I’m currently reading a book by Arnold Mindell PH.D*., a psychologist, that focuses on the notion of the Dreaming. I have to be honest and say that it doesn’t always resonate with me and that’s possibly just because I don’t get everything that is being said.

What I did find interesting today was linked to the notion of entanglement. Now me, I like to understand things in terms of story/myth/anecdote, so that’s probably why I could relate to this bit. The author tells the story of a therapist friend of his who came to him because she was suffering depression. She reported that one of her male clients had wanted to commit suicide but that he had not been suicidal before he came to her. Her depression stood in the way of her helping him. She herself resisted telling her client about her depression until he complained that her moods were upsetting him. When she actually revealed her depression, he was delighted that she had similar problems and decided to help her.

The two switched roles; she becoming the client, he the therapist. She paid him for six sessions with their roles reversed. After this, they switched back and her opinion was that he had been much more helpful than she had ever been. His suicidal feelings disappeared and he decided to become a therapist.

The writer makes the point that “there are always moments when relationships switch, when one in need of help becomes the helper, the student educates the teacher and so forth” and he suggests that we must try not to marginalize awareness of entanglement and role switching because of attachment to power and prestige.

I’ve noticed this experience often. Obviously, as a teacher and parent, it’s common for me to switch roles with younger people and learn from them. It’s a very enjoyable experience for me but so have been other times. For example, I often found myself in the situation of hearing out and offering comfort to people, including my doctor and a highly renowned medium, whom are generally called upon to carry out that function themselves. Even as a young person, I often made quick decisions for my superiors at work and continue to do so.

A particular incident comes to mind when I was a very young woman and my car was parked in by another car outside a theatre. As I stood there with a couple of policemen scratching their heads, someone pointed out that the car that had parked me in most likely belonged to a visitor to the upstairs brothel. Suddenly and surprisingly, I became very authoritative, essentially ordering the policemen up there to find the guy because there was no way I was doing it. To my slight surprise, they followed my orders and were soon back with a sheepish-looking guy who moved his car.

Similarly, I’ve been in the situation where younger, less experienced people have taken the reins and I’ve been happy to co-operate and comply.

It’s an interesting idea that part of our connectedness is a kind of out-of-normal-conscious-awareness that we will allow others to exercise power and influence where role might not normally permit that and that others will permit us to do the same. In such situations, everybody benefits.

*"Dreaming While Awake. Techniques for 24 Hour Lucid Dreaming," Arnold Mindell, Hampton Roads Publishing, 2000.