Last night I did dream that I was to a school taking some kind of course...I was already late and when I passed by a man who was resting on the sun on the side walk, when I passed by him he grabbed my ancle and did not let me pass, I stated to laugh and said, this is more worse than the kindergarden, let me pass, he did hold my ancle and I said I am already late. When I did come to the class room they where dancing, and I did remember that I must loosen up more and remember to enjoy life also and not all the time only study life. Then we started to look at a video but I did not find any chair to sit on it was to low or to backwards or something wrong, finaly I did find a chair but then I was called out of the class room and when I did return the chair was again taken, I did get so angry and did go out to find a new chair to me but when I returned the class have taken lunch break I did meet the teachers but not a word did they tell me about the lunch break, I was happy that 2 class mates have stayed to tell me about this break, I did feel as I mostly feel in life, not to be told anything and that I am not a part of the society or the life in it self how hard I try I am not fitting in.

I want to know when I feel horror about a person or a situation what is this, what or why do I react with horror and fear, I never get to know the real reason, but my reaction does not lie or my intuition or my feelings, how do I get to know the underlying reason, I know I react into a persons inner, even if the person is calm in outside and the first impression I know it is his/her inner I react, but how do I get to be sure??!!