Difficult Spiritual Awakenings, Perceptions, Related Topics

[Tutor]

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[psionickx]

Hello heliac ,
Sorry im a late responder ...dont tend to write much ...prior engagements.. sorry...since i only tend to write when it mantains productivity everywhere and provides for a more quality experience online.

When kundalini unleashes itself...its not a subtle process...like absolute royalty she awakens from sleep only to close her lids again...and again.....and again...until all is arranged around her wholly to her convenience...which was the default setting to begin with....thats what Swami Satyananda Sarwasti says in his beautifully designed course for a more systemized kundalini based undertaking in tantra.
Genevieve Lewis Paulson takes the same undertone in kundalini and the chakras ..but that as a course fails to take you beyond a certain level....specially once you realize the prevelantly typical "7 chakra model" is somewhat outdated , but that is beg your pardon...digression .

If your'e an especially imaginitive person it's like a Phoenix Raptor in the white heat of total ignition.... occuring afterwards or co-currently with the growth spurt in the Serpentine Phase as over time each kundal undulates away in un-spiral.

A rough experience could also be related to going about the process wrong in deliberate awakenings.

there's no such thing as a "deliberate awakening"

...it all has higher engineering. evolution is liberation on so many levels i think

[ButterflyWoman]

there's no such thing as a "deliberate awakening"

...it all has higher engineering. evolution is liberation on so many levels i think

I would have to agree with this. The ego-self is no more capable of the kind of changes wrought by awakening than a cartoon drawing is of picking up a pencil, erasing bits of itself, and drawing in features it prefers. Ego-self might SAY "Okay, I want to wake up now" but it doesn't have the ability to do that on its own (no matter how much it thinks it does). The best ego-self can do is to get out of the way and let the Self do its work.

[psionickx]

On a more personal note Kundalini's mainstream progression took a bad hit with the whole "Gopi Krishna Fiasco"...honestly IMO there is no use whipping dead horses..too much of a one thing that went wrong in midst of thausands that went fine that somehow manages to gain attention for reasons connotative .
I was particularly drawn the late El Collie's first most trip too a bookstore when her kundalini initially errupted..... she was asking for a "kundalini book" at a store...her husband had to pshyically withold her as she kept breaking out in spontaneous mudras .


Would the moderators please take into consideration adding this thread to the Kundalini forum too? - i think it will make for an informative read for people strolling into there

[CFTraveler]

I agree. It sort of seems to go there.
I left the shadow topic so it is now in both subforums.

[natalie-1984]

How would I prepare beforehand for this type of experience?

I want to take this slowely, I wouldn't want it all raised at once. I don't think I am mentally stable for that and it sounds dangerous. I think I have had some spurts here and there. After my very first AP I had this feeling of waves up and down my whole body, they would come and go here and there. It felt a little warm, and it felt like energy. Very similar to the way I feel when I listen to music sometimes. When I hear a good song I get these rushes all over my body, I think it has to do with the emotions I get from hearing it. Another thing that sometimes happens when I have a lightbulb moment about "reality" or think about something spiritual I will get dizzy and my pulse will race, and sometimes I will get those body rushes too.

CPW, I believe that I have bipolar 2 disorder. My emotions seem to go back and forth a lot with no apparent reason. One minute I am euphoric and love everyone and everything, and the next I want to crawl into bed and cry. I think maybe my ego is rebelling. I get this little voice inside my head that says "why are you so happy? There is nothing to be happy about, you are overreacting", and then I get depressed. I am considering going back on meds, but if this could be some sort of awakening experience then I don't think going on Rxs would be the best idea.

This is my first time on this Kindalini forum, so I am going to go do some research!

[ButterflyWoman]

I had a few more thoughts (uh oh! ). Thought I'd write them down here.

There is a phenomenon known as Sudden Wealth Syndrome. You can Google it if you want to know specifics, but, basically, it affects some people who suddenly find themselves the recipient of great wealth, more than they have ever previously had. This is most commonly associated with lottery winners, but it's also known to happen to children of wealthy parents who inherit a lot of money (you'd think wealthy parents would try to prepare their kids for the eventuality of being in charge of all that wealth, but apparently that doesn't always happen).

The sudden change can so disrupt a person's self-identity that they react in all kinds of weird ways. Most seem to just "lose" the money (they give it away, spend it excessively, disregard sound financial advice, get bilked out of it, etc. etc.), but some seem to experience what amounts to a breakdown, because their former identity as "not rich" or "working class" or "not in charge" or whatever it was is gone, and they have no idea who they are.

There is NOTHING that will cause distress like having your identity shaken or changed suddenly (just as there is NOTHING people hate more than having their reality messed with).

This relates to the topics I've already written about in this thread because it goes with the theme of why some people have a very difficult or even pseudo-psychotic experience when they undergo spiritual emergence/awakening. It has to do with the perception of self. When the self-constructed walls of identity starts to crumble, it can affect people very, very badly, that's true, but more to the point, undergoing a lengthy and maybe difficult "passage" or "transformation" period allows for adjustment to a new and different identity. Without that... well, you might just crack into lots of pieces and never really rebuild any semblance of a working persona with which to interface with and operate within the material aspect of Creation.

There is a whole story now about "how" I went from who I was then to who I am now, and so it's easy to accept. I can point to specifics, I can follow a timeline, I can say how it happened, etc. There was no suddenness involved, ever. It was always something that happened in a way that looked like and felt like a gradual process, so as not to break the willing suspension of disbelief, as we say of fiction storytelling.

So that's one more possible reason for the sometimes difficult passage that some people experience, I suspect. It's to allow the mind/ego to adjust to a new identity and a new reality. (Which, of course, makes me start to think about how possible it would be to live a reality in which these "fill in" stories are not necessary, and you can just leap from one reality to another... but that's probably another thread).

[psionickx]

an ego that cant stand the mere pressure of monetarial fluctuation and ends up breaking down because of it ...might not necessarily haved had the more/less-money-issue as a trigger dissolving/shaking/crumbling it down.Goes to signify that such a psyche/self was more or less a ticking bomb and the fluctuation only served to catalyze the breakdown...it might have not be have been the fluctuation itself whereas infact there could've been a variety of factors out of many behind it.
What i however do agree is the notion of "Insecurity".People might have issues with money and personality-sensitive quirks to it later or earlier on in life.That i take as under-developement and dismiss it as such since to me personally it doesn't relate much to ego-breakdown.

Personally I've been very hesitant to add to the "Ego Dissolution" aspect of the thread...mostly because such a process is competely totally and entirely uneccessary
The intent of evolution is to obviate that which impedes growth...for a lack of better word however "messy" that growth may well be.

"Walking over hot coals build up will-power"
"Ego death/insatibility and ensuing psychosis is the going criteria for an awakening"
"Meditation actually lowers blood pressure"
"For better grounding eat a lot of read meat and inhale deeply"
"Violet is the scientifically proven color for better more protective shielding."
....society as as whole has a very twisted opinion on a "transformation process"...which is just risible...who is exactly to say a tranformation process can't be a growth-retarding event itself well....as long as a "transformation" is taking place right?.I do feel that devolution is a phenomenon more common than suspect.
As is expected of human nature.. most of us fall prey to stereotyping/categorization... most of us find they either equate a "metamorphosis" to a "dark-alley-ending-in-bright-light" phenomena or a "coccoon-and-butterflies" type of thing....It could very well be none and neither and everything in between .
Since most of us do grow up and imbibe such metaphorical thinking we later on tend to run into problems, evolutionally speaking ,when "self-placed-mechanisms-of-blockade" which (might not be be disimilar to ego-barriers)....start to crumble/give as the Self emerges.

For sake of greater understanding allow me to illustrate my point with a personal example.In the very start of my awkaneing i remember reading with express clarity that "sexual energy is an octave lowered state of potent but non-refined spiritual energy"...therefore the point of contention being that if you generate sexual engery it transmutes into spiritual energy which ultimately leads to or expedites evolution.The most commonly authored notion behind that factoid "Celibate is the life-style of choice for the more dedicated spiritual aspirant"
absolute utter total nonsense .
The energy isnt just sitting there all turning itself into a refined species all out of its own accord.This little gem i discovered after understanding the acutual working mechanics/processes of sublimation myself.Needless to say i was constantly coming across one and thing and finding it to be another.
The upshot of it all is that trial-&-error rates far higher then a lot of postulated generalization...finanically induced fits of egoic crisis or otherwise.


..i cant help but think the original thread's been somewhat hijacked

[natalie-1984]

What if I already know who my "self" is, I know how to quiet the monkey mind and listen to the little person observing it all. Or is the self something even more than that? I will get messages (intuition/gut feelings/downloads of info) from this quiet observer. Or maybe I am slowely going insane imagining a little person inside my head?

Some things I have noticed about this observer or thoughts, is that it has no judgment and no opinion, it just pretty much delivers information and wisdom and listens to my thoughts. And I feel like when I am APing or falling asleep or daydreaming this thing is huge and observing from the outside, it feels like someone is next to me staring at me. . .but in a nice way

Do you guys know what I mean?

[ButterflyWoman]

What if I already know who my "self" is, I know how to quiet the monkey mind and listen to the little person observing it all.

At this point in time, and with hindsight and experience, it appears to me that you have to actually make the shift to that position, not just be aware of it. It's like, I know there's a bed in the next room, am fully aware of it, could write an essay on it or even draw a sketch of the room, but until I get up from my chair and go in there, I'm still here in my office, typing on the computer.

Same with the shift in perception from ego-self to Observer or what I call not-self (that's just what it feels like to me). The shift has to be made first, before the ego is... well, collapsed is an okay word, but others would do just as well. If the point of reference is inside the ego-self when it collapses, it's extremely messy, to say the very least (been there, done that, and both ways, which I expect is unusual, but I've always been weird, so...).

What you're describing sounds to me like you're aware of some of the greater Self and in communication with that Self, which is good. But until you've shifted into a place that is most definitely not your everyday ego-self, ego collapse would be pretty messy, if not harrowing.

Or maybe I am slowely going insane imagining a little person inside my head?

You don't feel insane to me. Your energy is sometimes scattered, but you don't have a "crazy" vibe (if that's any comfort).

However, just a word of warning. Don't toy with the idea of insanity. I used to do that, thinking that insanity would be some way to escape or something. I ended up putting myself in the psych ward (my worst fear, at the time) for a brief period, and I certainly was extremely unstable, emotionally and mentally, for quite a long time. I see now, with benefit of hindsight and greater clarity, that I caused that to manifest. It didn't have to happen that way, and if I'd had a clue, it might not have.

So, just... don't dabble in the crazy. It's not worth it.