Re: Beliefs and their effect on your reality
I just wanted to share something on the topic of beliefs and reality.
I had a rather startling epiphany regarding my beliefs about food and love, and desire and frustration, and a bunch of other things that are nearly impossible to articulate. I haven't yet seen direct change manifested as a result, but this was so big and so deep that I think it's only a matter of time.
Without going into very great details, I will say that this pattern was set up when I was pre-verbal, long before I was able to use anything like logic or reason to work things out. In a nutshell, my mother was not very receptive to me. I would cry in need and she would ignore me, at least some of the time. I know as an adult that this is because she had ideas about "schedules" and the notion that a baby was somehow capable of manipulating adults in unhealthy ways.
I got the idea that my needs/desires were not likely to be satisfied easily or quickly, and frequently involved a lot of emotional upheaval, crying, and frustration. This pattern has repeated itself in my life continually.
Related to the above was the idea that food/sustenance = comfort/love. When I reflect on when I started to really get chubby, I see that it was around the time that I was able to get food for myself (around age six). I started to overeat in a sort of primitive feast/famine pattern, always expecting that soon I'd be unable to have my hunger satisfied, but at least I'd survive if I stockpiled the energy (i.e., fat) when available.
And I've been piling it on ever since. Granted, my weight remained pretty stable (at "very curvy, but not enormous") for a long time, and when I had my first child I put on a lot more weight and kept it. I think this is another example of fearing for survival (food = love; if my husband stopped loving me, I'd be without food, etc. but remember this was all very, very deeply subconscious and was generated by an infantile mind so it doesn't make a lot of sense in adult terms). My weight HAS been very stable for years now, albeit quite a bit higher than it ought to be for optimum health.
Seeing this and actually understanding it is causing all kinds of inner shifting and changes in perception. It's so very deep and so very subtle that it's really difficult to articulate at all, and it makes no sense in logical/reasonable terms, but I can see it and I know it's the heart of a LOT of patterns that have gone on in my life.
I'm pretty sure that money is entangled in this, as well. Money is equivalent to freedom, to satisfaction of desire, and so forth, so I expect it's in there, too, though the concept of money was formed much later than the concept of food, of course.
Anyway, there it is. I felt like sharing it just as an example of how deep and how subtle these things can be. Generally, I think I'd say that if a pattern is lifelong, it goes back to very early in the story that is your life. So far, this is the deepest and most profound knot of beliefs I've found. It was the root of my victim mentality, of my habit of setting myself up in situations where I was frustrated and angry prior to experiencing the relief and pleasure of achieving my desire, of overeating to compensate for lack of love/care, and probably my issues with money, etc. etc. etc.
May the light surround you, may you be blessed. May the light surround us, may we be blessed. May love and light surround us all, and may we all be healed and blessed. And so it is, and so it shall be, now and ever after.
Originally Posted by CFTraveler
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