When I grew up I often said to my parent´s...I am not allowed to do that or this....My parent´s reacted very strongly and said...We are your parent´s if we say you can do it you can...but I responded ...No I am not allowed...and my parent´s went on until I did...and this did confuse me so much during my childhood, because I couldn´t explain why I was not allowed...but it was as simple as it is...doing thing´s what harmes physically or mentally....physically...smoking and drinking...mentally...not telling the truth, learn to lie and not telling as thing´s happens or are....I feel happy to make the connection now....and to re-connect to source at last feel´s great....

CFT...Here is the answere for your question..why it is a problem for me...because of the collision/crash between my parent´s teaching´s and the existence teaching´s....It was hard to have different oppinion than my parent´s, and the brainwashing part to do against better knowing....did split me and made me loose soul fragment´s ...ALL is forgiven I know that I did confuse my parent´s and my relative´s....I feel blessed now when I see why it did make my life so complicated when being so different than my inviroment acting was...(I have asked my parent´s if they remember what they have said to me when I was I child but they get angry and claimes not ever have said anything negative or making me like drink or do against my will..I know that to forget thing´s you do is normal, I have also done this but the existence is there to remind me and give me flaschbacks of my doing´s...and I am happy for this, I am not allowed to forget anything bad or good of my doing´s so all has to be worked on and understood for future and for my development, I am not anymore allowed to fall to sleep or to amnesia, I thank ALL for this) .I know I have improved many peoples life by trying my best to be my self...but before I did dare to become more me....I started to live sober life when I was 33 yrs old...and my first drink I had to take I was 13 yrs old...I stop smoking 2003....and the last part to dare to say....I need to do energy work....and not to let go of it...is july 2012...Now I dare to be my self....Period!!