Sono's Journal

[kiwibonga]

This happened to me often... I would react violently to adverse situations, choosing to punch, kick, and scream when I was faced with adrenaline-pumping episodes in my experiences and dreams.

I remember a dream journal entry titled "I killed a guy" -- I was walking on the street at night, and a guy with a clean shaved head stopped to ask me for the time. I thought I was getting mugged by a "skinhead," so I pre-emptively attacked by punching him repeatedly in the face. He didn't try to defend himself, in fact, he was completely helpless. He fell to the ground and I kept punching his head until I heard his skull crack.

In sleep paralysis, I would often curse copiously at "dwellers." I think I mentioned this experience where I was attacked by a cute little ferret, and I was suddenly overcome by this rage, grabbed it by both ends and pulled until I ripped the poor little rodent in half...

All this is very out of character for me, because I'm not quick to anger in real life... These intense mood swings only happened in dreams...

With time, though, I learned to control this. I think the experiences were possibly dreamstate lessons that taught me to use my mind, my logic, to get out of a bind, instead of force. It's all about realizing the power of your thoughts in the dream state. Your willpower is like a big muscle that can bend and affect reality around you, and these experiences give you the option to use it; you're not just limited to your physical body's abilities, your surroundings are an extension of your mind that you can control at will.

If you're not satisfied with a situation or outcome, try to rewind time and do things again, but properly this time. If something's bothering you, don't try to fight it; use your willpower to make it disappear -- no need to run away.

A lot of people report that their dream self seems to be very different from their waking self in terms of personality. This definitely has something to do with repressed emotions, and when you work on the dream self, the waking self has a tendency to change as well. Things get really interesting when the dream self and the waking self are in tune; you lose inhibitions and fears, you have more self-confidence, and your ability to find things that bring you happiness in life improves.

[sono]

Big thank you to everyone who answered so helpfully. . . the consensus seems to be supressed anger. . .whew! Gotta work on that - only thing is, I didn't think I was supressing it ENOUGH. I really wish I could BE good, not just be "thought" good, as someone once said.. . . .

[ButterflyWoman]

I didn't think I was supressing it ENOUGH.

That's the thing with anger and other negative emotions. You can't just suppress them and expect them to stop existing. You have to acknowledge them and then release them, in order to heal. It's like having an infected wound. You can put bandages on it all you want, and cover it up and hide it, but until you clean it out and let it heal, it's going to keep right on poisoning your system.

[CFTraveler]

Big thank you to everyone who answered so helpfully. . . the consensus seems to be supressed anger. . .whew! Gotta work on that - only thing is, I didn't think I was supressing it ENOUGH. I really wish I could BE good, not just be "thought" good, as someone once said.. . . .

Anger doesn't make you 'not good'. In fact, not much, if anything can make you not good. You are born good and what you do with your life and emotions determines what others think about you. But that doesn't mean they're right.
Anger is a reaction of something that happens to you. If something negative happens to you anger is a perfectly reasonable reaction, as is sadness and frustration. What you do with them determines what else happens.
There are healthy outlets for anger (like talking about it, for example). Feeling bad about being angry does not reflect your goodness or badness- it reflects the bad programming you have received as a child, no more, no less.

[sono]

If I may share this. . . I had my most conscious projection ever last night, feel so elated! For the record, I prepared by meditating; doing middle pillar cleansing; lay down on my back with ring finger & thumb forming a circle (mudra for AP) & opened my mouth - I find this is very important (for me!) to sleep with my jaw relaxed & mouth open for AP -maybe it could help others ,too? I used the "wave of blue light" to mentally turn the whole body & organs bright blue, & after that, flooded my body with light the colour of each successive chakra.
After a few minutes of relaxation & energy-body loosening, really heavy vibrations shook my solar plexus, & I lifted up & out, almost propelled by some other force. . . I was really excited, & zoomed into my daughter's room to a place near the ceiling where I tried to pass through the wall - but found I couldn't. I then tried an air vent, equally unsuccessfully, although I kept telling myself it was only my own conditioned viewpoint that was stopping me, until finally I shot out through the roof, very aware of passing rafters etc on the way up.
It was so exhilarating! There was the most beautiful starscape on one side of the "sky", & some little bright things flying around that I presumed to be insects, & avoided. . . I flew up steps in some unknown city, "toured", visted gardens, flapped my arms, & generally gambolled about, often shouting, "Thank you for letting me out!" (Not sure why!?) Then I landed on the roof of a very tall building, where to my astonishment, 2 of my Siamese cats were sitting looking out at the view! They seemed really surprised to see me, & were definitely perturbed when I launched myself off into the air in a flying swoop - I must admit I felt a moment of real trepidation then, but the words, "Just DO it!" came into my mind.

I even remembered to look at my hands, which were not really like the ones I wear in the body, rather longer & narrower, & I tried to shoot energy from the palms - (it didn't work)

I asked to be "taken" into space or to the moon, but I ended up in a very interesting structure of some kind instead; so I felt that I should take advantage of being really lucid (for once!) & "formally requested" to meet a Great Teacher, who would also be kind & non-judgemental. Three men promptly appeared around the corner so I assumed this was the response & asked, "So which one are you?" The middle one said he was "it" & told me to go to his office (!) where I made an appointment with his secretary (!!!?) for an interview at a later date - I got the feeling i was going to have to work for him.

As I left, I had an impulse to I go down via the stairs rather than flying away, but I couldn't walk in the normal way, it was more a sort of floating motion - but there I found my 2 Siamese again, plus the latest addition to the family, a rescued Persian, as well as a cat who died 2 years ago. ( She was born with only a stub of a tail, but in the astral she has a fine, long tail & came running to greet me.

I could not pass through the heavy wooden door at the exit of the building (wonder why?) so I opened it & glided out - the cats came out after me through a small hole in the wood.

I was brought back into the body very abruptly when one of the other (embodied!) cats leaped onto my chest - awoke totally disorientated, heart racing, actually thought i was going to be sick &had to dose for half an hour before I could face getting up. But I can recall every detail of the projection!

Just wish I could get into the higher dimensions at will; would also love to go into deep space & the moon. (I did go into space many years ago, in a spontaneous AP where "I" was a ball of purple light & have always longed to repeat it!)

Thanks for listening to my ramblings, would appreciate any advice on how to improve . . . !
(edited for typos)

[Mishell]

Good for you, Sono. Sounds exciting.

Do you remember what the date was you scheduled an appointment to meet with the teacher?

[sono]

Sadly, no . .what a pity! Wish one could take a note book along (& bring it back!) But I seem to think the numbers 9 & 12 figure. . . but whether date or time I don't know.

[CFTraveler]

Very interesting. I have a few things to comment but I'm not fully awake yet. I may come back and edit my post.
Edit: It's possible that you went into some 'interdimensional' version of the moon- some authors believe that planets don't all have life at the same dimensional level- that where earth has life primarily in the level in which we call 'material', other planets, not suited to life in this 'dimensional reality' host life in other 'dimensional levels'- after all string theory postulates that there are 12 dimensions (last time I heard, that may have changed, lol) so if other planets have life that exists in a different level as ours, we could only access it through an OBE or astral projection.
I don't know if this is even close to probable, but it's an interesting theory to ponder.
However, the moon being so close (and once part of) the earth, my guess would be that you went to an extension of the RTZ that includes the moon, or an astral plane that does also.

[Beekeeper]

Thank you for sharing your interesting experience, Sono. I didn't know about the mudra for AP. I'll give it a try.

[sono]

So frustrating!! I got out twice last night, on each occasion via the head, & felt very strong - but could not get through the ceiling or walls. Felt like a goldfish swimming round & round in a bowl . . . . I was "called" somehow to explore the lower realms, but refused adamantly as I wanted access to the Higher Self/Overself to investigate It , & I have a feeling that's why I was "quarantined". Has anyone else found that happening? Just how much "free will" do we have in the astral?