Last night I did dream about an order, off course I do not remember it now, and it has to do with when I know then there is a bigger responsibillity then there is when not to know.

I feel I have to make a note here about this, to show my cowardness that I do want to take resposibillity.

I have this way to be as I have bean all my life, as a child I did be the one to revele to adults what we did do in our play when I did feel it was not right, I tried to get help from adults when a fight did start, and the adults did say...boys and girls in peace with each others...all play togeather.(It did not go so well when revele adults doings there was no help to get I can tell)

I have always felt also that all is equally same value, not some to be better and some to be wors...so this dream did show me an order, and I understand there has to be an order, to know to choose from among when it comes to cause and effect.

I am such a coward I am so afraid to know then I have no where to hide or to excuse me with.

I did live my first years with closed eyes, I do not know if I get courage enought to live with open eyes ever.

I am happy to be here if not bean here I would be very lonely.