more like 2-3. hard to say as i'm not sure how to estimate it and there was stops to enjoy standing by the river which was nice and going to the playground and swinging on a swing. i really like this little sunday tradition going on. i even seemed to get a little sore after though though that maybe was other things like dry brushing
-finding a substitute for vegan youtube channels which is nice,as i have a feeling little things like that has had a stronger effect then i realize on my vibration and i am ready to run fast away from the vegan community.i can be a vegan without it.also,keeping away from tarot for awhile after seeing how utterly pointless it is
-getting side key here figured out
-hot tea
-ordering some eucalyptus oil as i'd been drawn to it
-the internet
-seeing calming things about the neighborhood
-logic and coming down to earth more and more about my paranoid delusions.
-becoming very comfortable with being myself. when you've lost it all in a sense and feel invisible,it eventually becomes easier to just not care anyways
-cayenne pepper. love spices!
-coming to conclusions about what my soul needs to be nourished and lhow repressed it had been earning to embrace that more
-the clarity that comes after the pain,and the letting go
-fashion
-the beauty of the new canvas of what i can create now
-writing some affirmations out
-being done with my obsession of spiritual enlightenment
-simplicity
-feeling like the things to get done is easy now and not so overwhelming.i really think that steam bath cleared some energy blockages i had. it felt as if a veil was lifted
-clean clothes
-learning more about the breed of cat this cat is,and seeing how much it actually does match his personality. it was helpful and interesting to read
-wow,the relaxing/exciting feeling i just had of realizing the little stressful things plaguing me for over a month now are actually almost completed. that's been on the back of my mind for some time now,i bet once they are done i'm going to feel a boost of energy and more back to myself
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-steam room. it's changed my life. last night i did it,and didn't stay long then felt a bit depressed for a few reasons but then had lots of wild dreams which i wanted to explore so that convinced me to stick to the steam rooms so did it again earlier tonight and stayed in longer and felt sooo relaxed and got so sweaty. i am so convinced in the last year that sweating is amazing for humans. i'm still feeling very relaxed.
-the dreams i had this morning. so many. i think one was psychic. i'll get to that one last. So,i had a dream friend K added me on a social media . She's never added me on any,which is odd and i suspect is because of jealousy. she is older,and a little bigger then me and i work in a very looks-required industry so on social media there's things on there that may make some feel a little insecure. i've already had people admit to this. i had a dream that D from last winter was following me and i kept trying to get away and in the dream there was pools so it was like at a swim park. i had a dream that i was upset with my apartment but then i realized i'm moving in two weeks so that's ok and then felt relief. and,finally,the dream that was the longest,and had emotion to it,too which is very rare,i feel E is the only person I ever had dreams that had a feeling with them. This dream happened before the apartment dream and felt pleasurable like recurring dreams I used to have with E were that ended up being psychic. In the dream,E was dressed up in a suit and I was at his place and he told me B had said some awful things about me in a way like i should know such as that I had rabbit teeth and something about sex with me like that he only dated me for sex or something alluding to a thumbs up on sex and then I burst into tears at that and E started cuddling with me and to make me feel better. Very,very rare for my dreams to be like this.....The dream felt very warm like he was the warm,hero presence. As he was holding me,I then exclaimed how could he cut me out and not have seen me in all these months and he smiled warmly and said he actually kissed a girl two and half months ago. It was implied that was over,and that it's not something serious for me to get upset about. The whole scenario played out like me as the feminine,submissive,little girl and him as the patriarch type as if he was the one to tell me it was all ok now. Very odd this dream happened because just last night I wrote in journal how i'm only repelled by E now,which could've been me psychically detaching and then this happens. The dream was so specific,too and I never have specific dreams that answer questions even if the answer may or may not be true. It was just a very long,drawn out dream scenario that was very uber specific as if a message was sent to me. Of course,i can't see how that'd be possible but i can't help but wonder if this was a psychic connection here. It's funny because I read a feng shui tip before bed that i thought about doing some other time about putting a bowl of water by your bed for clarity. Maybe even that thought,somehow manifested this dream. It's hard to say but only ever with E have I ever had dreams that also came with a feeling too. Like a lightly pleasurable feeling that feels good and makes me feel wanted and want to smile. It's so odd that it makes me think something in his consciousness is sending me messages. Not only that,but in my dreams E always serves perfectly the role i'd ideally want him to play as a male. Alpha,confident,making moves on me,forceful,soothing,caretaking. In those dreams that feel good he is somehow exactly what I want,but consciously I've NEVER seen him that way. I'm so confused on what dreams really mean,so it's hard for me to say. I believe they can at times predict future events,and mostly just tell the subsconscious but at times are psychic links between others. The ambiguity makes dreams at times hard to figure out. The psychic dreams also would happen more often with E when we stopped speaking or when i felt myself on his mind. One ability I have is i'm a very good receiver of energy,i'm very in tune. I guess it's just annoying because I literally was over him,and them boom,I have that dream and it's made me go hmm and wonder what it really means. I've even had someone else on my mind lately so it's all very odd.
-forcing myself to heal and be myself
-that i get to go and get my card tomorrow finally
-tv shows on youtube i've been watching
-being reminding/realizing what i want in a guy. a very alpha,patriarchal type guy. this character is shown as the norm on the show i'm watching and it's so sexy. the male characters are very dominant and controlling. it's rare to see that even nowadays and this show is only like 15 years old and is a normal teen tv show. as weird or whatever as it may be,i've realized i do like hero type guys and like guys that make me feel like the little girl. that is my ideal relationship put in words. there's different types of feminine types,and that's the type i most prefer to identify. the other type is the very submissive 50's housewife type but that's actually not my ideal of what i want to be like. An ex has an ex who seems to be like that. My femininity is a little less mature,a little less graceful,and just a slight feistiness which i think is a good thing to have,that slight bit amount of. My femininity is also a little bit more helpless. All these are to know who i really am,where i'm happiest,my dark sides,etc
-the cat sleeping with me
-water
-pronoia
-my healing stones and little buddha statues. i like having them displayed out now.
-mobile editing apps
-relaxation
-feeling relatively upbeat,and in good spirits for the most part the last two days
-high heels
-fashion
-hoodies
-being forward looking
-connections
-feeling just slightly more connected to life,and interconnected
-eyeglasses
-hope
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-mercy,compassion,and forgiveness
-how amazing the painting print of transitioned loved one looks on the trunk
-my beauty. it's important for me to say this because my anxieties and image disorder have really been grappling me lately. i've been thinking more and more about talking to a professional for help on my bdd. i was looking at old photos of myself earlier and see a hideous monster and it's causing me to behave in bizarre energy sucking ways.
-my eye for curating
-coming out a winner and giving myself some resolve from the fight in my head
-the amazing steam room session that had me feeling amazing for a few hours. the sessions are another form of meditation for me these days,and during it i felt a strong wave of emotion saying to myself i'm done being perfect. how ecstatic it would be to let go of all perfection and to just be! to be truly real and free from the bondage of fear of what others think and imperfections and how in effect surrendering to that,would have me become only even more beautiful,free,sexy,alluring,and "perfect." i just want to live now,and have fun. i'm so over trying to find spiritual enlightenment and holding myself back because of what others would think and being afraid to shine my light or seem superficial or not enough,or weird or dramatic,or anything! I just want to be. I just want to be! I just want to be! I just want to be. I have been in a bondage of overthinking and trying too hard. It's caused me to grapple with an image disorder and be paralyzed by fear of being physically harmed and to just hold myself back for far too long. I'm ready to be free and invincible and empowered,and powerful and loving every step I take and the tune of my song and expression of me that I am. i also got sweatier then i ever have during this session and just feel cleaner every time after. it's so interesting to me as i used to think of sweat as gross before.
-being productive today
-compliments and brava
-hot lavender tea
-allowing myself to feel emotional
-pretty things
-going tanning today
-living in a nice city
-trust in life and certain things building,a feeling of connection i cannot see
-clean towels
-observing my feelings,desires,and so on
-getting emails caught up
-getting social security errand done and it being done nice and quick and easy
-a few minutes on the porch at night
-how cute the cat is
-how amazing my hair has gotten,perhaps from steaming. it feels like barbie doll hair
-knowing that this too shall pass
-feeling like at the least,i've been getting in deeper touch with myself lately or even ever before which is nice. although this year has been what feels like the biggest hibernation year in years,i also feel like i'm finding myself deeper then i ever have in ways
-how fresh the air felt today
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-finally being there. that point of clarity. idk what it took.after striving and striving and looking for spiritual enlightenment and to better myself while on the inside feeling angry,hurt and inadequate,i stopped seeking spiritual enlightenment. I let go,I am embracing more fully imperfection,ME,and mystery and from this my inner knowing has become stronger again. I've made some small changes as well and that's played an affect too i'm sure. I no longer distract myself with things such as tarot since i now believe it's not only pointless but harmful and actually blocks your intuition. And,i've moved away from the vegan movement. Even just by distancing myself from vegan vlogs for a few days now,i actually feel much better. I kept that on as an interest for over a year which is unlike me. It was only a few months ago i started to notice that it's made my anxieties worse and my vibe lower. So, I know now that this is the way. Good came from the initial interest of becoming vegan and some of what it reawakened in me,but i have no interest to have vegan friends or be heavily interested in vegan culture anymore. By distancing myself from things like the vlogs,i can come more into myself and better serve the world. This just feels so right to me. I was meant to change my diet,and become reawakened to animal advocacy but that's all. I am grateful for that path,and that it's come full cycle and now time to continue on being vegan in my own way and cut these distractions now.
-steam rooms and sweating. another thing that perhaps played a part. maybe cleared some things for me. i literally felt drawn to go to a steam room. before i did first start it,,i kept having visuals of my skin being cleaned out,and looking very cleansed and glowy as if it had gotten good skin treatments. i now wonder/and feel this was part of the insight drawing me to go to the steam room. because.one side effect is my skin is looking glowier and really nice and it looks as if my face is decreasing in age. my eyes look wider and glowier too. i'm really a big fan of sweating and will now consider it as important as sunshine,for example. it really is so simple. we get little things drawing us all the time,little connections we feel all the time,etc,etc. I really think the mistake i had made blocking my clarity now is the little distractions i thought were too minor to make a difference(the vegan vlogs and tarot). It's strange because in the past i'd notice quicker when little things were having an effect. my insights and inner knowing have gotten so strong in the last few days. it's crazy.i'm really grateful to be where i wanted to be,and i definitely say if i had to point out what i should've done all this time since march or may,i'd say it was those two tweaks. i'm finally feeling cocooned in clarity.
-embracing and loving imperfection. i finally realize my obsession with trying to find spiritual enlightenment was really just an excuse to not love myself.this may have been hinted at me before. i have tried way too hard. it's like i thought i had to try and try and try to reach perfect spiritual detox in order to manifest a perfect moment,and be free to live. i was keeping myself prisoner with this mindset.i'm emotional even at the realization of this.i used it as an excuse to not live. I don't need to have a perfect diet. I don't need to be a perfect vegan.I don't need to say the perfect words. I can make "wrong" decisions. I can be superficial at times. This is all ok. It's no wonder i couldn't align with certain things. It's so weird,and amazing to me that THIS is what it took to reach this moment. It seems so mundane and simple. But,then it usually is. I have been afraid to express myself yet expression is one of the biggest things for me that is essential to my nourishment. No wonder i've felt so unfragmented.
-twizzlers
-soda
-transmutation
-alchemy
-sleeping wonderfully lately
-ordering a halloween costume today,because i want to make sure i go out this year for it and something told me to get a costume early today
-seeing a cute costume for the cat possibly that made me smile
-the tv show i've been watching
-how amusing the cat is
-feeling more secure i've been feeling
-making appointment for spa
-reading facebook comments on someone's post about my primary industry and smiling remembering and feeling that drawn to going back to that
-sending an email i meant to get done
-water
-how amazing the little altar area looks with the stones,statues,and print
-the air filter in here
-comfort
-how amazing best friend is now
-having arrived and how good that feels. i feel such a sense of security now. no rushing,no apathy.
-hair clips
-my style
-being a woman
-how my energy has become softer
-being in the mood for a love life again and thinking about qualities i want for someone. it's nice to feel ready to move towards someone new
-getting a little cleaning done today
-hoodie sweaters
-beauty
-how amazing my facial features are,and their symetry
-body looking a little more toned and smooth possibly
-hot tea
-cafe latte and maple cookies and how good the go together
-social media
-fun
-the little things
-feeling both child-like and feminine
-how by surrendering,i feel more in control
-stretches
-my desires for adventures
-smiling
-a little bit of happiness in my heart
-feeling cleansed
-serendipity
-smiling at timing sometimes
-simplifying. keep it simple. enjoy the human experience.
-inspiraton
-how amazing my nails and hair have been in the last few days
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-alter area in living room
-steam time and sweating
-how smooth my skin has gotten
-that feeling that i'm about to come september step into something new
-being in tune with my body and not pressuring myself to do too much today
-the amazing print of transitioned loved one
-getting my eucalyptus oil in the mail today and how great it is
-hair clips
-how amazing my hair is
-my bone structure
-my teeth
-twizzlers
-watching old tv show episodes
-water
-vegan maple cookies
-my fave vegan coffee currently
-going for a short night walk and seeing the moon and how great the moon looked and how healing that was
-a nice meditation today
-best friend
-becoming more grounded in logic,which is in effect allowing me to see the unspoken in a more clear light instead of feeling deluded,out of sorts,and confused. feeling very pisces and virgo,and funny enough that's where the horoscope currently is. sun in virgo and full moon in pisces. makes sense.i feel logic and yet in tune with the unseen and it feels amazing to have that balance.
-how much better i've been sleeping. i've been sleeping like a rock lately.
-writing. i had started to feel panicy before bed,and picked up my notebook and just wrote what i envision myself to become,envisioning my desires and what i want and who i want to be and it lulled me to calmness and i then closed it and fell asleep
-soda
-finding out answers and making a decision
-embracing the bank i resisted and deciding maybe that bank isn't so bad,especially since it is starting to seem more and more not so bad,i even was able to quickly order checks for free after i thought they didn't have checks so it was odd but great. i had felt so much inner resistance to simple things since may and it made little things come up that were just stupid,and tonight,after i applied to two more new ones,i felt calmness,like of course i'll be approved. so,i think i will keep this one and get one new one so i have a bank that fits the need this one i have doesn't fit.i have been panicy about getting little things done which made them feel like mountains to climb so calming down has really clarified my perceptions and made me realize there IS no problem. I've really let go of alot this month. A lot of inner resistances have melted away. It's funny how much we fight,and fight,and fight things on the inside,and call it stress. Just let it go. It's so nice to finally be where i wanted to be for months now.It doesn't look how i thought it would look and the solution was so simple,it's stupid,but it doesn't matter. I'm there.
-while on my walk,i seen these townhomes,and inside the lighting was so nice,i thought,if i could just have that light,i'd be so much happier with my place. the places looked more high end because of the light and just so warm and inviting. so,now i will soon try and see what i can do about that. that to me was a piece of inspiration. i've been mentally jotting down notes of what i want in an apartment,in my ideal apartment what do I want and it's been helpful for me. being in a place i want to move so quickly away from,has motivated me to ask what do i want,really. Contrast,i guess.
-comfort
-clarity
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-relaxation
-eye massage
-steaming time and sweating
-my hair
-doing some writing
-water
-full moon
-hot tea
-makeup
-having great facial features
-skin being smoother
-nails being smoother
-delving into new
-paying attention to my dreams and that my dreams are now more positive;dreamt about A today along with someone he knows. It was a weird dream. Casual and displayed a sort of manifestation of desire i have. can't say it's a psychic dream or not,the only reason i even thought that E dream was,was because of the feeling i had and that it seemed to have similarities to recurring dreams i used to have with E that have come true.
-envisioning true surrender and what it would feel like if one was completely blissed out in relaxation,trust in life,and surrender to the moment how they would really feel
-the cat and how amusing he is
-that i've been sleeping like a rock lately.
-dry brushing
-appreciating and being more in my femininity,i just feel more in that energy and it feels nice.
-quiet
-secrets
-the shape of my body
-perspective
-a new month coming
-progress
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-inspiration
-a celebration today. celebrating the full moon,a new month coming,a new season is here,transforming and becoming new from the spring and summer,and in honor of secrets
-finding smores oreos today and how great they taste
-going to the beach today and how great it ended up being,the water was perfect
-wine
-finishing up my show i was watching
-feeling pretty light most of the day to the point that i was spontaneously giggling at the little things.
-before bed when i was already very tired deciding to do some affirmations and then having it turn into journal-esque slightly as it revealed things to me that were powerful and transformational,and gave me a reason to celebrate today
-makeup
-possibilities
-the quiet
-feeling more intense positive emotions again
-my stomach getting sculpted again
-ordering a humidifier today
-feeling good
-feeling excited for autumn
-being truly transformed and back to me again
-having let go,of the attachments and perfection and fears
-smiling at timing that makes it seem as if there is a "fate" at work
-strength
-an inner smile
-the power
-stretching the imagination
-getting that awful cheap painting that came with the place off the wall already. it made the place feel so much better once it was gone.
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-going for a nice long walk today. too difficult to count miles.it was 1,2,3 or 4 miles but it was about 55 minutes of walking and felt great.i prefer counting time vs miles anyways.
-steam rooms and sweating
-eye massage
-being just about finished with my book
-inspiration. so much of it.
-feeling calmer these days and more relaxed and my paranoid delusional fears starting to disappear
-sleeping nice and deep. had a dream ex A contacted me which makes three main guys on my mind this year all having appeared in my dreams this past two weeks or so since things have changed with me. if i dream of B now,itll all be complete,even though i don't want him and the others were ones i either had wanted or they had wanted me. quite frankly,after all this time,i find B cruel and misogynistic.
-ordering a red jasper stone last night.i'm in a phase of adding healing elements to my home to make it a sanctuary and healing stones is one part of that. i'm also in a very warm phase of things of adding warming elements to me and my life.
-resisting temptations of distractions that will lower my vibe
-smores oreos
-coffee
-new ideas i'm implementing of organizing online things,updating,transforming,and adding new
-feeling in a new season and chapter. spring and summer is left behind. changes are happening all around to everyone.i feel i completed what i needed to.i was so sad when winter ended because i knew it ended a phase,and it was a phase i enjoyed.i have no idea what'll come for fall but spring/and summer were not happy for me.
-my beauty increasing
-quiet
-outside nature sounds
-the sun
-the power
-secrets
-my industry i work in
-neon colors
-having a nice flat stomach
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-relaxing
-logic and practicality
-calming perceptions
-ginger ale
-reorganizing some online things which felt like a relief of energy
-booking more work
-hairclips
-sweating alot during steaming
-skin smoothing out and toning up and looking cleansed
-smores oreos
-socks and slippers to care for my toes which feel damaged
-stomach being nice and smooth
-getting some work done today
-finishing up my book
-my nails and hair being in amazing condition
-an amazing bonus meditation i did last night of positive visualization which actually put me in a good mood and made me laugh more since then
-great inspirational spiritual teachers
-utilizing and remembering the power of emotions,sex,and feeling attractive. i've been adding warm elements to my life because i realize my energy has been more cold the last few years and the importance of those things with manifesting.
-how cute this cat is.today, he meowed at me while asleep
-reassurances
-going outside to look at apartment to see things to feel safe since i had anxiety about someone could break in easy here this morning
-hot tea and how relaxing it is
-letting go of clutter
-letting go of old ways of doing things,and distractions to focus in on new reality creating
-secrets
-doing affirmations in my notebook during the morning when i had anxiety attack to get me tired enough back to sleep. it's actually very helpful this method i've been doing lately.
-the affirmation i say to myself when feeling anxious of "i deserve to be here."
-feeling generally much more safe lately
-transformation
-openness and going with the flow
-water and drinking a nice 1 liter of it upon waking
-body flaws being drastically reduced and body looking more toned and smaller today
-having made it one month now living here
-clarity and quiet after finally getting rid of distractions. i now feel calmness,increased intuition and insights coming to me,more empowered,and no longer in a rush.
-my vision
-feeling more of an inner optimism that doesnt need to be declared or exaggerated
-this forum and the 11 months i believe it's been that i used this as a gratitude list and place for reflection. alot has changed since i first started it. i was in a lovely home in a neighborhood i wanted out of and just becoming lulled by a mysterious bad boy who spiced up a very hard year for me. well,it's been real. i'm amazed i kept this up for that long.
-newness
-a new month being here now
-mercy
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-water and how amazing it is at detoxing
-that i can change my reality at any moment
-a strong heart
-my strength
-tibetan singing bowls
-things that make me feel even just a little bit better
-yoga
-becoming dedicated to healthy living
-being giving and caring
-washing the bottom of my hair last night and how good it felt and how good of a mood i was in from being at apartment and how right it felt to be there
-coming back to my core spiritual beliefs more and more and not questioning as much
-green smoothies
-alternative healing places
-getting a good sleep today
-remembering happiness
-how safe the new neighborhood seems with random people walking alone after 10 pm
-how well lit the new neighborhood is
-my vitamins
-knowing i will overcome this
-remembering "the hero's journey" the other day and that great lucid moment of clarity and feeling of aliveness I had
-clean clothes
-friend J contacting me out of the blue which felt so nice
-friend C contacting me to hang out for two different things this week.
-forgiveness
-my heart calming down more
-deciding to order my first Seth book
-surge of desires i have for this lifetime
-finding out i can get certified for yoga and someone will pay for it for me
-pushing myself a little more today and how it benefitted me to do so
-feeling more confident about some things
-discovering acupuncture and how amazing it was and actually provided a good deal of healing for me
-deciding to do some social media boost for project i started this late summer
-desire to start new projects and desire for a loving relationship i have lately
-my best friend
-some positive changes that came afoot since october
-feeling ready to delve into life again and charge forward and manifest amazing things and be better and stronger then ever
-inspiring articles online
-meeting some goals
-making some attempts to do things
-comfort things that make me happy
-seeing benefits of tithing which is cool. idk if it's because of the tithing or what,but it's interesting. i was given $50 randomly and given chocolates during that time of the month about a week ago are two examples.
-things calming down a lot with some things which had caused me the greatest distress of all. i feel all i'm dealing with now is mainly aftereffect of all that.
-other phobic fears going away showing me more and more that all is well and that it was all in the mind
-time passing. sometimes...time passing really is one of the most healing things of all.
-peace
-calmness
-tea
-others seeing too that it's all in my mind and seeing just by looking at me in the eyes,it's all in my mind
-being thin
-being pretty
-the cat,and how adorable he is and peaceful he seems being back now with brother. and,feeling at peace now with doing things for him and not feeling guilty anymore.
-being smart and others telling me i am smart.
-healing
-inspiration
-becoming more logical and rational
-high vibration things,like this website. it's interesting how some things just have a higher energy.
-my head feeling better today
-relaxing a little right now just by doing this list!
-my denim bag i've been carrying to take my stuff from place to place
-my faith strengthening
-my subconscious cleansing
-my ocd being gone now. thanks to acupuncture. one kind of major thing completely gone. with all going on,it seems small but in actuality is pretty huge.
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-water
-a great acupuncture session today making me feel very relaxed and healed
-getting my book in the mail today
-chest feeling a lot better today
-head feeling much better
-feeling stronger
-my phone
-a new picture to post on my social media which made me happy as it's been awhile
-peaceful environments
-acupuncturist today telling me he thinks the stuff recommended by the other people is good and one of the best formulas and he recommends it and explained more about the product to me while being empathetic to my concerns
-feeling comfortable and cozy
-yoga
-being a unique person
-getting a good sleep again and how nice it is to be able to sleep more again
-being able to go back to apartment tonight
-being smart
-my vitamins
-my vibration lifting more and more and seeing how malleable my reality is
-mellow vibes
-feeling slowed down and patient
-blankets
-tibetan singing bowls audios
-comfortable clothes
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-my heart feeling better today then it has in weeks. i felt normal. i woke up feeling rejuvenated and just felt like i was healed. it was like an inner knowing. it was so interesting and i am beyond grateful.
-a delicious plant based dinner. so nice to eat vegan!
-water and how amazing it is
-getting good sleep today
-reading a lot today
-vitamins
-appreciating the peaceful feeling/vibe of the very snowy weather that came about randomly! felt like i entered a new chapter of life with the snow coming randomly as i started feeling healed and also coming so early,as if it's christmas already and just seeming to make things feel safer
-going grocery shopping today and how nice that was
-getting funky colored flowers in my favorite color and a color resonating with my chakra i'm working with the most right now,the heart chakra,and how nice it felt to have another normal happy thing
-being able to stay in my apartment again tonight
-prayer
-somehow getting my way when i got upset about something and prayed..it was so strange but i said for the highest good of all,etc,etc so perhaps universe was on my side
-how pretty and peaceful my neighborhood looks
-being able to do my little house moving ritual i've been doing
-feeling good about my herbs
-my amazing best friend
-cuddles
-delicious food at the apartment last night. was so nice to order pizza and get it delivered and have a piece of vegan turkey with it.
-forgiveness
-acupuncture and how amazing it is
-realizing how much i've been living my life as if it's a horror movie in my mind and how I can easily change that story
-things that are high vibration
-a flirtasious fb message
-feeling very strongly how much i want a relationship
-getting more things in apartment put away
-my brother's cat and how cute the cat is and the cat sleeping with me
-things getting better,little by little
-acknowledging my feelings of why i really feeling distrusting of things which feels an important part of my healing and seeing my healing come about
-this website
-positive compromise
-letting go of the anger and rage
-being proactive in getting things back on track
-being able to provide healing to my brother the other day that it seemed he really needed by doing something nice which was for me,too but that's ok and explaining something he had conflict/anger/hurt feelings about from the past months.i could tell he really needed to hear that and was grateful for the nice thing i did.
-focusing on being more giving lately
-healing that came about when the cat stayed with me for months.
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-my green flowers
-getting to stay at apartment again tonight so starting this week my goal is to stay there 4 nights a week
-heat
-feeling calmer with some things
-the book i've been reading getting more interesting
-heart calming down
-after thinking about something with E last night wondering about something I kind of got my answer after seeing him post something on social media. Part of me was conceited and wondered if i played a part in this after all i was a main part of his birthday party for two years in a row first by being something that made it a good one for him and then by being something that made it bad and after our kiss in spring maybe and us not speaking maybe he didn't want to deal with the question of should he invite me or not this year,it's kind of weird because he also didnt go to a festival this summer which is where we met too although he was busy but even still it is kind of funny how that works but gives me peace. i'd rather him not go,or not have a party then to have a party and not invite me or to have a party and invite me but i cant go after us not speaking all this time. then again,this is all conceited too how could i play that big of a role in someone's decison about this. it is just kind of interesting is all. plus,he may still be having something before the thing i seen today happens,just having it early. all i know is i was depressed after seeing this and hurt but it motivated me to get my life back on track and get over what's been wrong with me because everyone is living their life and moving forward and creating adventures and here i am feeling like my life has been hell since spring. i know with all my heart,i will get a major payback from the universe of major blessings once all this phase of my life is done.i am setting strong intentions of my life blossoming. every weak part of my life will get strong,and many happy things will manifest.
-apple fritter donut. so good and seasonal
-how pretty the area i live in looks
-my apartment and how nice it is and how great the lighting is
-roommate cleaning up so much.i feel bad but it's their personality to do a lot
-getting a key to my apartment today
-that starting tomo,best friend no longer teaches at that one place on monday evenings which brings us closer to goals
-wearing my new shirt i got in september that i never got a chance to wear yet because of all the back and forth stress even though it's a dressier shirt i felt it's be good for morale to wear it today to boost my mood
-having thoughts that are more pronoiac
-beauty
-how pretty the winter weather looks,though it's so bizarre how cold and snowy it suddenly got
-getting good sleep today
-getting some work things done today which felt nice.
-editing best friend's cover letter to help them
-my creativity
-just having a new apartment,new zipcode,etc and how nice that is
-colors
-peaceful things
-my computer
-comfort
-gratitude
-inspiration
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-music. the great uplifter. really boosted my mood to listen to some favorite songs today.
-ordering another pizza to be delivered to apartment. im vegetarian at this point but once better i will go back to vegan.
-ear getting better
-positive distractions to get my mind off the issues and how helpful it is for healing since it literally takes my mind off it
-feeling much more calmer and able to handle some things better again
-being more proactive on social media again and how helpful it is for me
-getting good sleep and feeling better upon waking
-feeling more sexual/relationship desire then i have for awhile lately
-how cute the cat is
-cleaning up the room in apartment a bit which makes me feel more settled which is nice
-that at least on monday evenings,best friend is not going to those classes anymore
-watching a movie last night and how nice that was and a great distraction and also enjoying pizza delivered at where i was staying. so many pizzas lately but it's fine for now.
-my phone
-yoga
-how much being at the apartment is helping my healing. and just doing my normal things little by little,though there's a lot i'm still able to do yet
-observing the power of my focus on healing which is motivating. my heart has been much better but then my ear bothered me more but then i noticed it was because i started to feel more impatient about the ear since it's the ear keeping me from most of my normal things and then by that,i had my ear get what seemed a little worse but then today when i focused more on the idea of ear fullness i noticed my ear felt more full after that for awhile.i literally focused my ear to feel this way.
-doing positive visualizations today and how much that lifts my vibe
-accepting the idea that i may just be "haunted" in jest since i've been attracting so many weird,creepy things lately..but they all literally have to do WITH my phobias i've recently developed so i now take it in jest and don't take it seriously and just feel more affirmed in the positive truths. one great tool for me lately is to rewind and see how i attracted the creepy thing because then i prove to myself see,i'm fine it was just this/that thought and feeling which attracted it.
-being able to express myself
-playing with healing/reiki a little bit by trying something with the cat,and it seeming to work!
-buying domain for new business and how exciting that was..to feel a glimpse of things to come for me,and new direction
-getting some business emails today which was nice since it was bringing me down getting nothing for one business thing
-letting go a little of timelines of things getting done by so and so point since i'm not welland i always have enough time to "get it all done." i miss certain things but little by little,i will get on track
-being able to use my laptop since yesterday i forgot it so had to go without it for over a day
-weather getting a little warmer
-vitamins
-pronoia
-my inner optimism
-my beauty
-my faith becoming stronger from all this
-detaching from some things until i am in a stronger place for it
-best friend getting off work earlier today. it's a time that doesn't bother me so much
-all the ideas and desires i have
-being able to use my card for a purchase today which felt nice too
-comfort
-love
-
Re: GRATITUDE LIST
not the best day. made a goal of no anger or stress for at least 24 hours and had another incident cause me panic in the evening. but it's ok. i know things are getting better.
-free slices of pumpkin pie at the place where i got dinner for their "free treat wednesday" that they do.i love little things like that and it was nice seasonal touch
-my ear feeling as if completely healed all day today and most of the evening
-adding in a smidge of cardio to my day since i feel like i should push myself a little more
-crystal singing bowl audios by my favorite youtube user who has them. that user's sounds always seem to help bring me mysterious soul healing
-sweaters
-nice clothes that make me feel prettier
-my face moisturizer.
-snacks
-weather being a little warmer today and snow melted a lot
-knowing if it wasn't for all the stress,my chest and ear would probably be 100% better by now
-water
-my laptop
-all the posiitve comments on a recent social media post which was kind of uplifting
-being able to recognize where i need to cleanse my thoughts and subconscious still
-buying an acupuncture from deal site because of good vibe i got since other places aren't responding for some reason(perhaps because of the holidays or emailing wrong address)
-seeing more of how to use domain i bought last night
-being able to give the cat some attention today and spend time
-doing more positive visualizations and how much it boosted my mood
-beds
-feeling calmer with some things and feeling ready to take bigger leaps with others
-being invited out for thanksgiving and for black wednesday by different people. even though i cant go,it's nice to be invited
-my artistic side
-being able to start spending five nights in apartment per week starting tomorrow and feeling very ready and compelled to stop being where i'm currently at and spend zero time here
-reiki from best friend
-believing in amazing things
-hot tea
-dark chocolate
-believing in my recovery and how beautiful and blissful it will be
-how clear and alive the air felt today
-seeing things from new angles that take life less seriously
-the cool things i've done in my life
-based on books i've read recently,realizing my life themes may be about "overcoming"
-relaxing a bit
-surrender
-memories of times i've mastered spiritual concepts,manifested miracles and the loa to remind me of truth
-possible plans the weekend of nye that would be amazing
-the idea to prepave that just came to me as an excellent way to cleanse subconscious and create my reality
-that best friend has an audition next week at place where goals are for him
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-deciding to start having a mason jar of water a day to up the water i drink and detox since i found my mason jars the other day
-a great nap this evening after bad insomnia and not feeling well in the morning
-best friend getting his act together after another fight
-getting food bought for me
-snacks
-ear feeling better after nap
-crystal singing bowls from my favorite user who makes them on youtube.i feel like these heal my soul
-getting projects planned which is so good for my morale
-smiling and laughing at life
-letting out feeling to my mom about disappointment i had
--the awesome lime green table cloth that matches the color of my flowers
-getting bedroom cleaned a little more
-vitamins
-house ritual almost being done
-all the messages to people which felt good
-the amazing weather today and how great the air felt and how mood boosting it was. it made me feel so alive
-how peaceful the day felt and quiet
-a strong will to live
-seeing how my thoughts over the past months have created my fears which is so relieving
-feeling thoughts of excitement for future things and strong energy of desire which felt nice too because it showed me i'm feeling much more alive and happier
-emotional reaction to things that caused fear diminishing
-feeling more calmness with certain things
-upping cardio in between the day just a smidge here and there
-washing the half of my hair,the bottom half so at least some of my hair can feel clean
-finding out someone from one project i want to do can also do another task as well which is super helpful
-all my health food things and spices at home
-being able to spend four nights in a row at apartment starting tonight which i have a feeling is going to trigger something really good and healing in me
-being helped
-feeling more confident about my ear because of info online about it which i already knew but just hearing how common my problem is,etc,was very reassuring
-my phone
-my laptop
-acupressure
-how great my head has felt since last acupuncture
-trusting in myself and my body a little bit more
-feeling excited for the future
-confidence boosting with some things
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-in the darkness,you can see the stars. being able to have optimism through all that's happening. i really do see the value in contrast. my desires are stronger then ever as i feel such a strong will and inspiration to make things better and my faith becomes stronger. when i'm able to just chill and am not alone,i feel really confident and like it's all going to be ok. i just need to take this and apply it little by little when i am alone.
-snacks
-good sleep today
-my ear and chest feeling great today. feels normal
-this really great soothing music i like that seems to heal me on a soul level. it's amazing what a random user i found on soundcloud's music can do.
-realizing last night what an asking of mine has been for which triggered something healing in me.i've been looking for subjective reality worksbecause i've allowed myself to be conflicted. i want to surrender to the belief in subjective reality but havent. maybe because of fear. i've never managed to for more then a few days but when i do,life flows so well. miracles happen. but things also feel very dream like that it's almost eerie. just realizing my asking started to allow me just slightly to surrender to subjective reality and instantly boosted my mood and enabled me to feel empowered.i also realize via the loa i've believed there's not much info about subjective reality out there,and in turn for years have hardly found anything. more then anything it's always been the law of attraction and subjective reality at the core of my beliefs as these i've seen so much proof of. surrender seems to instant when surrendering to subjective reality whereas otherwise,it seems arduous for me.i don't what i'm scared of. guilt? all my dreams coming true? instant healing? because I KNOW(inner knowing) that in the subjective reality dreamscape it's not just me,there's something else,the universe is what i refer it to so i'm not REALLY alone so therefore the ones i love ARE real. it's complex but makes sense to me in ways i have trouble wording. these are the down the rabbit hole concepts i love that make sense to my soul. they just FEEL true to me based on odd experiences i've had.
-that i get to sleep at apartment tonight
-cotton balls.i put one in my ear last night and actually my ear feels better then ever now. idk if it's that,or the the subjective reality thing,but i'm grateful.
-changing bag up that ive been bringing with me
-sweaters
-my laptop
-my phone
-being calmer with some things
-a determination to be amazing
-ginger
-eucalyptus oil
-vitamins
-hot tea
-perspective
-appreciation for the moment
-this forum
-love for myself
-taking it easy and relaxing a little,moving slowly and being easy on myself
-cuddles
-believing more in high vibration things that make more sense and letting go of conflicts that are not as high vibe but more mainstream
-positive feelings
-a relatively calm day so far
-sweets
-
Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-pizza and wine. feels so good to do a normal thing. have wine. wanted to see how i'd handle having a glass of wine and i feel great,more relaxed and my heart is calm too.
-my ear feeling almost healed. the problem feels more surface now,and like it's more minor and more healed.
-chest feeling pretty great,too. had a feeling upon waking as if my chest is healed now and stronger
-vitamins
-normal things
-remembering that if i want do more normal things,i need to keep healing and take the leap and not be "crazy."
-observing my thoughts to see how the phobic things happen
-nice chat with my brother that made me feel better and had empathy and that he stayed home so i didn't have to be alone
-a good sleep once i finally fell asleep
-doing some exposure therapy of being alone in tiny increments and succeeding with it
-my determination to get things going again,even if things are a bit slow with things because of the holiday week
-going to apartment earlier tonight
-that tomorrow will be an easier day,too
-feeling like it's time to push myself and take a bigger leap and like i'm being guided to do so
-cotton balls
-my laptop
-adding more money to my bank account which made me feel more confident
-ideas and perspectives
-subjective reality. it's actually become my mantra and whenever i think the word things seem to flow my way. love it! subjective reality makes you manifest easier,be more loving towards,less conflicted,etc,etc
-incense almost being gone
-being able to leave the picture here since settled enough which is nice since it's once less thing to worry about when traveling back and forth
-eucalyptus oil
-finding a sale on something i want
-a nice chat with friends mom that somehow boosted my mood
-being given chocolates and offered to have a sweater bought for me
-getting bedroom finished last night. was very proud of myself with how long i take to get things done,i thought it'd be another week or two!
-the cat alwlays boosting my mood by greeting me at the door and sleeping with me
-things i have to offer others,even if it's just advice,knowledge,etc
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-the calm after the storm
-still having a place to live
-perspective on balance,where things come from,and some self forgiveness and conviction while still having empathy and knowing the extreme wrongs
-sleep
-getting emails going for new business project
-buying new sportsbra today
-doing a slightly bigger exposure therapy today and handling it
-using the words subjective reality as a mantra to instantly shift things
-having a lot i want to do and things i want to return to
-cotton balls
-face cleanser for making my face feel so clean
-vitamins
-that tomorrow is monday and hopefully i'll get a flood of emails since things have been especially non-responsive last week because of holiday
-learning important lesson and quickly changing things
-my eyesight
-my hearing
-my body
-my phone
-my heart and ear still doing a good amount better despite major stress
-a stronger trust in self
-understanding more of why things happen and connecting the dots so to see things in a more logical way
-clothes
-sharing food with best friend
-best friend calming down and seeming to feel better
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-comfort foods
-high vibe peaceful music i love that seriously seems to have a soul healing effect
-water
-magnesium vitamin. so soothing
-how much ear has become healed. it's given me so much confidence and i just know now it's healed even if technically it's about a little more then 90%healed
-cotton balls
-the cat. he makes me feel so good and comforted. he sat with me a lot today.
-bouncing back after external stressor that couldn't manage to just leave me alone. i was going to try a much bigger dose of exposure therapy but had some troublesome things happen in the morning so felt too nervous to do it and after the external stressor making things worse have decided maybe i need to join a support group. had a rough morning,no sleep but somehow later, was able to recuperate with chest calming down and feeling like i had spring in my step and able to nap for a few hours at parent's place. grateful for the sleep and bouncing back as i did.
-my strength
-forgiveness for myself
-my knowing i have to let go of my anger and hurt by people's behaviors because it is so painful but is making me much worse. instead,i need to channel the lack of empathy i feel from others into a higher trust and faith in the universe and feeling love from the universe. i did this before years ago and it created a powerful surrender and i felt so trusting of life,that'd i'd also be guided and protected. i learned then to not rely on other's to make me feel loved no matter how hurtful it is,because all you really need is to love yourself and trust that life loves you so much.
-the tea i got today
-r seeming nice to me when i texted her during panic. somehow she seems to want to be there for me and be my friend but it scares me
-a possibility for hairstylist since i can't seem to find one still and best friend told me R could do it and does hair for a side job. Considering it,but it scares me,too
-my phone
-being able to use the bathroom seeming to make heart palpitations go away.very much an overshare what works,work and it's one of the few things that makes them go away once they start.
-an inner knowing that if external stressors just stopped as in give me a full week without them,i KNOW,i'd be 100% physically healed. they started to go away completely but then stressors never stopped and my stress and anger has scared me so much,i have no choice but to let go and channel the anger and stress into some more positive. from here on out,no matter what,i am going to smile and laugh and no matter what comes up
-getting logos today from business partner and adding them to first social media page started and how great that felt. boosted my morning.
-getting a lot of emails today for other business thing which made me happy as it seemed that might have to just end as it is without doing more projects but now we can keep going at least a little longer which made me happy since another project i'm doing is going to be for that so it makes things flow better
-my bedroom
-my pink sportsbra. love the bright pop of color. feeling calmer in situations i had more trouble with. it's so nice to walk to apartment from car at night and not panic.
-a possibility planted in my head suggested by someone that sounds crazy but makes sense and gives me a more easier way to deal with all this. this person suggested if there's a negative spirit i guess like following me or haunting me...because after some of the things that have happened including one of the things in the early morning before the panic,it just was very weird and i can't believe any higher power or anything would keep telling me negative things and putting negative things in my mind for any reason. I believe in a loving universe,a loving God and that reality is subjective and you can shift it at any moment. There is no predestiny. I really don't like believing in the idea of negative spirits,however,i will do more clearing work. i mean,it is just crazy how negative my life has gotten and boggles my mind how low things have gotten and for how long. it IS weird.
-even though didn't meet my bigger goal with exposure therapy,getting to do another session tonight building up from last night so it's nice knowing I can handle spending a tiny amount of time alone at least
-ideas
-being just a little more patient with myself and the things i want done.
-now being up to spending 6 nights in apartment per week even though i know we can just go ahead and do 7 even though it'll make things more inconvenient until i'm more better. the more time i spend here,the better i feel.
-knowing where i can go tomorrow is set in a way that i can feel calm about
-cuddles
-the ability to hear
-the ability to see
-things i'm looking forward to
-remembering happy things.
-pictures
-faith that things ARE going to get better,that all is well,and that recovery will be bliss and i will be rewarded for my pain
-my personality,my things i love and that bring me joy
-perspective
-the ability to feel
-being smart
-blankets
-getting work done today
-changing perspectives and being a little fake because it keeps me from going out of my mind and keeps me calmer
-using the words subjective reality as a mantra. it's still working. i used it today when i got nervous and quickly the nervousness went away and clarity came.
-donating more money to one of my favorite charities last night
-warm,soothing showers for calming me down
-sweaters
-mason jars
-seeing something upsetting and turning it into a positive by switching my vibe and then seeing the story actually had happy ending thwarting my fear. may have been after i used my subjective reality mantra,too but more and more i see and believe in a subjective reality and how much more sense it makes and this makes me feel safer,like i can just float on and let go and all is well.
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-water
-mason jars
-getting a good deep sleep today. was very needed. upon waking,i felt rejuvenated. my chest felt calm all day no issues and ear still feels just about healed
-blankets
-comfort
-pastries
-killing them with kindness
-soda
-chairs
-seasonal things and embracing winter a bit
-washing all my hair today. felt amazing. i went slowly and carefully and no issues which i knew i wouldn't. was so nice to do a normal thing.i had been upset wanting to go tanning,etc but maybe it's better starting slower being able to even just wash my hair!
-getting more likes and comments on my social media lately. really boosts my mood
-having a caring heart
-today being an easier day with figuring out where to go
-doing a 20 minute exposure therapy tonight and handling it.
-asking myself if being sick like i've been has been some part of me wanting my hurt feelings to be acknowledged and to let that go if so,that i can just detach even if i don't get the apologies or care i've been seeking
-knowing that me and best friend are going through tough times and to just ride it out and by acknowledging that we are going through tough times,it automatically makes it feel more bearable instead of wondering why things are so crazy,just knowing to tough it out
-seeing others who live such busy lives and knowing that it can be handled and to just try and be calm and stay present and keep praying and setting intentions
-trying to trust a little more and be a little more calm while affirming to myself it's safe to let go
-my laptop
-the internet
-people seeming to be a little more supportive and there for me lately now.
-deciding we will sleep in apartment every night this week
-starting to feel more and more calm and pushing myself to do more little things that a month ago or so i'd have paniced more about
-going about 24 hours or more without major stress or panic or anxiety. let's see if i can do 2 now!
-work things seeming to be picking up quite a bit lately
-life seeming to be telling me that it's time to get better
-massage
-life seeming to be giving me what i want now
-the cat and how cute he is. he decided to sit on my lap and hang out with me today
-my bedroom
-sweaters
-deciding i will do some dishes tonight
-fun things to do that remind me of fun i can have once things are more normal and settled and not so crazy
-that best friend has audition tomorrow. though i am nervous too.
-being able to at least be in touch with my feelings more with means i'm overcoming craziness more and ready to deal with reality and moving forward
-being able to think past more then just the day and think of the next week,etc which is also progress
-knowing i just have to be patient
-knowing it's time to be stronger
-feeling overall more relaxed today
-being able to appreciate the small things
-my beauty
-what i do for a living
-practicing slowing my mind down at random moments throughout the day
-hope
-perspective
-mercy
-vitamins
-yoga
-jumping jacks
-getting a job application done for a friend and emailing him some places too
-processing my guilts
-forgiveness
-learning from mistakes
-affirmations
-honesty with myself
-
Re: GRATITUDE LIST
rough night last night and morning. ugh.
-being able to wash my hair
-my laptop
-my phone
-naps
-getting something out of my breakdown that is useful that i need to make certain changes and deciding to do a certain action i never thought too much about before and hesitated about but maybe it's something i'm meant to do that will really help me. also,touching words from best friends that spoke right to my soul. after all the fights,and darkness,to hear that randomly was needed. i was able to then calm down.
-relaxing and letting go more about response times of hearing back in a certain time
-now sleeping at apartment every night as it should be
-water
-snacks
-mason jars
-that best friend canceled and rescheduled something i wanted
-seeing my manifesting abilities increase by using the mantra/feeling of "subjective reality." reminding myself of those words takes away all conflict to believing in loa things so things flow easier
-vitamins
-blankets
-sweaters
-my book i've been reading
-doing some writing in my notebook in the evening
-doing a few dishes last night
-knowing how important it is for me to be comfortable staying at apartment at times alone to be able to really move forward
-observing how things have gotten to where i'm at now via the loa and thoughts which is calming and helpful and educational
-getting a hairstylist response tonight
-all the social media likes,follows,and comments lately
-how calming suburbs are and peacefulness of staying there
-getting a little more work things coming in and getting done. it's nice to get a little productive again
-reminding myself more and more and reading about it how there is no predestiny which resonates with me so much
-today feeling kind of easier after the morning and calmer. There was no fights either and the day just flowed sort of lazily and quietly.
-hot tea
-forgiveness
-knowing i just have to become stronger,and better and that i've done it before and can do it again. reminding myself of past accomplishments of things i thought may never happen and reminding myself of times i've felt so fearless and things i've done i thought i would never do
-quiet
-peace
-progress
-my intelligence and wisdom
-things i find fun
-the cat and how adorable he is sleeping with me again he reminds me of my transitioned cat,i must admit.
-understanding my feelings and how to heal the scared parts
-pictures
-
Re: GRATITUDE LIST
really,really rough night and day..
-being home
-after worst fight every and being way mistreated by several people and public scenes,deciding it's time to stay alone in my apartment in the daytime at least. the power also went out again,the third time since staying at d's relatives which to me feels like a sign saying I'm not supposed to be here. "New Plan." It's just so weird. It first happened the day I realized I needed to get my ear checked out. Then a few weeks later when I realized I need to stop staying at his parent's and my ear was almost healed,then today again after being forced to go there last night and having an awful morning..this was the quickest it came back on though..i just stayed calm and was like,yes this means i need to start staying at my apartment and not coming here even in the daytime. I need to cut coming here out of my schedule completely. getting clarity after mistreatment and realizing the key to freedom is this and that this will make everything so much better,otherwise my life will keep getting worse and even 11 year olds stay home alone in daytime. even my dad said it's so easy.i just started loving myself more and realizing the loving myself me would be brave and trust life has her back and she can handle anything. because life has been going down a pretty ugly road so i have no choice but to let these fears go so i can change the road. The key to overcoming the core of my panic attacks starts with this and even my parents said i need to just get though this. today was hard,stressful,frightening,i have no choice. and,i know only beautiful things will come from this.
-water.
-deciding to take a practical lesson from the power outages that happened and realize for my own apartment,i should get a flashlight and maybe make an emergency kit.
-all the frightening things today forcing me to calm about certain other things..there was no room left for other fears
-things seeming to open up in other areas as if the universe saying i know you are going through hardships and have been a victim here but there's things for you
-getting a response about job i had to cancel because of ear and she still was very understanding and wants me for it,and is willing to wait. boosted my morale more.
-finally having a hairstylist
-text from L simply because i've been lonely so am glad to hear from someone
-my heart somehow not being too bad today despite it all
-doing powerful tantra style meditation. i'm not sure if it is tantra but it's just very powerful,utilizing will,strong knowing,and the heart chakra where i deep breathe while meditating on intentions and reality changing. it always is very powerful.
-falling asleep and getting some kind of nap
-self forgiveness
-an inner knowing about R which is calming
-writing out my own conditions i want from friend
-my pretty leopard print flowy top which makes me feel more attractive
-something to lay my back on
-observation and reflection realizing for example today when dad brought up his christmas party for work tomorrow that damn i remember him telling me about that what felt like two months ago..and now already it's here and i'm still doing the back and forth game of going there and staying at friend's parent's too that makes no sense. it actually hasn't been two full months but still it showed me i have been doing this for too long and it's time to let go now. when we moved out in october,we weren't meant to do any of this but move and because of my panics things became so chaotic. it's just so weird how worse i got while staying at his parent's. life moves so damn fast,it's so important to let things go,live and move forward. i had held onto my fears for fear of letting go but now finally feel that letting go is the key to the best possible destiny and all will be well.i just feel different now. like,i changed my reality. it's exciting. a fear i had before feels obliterated.other fears the fear is less too. i have a stronger knowing of safety. life is just really weird. there is so much. there really is. life is a lot to take in.
-this particular tibetan singing bowl session that is really good
-this is stupid but seeing how dumb tarot it. i used it during anxieties still and seen it completely not true at all several times even when focused which showed me again using those only make a person more fearful
-feeling safer,healthier,more sure all is well in the future today..maybe in my tears i prayed or realizations in themself today cleared something in my psyche. my heart feels so normal right and that makes me so happy as considering the day,it'd be expected not to be.
-how much my life is changing right now for the better
-warm showers for being soothing
-my power
-all the work bookings i have coming up
-how much more free time i am about to have and best friend.
-being smart
-that the manipulator didn't get what he wanted
-prayer
-that i am going to win
-my bed
-the cat and how happy he makes me
-my beautiful transitioned loved one,i still think about her all the time
-the ability i have to change my life
-
Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-daylight coming
-feeling angry which i think is a sign i'm getting better since it's uncovering the next layer of feelings and i'm comfortable enough noticing that instead of my fear
-proving i can stay alone in apartment in daytime today. so far,it's not been too bad. i am handling it.
-black cover on door window
-reiki
-best friend keeping touch with me a lot
-messages and emails from others to distract me
-water
-lipbalm
-phone
-best friend getting me a flashlight yesterday
-my mom being there for me yesterday and talking to best friend with me and staying with me and being support
-sweaters
-my mom
-best friend's mom checking on me and offering to take me shopping
-sleeping finally,the whole night. it felt so good. woke up early still and was hoping to sleep longer,but i slept a normal person's schedule tonight which felt freaking amazing
-seeing my mom's cat which was nice
-things getting fixed somewhat after what that awful girl R did.
-things to look forward to
-being safe
-apartment and neighborhood being safe
-reiki
-hearing people upstairs
-learning to be a little more compassionate
-gaining more power
-knowing what things i'll be getting back now just from accomplishing this goal today
-understanding from others
-this website
-that time of the month being here since it always seems to somehow feel like it internally relaxes me
-midol
-being blessed with certain things that a lot don't have and is considered spoiled to have. i'm well aware i should be grateful for it,and that's why i've hid it or downplayed it over the years.
-this little christmas tree decoration candle on the table. i don't really like christmas usually at least but since making my own rules about what holidays mean to me,and doing what i want or don't want,i can get into seasonal things a little bit more
-the internet
-that i don't have a dog. dealing with my mom's dog last night made me more affirmed dogs are not for me
-seeing my mom's place she lived for first time
-processing my feelings. lately i feel like a hypocrite,,angry at some people,embarrassed,all kinds of mixed things ever since the panics had started and now starting to let them go. it's been a lot of tough lessons.i used to encourage some people to be independent and and just be positive and i do agree,but lately,i'm like wow,things can be hard,sometimes.
-my pillow
-blankets
-my bed
-feeling more sense of normalcy
-love
-feeling a sense of people caring again
-
Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-being able to stay in my apartment alone in daytimes now
-water
-vitamins
-making a nice breakfast of coffee and orange cake this morning and listening to some music,all the food/drink being vegan and just having that nice little moment
-living in a big city
-how city-like this apartment feels
-being able to go tanning yesterday for the first time in almost two months and how much healthier it made me look
-wearing a smidge of makeup for the first time in awhile
-napping at the apartment yesterday
-getting acquainted with the apartment
-stylish tops
-feelings more supported lately
-peace
-techno music
-hot tea
-that really nice happy moment yesterday of feeling like my destiny has only changed in good ways while drinking hot tea and listening to techno music and it soothed me and kept my mind more focused
-my style
-the internet
-my laptop
-the internet working
-my mom checking on me yesterday
-my book being almost finished
-feminine hygiene products
-being a caring person
-project being 100% confirmed last night finally
-best friend feeling relieved now that i'm moving forward
-best friend talking to his friend at his bank and saying that he is going to get me a bank account at his bank and start sending me money on it so i can build my own money and it can be done instantly
-best friend's mom possibly taking me out of town with her before month is over. not sure if i'll take it or it'll go through or not,but it'd be nice to get away and have a free trip so maybe
-feeling like best friend's mom is on my side
-comfort
-giving myself a nice scalp massage last night
-beds
-fashion
-all i have going for me and knowing i'm better in every way in looks,intelligence,class,accomplishments,etc
-my power building up. have had feelings uncovered as fear has started to dissolve. next stage of where i'm at!
-interesting parts of my book that helped me understand something about my current situation
-starting to feel like a princess lately a little bit
-learning lessons from all these trials i will now implement
-
Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-getting sage today and burning it. is nice to do another normal,getting settled thing and get rid of bad vibes caused from dramas,too!
-laughing about how girl at store asked friend if he was sent here which he was by me and how funny that seemed like out of a movie like she was being psychic. lol. that store always does little things like that. the local voodoo hoodoo store. love it! makes me laugh.
-tibetan singing bowl audios
-music
-going two days alone in apartment in daytime and feeling pretty confident about it by now. still,things will be much better once i can do early evenings since it takes a bit of driving time bringing me to father's before evening everyday but at least i'm no longer going to friends parents house which made me sicker and worse
-eye massage
-wearing a smidge of makeup today
-how much easier and quicker things are to get done now that i'm staying at apartment. it's nice catching up on things,and noticing how behind things are
-inspiration
-feeling confident and empowered
-accomplishing my goals
-feeling strong
-reiki friend sends me
-my mom helping me out even though she did something yesterday i didn't like but have to let that go.
-my phone
-the internet
-my laptop
-amazing photography
-things going for me and to work towards,my accomplishments
-my bed
-even though best friend treated still is acting psycho both before getting back and then even worse this evening,that he was a little nicer in the daytime and more reassurances
-feeling more and more empowered all will be ok
-nap at father's house
-the cat
-going back to my blog for the month
-pushing myself more
-yoga pants
-yoga
-jumping jacks
-prayer
-remembering my power
-people texting me
-possibly being able to go out of town for free this month if i want to
-weather being a little nicer today
-getting a little bit of my life back finally
-that best friend starts a little later tomorrow so tomorrow will be a little easier
-my beauty
-being smart
-having style
-having class
-that i always win
-loving myself a little bit more
-having a lot of skinny days lately
-my stomach being nice and flat
-having a great body
-being almost done with my book
-
Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-laptop
-internet
-a nice big mason jar of water to drink
-trying to be strong
-my determination to have a good day
-my phone
-my phone charger
-lip balm
-sleeping at apartment all day yesterday in morning/early afternoon which was a first and showed i was comfortable
-getting acquainted with normal sounds and neighbors sounds being here
-being smart
-that i choose my reality and at any moment can change anything
-that best friend came back for me today
-music
-black window cover
-beauty
-attractive guys
-inspiration
-motivation
-seeing signs from best friend of him calming down and that he's seeing something off and slight insight into why he is how he is and seeing little things showing he is still caring and trying
-stomach being nice and flat
-my desires
-sweaters
-getting some good brainstorming done for new business venture after a meditation yesterday
-vitamins
-heart being much better then it was a few weeks ago
-patience
-calmness
-my rain boots
-pictures and photography
-warmer weather yesterday
-this website
-donuts and soda snack yesterday
-reassurances
-miracles of my past that show me what's possible
-blankets
-having things to look forward to
-some sense of normalcy this week
-no longer having to go back to best friend's parents during daytime. thank god.
-yoga pants
-empathy even when other's dont have it
-being clean and feeling clean. love the feeling of fresh washed face
-finding the positive in things
-gratitude
-becoming much more logical over the last few days and "sane"
-
Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-love
-romance
-finding the beauty of life's dramas
-hope
-meeting my goal and how bearable it has been
-reiki
-doing work thing i wanted to do today
-brimming with ideas for bettering myself and desires
-music
-surge of feeling i got at a certain moment of the evening A. Not sure if it was telepathic but it was a knowing type strong emotion
-laptop
-internet
-best friend only making me wait half as long tonight
-telling him nightmare today and confiding early morning my fears and him seeming to be calmer and more normal today
-ideas we are working on to better me
-my new favorite dressy top i've been wearing lately
-my phone
-my phone charger
-my notebook
-pens
-being smart
-my confidence increasing
-vitamins
-emotions
-art
-the fashion industry
-new goals to overcome once i'm settled
-sleep
-sleeping again almost the whole daytime
-that best friend doesn't start until a little later tomorrow. those days are easier
-prayer
-being finished with my book and deciding my next book already i want to buy
-being closer to achieving some goals now from before from all this
-my beauty
-getting some sense of normalcy this week
-having laundry in the building finally. something i've wanted for some time.
-all i have going for me
-feeling healthy
-being able to love
-being able to see the positive in things
-knowing i've grown a lot as a person over the years
-knowing i create my reality
-subjective reality
-calming a bit and having a bit of a raised vibration and feeling a stronger sense of power with my intentions from it
-positivity
-strength
-being cautious about certain things and dedicating to ensuring reality flows for the best for me
-reflection
-my desire to shine and be a star
-my desire to pave away quickly into making a lot of things happen at a speed unlike any i've ever moved at before
-
Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-realizing that once everybody has seen how bad and scared i have really been,how much support I have recieved. That's what I wanted in the first place and it shows me people can show support despite being very involved and busy with their own lives. besides best friend and his neverending support,he has reassured me his family will always help me and they've offered me things. The girl R has offered to be my friend. My mom has offered to check on me more and has even said if i had to i'd stay with her. My dad offered me a job at his job if i needed it. My brother's offered me weed. Guy R has offered me money and to talk with me. L offered to take me for soup(knowing i've been sick) and hang out with me.People on social media on a few posts that were vague offered lots of support which surprised. it showed me God wants you to be strong and handle things on your own but at the right times,you will see people are there for you in their own small way. It has shown me no matter what I can handle things and will be ok. I''m also grateful realizing i'm physically stronger then I think. I don't like how I found that out,but still.I need to know I think that I can be resourceful,and strong in body,mind and spirit. I need to trust life. And,all that takes away the fear of your fear which is important since fears can be risky because of the loa. On top of all that,all the positive steps in gear to ensure a more secure future. it doesn't feel like 100% enough,but then nothing ever is and true security is as i always believed,a state of mind.
-being able to reflect so i can change my reality
-seeing more and more that the world is a mirror
-feeling more confident about taking on certain ventures and paths
-that i can get my eyebrows threaded this weekend finally for the first time in about two months and get groceries
-knowing where i need to be is my apartment and able to work towards my dreams
-yoga pants
-best friend promising to bury the hatchet tonight after talk we had
-realizing i still have a very weak vibration about my phobia and i need to change it asap and really cleanse it
-comfortable clothes
-pretty clothes
-reassurances
-seeing the good in the bad
-emails
-the internet
-laptop
-getting things done
-water
-mason jars
-crying it out and letting it out,knowing my weaknesses and feeling like things have been balanced now with all the wounds i caused best friend
-switching to light colored sodas only since dark ones are the worst for you
-my fashion show duffel bag i love
-my beauty
-proving i can stay alone in apartment at daytime and how easy it's become.i even sleep pretty easily once the sun comes up. not perfect but it's major progress.
-that the month is almost half over. sounds negative but i know time will be healing as i see more time passes and that all is well. and,it will be daylight out longer too after a certain point which will be helpful for me.
-rationalization for my fears
-feeling love for others right now. idk why i just feel so much love. it's weird and makes no sense.
-realizing i've been nostalgic for everything lately not just D and that proves also that this is just panic attack stuff about becoming older and also the stupid,stupidest thing i've ever done of setting the intention of unconscious becoming conscious which i need to really remind myself of everytime i wonder why my left went to hell this year.i didn't even know what shadow work was at the time but that's what i asked for not meaning to and i don't believe in it now.i think it's harmful.i think personal growth should have challenges sure,but not like this. it should feel more inspiring,thrilling and not quite as hard. also,realizing doing joseph dispenza processes too may have brought some of this on,too. thank god i have a good memory so i can trace back how everything could have been created which calms my worries.I wanted so bad to 'lose my mind and create a new one." I was desperate for change. I was hurt by a stupid guy. I was intrigued by the fact that I didn't even know I liked him so what else could happen if i asked for unconscious to become conscious. Maybe it could create positive changes. But,only hell had come from this. I closed that intention about a month or two ago after realizing it as a potential cause for all this and feel all that's left still happening is residue from that intention. when you top all that off with the fact that i had just recently healed from grief,oh my! a recipe for disaster.i have no doubt in my heart that's what's caused all this and all i can do now is look for the good in it while dealing with the residue aftereffects of all this.
-massage
-that i've been catching up on sleep. have still been very tired. it's been a rough time. like i've been in battle. constantly on edge and suffering physical effects but little by little,it's going away. i'm catching up on sleep more. i'm doing my beauty things little by little which makes me feel good. my ear feels just about healed. i'd say 99% there. chest is a lot better,too. but,still residue effects so i'm still being stressed.
-deciding i may just have to give up making massage appt and it's not a big deal.
-inspired action to contact people to get things going again for work
-feeling like i'm finally going to move forward now
-feeling more stable. it's so nice being able to do the little things without the fright i had a few weeks ago
-blankets
-ordering my next book tonight and it was only 1 cent somehow plus shipping
-calming music that makes me feel
-doing some writing today
-feeling like i've become more loving from all this
-all my ideas on how i will move forward
-knowing i'm a very loving person
-feeling like i'm having a healing of some sort of the heart chakra from all this and maybe it's because this chapter really is closing and i'm moving into new things. God,i hope so.
-looking forward to the new year!
-acceptance
-this little thing that happens sometimes when i'm not seeing clearly from fear thought that tells me it's not true..things seem "blurrier" like literally..
-this website
-subjective reality
-laundry machine and dryer in the building. we've been doing laundry a lot ever since and it's so nice.
-best friend's reiki
-vitamins
-affirming to myself a few times recently that it's safe to let go.and that only good things happen when i let go
-water,the moon,and nightskies
-feminine energy
-masculine energy
-cats
-my creativity
-things that are cooling
-that i'm really healing and things are going to be ok. the inner knowing coming to me.
-metaphorically feeling like i'm coming out of the ocean i was drowning in and hands waiting for me to enter the next phase of life now.
-embracing the seasons
-stretches
-yoga
-jumping jacks
-forgiveness
-newfound appreciation for best friend
-feeling a weird sense of oneness suddenly too
-
Re: GRATITUDE LIST
sick from drama and feel like my solar plexus and heart chakra have been knocked out from the trauma of the stress. this has been the longest phase.
-buying a new box of tea to try which grabbed my attention. green tea and lemongrass. was drawn to it because it seemed good for heart chakra
-being home finally after two mistreatments that were really bad and humiliating
-mom and brother being there for me after all that happened and helping me to not feel alone and like this would work out
-my strength and conviction
-my determination
-L to talk to even though i am not sure i like him
-joining loa forum for advice
-beautiful weather today
-calmness after all the madness
-at least getting apologies finally for both things
-getting to go grocery shopping today
-perspective that he is not calmed down still and spite is why he is acting this way
-warm shower
-sleep
-faith
-knowing the contrast is booming strong desires
-being told how skinny i am today repeatedly. it's actually from the stress but it made me feel good since i like that look
-patience
-wisdom
-being love no matter what
-the guided meditations i did last night
-using all this to propel me and studying hard that the world really is a mirror
-being smart
-my selfless side
-
-
Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-smores poptarts
-finally getting my eyebrows thread for first time since october and that it all worked out with being able to go even and that place i ended up going to since first place i tried to go to was only$6. i'm still in amazement at that price. so nice.
-today feeling somewhat normal-ish
-that R is out of the picture
-that managing to stay in apartment in daytime is now easy
-the feeling i got a bit ago that the incident in spring that i am just about to let go of now.it feels almost time. it's odd.all this time i hung onto it thinking it wasnt a big deal when it was then thinking this is a huge deal and will i ever be ok again,and now it just seems i'm almost ready to let it go.
-my mom helping me out today
-getting to see moms cat twice recently now
-catching up a little bit of sleep today.
-hearing C doesn't work somewhere anymore which means a possible manifestation i had worked on for sometime
-that my book shipped today
-getting some dishes done today
-L to text
-seeing my transitioned loved one's pic on my moms phone
-wearing some makeup today and eyeliner which i havent worn in months and how good that felt
-being classy
-sweaters
-figuring out and trying my key for the first time today
-being kind
-sodas since i'm still drinking those instead of coffee for now
-the loa website giving me some ideas
-remembering what a high vibe feels like
-visualization meditations online i love
-feeling just a little bit more caught up on life
-feeling moments of life feeling good again
-the positive inner knowings i had recently
-water
-vitamins
-warm showers
-my bed
-getting through another day
-best friend being slightly more reliable.
-my understanding and perspective of things that allows me to be wise and patient
-being able to trace how bad things that make me nervous pop up so i can soothe myself
-being safe
-that all i care about is safe and will love long lives
-feeling more and more convinced of subjective reality whenever i think about the law of attraction
-ideas
-starting to feel just a little bit more safer again
-getting business work things done tonight
-job to look forward to in beginning of next month
-inner determination and optimism
-my interests and happy things
-feeling positive minded for some reason like everything is going to be ok and life's going to get better,even though external circumstances arent there yet
-the bank account im about to get
-
Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-that best friend came out just when he did at gas station.
-that i live in an inherently friendly universe that protects really bad things from happening
-that i'm safe
-the rush of emotions i felt and how much i love best friend when he finally texted back
-L to talk to
-having a sweet heart even when it seems everyone hates me and is mean to me,the fact that i know
-that today's experience i know is a signal to turn things around and to instantly tweak my vibration and has caused me to stop and reflect on things and realize life cant be lived like this,it is time to change right now and to appreciate the little things and stop the crazy drama
-that God always protects me and mine
-the quiet calm from higher self that always comes on times where something scary happens that instantly changes reality and keeps me safe
-cats
-my mom
-sleeping really good today
-some kind of apology and being told by best friend he will think about things and all that's happened
-best friends protection
-accepting and understanding imperfection
-getting a smidge of work done and getting some interest generated in new business
-self forgiveness
-being home now
-after meditating last night,the clarity and healing feeling of some negative energy blockages being cleared. it felt bittersweet as it made me realize mixed feelings about moving forward and all the time wasted from drama and fear vibration but it was healing,too and i felt a sense of aliveness from it
-the power of quiet
-meditation
-getting some journaling done last night
-how after good sleep my ear feels practically healed and just knowing that if i could keep catching up on sleep and have stress go away for even a week,it'd be 100% healed.
-remembering and seeing I have not been myself for months now. I have completely unraveled as if someone put a curse on me. I cant remember last time i felt so powerless. And,now i'm undoing that little by little,remembering who I am and my strengths and pulling myself together.i wouldn't even recognize myself if i looked at myself lately and the old me was watching.i need to empower myself and raise my vibe so i can have more power and be respected again and get the treatment i've been waiting for.
-higher self telling me that if just raise my vibe i'd manifest a lot of the changes i been wanting quick.
-
-
Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-testing listening to headphones so i can listen to solfeggios again since they raise my vibe quicker then anything else i know.i managed to listen to one full 6 minute heart chakra audio then decided to stop and all going well
-water
-vitamins
-my determination
-knowing i'm going to win
-how good it will feel when everyone sees how amazing i am and how strong i am and when i get the treatment i deserve again
-my beauty
-makeup
-my yoga mat
-my feeling of wanting my third career i transition into to perhaps be something movement related such as fitness
-my mom being there for me and helping me out through this frustrating time
-music and how strong it can make you feel and take you away
-jumping jacks
-stretches
-getting a bunch of work done for new business today
-having money left for me so it was easier to do what i had to do today
-being able to teach my mom some yoga
-laughing at life and the humor of my mom
-what i can offer
-pepsi my new drink i've been going to instead of coffee
-staying in apartment alone for 20-30 minutes before my mom even arrived as she was late and handling it well
-my conviction
-getting little pieces from best friend of what's really going on and what he is doing and seeing he really is scared of losing his relationship
-being safe
-getting away from going to dad's place since it seems time to stop now and is making things worse
-really getting to know a neighborhood well for the first time. this is the first neighborhood in my life that i've lived in for a bit and and actually have gotten to know a little bit. it is kind of cool.
-that by staying home,at least i have a better chance of my physical health coming back to me quicker
-inspiring things i see
-ear feeling a lot better after sleep and heart being pretty ok today
-remembering happy things
-that i have a lot of interests
-that at least with what what i'm doing now,i'll have even more free time to do the things i need to catch up on
-that this month is more then half way over
-that my book is almost here
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-some entertainment for the night
-laughing
-red wine
-potatoes
-spices
-really random things happening to just prove how crazy and fun and spontaneous life can be
-being a fun person
-techno music
-people who keep in touch with me after all this time
-my job booked coming up which im really excited for
-goofy moments with my mom
-random fun life moments that remind me to treat life as a party
-yoga pants
-being thing
-makeup
-water
-vitamins
-dancing
-hope
-remembering fun
-feeling so light and fun and remembering fun and what it's like to have fun and some of the things i live for again
-being able to listen to headphones again and finish up a heart chaka playlist starting last night up until the next afternoon little by little building up how much i listen. it was so nice to use headphones again and listen to chakra music again and i know i helped my vibe raise and clear because i felt bursts of happiness and excitement and let things go easier and yet felt my feelings,etc it was just a lighter feeling i had overall.
-sodas
-gratitude
-my i believe affirmations and making effort to control my mind for parts of the day and seeing the difference it made
-sleep and getting caught up
-feeling like my looks are starting to come back
-seeing how everybody is crazy and has ridiculous drama and is so foolish
-great fashion design
-some work getting done and getting business generated for new business
-being a girl
-my bed
-my bathroom and how nice it is and how funny that is considering my last bathroom was so tiny and everyone hated it
-how cute my apartment is and how it looks like a photo studio and the chic outside of it that looks like nyc
-building up to staying alone at night for up to an hour now of early evening times
-interesting life experiences
-starting to worry less
-becoming stronger again and how sure i am that i'm getting my life back and that things are going to return to normal more and more quickly
-things that slow the mind down
-sweets
-my kind heart
-cats
-that i get my new bank account tomorrow
-all the new positive wonderful things coming
-that winter solstice is almost here
-my ability to curate well
-being young
-looking the same as i did when i was 17
-my conviction,determination,sanity,all coming back stronger
-my sense of humor
-blankets
-being safe
-all my loved ones being safe
-that i'm becoming better in every way
-my wisdom and ability to reflect on life in a logical way
-feeling more confident
-laughing at life
-
Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-best friend finally being reliable with time and not playing games for first time in almost 3 weeks since the fights started. this shows me we will resume to being healthy with each other. first i kept believing it even when i wasnt seeing it,and now i'm seeing it. even just this one night showed me something.
-the dog being calmer today. i actually felt fondness for her today.
-my brother getting to see my apartment and him being impressed with it
-mom coming by
-being able to stay alone at night up to 2 -2 1/2 hours now. i know i'm getting better and this feels amazing
-getting my new bank account opened today
-finding out you can deposit cash now in the machines. so weird. i felt like i entered a parallel reality.
-the bank teller being so sweet and saying she can tell i have a good heart and saying she think i'd be a good teacher. this came up so randomly and made me feel sooooo good!
-vitamins
-picking up a pizza and ordering it on my own. felt so good to do that.i don't usually do things like that if i ever have even
-getting some toning workout done today which felt good
-today being a pretty good today
-my vibe having raised a bit from the chakra musics,being home,and meditations
-being able to listen to chakra music on my headphones again. so nice.
-my ear doing a lot better. it seems as long as i can sleep and get minimal stress,i don't even feel like there is an issue like it's that close to being healed.
-makeup
-being classy
-inspiration
-beauty
-healing happening
-cool things that interest me
-things starting to feel more and more normal and better
-yoga pants
-my rain boots i use as winter boots
-deciding to give up fish oil since it makes me nauseous and hasnt seen to have a positive effect on me
-selenium which HAS seemed to have had a positive effect on me and possibly relieving depression
-being calm
-getting work things in
-that things are moving along
-that i'm going to get through this month
-how great january will be
-empowering myself
-speaking affirmation videos
-having an interesting personality
-starting to love myself more again
-desires,hopes,and positive wonders for the future
-blankets
-how much more calmer i am compared to weeks ago,and since october. wow.
-seeing how unempowered and powerless i was with my vibration and actions and so on and finally feeling like an empowered person. it's amazing i got that low and for so long.
-music
-photo apps
-spicy food
-potatoes
-slowly transitioning back to a plant based diet and how good that feels
-social media
-the internet
-realizing the core of my problems lately has been a lack of trust in life
-cool things about time like feeling like time slowed down at parts of the day
-not even checking tarot anymore and seeing how many times it told me really negative things that weren't at all true. creepy. cant imagine how someone can base their life off that. :(
-
Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-new places to try
-mom staying with me tonight
-that i can listen to headphones and do my chakra building music
-that best friend is being nicer and is making some slight changes and can tell i'm getting through to him and just need to be patient
-having laundry machines in the building
-getting to sleep all day since i couldn't fall asleep before
-no issues with ear as far as i can remember tonight
-potatoes
-spicy sauce i love
-getting some cayenne pepper
-getting a response for something finally about something
-the interest getting generated for new business
-lemon essential oil and deciding to use some for my hair
-getting some normal things back and improvement with things
-that it's not easy to stay until early evening alone in apartment
-thoughts of desire for what i want and sweet success
-sodas
-snacks
-that i'm eating more plant based foods then i was a few weeks ago at least
-being able to donate some more money to my favorite charity which makes me feel good
-being loving and having perspective
-vitamins
-being able to sit down and relax for a bit
-all the new things to do and try
-that my vibe has been rising and clearing some energy blockages
-clean clothes to wear
-L to text. He's been the only one around through all this really. I should at least hang with him one more time.
-still having dreams and remembering miracles and loa and universe awesomeness
-warm showers
-my amazing bathroom
-twitter for new business getting a bunch of followers
-feeling my feelings
-the internet
-reassurances
-mercy
-forgiveness
-relaxation
-being classy
-my standards
-
Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-a nice vegan dinner of chili and potatoes with crackers.
-water
-mason jars
-seeing i can be alone at night now even at the later hours and probably overnight and be fine after best friend's stunts and starting to see the enjoyment of it again
-inspiring loa videos and passages online that i came across tonight
-inspiring thing online made me see if there's something in your life undesirable even if it doesn't seem directly connected,perse,what could it tell me about a limiting belief i have that is creating this reality of mine
-remembering a lot lately that the world is a mirror
-more info online backing subjective reality which made me feel so good
-my phone
-after best friend doing what he did,that he agreed to take me to a cafe i wanted to check out in my neighborhood and get some macarons
-getting groceries today
-getting my hair color fixed finally and how good it made me feel
-getting baileys which is a nice wintery-christmasy drink and having a little bit with my macarons in my room. some christmas cheer of my own!
-my phone charger
-positive,high vibe forums and websites/info i come across that always gets me back on track
-my mom being there for me again.i really wanted to give her a day off but at least today i compromised and challenged myself too since it seems i have too based on how people are being
-getting some sleep
-ear feeling better now
-having a good heart
-L finally texting me back after i posted i was at cafe which seems like he did it out of jealousy and then he ignored me again after asking questions so i don't know what is going on with him but he is ignoring me now and said i blew him off today.
-my innocence
-best friend asking where his stuffed animal fish i got him years ago was as the very first thing he said when he got in the house. it was literally the very first thing. that showed something. i had put it away last night so dog couldn't reach it and ruin it as that would've broke my heart since it's one of the few momentos i think he even still has of me and that's the first thing he notices when he walks in the house and asks about.
-being smart
-schedule starting to get lighter and more manageable now and seeing when i can fit in my medical appointment i want to do.
-knowing i'm stronger then ithink.i may come off whiny,and feminine and dainty,etc and have been through a lot but i always win and have overcome so much
-weather outside being warmer today
-watching some old episodes with my mom of my favorite childhood tv show that she liked too last night and learning TV does help distract me when i have to be alone
-having a laundry machines in the unit and how convenient that makes life now
-getting little signs from best friend that he hasn't completely lost his mind and still has care for me and maybe even feelings still. in an anger in the grocery store,he even mentioned how much he wants to achieve certain things and how it's my fault he hasn't blah blah blah that were goals he didn't even want at first and that i had suggested to him some time ago that he little by little realized were good goals to have. I have influence over him still and that's vital for me to see right now. I truly think he has become so wounded by me but other signs too including him randomly seeing a little boy and father telling the boy to walk to him and telling me see,he's trying to give me tough love like the father to the boy. I have no idea what that meant,but it showed again he does have care still,he's just very very lost and wounded and i've come to realize that i need to be very patient with him and love him still. the majority of the pictures in his phone are even of my cat,again another thing showing i'm important to him. that was MY cat and it means something to me that he so many pictures of her in his phone. i'm just grateful to be seeing signs he still loves me and i still matter.
-reminding myself to love myself no matter what is going on right now
-my conviction
-remembering no matter how bad things seem to remember to have faith and that things like that could just be tests and you never what something could lead to so just trust all is working in your favor
-affirmations with the words i believe. so powerful.
-remaining dedicated to retraining my mind
-listening to some root chakra music and how amazing it is to listen to headphones again
-not even having a desire to check tarot anymore as it's so fake and silly
-my bed
-my bedroom
-surrendering a little bit since it seems that might be vital
-soothing myself after my nightmare by knowing why it happened and reassurances from best friend
-that my book will be in the mail soon
-that awesome affirming line from bashar in the video tonight that felt like a good omen
-knowing i can now wash.condition,and color my hair and it's safe for my ear. i'm almost all caught up with normal things and then off to getting really caught up on work and social things and so on
-my desire spring forth to really get out there again and make things happen and feel good and show everyone how wrong they were to treat me awful. success will be the best revenge.
-the new vegan coffee that caught my eye that i bought to try this week
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-potatoes
-my favorite indian food sauce
-miracles
-the power of positivity. it may not work right away i noticed, but it DOES work.
-best friend calming down with me and being the calmest i've seen him since this 3 weeks
-having an amazing landlord who was so helpful and went above and beyond to be smart yet reassuring after something weird at my apartment today that made me uncomfortable
-being a caring person
-getting to talk and express my feelings to best friend and be honest
-my mom spending time with me after getting scared
-feeling really good about this apartment and like i'd even consider renewing my lease here
-getting a new hairstylist who is interested since the one i had seems to have lost interest
-how much better i look now that i fixed my haircolor. my face looks younger and more attractive now.
-deciding starting tomorrow after all this negativity to shut the door about talking about these problems with best friend to others as i know in my heart it's only made it worse that we made things public and the venting. really wish that never happened.
-the little independent things i've done and learned in the last week or two from spending time with my mom and getting settled
-best friend looking excited when i first made talk with him before the evening about how i wanted to work things out
-how healing last night was after doing some spiritual work on clearing some limiting beliefs,reflecting,and chakra music and inspiring videos. i felt soo good. and all day my ear felt normal despite stress and my chest wasn't too bad.
-mercy
-feeling calm and reassured about things finally
-sodas
-pastries for breakfast i love
-getting my book in the mail
-reassurances
-seeing moms cat again and being able to give him some affection
-self forgiveness
-how blessed i am
-my desires
-progress
-
Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-getting my life back
-baileys my favorite alcohol which reminds me of fun,winter,and holiday
-music
-getting a hairstylist confirmed and being able to send out a time to team
-staying determined in my positivity
-going tanning today
-getting more money sent to my new account
-mom staying on phone with me
-best friend somewhat sticking to our agreement
-best friends father sending a voice mail that actually seemed to work in my favor last night
-best friends mom texting me today
-feeling stronger and optimistic about the future
-how great my book is so far. much better then my last book
-how much more attractive i feel now that my hair color is fixed
-feeling in such a good mood right. it's like i'm almost in the vortex
-finding fun things i want to do this weekend and rsvping something fun for this weekend. so nice to feel ready to go out
-things starting to just go a little bit more in my favor
-finding some safety apps to download that i liked
-feeling how good life can be again
-that christmas is almost over
-starting to feel calmer on some things
-my conviction
-sticking to my end of things when making a deal
-how great it is to have a laundry room in my building
-getting through today and now tonight. was on edge after weird incident yesterday so it's nice to have had some time pass from that
-believing in myself
-being different.
-comfort
-my bed
-blankets
-how great january will be
-dancing
-feeling prettier again
-feeling more accomplished again
-best friend's reiki
-becoming smarter,better
-keeping my heart
-my phone
-my computer
-my phone charger
-internet
-learning some new things
-that best friend is here
-hope
-healing and my vibe raising
-a pretty warm winter
-feeling more abundant
-having amazing landlords
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-God keeping me safe and healthy
-best friend's parents giving me some kind of solace and help right now
-my mom calling me when i felt really low
-my mom still being able to give me the ride tomorrow
-water
-deciding it's time to start appreciating dejavu again like i used to since that's a more positive interpretation and all of life is how we percieve i
-dejavu while with my brother last night and how weird it was us both not celebrating christmas while everyone was out and some of the parallells going on
-best friend finally texting
-lights
-l texting me last night
-online forums seeming to be extra active today and yesterday which is nice and getting some advice and encouragement to consider
-seeing how the world is a mirror even shows up my OWN resistances and to not take things showing up that i disagree with as bad signs but instead of my own resistances being spotlightd to me. so grateful for that lesson i learned in summer of 2014 that really hit home for me and has been a game changer ever since it made sense
-my phone
-my brother's cat and the love from him
-models with my kind of teeth which makes me feel confident and inspired
-my job time being confirmed last night
-knowing i'm a winner and a warrior and i will get through this and overcome it and come out the champion
-pictures
-art
-R emailing me last night. he wanted to say happy holidays. it was nice.
-that at least i have my own bank account now
-downloading lyft app and it being easy to use and having a lot of free credits
-sleep
-that christmas is almost over
-how forward looking i am to january
-realizing i just spent the whole day and night here alone and this is the longest i spent here alone since i moved here.
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-that i am safe
-that i am healthy
-reiki sent to me today making me feel good
-my own good energy of two hours of retraining my mind and how it put me in a very good mood after
-a little progress from best friend
-after deciding i must detach from this drama,so far doing pretty good with letting it all go in my mind
-that christmas is over
-my special pink bracelet that is meaningful to me
-my mom stopping by and letting me call her every so often
-catching up on sleep today
-getting some macarons from local place
-water
-baileys to relax me
-getting a little independent from things i've had to do lately
-getting the lyft app on my phone and how easy it is to use and the free credits
-subliminal recording of feeling safe that i listened to and calmed me earlier
-being the better person
-my kind heart
-interesting spiritual epiphanies about having a limiting belief of predestiny i had and the interesting reflections on how it does seem we constantly shift realities and meet different versions of people in our life and how eerie but also beneficial is
-l to text me
-making it past midnight now and doing ok
-my ability to be stronger then ieven want to be
-my conviction
-my intelligence
-feeling more beautiful and attractive and lately
-my phone
-my laptop
-sodas
-clarity coming to me
-getting some physical exercise in
-how clear the air felt tonight while in my good mood. one of my more interesting reflections on good vibes vs bad. good vibes always make the air seem clearer and things feel calm and fine
-my rain boots
-that this awful month is almost over
-that soon this night will be over
-how much better i am getting and how much those who hurt me and my haters are making me better and stronger
-all the reflections lately to make me better
-my little manifesting success stories like getting l to say he loves me twice now and he hardly knows me!,getting the drama to simmer down just a bit,and feeling more attractive. they are small but very inspiring
-how well i know my neighborhood and how nice it is to have that experience from living in the area for two years now
-my coat
-being able to laugh at myself
-my job to look forward to the first week of january
-my skills
-my orange calcite rock
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-best friend's father coming by when i had a panic
-a nice meditation session i had after feeling drawn to do it that made me feel calm
-feeling prettier
-l to text,and the nice things he says like that he thinks i need a bf and someone to be there for me and he wants to be that
-finding my eyeglasses the other day
-my mom coming by earlier
-getting my errands done i wanted today
-best friend agreeing to meditate for 5 minutes
-water
-writing a letter to best friend last night speaking from the heart
-the amazing logical email i sent a few days ago
-gratitude lists
-the ecard i sent
-the short email i sent last night
-all the fire and motivation i have to accomplish all these new goals and become better
-my job i have confirmed for the first week of january
-remembering all my amazing accomplishments and amazing resume i have going for me
-knowing i will win
-mercury retrograde coming up which will work in my favor
-making a nice protein rich dinner i couldn't even finish
-getting a good workout in
-my style
-how beautiful my hair is
-my bed
-my phone
-blankets
-my laptop
-chargers
-having mail in my name here at my apartment now and how great that feels
-lipbalm
-balancing my heart chakra with music tonight
-a dream about E which allowed me to dream a bit and wonder which was nice. remembering that amazing kiss
-deciding to get that wall decal i wanted even before i moved here that i had planned on getting for the place
-getting started on my new year's resolutions last night
-getting a lot done last night
-being able to at least see how i'm creating my reality with my thoughts and focus even if it seems difficult to change and like everything is static.i think doing regular meditation will help.
-being able to see clearly the spiritual connection to best friend and how he clearly is my soul counterpart
-being inspired by others i know to be better
-wanting to be better so i can inspire others
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Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-deciding to be more loving to myself
-making myself a nice large mostly vegan dinner with wine
-deciding and getting done a first draft for an article i am going to write which is one of my new year's resolutions and feeling pretty good about it
-sleeping good today
-feeling more detached and how good space is starting to feel
-that R is almost out of the picture and that someone more divine will fill her place in the perfect time
-my job coming up
-getting a little reading done
-best friend coming home today even though weather was bad
-getting outside for a bit and taking some cool winter pics to post for social media that i liked a lot
-drinking a nice mason jar of water upon waking to start my day right
-having a cup of coffee today to keep slowly easing my way back into having coffee again
-great ideas to shift my situation from loa forums
-that i got through the day of this storm and almost the night
-best friend sending reiki for me
-getting best friend to send my mom a happy birthday text
-my phone
-my phone charger
-relaxing about some things
-a nice meditation i did last night which helped me to see things calmly and feel a sense of truth about the future. not an overexaggerated good,and nothing bad,but similar to normal and how great that felt
-deciding to stop watching TV despite practically everyone's advice since i actually see a direct manifestation from watching a TV show a few times while here. that show made me more emotional and thinking sad type thoughts and sure enough then i manifested my one friend getting her rings just like on that show which is too weird,and NOT a coincidence. If that's not obvious indicator that nothing is predestined and that thoughts create everything,then i don't know what is. It actually makes me feel a lot better to see that.
-seeing how outside's peoples opinions have made me not see clearly and made the situation more negative based on their own thoughts..or should i say me being affected by their thoughts
-business partner saying by next week she should be ready to buy the website thing we are doing
-that i'm getting stronger
-that i was in a good mood the other night for a good few hours
-being safe
-living in a nice apartment that feels a little bit like a sense of community here
-being more logical and more fear becoming eradicated
-my goals
-my things that make me happy
-remembering my strengths
-calming down about some things
-getting better at acknowledging limiting beliefs
-believing in myself more
-
Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-that panic attack subliminal i started three days ago. have drastically cut down on how much i check on things for safety and not really any panic attacks about safety since i started
-water
-the speaking affirmations sessions i started doing about a day or two ago. have had some manifesting success and improved moods since starting it and feel like my mind has retrained quite a bit. it's interesting. a lot of loa people say repetition is key,maybe they are right.i never thought of affirmations as retraining my brain before
-seeing another sign R is almost out the of picture last night. a very similar occurence to last week.
-that best friend came home last night
-that best friend hugged me last night
-my phone
-my phone charger
-clearing the psychic attack and seeing two things so far from my efforts for sure including an appliance making a noise that stopped right after i thought it was her doing(not serious about it though) and said she has no power over and now an old job seeming to fall through coming back in the picture
-that best friend has been nicer to me this week
-that best friend has said schedule changed this week and last multiple times and i heard him say it on phone too and his dad said it
-reassurance from best friend last night
-sleeping all day and my cold being relatively mild
-my eyeglasses
-rose oil
-cayenne pepper
-my manifesting success stories from the last week or two
-little positive things i've found to help me change my vibration
-getting my crown chakra balanced
-my ear feeling healed
-getting another follow up job email,too
-seeing certain things to prove to me the importance of how reality is not predestined and seeing how reality is created by our thoughts
-tissues
-my energy softening up more
-my desire to surrender
-transmuting the energy of this apartment
-my voice and the ability to talk
-lipbalms
-that a new month is near
-my bed
-my diet being more plant based again
-embracing things and realizing things can be transmuted and that everything is law of attraction.
-my ability to see. my eyesight
-my conviction
-forgiveness
-colors
-
Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-my cold only being minor
-music
-sleep
-that this year is almost over
-feeling safe
-panic attack subliminals i've been doing and how effective they've been
-being a woman
-a flash of inspiration in the middle of the night to get my best friend a gift and getting help to go and get and get it. friend's dad even helped pay for it. friend seemed really touched by the gesture and it seemed to make things a little better between us.
-my thoughtful,romantic side
-the perfect balloon i found
-best friend hugging me again today
-best friend confiding in me a little again today
-best friend's dad being so inspired by me that he gave me a gift of $50 cash which was interesting and very unexpected and helpful since i'm not currently making any money and also because i did a round of speaking affirmations and included money in them last night. was interesting to see what following flash of inspiration does and the power of being giving.
-best friend knowing his dad brought me because he asked how i got to stores which proved to him look i even had him bring me and he knows i don't like his dad which proved to him something too.
-seeing best friend being a little nicer to me lately
-sending new year's eve ecards to brother and best friend
-l texting me though i got so mad after him ignoring me that i was rude
-sleep
-getting out of the house today
-sodas
-finding out there's subliminal mobile apps
-awesome,helpful reflections
-feeling motivated and confident
-seeing loa success stories of mine from past week or so
-law of attraction forums and sites to help me get back on track
-hoodies and sweaters
-being so loving
-best friend coming home last night
-best friend sending reiki last night for my core fear
-seeing progress and movement with situation with R and best friend changing to my favor.
-being a great,thoughtful gift giver
-my phone
-my caring heart
-being helpful
-staying strong
-that things are always working out for me
-being classy
-my femininity
-blankets
-cleaning up the bedroom a little bit
-keeping my faith
-remembering progress not perfection
-remembering after all the mess created over the months,to be patient and grateful for what little has been cleaned up so far
-my child-like side
-my conviction
-my best friend
-my intelligence
-having a good heart
-always winning
-mercy
-
Re: GRATITUDE LIST
-meditating. meditating is what put me on my path to becoming a happy person in the first place and set me on my spiritual journey. had a nice real meditation session where i emptied my mind and left the session calmer and feeling more uplifted and having had manifested texts i was waiting for. i also got clarity that all is well and healing is coming. if one meditates,they do probably do not need to "detach" as it happens naturally.
-getting my wall decal in the mail today
-surrendering after the painful last night and coming up with my plan and then sleeping sort of peacefully. it was a weird,nice feeling.i also did get an inner feeling that everything would be ok after i got very hurt and upset
-writing that email before bed
-getting the texts and email with confirmation on job details tomorrow. so excited that all is set
-lower body exercises i love and that have already made my lower body more toned as that is one of my big goals this year
-rewriting my subconscious a good amount by starting speaking affirmations
-panic attack subliminals i've been doing which have helped
-feeling safe in my apartment now
-being pursued by l even though he's a jerk,there's some kind of feeling there i kind of like
-lipbalms
-water
-sodas
-being classy
-being high end
-my goals
-remembering my accomplishments
-my personality
-all the things i feel i can do this year
-finding out landlord is out of town until tuesday skiing which gives more time for roommate to pay the rent which seems like a possible manifestation of his actually
-being feminine
-my child-like side
-loving myself more
-all my little manifesting success stories in the last week or so.i even seemed to manifest my cold going away practically instantly
-upstairs neighbors seeming to be home a lot
-style
-people who are cool
-my conviction
-being loving
-my eyeglasses
-getting my room cleaned a little bit more today
-my wisdom and maturity
-phobias and fears being cleared a good amount and transmuting the energy of this apartment
-remembering i create my reality
-remembering all my success stories and the power of meditation and that time i first came upon it
-my vitamins which make me feel great
-having a nice body
-seeing perspective on things last night
-my beliefs becoming more clear and moving into an inner knowing
-the power i have to change the energy of things
-scalp massage
-detaching from texting best friend after last night and not texting all day which is unlike me and not responding and seeing he still came
-feeling ambitious
-knowing things will heal and fix
-my beautiful apartment
-cool picture on my phone i like
-my book i've been reading
-being healthy
-being slim
-being smart
-my strength
-my desire to be solution focused and change
-my heart's desires
-that things are moving even if slowly
-that i always win
-positive and fun possibilities
-cool art
-being the better person
-all that i have to offer the world
-mercy
-my subconscious expectations changing to more positive
-frankincense oil,my favorite
-clearing negative energies