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Thread: Thematic Dream Journal

  1. #91
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    Shine – Part I – The veiled light

    As I child, I enjoyed school much and often had good grades. At the threshold of teenagehood however, I started growing concerned about other’s perception of me, and I started feeling that others didn’t like those who stand out, especially not when it comes to good grades. Those were considered nerds and were left apart. And I didn’t want to be left apart; I wanted to be accepted and loved. And so, I would make sure not to study nor work hard so that I would have bad grades. Moreover, whenever I would get a bad grade, I would oddly spread the word about it, to let others know that I was `no better than they were`. ``Wow, you got a B! As for myself, I found that exam so difficult: I got a D!`` To my shame and dislike then, yet luckily for me, the teacher took me apart one day to discuss about this… I wasn’t open to discussion, but simply telling me he had noticed my behavior and expected a change was enough, for thanks to him, I stopped `aiming for bad grades` shortly afterwards.

    A friend’s helping hand
    Last week, a good friend sent me a link to a French radio show he had listened to. He said he recognized me much in it and that surely, it would give me food for thought. I listened to it, and indeed, it was my portrait, and the portrait of that girl who was aiming for bad grades to be accepted by others. It was the portrait of persons who feel different, marginalized, typically very sensitive, and easily hurt by how they feel they are perceived, who therefore try hard to fit in and be accepted. To do so, they choose to tone down their true self, what makes them different, what makes them stand out, as they believe differences can set one apart and make others uncomfortable, and they don’t want that. Yet by doing so, they shut inward their own light. The solution may seem easy then, but for one who has been caught in such a web of thinking patterns for years, it actually takes much work to free oneself from it, and much courage to dare to be different, to allow oneself to shine, may it be only to one’s own eyes.

    Opening up has been an ongoing theme in my life for years, and interestingly, recent events all seemed to conspire to help me reveal myself more. Firstly, there was this radio show, but more was to come later on that day, as my friend was to write me another email to tell me about a dream he had had about me that night, very clearly referring to my reluctance to reveal myself…

    The luggage (My friend’s dream)
    March 18, 2012
    We are on our way to give a French lesson to someone important, either the prime minister (Canada) or the president (United States). While we are walking on the street to go to his place, security officers stop us to control our luggage. It is a normal procedure, given the circumstances. My friend open his luggage without any problem; he brought his dictionnaries, etc. But when my turn comes, I become very strange, suddenly very closed, as if I didn’t want to show what was in my luggage, which is even padlocked. My friend doesn’t understand why I am behaving this way, and he is almost upset about it : ``We are only going to give a French lesson… It’s not like she is carrying lingerie or anything ambarrassing!``

    Whether I am comfortable with it or not, it is mandatory to show the content of my luggage, and when the responsible asks me what it is that I am carrying, I answer timidly ``juste des petits jeux`` (just little games). From what my friend understands in the dream, these are educational games to teach French. He wakes up.


    The issue…
    When I am asked what I did during the weekend and I don’t want to say that I have been meditating, holding a tarot session, writing my dreams, reading and pondering about spirituality, and so on (not that all I do is so-oriented! ), I typically give an answer very similar to the one I gave to the dream security agent: ``des petites affaires tranquilles`` (quiet little things), which is true in a sense, but quite diminishing, as if I wasn’t comfortable with that side of myself, as if I was ambarrassed to reveal that I do these things and that I can even be good at it, and as if it was all too personal, too intimate (like lingerie) to reveal. Yet in the dream, I was clearly carrying nothing to be ambarrased about and nothing too personal to reveal.

    That said, it’s really not the first time that a message for me is delievered through one of my friend’s dreams. I like to think that my higher self and guides agree -or conspire ()- with my friend’s higher self to do this when the message is important and don’t get through, or when they want to put emphasis on it, or simply want me and my friend to discuss the issue, as whenever my friend dreams about me, he tells me, and this is usually a prelude to a long and rich conversation in which we work out each other’s issues, which we did later on that night when we talked on the phone.

    …And the solution
    So in this dream, I feel I was shown what the issue was so that I could work it out with my friend, but there was more to that lesson, as interestingly, our conversation was to be followed by these meaningful dreams of my own I was to have that very night, which would each have a different purpose toward the same goal: freeing myself from what holds me back to let my own light shine.

    A walk on the beach
    March 19, 2012
    I walk on a beach along the sea under a bright blue sky. It is warm, and I should be wearing something more appropriate for the beach and the weather. I think of a bikini, yet I seem to think that it would be way too revealing! I come to a compromise then, it seems, as I am now wearing a beautiful two pieces beach set of fine and lightweight white natural fabric. Not too covering, not too revealing. I feel very good and free, and as I walk lightheartedly on the beach, I see `my mother` sitting dreamily on a picnic table near the sea, wearing a beach dress of the same fabric. I notice how good she seems to feel too. A man is around also at this point. One I know and trust. (Quite possibly a guide.) I notice that my legs already have a little tan. ``The sun is strong!`` I tell them both lightheartedly ``Our skin will be tanned in no time!``

    This dream seems to be inviting me to reveal more, but it seems like it’s fine to draw a line somewhere, and that I don’t have to walk around with no clothes on…like some do with perfect ease in very formal office settings! That said, it was also as if I was given the chance to experience ahead how good it would feel to open up, to free myself a little more from my fear to step in my greatness. It felt so good it was a sure thing I would long to free myself more, just like in the dream.

    Homeworks
    And as if this wasn’t enough, this dream was to be followed by another one, on the same night, which was sure to push me forward in the physical. I was going to be given `homeworks` to try out this freedom I longed for...
    (More to come!)
    Last edited by poème; 27th March 2012 at 11:08 AM.

  2. #92
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    Re: Thematic Dream Journal

    It seems to me, on first glance, that your dream about the beach put it all in relation - you, the other people, and the Source (sun). By exposing a certain degree you feel free. That's union. (Also present in the presence of others in the scene.) By revealing not too much, you feel safe. That's identity. When you find a good balance between these qualities for yourself, you develop a healthy relationship with the Source, which you feel as positive, comforting and attractive (a tan is considered attractive, warm sunlight is comfort).

  3. #93
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    Re: Thematic Dream Journal

    PS - one of the keys of this "exposure" is who you expose your true self to. This is essentially a question of trust, but also the other needs to be able to understand you, making him or her your spiritual peer (represented by the man you trust) or spiritual family (represented by 'your mother').

    Finding people that we are comfortable with in this intimate way, exposing ourselves and finding acceptance in such acts of trust, is an essential part of finding a home in this world. The value and worth of friendships of this kind is beyond measure, as they also increase our ability to accept our true selves and encourage us to bring forth into the world all those radiant qualities associated with it (again represented in the sun and the tan).

    Sometimes people grow resentful that their true self seems to find no acceptance, especially early in life, giving the feeling of being different that can be quite frightening, making us adopt false self behavior in defense. Acceptance is a strong motivator in life, and non-acceptance can sometimes even be experienced as threatening to our very existence.

    The problem is that we cannot chose whom to interact with early in life. There might always be a friend, a relative or one of the parents that seem so much better at getting us than any other around, but since this seems so isolated in comparison, it raises doubt. This experience, which is essentially the trauma of not being seen and accepted, needs to be healed later.

    Non-acceptance seems so threatening because we feel the echoes of our memories from the other side, where we were always seen, always heard and never suffered the full extent of the illusion of ever being separate from Source. The challenge is bigger on this side of the veil, but the way out is not simply back, though we can find acceptance and love with our spiritual support team as well. We also need to anchor ourselves in this world by finding the true love of the shared experience of friendship, be it with our peers, our partners or parts of our family. Instead of blaming those that cannot see us we need to find and value those that can.

    Ironically we are always afraid of someone seeing us as we are, feeling the traumatic beliefs of non-acceptance arise in us and challenge our loveability. When we take that step, when we find a true friend, suddenly it comes as a huge relief and the precise opposite of our belief comes to pass - we find that it is okay to be who we are, to feel as we do and to show ourselves as we are.

    The trap is to assume we can do that with everyone. As children growing up in this world we don't know better and we get hurt, burned by bad experience. Withdrawal and bitterness can result, but they are our reactions. Overcoming these reactions and advancing trust to the right people is one of the spiritual challenges on the path, and it isn't easy. I just wanted to emphasize, however, that this challenge is doable and the rewards for doing so are great.

    I largely preach to the converted here, though. The bond of trust you find with your friend is already pointing in the right direction, and the dream you had is mostly confirmation. Your "homework" may just be to do the work required to find this "home" on the physical plane more often.

  4. #94
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    Re: Thematic Dream Journal

    Hey
    Thanks for both your replies. There is a lot of food for thought in both. I have too little time to reply properly this morning, but I want to come back and add more thoughts on what you said as soon as I can!

  5. #95
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    Re: Thematic Dream Journal

    I was really pleased to read your insights on the beach dream, as I was able then to put together several more pieces of the puzzle. It suddenly made so much sense. What you say seems consistent with my recent tarot readings and a few dreams I had lately pointing out to a preparation time, and a gradual learning, in relationship to a spiritual union, as if I was learning, little by little, how to build more inner strenght and confidence (a stronger identity, in your words) and how to free myself from what binds me as well as ties from the past, precisely so that I may eventually, and gradually, experience the Source closer (union, in your words).

    As for your –very long! – post scriptum, I agree completely that its is very important to find persons whom we trust to whom we feel we can reveal our true self, and that such relationships are to be treasured. I do feel very blessed to have a wonderful `support team`, on this side of the veil, as well as on the other... I also agree that there would be no use to open up entirely, all of a sudden, to someone who is not likely to be receptive to such a download of information. I found however that people are often more receptive than we think they are, and that when I test the waters, when I open the door slightly, I often come to find common grounds I would have never guessed were there otherwise. So, revealing our true self gradually, one layer at a time, is also a key, as I see it now.

    I find the dynamic slightly different when it comes to group settings. This is actually what I struggle most with. We can choose the type of environment we want to work in for instance, but we don’t exactly choose our co-workers. We can choose to study in a field where like-minded people are likely to be found, but we don’t choose every single person we study with. Yet we will have to expose ourselves to all of them, as a group, to some extent, and so expose ourselves to acceptance as well as non-acceptance. This is actually, for me, a more difficult area than intimate relationships. I may feel within a strong impulse to share something but then keep myself from doing so because I am concerned about being misunderstood or judged…by a few hypothetical persons. It can be really binding. It may seem strange but I feel I am actually learning to expose myself to both acceptance and non-acceptance, and that non-acceptance is actually not a threath to who I am… And when I forget so, loved ones are there to remind me so

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