Originally Posted by
niki123
I am angry because I am not being heard and ignored and also because some great injustices were made against me.
Hello, niki123.
I truly can relate at the moment - similarly here. Some injust things, some things that are hard on me, pretty tough time altogether. Just hang in there, too, okay?
Of course such a quick succession of traumata and shocks can evoke strong emotions. In my case fear, sometimes even panic, sadness, rage. But after every wave of assault a gradual rebalancing takes place.
Part of the trick for me is just seeing for everything that's going on to decide what needs to be done next and just doing it. Do it when there is the proper time and get it out of my mind by having done it. Not looking at the end or any goal but the next step. And keep all things going to the extent that I am capable of. At the same time I have to realise my limits and there are some things I save for next week or later because else I hit a wall.
There is a truly wonderful book out there full of wisdom, disguised as a book for children, and it's Michael Ende's wonderful novel "Momo." One character is a street sweeper, and one that does his job with care and with joy, but how can he accomplish that?
Originally Posted by
Michael Ende
"...it's like this. Sometimes, when you've a very long street ahead of you, you think how terribly long it is and feel sure you'll never get it swept. And then you start to hurry. You work faster and faster and every time you look up there seems to be just as much left to sweep as before, and you try even harder, and you panic, and in the end you're out of breath and have to stop--and still the street stretches away in front of you. That's not the way to do it.
You must never think of the whole street at once, understand? You must only concentrate on the next step, the next breath, the next stroke of the broom, and the next, and the next. Nothing else.
That way you enjoy your work, which is important, because then you make a good job of it. And that's how it ought to be.
And all at once, before you know it, you find you've swept the whole street clean, bit by bit. what's more, you aren't out of breath. That's important, too...
(Michael Ende, "Momo")
Even the biggest thing that hits us somehow has a next step to it. You cannot finish it up now, you can not get rid of it now, but there will be a next step, there will be some action down the road, and some time to make it. And while not, there might be something else demanding your attention, offering opportunity for action in another area. There's always places to get unstuck, always places where you want to get back into flow.
Similarly, there will be consequences to all your actions and how you react to them. These reactions can be improved, time and time over, and will in the long run lead to better actions and better consequences. It all depends on developing observation skills (identifying the consequences and trying to match them with your actions) and the ability to try different actions to get different results. Kurt calls this "flexibility of consciousness," and this concept serves me very well, even in hard times.
So, why the long sermon?
Because I think several things are possible here. On the one hand there are clear injustices, and it seems that sometimes injustices happen - their causes lie in the past and they get triggered now. They might be out of proportion and undeserved in their magnitude, but still you can have some extent of control over your reactions (not indulging in negative emotions) and might be able to take action to ameliorate the effects.
The other thing has to do with what your children told you. Instead of having to guess like many other single parents what would be best your children freely gave you their okay to open up to the possibility of a new partner. A possible new path of action.
So, on the one hand you have the injustices and your reactions and counter-actions, and that is growth in adversity. On the other hand you have this new window of opportunity opening if you want to take advantage of it. Nothing could be a clearer message than straight out of a child's mouth itself. And this is growth as well.
Altogether it depends on how willing you are to keep your reactions in check (not with force, but with awareness of how useless or damaging some reactions are) and how flexible you are in finding new responses to your most recent problems or in taking advantage of new opportunities.
Take care,
Oliver
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