The Pyromatic Ritual

[c0sm0nautt]

I'm not sure what to make of this dream last night. It felt like an initiation. I woke up very excited. I haven't had what I consider a real meaningful dream in a while. I found this one to be very cool and I feel there was a lot of symbolism. I haven't smoked marijuana in several months and was thinking about doing some last night before this dream. The last time I smoked I had a very bad experience where I smoked way too much and felt like I was being harassed by a negative entity... Yea It kind of sounds silly to me now too, but I was very convinced at the time. Well, if anyone has any insights about this one I'd love to hear it.

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“The Pyromatic Ritual”
I’m part of a group of young people my age who are being initiated into something in some way. We all meet at my house and my peers are saying goodbye to their parents. I ask for the names of two kids as they walk in and quickly become friends with one of them, like we had always been good friends. I felt this was the eve before our initiation.

James V is there and he and someone want to smoke weed. They are holding a small bong and have this little blow torch lighter. I am concerned that my parents will see them so I escort them outside and replace the powerful lighter with my BBQ lighter. Dad ends up walking outside and seeing the group smoking weed. He gets angry at one of them, who I thought was Hippie, because I thought they had gotten into an argument earlier.

Lastly, I am going through the garbage pail in the kitchen and pulling out all of these chocolates and other candy. I also pull out those little liquor filled chocolates.

The next part I remember is being at some sort of dock. I am getting information from something in the distance on a faraway dock.

Next, the dream cuts back to a scene where the other initiates and myself are about to witness some sort of ritual. We were to learn about some power. Two of the teachers, wearing robes, walk to this area and do some sort of ritual which involves them being possessed in some way. They start to speak in tongues and their eyes turn to fire. They even start to breathe fire out of their mouths.

I take a step back because I was the closest initiate to the scene, and I soon notice that all of the other initiates have become possessed in the same way. I didn’t feel like it was a negative possession and I was very intrigued. I get this mental message that this was “all supposed to be a secret,” but “at least it stayed in the federation.”

I have a false awakening where I felt like I had been watching all of this on a show on TV. I was confused by this. I found myself in my room at home, but I was sharing a room with this teenage girl, probably seventeen or eighteen years old. I was holding my socks in my hand and sitting on her bed as I watched the TV. She came back and was having trouble getting her socks on – we joked that they were bad socks. I felt like she was going to soccer practice or something. At one point my Uncle Roger walked in, who I felt like was the owner of the house and father of the girl, and said something to the girl which I felt like related to me in some negative way – something about me being on her bed. The girl and I have some attraction to each other.

I’m recording this dream on my voice recorder in the dream. I’m kind of hiding behind my blinds as a few of my cousins, Eric and the Georgians’, are playing hockey outside. Finally I wake up for real.

[c0sm0nautt]

Last night I had an amazing experience. Here is it:

First off, let me say that these feel like insights for me. To you, they make look like a mad mans ramblings.

So, I smoked weed for the first time in about 8 months today. The last time I smoked before this I had one of the worst highs of my life – I had a bout with what I considered an autonomous complex and lost. When I made a thread about it on another forum, many of the posters there saw it as form of death anxiety. The experience last night started out that way too. I’m going to try and write from the heart and not let me ego distort this experience.
I had lit a candle because I find it useful to hold attention during meditation. Also, it is a ritual act which sets the ambiance of meditation sessions. I had the half smoked joint sitting beside the candle.

I smoke about half a joint. I sit down and simply become aware of my thoughts and how they relate to how I feel. I feel the familiar feeling of being high and all of a sudden start to feel bad out of nowhere – it’s just an irrational anxiety in my chest which has been a part of previous marijuana experiences.

My mind started to race with fearful thoughts. I dove into the negative feeling. I tried to hold my attention on it has much as possible. My mind raced with all of these ideas which correlated to the latent negativity. I was once again to face death. The feeling was almost unbearable. I thought that once again I had “done it”, and I would be left with a negative afterglow of feeling like crap for the next few days. But this time would be different. As I really feel the negativity I am brought to this point where I realize how much I resist the present moment, my own immortality. I came to the idea that death anxiety is analogous to immortality anxiety – the ego can’t come to grips that everything that always was and is and will be exists in the present moment. This idea was giving me so much negativity, but I moved into it and all of a sudden this silence overtook the room. I can’t explain it but it was the most liberating feeling I have ever felt in my life.

I felt like I had energy surging through my body. I felt like I was a “channel of creation” and I could always be in this moment, for this is all there ever is. I saw how there are realities superseding this reality where all knowledge can be intuited from, and this energy is constantly available in the present if we open up to it. A way to contextualize this is picture a reality above ours that is out of time from our perspective.

My body began to shake and I got the thought that I was having a “kundalini awakening” that I have read about. I was afraid of the idea that I would never be the same again. This I would die and I resisted.

I began to see the futility of many of my ego-driven actions. For example, the death of Bin Laden has gotten me into this political mood the past few days where I have been posting my political views of facebook and debated people and whatnot. The way I was going about doing this seemed so silly to me now. I thought, You can’t change the world from an intellectual point of view. I realized that much more important work needs to be done in my immediate surroundings – such as how I interact with the people closest to me. I thought, “When the world will learn to be like brothers and sisters, the world will be a family.”

A wave of insights soon ensued coupled with nearly violent sensations in the body. As I sat energy raced up my body and I was shaking. I felt the connection to our intuition, to the eternal moment, rests in our ability to center ourselves in our feeling – in the “I AM”.

I thought, “We are consciousness opening up to its own potentialities.” The world and history display creation getting more and more complex, the evolution of consciousness. I saw how this consciousness, humanity itself, is like a force or a wave. We are literally evolving from the inside out.

I saw the chemical I ingested as a channel between mind and body, intellect and emotion. These are the two snakes of the caduceus, the masculine and feminine, the ying and yang. The chemical was a tool for my consciousness, a symbiotic form of creation.

During all of this I was very much in touch with my body and its feelings. I felt I was in sync. It was as if at first I had only had an intellectual understanding, but now it was something tangible, something I can feel – A simultaneous understanding between emotion and intellect.

The main thing I’m taking out of this is the necessity to really go into the feeling when facing fear, when facing disconnection. When you pull away you bottle up the energy, you reinforce the, for my case, intellectual belief structures which perpetuate the problem. This whole experience felt like a cleansing of my energy body. I thought how the source of all things burns the remnants of ego away, the small sense of self away. It is facing your own mortality, loss of control, or death.

Another insight was the importance of being. Being, that is being aware and operating from within the ‘I AM’ feeling, is the most influential thing you can do for the world. I felt as if one becomes a channel for nonlocal energy which reaches out in all directions.

I also had the idea of “right speech.” I thought one should only speak with conviction, but not with force. Say what you mean to say and put your feeling behind your speech.
“Just relax and breathe. Be in the present moment. Everything that has ever and will ever happen has happened. There is only one more journey, and it is to the Self. It is a journey that can only start at the present moment.” I saw this as an understanding which superseded space and time.

I wanted to write all of this up tonight, because I’m not sure the few sentences I recorded on my voice recorder will make sense tomorrow. I feel very energized and positive after this experience. I spent about two hours tonight simply standing in my room feeling the blissful energy of the body. Well, thanks for reading.

[Korpo]

Thank you for writing it up.

Oliver

[eyeoneblack]

Standing ovation, C0sm0nautt!!

Pass it to me

[c0sm0nautt]