Re: does this make sense??
I don't experience God as objective any more. I did for most of my life, but that's gone now. I experience God subjectively, and in everything, so for a time, it did perplex me as to how to pray to "everything". In other words, I get where your'e coming from. 
I'll also note that your experiences of symbolic and emotional communication is very familiar to me. I've had that since I was... well, as long as I can remember, to be honest. I've done a lot of reading on the topic of mysticism (particularly Christian mysticism, because I was raised in the Christian tradition, but other flavours of mysticism, too), and this seems to be the norm. Now and then you might hear clear words/phrases, and when you do, they're usually very simple but are slowly revealed to be profound and multi-layered (which I love), but more often, the message comes in flashes of metaphor, in symbols that are meaningful to you, because your brain is interpreting and forming the picture. (Just a an example, your "footbal" symbol would make sense to me, but not be especially meaningful; if I were to receive a similar message, it would undoubtedly take a different form and be a different metaphorical picture, and this, by the way, is part of why it's so hard to explain deep spiritual messages and truths!)
I stopped praying for a while once my objetive view of God dissolved, because I just thought who or what am I praying to? But then I became aware that prayer is my most effective tool, the one that has never failed (even if it does sometimes manifest in ways I didn't expect), and that I should resume it. What I do now is similar to meditation, I guess. I just "let go" of the boundaries that I perceive separating "me" from "everything else" (those boundaries are, happily, not very solid these days 
) and wait quietly. It's a kind of communion, rather than a petition or a ritual. I just realise the Oneness that I know to be the truth and the communication is effortless. If I have something specific on my agenda, I may gently direct my thoughts or emotions toward it, but most of the time, it seem unnecessary. This kind of communication is not the same as person-to-person communication. It's almost like osmosis. What I feel, know, think, want, etc., is already clearly understood. The trick for me is to allow the reverse communication through all of my many (unintentional, unconscious, etc.) filters.
I don't know if that helps at ALL, but I enjoyed writing it. I hope it makes some sense to someone. 
May the light surround you, may you be blessed. May the light surround us, may we be blessed. May love and light surround us all, and may we all be healed and blessed. And so it is, and so it shall be, now and ever after.
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks