IA´s dream diary....

[Korpo]

so I am sure that car with clutter is my fleshbody...it is always easy if it is somebody elses car then mine in the dream ...it is more easy for me to start to look at it as it is still so much mental pain ...

Maybe not the physical body, though the possibility exists. Clutter could for example point to beliefs held in the lower mental body, a candidate for a body you might need the assistance of a guide to develop. Given your active dream life it's probably not the astral body (the body of emotion and desire) as most active dreamers already have a good command of the astral body, it would also at this stage probably feel like "your car..." Beliefs could be anything - ideas about yourself that you might've internalized and stem from others, for example. Often physical ailments can stem from such beliefs remaining untouched, or can exacerbate them. The mental level energies, for example, can stir the astral body again.

Sorry to hear you still have to carry such experience in your body after all this time.

[IA56]

Maybe not the physical body, though the possibility exists. Clutter could for example point to beliefs held in the lower mental body, a candidate for a body you might need the assistance of a guide to develop. Given your active dream life it's probably not the astral body (the body of emotion and desire) as most active dreamers already have a good command of the astral body, it would also at this stage probably feel like "your car..." Beliefs could be anything - ideas about yourself that you might've internalized and stem from others, for example. Often physical ailments can stem from such beliefs remaining untouched, or can exacerbate them. The mental level energies, for example, can stir the astral body again.

Sorry to hear you still have to carry such experience in your body after all this time.

Thank you Korpo. When I read your words about that I might?ve internalize and stem from others...Yes...my mother...I was not old just a baby when I started to understand my mother but since she did not want to have any contact to me...I tried to develop wordless communication...and that drive her crazy...she somehow did undertand but did take it negativly...she said...If I was not sure I have given birth to you I do not believe you are my daughter...my mother had also mental issues and she blamed me for everything...she also blamed the abuse what I went through to be my fault...that I did allow it...and it took me very long time to understand what she meant...I was adult when I did understand what I had to endure in my very early life....I did not even understand when I left home at 17 yrs old...I only felt that if I stay I will not keep my mental health...and I will go crazy. So thank you Korpo...I will look at this more deeply and closely.

[Korpo]

One person close to me is also currently still in the process of unraveling the failure of bonding with her mother with the help of a therapist. Failure from the mother's side. The things she internalized and have plagued her ever since turned out to be quite heavy. She at least had the comparison with another, later child as an anchor point to know that it doesn't have to be this way. (As a child she assumed this is normal.) It's certainly a lot of trauma to process, but I'm glad she's doing it after all, she carried that around for decades. That's long enough to say the least.

[IA56]

One person close to me is also currently still in the process of unraveling the failure of bonding with her mother with the help of a therapist. Failure from the mother's side. The things she internalized and have plagued her ever since turned out to be quite heavy. She at least had the comparison with another, later child as an anchor point to know that it doesn't have to be this way. (As a child she assumed this is normal.) It's certainly a lot of trauma to process, but I'm glad she's doing it after all, she carried that around for decades. That's long enough to say the least.

I did have the conversation with my mother and it started at 1982 when I went to therapist and I used this and said...the therapist asked me to aks you about this and that...so this way I did get to know about my mothers childhood too...because everytime I asked about my childhood she only told about her childhood...so I did understand that I will never get the answeres I need ...it have taken me very long time to accept that we never will be mother and daughter but as friends...and when I did get to this revelation and was able to live it out...much between us did ease up and we become as friends...and my wishes or as she did feel my demands...but I still have the sorrow that I feel I never had a mother in this life....and the sorrow that I had to understand her but she never did understand me...