switching on the lights

[Tutor]

Neil, you make perfect sense.

but, sabotage is a pass/fail, win/lose mind set. just be the best you in whatever comes your way.

but if we are lining up for being ♥♥♥♥-ups, well make a place for me in that very long line of folks just being human.

just this evening, the wife and i sittin on the porch, and i was talking to her about my son, who i'd talked to earlier on the phone, and there i was spouting all manner of self-sabotaging beat the hell out of tim's insides stuff. well...she looked at me and reminded me that i did my best, and it is what it is, and it isnt all about me, that everybody has a choice of how they act in it.

nobody has your innermost frail/vulnerable/insecure buttons like your own grown child does. they just know you, and nothing can hurt worse than being known so well, when who knows ya doesnt seem to respect the buttons.

so, stop beating up Neil...Neil. you have done your best and it is what it is, ready to be picked up again and again and again...

but, i feel ya bro. i am awful hard on myself, for what it's worth. probably nothing.

[Neil Templar]

yeah, you're right Tim.
normally i have no problem accepting what is, as what is.
yesterday was difficult for me.
i dunno why.
it was like a day-long "dark night".
i felt completely lost. unsure of everything.
the "little voice" that speaks from my heart wasn't there, and i was second-guessing all my decisions i've made recently.
i read over the dark night of the soul thread... i had nothing to add to it, but it did help me understand a bit (possibly) why i was feeling so out of sorts.
i think i am resisting some internal change, change that's not only essential, but wanted.
it's just hard leaving parts of what you consider to be yourself behind, eh?!
i've been receiving very clear "instructions" lately, internally.
instructions that are reprogramming my internal structure. which require me to leave behind some life-long old habits...
anyhoo, it's all good, just rough in the middle of the process i guess..

[Korpo]

Very similar here. However I rather feel lost at sea. If I would give up all I'm doubting or feel not like doing, nothing would be left! So, I don't know exactly what it is. I hope to shed light on it this weekend.

Take care,
Oliver

[Neil Templar]

i also just had a realisation.
i already have the tools to get me thru this process of having to let go of stuff.
Vipassana meditation!
it's entirely about letting go. and funnily enough, i've had a book, letters from Vipassana meditators in a US prison, for some months now, but never read it.
just two days ago, i was compelled to pick it up and start reading.
exactly what i needed to remind myself of, at exactly the right time.

[Neil Templar]

Or maybe it's my own way of losing touch with physical reality, IDK.

you know, i've had that thought too CF.

[Tutor]

we have to learn to relish these lows, or dark nights, for they are crucial entrys into higher experience.

i've learned to see it like a long shaft, where the bottom is never the bottom, but i hit bottom anyway at some point or another, 'resting' there for a time, and then after so long 'resting' upward mobility comes and the height of it is in parity to the low experienced.

after a time at new height comes yet another low, but not the low that was, which i hit first just to feel where i had been, and the bottom falls out dropping me to yet a lower low. so i 'rest there for what ever time, till upward mobility would take me up to an higher height where the new low's experience is revealed for the height of the experience's whole.

it is like a wave, to imagine it like the emf, along which on one end the waves are as high as skyscrapers and the other end as minute as an atom.

but what is a low or a height but a dimensional pov? so it doesnt matter at all. look at the height and width of waves one one end and look at the lack of height and width on the other.

yet for an atom the tighter and lower packed end is no less higher than is the other end for a human.

so, it is on these waves which one is experiencing, from the world of skyscrapers and avergae 5.5' humans to the tiniest reference of self to the other where atoms would have their pov.

point is, the experiences move into tighter and lower references that come closer and faster.

so, it is a matter of learning how to rest in the doldrums of experience, for that is the preparatory experience for the height of the polarized experience as a whole.

the lows will bring up what ails one deeper and deeper within, they to be felt and examined - experienced, taken into a new light where mystery is revealed at long last.

one has to lose the thought that becoming more spiritual is going to be an easier way. it seems to get harder, but is the old thinking wanting to fly and feeling grounded because of a long dense fog having set in.

learn to rest as opposed to struggling against what seems like failure to reach greater heights. end the resistance of the process. as we move along we experience things that cannot presently be rendered into understanding, so time delivers us to the place where deep mystery would finally reveal itself.

i think this can been seen in the model shown by Korpo in another recent thread, but i'd add to it, that along the field of waves or consciousness within, one is not bound to measured size that they think of from within, and the cycle of fall and lift is from skyscraper to atom.

so, when dwelling throughout this phenomenal (sp?) breadth, to go deepest of all is to share in our atomic level of experience, wherefrom the origin of upholding the body is.

the microcosm of the microcosmic human is no different from the macrocosm the microcosmic. or the pov from human witnessing the universe is no different than the atom witnessing the upheld body which host the entitized being within it.

this allows the human to understand the macrocosmic universal mystery through having experienced the microcosmic atomic experience which they as the being are upheld bodily within.

point is though, one is neither the body or the universe, for they serve as the body which within is life porvisionally upheld.

now that can either blow the mind or from the being give true purpose to one through the mind.

truly then, there is no more out there universally that there is for any human within themself atomically. all that is serves life and upholds it for that which lives.

ergo, any one is the living within the upheld life. they rather dysfunctional in it as the mystery, for the mystery is not that which impersonally upholds but rather the mystery is that which is living; or they may be functionally aware that all serves they as the living, affording them the life before them.

this doesnt mean that any one is a god however, it just means that one understands the relationship of the living and the upheld life. this is called primordial man's pov which ever impersonally rests in a state of upholding life for which his&her beingness may reside and abide within and without.

god is incomprehensible, as is any one as the extended living being incomprehensible. thus, is life for feeling to ponder, to comprehend our being in the low/high, in possibilities which dimensions give to it.

in life, being human, we may understand our beingness through this awareness reached. but knowing beyond it remains to be you, the seer as witness of it within and without you.

so, it is good to rest and just experience the moment, because the moment is what delivers any one to higher understanding of them self. all this wresting about to know the mystery is the struggling and suffering over what is you experiencing instead of let go of that incomprehensible and experiencing freely.

one cannot dictate the frequency, so like swimming cease the panic that would drown and utilize the bouyancy which floats. the waves of consciousness' multi level formation/s dictate the frequencies. to struggle against what upholds life is like bashing your head against a wall.

to struggle with the low is to lose one's footing in the resistance of down hill grade. etc...

the universe is a mountain range, as is any one a mountain and all of us a mountain range.

looking out upon the universe we see that all is not on a perfect plane and is randomly placed revealing the firmament of its heighted peaks (stars) and valleys below. but because it is the macrocosm the firmament is transparent appearing a darkness.

this is the same from the atomic pov seeing the body that hosts any one, the density becomes transparent and darkly laden.

this reveals that light is not stopped by darkness which is merely a perspectivity, but light penetrates all matter/s.

there is no such thing as there not be light within or without. the perspective of density, like wondering if a table is real, or if dark entitys rule us, is caused by the light penetrating the density of whatever is firmament/body/matter.

darkness then, or density, is merely emptiness that is filled by the light of the living within that which upholds the life provisional for the living. the living is the personal, and the effects of the personal that would impersonally uphold is the life.

balance that, for the darkness is not any one, it is merely a byproduct of any one's lighted incomprehensibility.

you are the lights, and the lights have never been switched off. it is a matter of perspectivity given incrementally as understanding would restfully integrate itself to it.

water does not bother with what resists it, it takes the least route of resistance, resting and not wrestling. but when water moves, a mountain would give way to it's desired approach to renew the fertile valleys below.

thus, is a low like a valley, and height the mountain giving way, and you the water ever in movement, traveling.

substance or essential body v. matter - liquid, solid, vapor

clear as a bell, yet densely laden with earth towards a low valley to replenish its fertile moment.

spirited flesh, clarifying light and penetrated darkness carried along with you.

perhaps...

tim









tim

[Korpo]

Tim,

I'm not so sure it's a wave in an up-down fashion. It's the way the force builds, but it is not the nature of the problem itself, you know?

You say water, and it is true: There's pressure building. Pressure and resistance, and I agree with Neil - there is a choice of letting go. Letting go of anything that does not work. Yes, these may be habits of years, here as well.

However, for myself I don't know what can take their place. The tools seem blunt now - which tool can replace them? But the pressure decides what is an efficient tool and what not. The tool might have originally helped, but now the pressure is back, stronger, and it is no longer effective. It calls for discovering a new tool or rediscovering a new use for the old tool, a new response, possibly even a simpler one. A different approach. Maybe a sort of standing aside. Giving up what cannot be defended.

Truth is, I don't know. Even if the pressure would start to ebb tomorrow, I think it will return. For the moment I am convinced something fundamental has to change, something I know it has been going on for very long, but I don't know how to change it and what for, so I'm awaiting the answers.

Perhaps it's a bit like the "Kübler-Ross grief cycle." I know there is resistance, anger, but also a tiredness, a yearning for acceptance, going with the change - only the need to know which change, I don't know yet.

Oliver

[Tutor]

Korpo,

truth is I dont know either. i just reach through analogy's way of looking at it. a model is an analogy as well.

it is pressure, or compression, pneumatic and/or hydrolic...etc. trouble is that we're always thrown into these dualistic words with as many meanings as there are readers of them.

but, it is flow of concentrated being moving throughout for the overall experiential nature of wholeness/body of union.

i hesitate to label that as chi energy alone, for i understand chi as effectual being and not causal being. but, i dont think i can pull off explaining that right yet...either, due to the nature of words.

i do understand however that energy is a two sided function, just as masculinity and femininity.

chi ta is feminine as far as i can tell, of an effectual nature. that would seem to say that 'she' is last, however it is written that the last shall be first, and that in itself is whole heap load of deciphering.

the other as i understand it is masculine, called si na, and dont bother googling that, i tried.
but the nearest i can tell the two are of a tripart union. where two give birth to connectivity, basic geometry comes into play here, or the birth of dimensional structures.

basically the i ching is just that, it is a lined traced route of chaos seeming to give birth to ordered structure. however, when the route is completed the wonder is that from order would concealment become chaos.

this begs one to understand the meaning of "God keeps his wonders hidden" - paraphrase.

what is the purpose of hiddenness, that such a lined route would become. well, the actual order overlayed by chaos is what is 'mind' which would when focused, project the hemispheric brain of left and right. the connector is YOU, any you.

everything is tripart. however beingness, not to say first, but to say that at zero point is You, the being, which being non-locatable would through this two parts of parenting, feminine seeming as last but first, and masculine seeming as first but last...., thus find its beingness dwelling locationally.

beingness being that which is found through the two, yet is origin (zero) which of is numbered reference that it may find itself in approximating again at zero point, or the center of the proposed vehicle of progessionable life (body/vessel).

see thar, danged old words probably just made folks scratch their heads, just as i scratched my head in writing them.

therefore, i owe it to my own foolishness for having even tryed to word it.

your model is awesome by the way, as it simply explains the complex nature of it.

it doesnt take long to lose folks, as you know, anyone (you or I right here) is lost to have reached for the model of finding themself in it, but also finding it danged hard to express it in a way for sharing it.

but, i suggest applying your model to a geometric function like pythagorean theorum, and seeing there the well that would feed two parenting portions in reflection to the well's wholeness.

36/64 of 100, then draw the line down into the whole seeing the divided nature of the whole. draw a circle around the 10x10 whole touching the exterior corners and horizontally place the human body seeing where the line of divide crosses the verticle across the hearted chest.

something like that.

this reveals where the 36 is to the 64 within the overall ratio. as well as why the left hand is where fidelity is bound, and why the right hand is freedom of will flailing about without immediate reference.

for the left hand touches the vertical line downward of the triangle where two parenting constructions (squares/cubes) operably raise the child of self-awareness. but because the right hand also touches the far reaches of the verticle line, also does it find parity of its unique self after all.

crazy stuff, that pythagoras stuff. euclid reveals much through line geometry, and his lineage reveals much more in conical dimensionality which was way before science discovered the theoretic geometry of a star/sun.

this stuff will make anyone into a raving lunatic i think, or perhaps for a time, into a divine madman. lol

but, like the cards reveal, such is that which births the fool, whistlin and walkin along with his loyal dog, by jove.

joviality, how to have simple fun within the complexities of nature by being the name alone.

you are blessed with a boy/son who is blessed to have such a loving dad/father. if you ponder it for a moment, you'd see that even as you began to half heartedly aquire your spiritual understanding for you alone, it is momentarily true that now as a father you pursue if whole heartedly to hand something to your son from love's gifted nature.

this is why there is the tripart, to reveal in us the whole through whole-hearted intent/effort of giving. otherwise we'd be damnably hard pressed to understand in a half hearted nature for ourself alone. the transmutation of the nature of love (overcoming), and transmigration of intentual love (center of the crossing), within the transpiration of time (beyond all reason).

trans - over, across, beyond

always a pleasure Oliver,

tim

[Neil Templar]

during the past few weeks, i've listened to the first two in a series of energetic transmissions, Pleiadean self awakening transmissions, from this site - http://www.frequenciesofbrilliance.com/ ... sions.html

since then, the instructions i have been "hearing" have started coming in strongly.
the theme of the first transmission was "letting go".
the second was about "birthing the sacred heart, and continuing using the letting go energy".
during the second transmission i experienced some very strong energy within and around me, as well as some interesting visions in my mind, vortexes of whiter energy flowing around me, and some involuntary physical muscle movements relating to what i was "seeing".

[Tutor]

yes! exactly...birth of the sacred heart! you uniquely in it, as you are, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer...amen. your inner union blessed with the child of you born into hearted self-awareness.

if you can see it then be it, being it then touch your very true self and from 'that' with sight feel to see.