Asstrology (or Arsestrology for the brits here)

[CFTraveler]

http://www.cracked.com/asstrology/
Warning: Adult material and crude humour. It's a joke post.

[eyeoneblack]

OK look, try to be realistic about the amount of sex you’ll actually be having this month. You’re a crab which has terrible connotations in the world of sexuality, and even though science has proven that cancer isn’t contagious, that name isn’t doing you any favors either. Your best bet is to do another Cancer. In fact, if all Cancers could just agree to do each other this month that would be great. You’ve got it rough so make it easier on each other with some sympathy sex.

Read more: Asstrology | Cracked.com http://www.cracked.com/asstrology#ixzz1Y23PnJNd

Ha ha ha

Any Cancers out there? No distance is too great...

I have a book of medieval alchemy illustrations and back then the symbol for Cancer was a lobster. Now see? That's a different thing. Who thought to replace that with a side-stepping crab, anyway?

What did cancer mean before there was disease called cancer? I'll have to look that up.

[CFTraveler]

My hubby's a crab. He didn't like his horoscope. I'm a Leo. My horoscope is more fun.

[eyeoneblack]

Yeah, I tend to keep my astro-sign quiet. It's not like "Hi, I'm a Cancer. UnHunh!"

It is terribly superficial the opinions people have of Cancer - especially a male Cancer.

Alchemichally speaking, you and hubby are on doorstep of the philosopher's stone. Even the awakening of Kundalini is said to be analogous to the union of the sun and moon.

But, IRL, this union could be a real test ground - difficult. I don't say this because it has been my experience. That is insufficient. NTL, my mother was a Leo - and we just never hardly found a common ground.

I tell you who I feel sorry for - Capricorns; which are the antithesis of Cancer. But I'm glad my son-in-law is a Cap - their pretty darn good 'in the world', take care of business. But spiritually speaking, they are just getting underway. This can be understood by the arcane "Ezekiel's Wheel". For what that's worth.

[CFTraveler]

Interesting. Our son is a Taurus. So a Sun and a Moon made an Earth. We have a little solar system going on here.

[Beekeeper]

For what it's worth, I've always liked the male cancers I've befriended and there have been a few of those. Actually, I don't mind the women either. My nemesis tends to be Pisces women born around the 9th or 10th of March. For some reason, the two I've known were bent on totally screwing up my life in any way they could!

According to my cracked horoscope I got so much of the good stuff last month that I really better just rest this month. There's also a warning about Leos with video cameras! Good thing hubby's a Saggo.

[CFTraveler]

The October edition is out, therefore I'm bumping it. Or, click here: http://www.cracked.com/asstrology/