In last night Dream it show clearly how ambivalent I am....the Dream was like this...I was with a male co-worker (have not ever seen him in real Life) Another co-worker a female did come down staires and she asked if we (it was like totally normal to her that me and this male co-worker Always do things togeather?) where going to eat in the Company diner, he asked what food they served today, she said something and he said no...he did like assume me to go with him, so I asked...shall we go out for a pizza and he looked at me like I was crazy..and he said firmly NO...okay I said and felt stupid....I really had liked to eat pizza...why did I not go alone out for a pizza?? I just adjusted to his wish...

Now I remember this sequense from last night...I am not sure if it was my sister or someone els but the feeling was it was her, and she did have my hospital journals, I was surprised and I started to look and read with her, and she said...there is a cat-skan do you want to see...yes I said please...I saw the x-ray Picture but my attention did go to a photo and I had hard time to see whom it was picturing...It was a christmas photo when my son was very Little, and they where dressed in White and read out fit´s..I was trying to look if I am on that photo too or not...I did show to my sister but at once she touched the photo it did change and now she had several other Pictures in her hand and she said...what do you mean...I said..now the photo dissapeared, and I was feeling betrayed....something she did not want me to know...I was dissapointed ...

In this seequence I am not sure but some relative maybe my sister or mother did call the Queen of Sweden...I was like...what...and I did see postcards written to my Brothers but no stamp on them...I was thinking to post them so they get them...