Learning to become self-aware
I am setting up a space here for myself (and others) to record my experiences, understandings and insights in a hope that it might help me to shift more permanently into a more self-aware space....
Thoughts, insights and comments from others welcome xX
.... and held in appreciation (whenever possible xx)
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So back in 1994, i had a strange urge and a feeling of something 'missing'....
After finding books, i found it was spirituality that was missing from my life and 5 years later got connected energetically to 2 subtle energetic methods......
18 yrs later and i am still trying to live the spiritual life i read about and then 'dreamed' of.....
Had my 3rd awakening AND this time 'BREAKDOWN' space in May 2006 and been working constantly on dealing with it ALL ever since.
My medical diagnosis is Bi-Polar Disorder and i agree i do fit all that this diagnosis states....
I choose not to use medications (most of the time) but find that valerian is my most helpful substance when things start to become too intense and emotionally de-stabilizing. In the past, there was never a point where i felt it was TOO MUCH or enough..... as to block the process was tooooo EXTREMELY terrifying for me to even contemplate, but thankfully these last years have been easing to the point of it feeling safe to say... 'yeah, enough is enough......it's ok and safe to take a break now' and i will take some valerian..... this moves me out of the emotional body into my mental body, so all life & thoughts donot impact and trigger me emotionally continuously.....
So at the moment, i am in what i call my better or NEW space (used to be what i called my old 'high', manic or pyschotic space) so i can think, feel, explore, get understandings and see how i am 'being' ....... i sooo appreciate this space.....
and the energy in this space is sooo NEEDED ...... i like the term that the AYP site uses ~ Ecstatic Bliss
what i have found and am finding constantly is that:-
- there is a fine line between being in a beneficial evolving awareness space and an overwhelming awareness space (OR the complete opposite state of this for me is a state of complete SHUTDOWN)
So i have been learning how to stay out of the overwhelming awareness space, but without moving myself completely out of it and back into complete shutdown and stuckness.....
Never knew what i am living now even existed before, or maybe i did..... BUT just forgot or 'fell asleep' to it .... xxxx
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