a few questions about my experience.

[pondini]

hi guys.

i'm new to all this kundalini stuff, but after reading a few threads here i have a few questions about an experience i had while attempting to astral project. i posted my account at another forum not too long ago, to get some input as to what happened, and i'll re-post it below only for clarity (i'm not out for attention, and i don't think i'm special in any way).

===

this is an odd experience that happened to me, but i'm not sure why. prior to the experience i had heard the word 'kundalini' and possibly the expression 'kundalini rising' but i had no idea what it was and i still know very little about it. since then, i've heard a few recounts from others explaining their experiences. i had also seen pictures of the chakras, but that is the entirety of my kundalini knowledge before the fact. honestly, i can't even be sure what happened, or why. that's why i'm posting this.

leading up to this event i had immersed myself into the plausibility of buddhist theory, the survival of consciousness after physical death, and out-of-body experience. it's when i chose to believe in these things strongly and spent much time in contemplation that the 'craziness' started

during this time i was attempting OBEs every night. though i didn't exactly follow the advice of the seasoned OBErs. usually i would try to clear my mind of all but one thought (as some buddhist mediators do) but on this particular night i tried to mix the technique of visualizing a location (an OBE catalyst) while keeping all other thoughts at bay. i figured if i visualized myself moving between three locations -my rooftop, under our corner light post, and the end of my culdesac- i could prevent all other thoughts from creeping in; basically i didn't know what the hell i was doing.
as i felt the verge of unwanted thoughts forming i would quicken the pace, traversing the three locations faster and faster. eventually i was zipping to-and-fro at a frantic speed, when i noticed my feet and calves felt REALLY GOOD! i tried to concentrate on my locations, but the euphoria in my calves was creeping to other leg muscles and i could no longer ignore it. then a thought occurred to me from something i had both heard from marilynne hughes and someone else. they explained how 'beings' had came into their rooms, and residing on each side of their prostrate body, began some sort of healing touch, starting at the feet and moving up their legs.
now please don't think i believe everything i read or hear... to the best of my knowledge i didn't 'buy' these stories when i heard them, but something very peculiar was happening and no other explanations were coming to mind so i was working under that assumption, although i did not feel there were any 'presences' in the room.

so, this sensation is slowly moving up my legs, with each new muscle being switched on fully (it wasn't rising inch by inch, it was more like muscle by muscle -the whole muscle at once). i dropped the chaotic visualizations and simply tried to observe the odd ecstasy in my legs. i was worried it could stop at any moment but it now seemed to be on auto-pilot, with absolutely no complaints from me!

i began to examine just why this felt so good, and it was clear that i could feel this energy within every atom of flesh and bone in my feet and calves. it wasn't like warm sun on my skin or a good massage that gets part of your muscles and deep tissue, it was through and through. even the souls of my feet were euphoric, and i believe if someone were to lightly drag a single finger up the arch of my foot it would have produced an audible response from me! next were my thigh muscles, this is where the intensity began to take on exponential increments. from the start the warm (to curiously-pleasant burning) sensations came in waves, with muted intervals -which enabled bearability and anticipation. if your entire body felt this way, all you'd want to do is roll around in the grass or hug someone, or perhaps some other activity

next up -one would assume- would be my Tourmaline/Muladhara chakra, but by the description of that chakra (the base chakra) it doesn't fit with what i experienced at that time; it had to have been the 'Swadhisthana' chakra that is related to the sex centers. at this point i was nolonger considering the 'helpful healing 'beings' theory'.
i won't go into this part too extensively, only providing a few details that might help to decipher the experience.

at the time of this episode i was ensconced in trying to follow the buddhist idea of denouncing vices or attachments. i am paralyzed from the chest down (from an auto accident in 1995) so choosing to reject the act of sex was a breeze, but rejecting the thoughts of it proved to be a challenge. at any rate, once the sensations reached my groin i felt an intense excitement that i hadn't felt since before my auto accident, if ever at all. besides the physical bliss i perceived in areas that i normally can not feel -due to my spinal injury- my mind was flooded with images of the female anatomy. oh, and i also felt androgynous... literally.

i thought i was being tested, much like the choices outlined and presented in 'the tibetan book of the dead'. i felt sure that if i submitted to my desires i would ruin whatever was happening, and it would stop. this went on for some time, but i wouldn't give in.

this sensation, which would repeatedly start at my feet and rise slowly to my groin, repeated at least 3-4 times before i decided that i had to submit in order to move on. so i MENTALLY gave in to my thoughts -in hope of seeing where this would lead to.
after a relatively short period of graphic imagery and thoughts (yes, i know how that sounds) the rising began to elevate to a spot in my lower abdomen, and whereas my earlier ecstatic sensation might be compared to known feelings, this higher sensation was not! after one or two waves reached my lower abdomen, growing in intensity each time, i felt sure that it might culminate into my 'bursting' in bliss... or some other pivotal event. it was at this time that i reconsidered the notion of those 'healing beings' that marilynn hughes spoke of, and for a moment i considered something might be healing my spinal injury and i began to cry. this is when the strength of the waves began to subside.

i can only imagine a full rising. it would be nothing short of Cosmic, for lack of a better term.

in the week following the experience i would only have to think of it and the warmth would zip up my legs without any effort. it felt great because i could basically fell my legs again after all these years, but for some reason i was fearful, in an unexplainable way, to try repeating the event. in retrospect i feel dejected about that.

===

ten days ago i encountered a much more diluted version of the same type of event while attempting AP. however, i didn't get the sensation in my legs at all, only my groin, naval, and heart.

then, last night it happened again while trying to AP. i was trying to use 'frank's' method of focusing my mind to my 3rd eye chakra, when i noticed the familiar sensation in my heart, naval, feet and legs. my naval and heart felt very warm and i felt as if i was short of breath. lately, i've had a few nights where i've woken up very breathless, and i thought i might have been having a heart attack because i could not catch my breath no matter how long i continue to breath heavily, and i felt the same way last night. i noticed my naval area felt very tense and my breaths felt inadequate while my chest also felt depressed. i only mention this because i recall reading a quote in a thread here about being 'breathless'. this event had no real sexual charge to it.


so my first questions are:

were any of these really a kundalini rising?

if so, why? (i didn't try, or ask for it.)

what is a FULL kundalini rising like?


i also have a comment about the 'perils' of a kundalini rising; honestly, i was upset while reading another thread here about how people can become mentally and physically unstable from this sort of thing. my view is that god doesn't make mistakes, and personally i would view it as an unfair blunder that a person who did not try for, or ask for the event, to be subsequently victimized because of it. i just don't see this as something that god would have overlooked.

thanks for any help.

[CFTraveler]

hi guys.

Hey pondini.

i'm new to all this kundalini stuff, but after reading a few threads here i have a few questions about an experience i had while attempting to astral project. i posted my account at another forum not too long ago, to get some input as to what happened, and i'll re-post it below only for clarity (i'm not out for attention, and i don't think i'm special in any way).

Hey, we're all special in our own way.
I'll give you my interpretation of what happened and you do what you want with it. Aspects of it may be 'too much' for your belief structure, but it's just something to think about.

leading up to this event i had immersed myself into the plausibility of buddhist theory, the survival of consciousness after physical death, and out-of-body experience. it's when i chose to believe in these things strongly and spent much time in contemplation that the 'craziness' started

That's how things like that usually begin- you become exposed to some sort of mind-expanding theory that rings true, and this gives your subconscious the 'go ahead'- 'he/she's ready'- and more mind expanding things will follow. It's the nature of a mystical experience. It doesn't have to be a specific type of worldview, just the possibility of thinking differently that may start it.

during this time i was attempting OBEs every night. though i didn't exactly follow the advice of the seasoned OBErs. usually i would try to clear my mind of all but one thought (as some buddhist mediators do) but on this particular night i tried to mix the technique of visualizing a location (an OBE catalyst) while keeping all other thoughts at bay. i figured if i visualized myself moving between three locations -my rooftop, under our corner light post, and the end of my culdesac- i could prevent all other thoughts from creeping in; basically i didn't know what the hell i was doing.

Sounds like good ol' fashioned phasing.

as i felt the verge of unwanted thoughts forming i would quicken the pace, traversing the three locations faster and faster. eventually i was zipping to-and-fro at a frantic speed, when i noticed my feet and calves felt REALLY GOOD! i tried to concentrate on my locations, but the euphoria in my calves was creeping to other leg muscles and i could no longer ignore it. then a thought occurred to me from something i had both heard from marilynne hughes and someone else. they explained how 'beings' had came into their rooms, and residing on each side of their prostrate body, began some sort of healing touch, starting at the feet and moving up their legs.
now please don't think i believe everything i read or hear... to the best of my knowledge i didn't 'buy' these stories when i heard them, but something very peculiar was happening and no other explanations were coming to mind so i was working under that assumption, although i did not feel there were any 'presences' in the room.

That's ok- most people that talk about certain experiences describe them and then categorize them- the categorizing is up in the air, but the experiences are fairly well documented.

so, this sensation is slowly moving up my legs, with each new muscle being switched on fully (it wasn't rising inch by inch, it was more like muscle by muscle -the whole muscle at once). i dropped the chaotic visualizations and simply tried to observe the odd ecstasy in my legs. i was worried it could stop at any moment but it now seemed to be on auto-pilot, with absolutely no complaints from me!

i began to examine just why this felt so good, and it was clear that i could feel this energy within every atom of flesh and bone in my feet and calves. it wasn't like warm sun on my skin or a good massage that gets part of your muscles and deep tissue, it was through and through. even the souls of my feet were euphoric, and i believe if someone were to lightly drag a single finger up the arch of my foot it would have produced an audible response from me! next were my thigh muscles, this is where the intensity began to take on exponential increments. from the start the warm (to curiously-pleasant burning) sensations came in waves, with muted intervals -which enabled bearability and anticipation. if your entire body felt this way, all you'd want to do is roll around in the grass or hug someone, or perhaps some other activity

Sounds like what some people would call a 'peak experience', 'epiphany', others would call 'Kundalini awakening'. I tend to think it's roughly the same.

next up -one would assume- would be my Tourmaline/Muladhara chakra, but by the description of that chakra (the base chakra) it doesn't fit with what i experienced at that time; it had to have been the 'Swadhisthana' chakra that is related to the sex centers. at this point i was nolonger considering the 'helpful healing 'beings' theory'.
i won't go into this part too extensively, only providing a few details that might help to decipher the experience.

Even though the base chakra isn't thought of as having to do with sex, it does, at least partly- because it's proximity to the genitals, it's considered to be (at least by some) associated with sexual stimulation- because it's a physical thing, like eating and drinking, the survival of the species.
It has been said than an orgasm is a base/sex chakra strobe, and I agree with this.

at the time of this episode i was ensconced in trying to follow the buddhist idea of denouncing vices or attachments. i am paralyzed from the chest down (from an auto accident in 1995) so choosing to reject the act of sex was a breeze, but rejecting the thoughts of it proved to be a challenge. at any rate, once the sensations reached my groin i felt an intense excitement that i hadn't felt since before my auto accident, if ever at all. besides the physical bliss i perceived in areas that i normally can not feel -due to my spinal injury- my mind was flooded with images of the female anatomy. oh, and i also felt androgynous... literally.

I like to think that the Buddha did not want us to give up worldly things (that's why he rejected the ascetic life as much as he rejected the princely life), what he wanted to give up was the attachment to them- so that when you give your energy to avoiding something excessively you are attaching importance to it- so you are in a way attached to it one way or the other. But that's another post....

i thought i was being tested, much like the choices outlined and presented in 'the tibetan book of the dead'. i felt sure that if i submitted to my desires i would ruin whatever was happening, and it would stop. this went on for some time, but i wouldn't give in.

this sensation, which would repeatedly start at my feet and rise slowly to my groin, repeated at least 3-4 times before i decided that i had to submit in order to move on. so i MENTALLY gave in to my thoughts -in hope of seeing where this would lead to.
after a relatively short period of graphic imagery and thoughts (yes, i know how that sounds) the rising began to elevate to a spot in my lower abdomen, and whereas my earlier ecstatic sensation might be compared to known feelings, this higher sensation was not! after one or two waves reached my lower abdomen, growing in intensity each time, i felt sure that it might culminate into my 'bursting' in bliss... or some other pivotal event. it was at this time that i reconsidered the notion of those 'healing beings' that marilynn hughes spoke of, and for a moment i considered something might be healing my spinal injury and i began to cry. this is when the strength of the waves began to subside.

Well, let me tell you what I think happened to you:
By getting into all this buddhist philosophy, you moved from the theoretical (attraction to these metaphysical ideas) to the practical- you decided to adopt a practice- and so you began practicing meditation and projection, besides your studies. This let your 'Higher Self' (or subconscious, or whatever you believe in) allow you to experience something that you thought that wasn't physically possible- sensation in your lower limbs- letting you know that the limitations of the body can be transcended, and allowing some mind-expanding experiences, and possibly setting the stage for some future experiences.
A Hindu Guru would probably tell you you had an initiation, and I would agree- that first experience was the initiation into the possibilities that are now just that- but that it's up to you to develop, however you feel called to do so.

Why sexual, why androgynous? Well, if you look at Kundalini philosophy, you see it's what happens when opposites meet- upper and lower channels meet up, and this explosive experience happens- it can be sexual, it can be mental, it can be both- think of all the possible opposites that are merging to create a new you.

i can only imagine a full rising. it would be nothing short of Cosmic, for lack of a better term.

There are a few descriptions around this forum about this, I can get you some links if you haven't read them yet.

in the week following the experience i would only have to think of it and the warmth would zip up my legs without any effort. it felt great because i could basically fell my legs again after all these years, but for some reason i was fearful, in an unexplainable way, to try repeating the event. in retrospect i feel dejected about that.

===

That's because there's only one first time, and some part of you knows that.

ten days ago i encountered a much more diluted version of the same type of event while attempting AP. however, i didn't get the sensation in my legs at all, only my groin, naval, and heart.

then, last night it happened again while trying to AP. i was trying to use 'frank's' method of focusing my mind to my 3rd eye chakra, when i noticed the familiar sensation in my heart, naval, feet and legs. my naval and heart felt very warm and i felt as if i was short of breath. lately, i've had a few nights where i've woken up very breathless, and i thought i might have been having a heart attack because i could not catch my breath no matter how long i continue to breath heavily, and i felt the same way last night. i noticed my naval area felt very tense and my breaths felt inadequate while my chest also felt depressed. i only mention this because i recall reading a quote in a thread here about being 'breathless'. this event had no real sexual charge to it.


so my first questions are:

were any of these really a kundalini rising?

I think it was a kundalini activation, and/or an initiation.

if so, why? (i didn't try, or ask for it.)

Maybe not by name. However you call it, a mystical experience goes by many names.

what is a FULL kundalini rising like?

I guess I better get you that thread.

i also have a comment about the 'perils' of a kundalini rising; honestly, i was upset while reading another thread here about how people can become mentally and physically unstable from this sort of thing. my view is that god doesn't make mistakes, and personally i would view it as an unfair blunder that a person who did not try for, or ask for the event, to be subsequently victimized because of it. i just don't see this as something that god would have overlooked.

thanks for any help.

God doesn't overlook anything- however, we're not always supposed to learn things the easy way. You will find that we have some posters that reported negative kundalini events- and as horrible they seemed at the time, they still wouldn't choose not to have had it- so in retrospect, it turns out to have been a positive experience, because it led to tremendous growth, and sometimes radical life change- and you know how us humans are about change. So it's not a matter of it not being 'what you need', it's just that it goes better if you're ready for it.

[CFTraveler]

There is some description here: viewtopic.php?f=10&t=2602

[ButterflyWoman]

You will find that we have some posters that reported negative kundalini events- and as horrible they seemed at the time, they still wouldn't choose not to have had it- so in retrospect, it turns out to have been a positive experience, because it led to tremendous growth, and sometimes radical life change- and you know how us humans are about change.

Hey. I resemble that remark.

So it's not a matter of it not being 'what you need', it's just that it goes better if you're ready for it.

You know, the more I'm shown some of the background on the story of my life, the more I understand that in some cases (like mine), a full-blown, life-shattering, ego-crushing, all-out tearing down of everything is the only way to proceed. Some of us have very thick and super complex walls of negative and "protective" beliefs that are so impenetrable that only tearing it all down will have any effect....

In essence, for some, it's not really possible to "be ready". I still think it's a damned good idea to make the effort to sort out the system before deliberately awakening Kundalini, if at all possible, of course, and I'll stand by that. But for some of us, no amount of work would really have made much difference, I suspect.

Not that this has much to do with what the OP is describing.

And, yes, I'm STILL glad it happened and I accept all the pain and difficulty and everything else. I'm much, much happier to be the me I am now than the me I was then. Transition was pretty horrid (putting it mildly) but I'd still do it again.

[pondini]

it's obviously my ego that doesn't like hearing i might have some adverse effects to deal with, but knowing that still doesn't make it easy to swallow
one aspect in my favor might be that ever since my accident i have not felt the need to posture around 'tough guys' like i felt i had to before the accident. this has also enabled me to be myself and say what's on my mind without worry of being viewed as 'soft' or 'fruity'. i'm not gay and the thought of it is quite unappealing to me, but if i think a man is handsome, i will say so and not bother with what others think. similarly, if my mom or sisters kiss me on the head and say 'i love you' in front of male friends or strangers, i say 'i love you' back because that means more to me than the opinions of others.

now, on to CFTs reply:

first i would like to say that your observations set me at ease! my absence of belief systems should make any transition easier, i think. if anything, my beliefs are a conglomerate of bob monroe's, buddhism, and a collection of statements from NDErs that really opened my eyes (i had no idea that NDEs were so profoundly enlightening... i thought they consisted of only seeing a light down a tunnel and being sent back after seeing dead relatives). therefor, i don't frightened or upset about your diagnosis -i might even be interested in your ideas of my best next moves

i'd like to address my 'androgynous' claim, briefly. it was perplexing and strait out 'left field'. i now believe i understand the female arousal condition a bit better. i'm not unfamiliar with females -as i lived pretty fast before my injury, and for a time after it- but i feel better informed now while 'swizzled' one night i even told a few friends only a tiny bit about it -these are good friends who know about my interest in this stuff- they keep my stories to themselves, but they still razz me about those particular admissions by occasionally saying 'go **** yourself'

concerning your reply about 'attachments' i would like to say that when i really contemplate the issue it seems like almost EVERYTHING is an attachment, even the act of compulsive renunciation of attachments and even the attachment of buddhist practice itself!

as to the rest of your replies, they make a lot of sense to me and i'm happy to hear that i might be on the right track!


you and caterpillarwoman seem like really nice people! i thank you both for your input here, and elsewhere!

p.s. CFT, i will read the link you supplied after i eat

[ButterflyWoman]

you and caterpillarwoman seem like really nice people! i thank you both for your input here, and elsewhere!

We can be. Both of us have that Mother Goddess vibe.

You're welcome, of course.

[Tutor]

wow, you gals are good.

[Jananz]

The body burns, the heart rages with no cause for passion but the turning of the stars. The great why of it all gets to me. Completely unaffected by the affairs of man as they stand. Giving birth to a streaming reluctant child for no apparent reason. The heart fricken burns like nuclear fire. Perhaps simply because it is June.

[Tutor]

The body burns, the heart rages with no cause for passion but the turning of the stars. The great why of it all gets to me. Completely unaffected by the affairs of man as they stand. Giving birth to a streaming reluctant child for no apparent reason. The heart fricken burns like nuclear fire. Perhaps simply because it is June.

fricken beautiful!

as i see no Capt. Pickard conquests in it....

has thou slain the jabberwocky Alice?

[pondini]

yes, i agree, i also thought it was a great quote(?) but i couldn't find it via google... did you write this, Jananz?