Life Transformation

[poème]

Try intending to release the stuff that's keeping your conscious intentions from manifesting. That's an adventure all in itself.

I will, thanks

[lycan]

Fear… Or understanding and love? The child may genuinely believe that we he desires is what he needs, but sometimes it is not exactly so, in which case loving and understanding parents can see this and provide their child with what is best for him or her. I am NOT saying here that becoming a male model is not what is best for you. I can’t possibly know that. But trust God/the Universe/the Source that It knows what you need and is willing to provide you with it if you let It help you.

What does the word "need" mean?

[poème]

What does the word "need" mean?

Earlier on this thread, you were asked this question :

Why is male modelling attractive to you? And what is the thing you want?

You did answer, but you can look deeper. If you look deeper, you’ll find what your true needs are.

That said, many persons on this thread replied to help you, but you offer great resistance. You want us to help you, and we want to help you, but you don’t let us, and so we can’t.

The same goes for your family and friends. Maybe they really want to help you and support you, but... Can they reach the real You, behind these barriers and defenses?

The same goes for God/the Universe/the Source, and I think this is what Butterfly Woman wanted to share with you through her watch analogy (when it comes to God/the Universe/the Source).

Don’t get me wrong here. I do not mean to be offensive. What I see is a defense mechanism at work, and as I see it, you are NOT your defense mechanism. Rather, your defense mechanism is there to work for you; it lets in perceived goods and keeps out perceived threaths, and does a good job as long as it is in balance. But it will work against your own good if it keeps out too much. I’m sure you can put your guards down, may it be slightly more, so that your loved ones, and so that God/the Universe may reach you and help you.

[lycan]

I don't know what you mean. Look deeper? Let my guard down? I don't find what you wrote offensive. But I don't understand what it means. It is very difficult to answer something like "why do you want this?" in words. No matter what words I try to use, they never seem to do the job. But this is as deep as it is going to get. I don't want this "so I can be happy". I want this because it is the only way I can know that I am loved by God.

Not getting it makes me feel abandoned and betrayed, unsafe, unfree and powerless, worthless. I don't feel worthless because I think models are the only things worth being or anything like that, but because I feel God doesn't think I am worthy of having that experience; I feel like a kid looking at his siblings open up the christmass gifts that he wants and then seeing that his parents didn't care enough to give him these gifts and gave him a pair of socks instead. I'm not looking for the thing to give me value and fill the hole but to demonstrate it and show me that there is no hole. The toy itself may not last, I may get bored of it the next day, but knowing that I received it is the true gift. The thing that would fill my heart with genuine joy. I cannot receive the true gift without receiving the toy. The toy is the only means to receive the true gift. Do you at least understand this feeling?

If something better, that aligns more closely to what I want comes to me, great. But nothing of interest to me seems to come; some events are more pleasant than others but fundamentally I hate the life I have, I am tired of it, it is a burden to me. I feel like I am slowly rotting inside. I have moments where I am more at peace with it but when it doesn't go away, when it doesn't change, I get weary again.

[ButterflyWoman]

I want this because it is the only way I can know that I am loved by God.

That's a limiting thought, right there. There are an infinite number of ways in which you might be able to perceive that you are loved by God. You're basically trying to limit God's ability to show you to just ONE thing (i.e., "If you don't do X for me, I'll know you don't love me").

Not getting it makes me feel abandoned and betrayed, unsafe, unfree and powerless, worthless.

Well, I know this feeling very, very well.

And it comes from having a narrow perspective. "If X doesn't happen, then it means God does love me". I had that perspective, too, and I was always miserable.

I think what you need more than anything else is emotional and spiritual healing. I hope you can be open to that. It will help you more than anything else will, trust me. The root of your unhappiness is in the way you experience your reality; if you change yourself, you change your reality.

As Marcus Aurelius said, "Our life is what our thoughts make it."

[lycan]

That's a limiting thought, right there. There are an infinite number of ways in which you might be able to perceive that you are loved by God. You're basically trying to limit God's ability to show you to just ONE thing (i.e., "If you don't do X for me, I'll know you don't love me").

I don't want those other ways. The specific thing of being a model is not necessary, but some specific thing which is equivalent or better than that is. I want to be a model primarily because I want to be beautiful and I want money without struggle... not that is not the right word... without sacrifice. Being a model is just a way, the latest way, my mind has come up with to align all my desires together, not just those two but all of them, in the most harmonious way possible. If there is a better way, I am open to it. I just haven't found it yet.

I think what you need more than anything else is emotional and spiritual healing. I hope you can be open to that. It will help you more than anything else will, trust me. The root of your unhappiness is in the way you experience your reality; if you change yourself, you change your reality.

As Marcus Aurelius said, "Our life is what our thoughts make it."

What does that even mean?

When I read posts like these what I feel is doubt that I can ever be who I want to be and that people, knowing this to be true, are trying to cushion the blow of that realization.

[lycan]

had some extremely positive dreams last night

[poème]

I don't know what you mean. Look deeper? Let my guard down? I don't find what you wrote offensive. But I don't understand what it means. It is very difficult to answer something like "why do you want this?" in words. No matter what words I try to use, they never seem to do the job. But this is as deep as it is going to get. I don't want this "so I can be happy". I want this because it is the only way I can know that I am loved by God.

Not getting it makes me feel abandoned and betrayed, unsafe, unfree and powerless, worthless. I don't feel worthless because I think models are the only things worth being or anything like that, but because I feel God doesn't think I am worthy of having that experience; I feel like a kid looking at his siblings open up the christmass gifts that he wants and then seeing that his parents didn't care enough to give him these gifts and gave him a pair of socks instead. I'm not looking for the thing to give me value and fill the hole but to demonstrate it and show me that there is no hole. The toy itself may not last, I may get bored of it the next day, but knowing that I received it is the true gift. The thing that would fill my heart with genuine joy. I cannot receive the true gift without receiving the toy. The toy is the only means to receive the true gift. Do you at least understand this feeling?

If something better, that aligns more closely to what I want comes to me, great. But nothing of interest to me seems to come; some events are more pleasant than others but fundamentally I hate the life I have, I am tired of it, it is a burden to me. I feel like I am slowly rotting inside. I have moments where I am more at peace with it but when it doesn't go away, when it doesn't change, I get weary again.

If I follow you well, what you really need is to know/realize that you are loved by God and worthy of such love (this need is the `true gift that would fill your heart with genuine joy` you refer to).

And so, to come to that realization, you want a proof that God indeed loves you. And you want God to prove His love to you (and your worth) through the mean you chose : He has to give you the toy you want or to you, it will mean that you are an unloved and unworthy child.

From what I understand, a part of you is aware that the mean to come to that realization is accessory. Hence why you call it a `toy that you may get tired of the next day.` It could be any other toy than the one you want. It could be anything; it could take any form. But another part of you wants to stick at all cost to the only specific type of toy you want.

If I were to take that parents/child analogy again, I would say that a part of this child does not give his parents the free will to choose how they want to show their love to him. And yet this child feels that his will is not respected by his parents because they don’t give him what he wants… His parents know that what he really needs is to be loved, and they do love him (and that is their true gift to him); they even show him their love in all kinds of way, but the child doesn’t see it, because he is only waiting for the one proof he wants. He is not aware (yet) that he is already loved and given that true gift everyday.

That said, as I see it, you are looking without (a materialized proof in the physical) for what is already yours and can be found within. Many say that we are all one, and that God is all that is: everyone and everything, and that is my belief also. That is why I believe you are loved (and worthy of such love) just like anyone else or anything else. If God were to select who or what is worthy of His love, then it would mean that God literally rejects parts of Himself, and it would mean that God is not capable of understanding these parts of Himself he rejects, nor is he capable of unconditional love…And yet, some persons here on earth show or showed that they are or were capable of such a great understanding and unconditional love. Surely then, so is God…

When I read posts like these what I feel is doubt that I can ever be who I want to be and that people, knowing this to be true, are trying to cushion the blow of that realization.

You can be who you want to be, within some limits in my opinion (but that's debatable). When I said that I encourage you to keep trusting and persisting, I meant it. It can happen. However, it can happen means that it may also not happen, so it’s a good idea to be prepared to accept this eventuality. It may not happen for all kinds of reasons: the timing isn’t right, what you want is not what you need, something better is in store for you, limiting beliefs work against your own good, real opportunities are not recognized as such therefore not seized, what you want enters into conflict with something else you want, what you want enters into conflict with what someone else wants, etc.

This shouldn’t discourage you from trying however. Keep trusting and persisting as you do. Like you, I think that your dream is achievable. I said it earlier, and that too, I meant it. Some people achieve some quite incredible things, and it is certainly because they believed in it, and made the necessary steps to make it happen, and/or seized the opportunity offered to them. If we want things to change, it is our responsibility to bring the necessary changes and take action to make things happen. We can ask God/the Universe to help us in the process but it is really, primarily, our own responsibility… It is actually a great freedom given to us, and I like to think that it is given to us because God/the Universe sees us as responsible children worthy of such freedom

had some extremely positive dreams last night

I'm glad.. It seems like a good sign

[DatBillionaire]

Lycan why dont you read conversations with God?

The man of the book (real story) turned in less than a year from a beggar to a millionaire, I am sure being a male model is easier .

Use your head, is everything you need, everything you need to manifest is inside you, you just need the right thinking pattern. The guy of conversations with God said or rather God said that we have everything we need (or we think the need) inside of us or if not the means to create it.

I am completely sure its not an impossible task what you seek.

[lycan]

Lycan why dont you read conversations with God?

I'll check it out.

The man of the book (real story) turned in less than a year from a beggar to a millionaire, I am sure being a male model is easier .

I have a problem with such examples because money is very fluid, almost random in the degree to which it can flow in and out of a person's life. It is completely normal for people to turn their finances around, it is just something "external" that flows to them. It is not normal for people to turn into models. Professional modeling has specific biological standards. If you meet them, or at least come close enough, there are other factors that come into play but if you don't meet them, there is no real fluidity. I'm not saying it's not possible, I'm just saying the money example doesn't feel like the same thing. I have to believe that things the world tells me can't be done, can.

Use your head, is everything you need, everything you need to manifest is inside you, you just need the right thinking pattern.

Tell me more about what you mean by the right thinking pattern. I have been having trouble with controlling my mind and I'm very frustrated. It slips too easily into undesirable states.

I am completely sure its not an impossible task what you seek.

Reading this feels good. Thank you.