Help with Persistent Death-related Depression

**broken** · 9th December 2013, 10:50 PM

So, here it goes...

I've looked long and hard for any evidence that death is not the end, and that projection isn't just something that is a function of the brain.

I cannot find any such evidence. In both cases, there is no evidence, just testimony. I've searched the threads a few times, but haven't come up with anything other than testimony, or people saying something to the effect of, it may just be an illusion, but who cares.

The constant weight of knowing that it is overwhelming probable that life just ends, has left with with a life stifled by depression. I will likely never marry, have children, nor live that long because most every day, and night, of my life has been marred by this inner rot.

Does anyone else feel this way? I know this message is desparate, and in many ways just not the thing to do, but I just can't bottle it up anymore. Therapy doesn't help, pharmaceuticals dont help, self medicating doesn't help.

When I do dream work and astral attempts, I often just feel more depressed afterwards. Depressed that the brain and life can create such beauty, but that's it, it's just a clever show to distract us from the fact that we die, the experience stops.

I apologize for the depression and desparation, please understand I would normally never write something like this, but I just have to reach out and ask right now.

**CFTraveler** · 9th December 2013, 11:29 PM

Don't apologize for feeling depressed. It is what it is.
Think of it like this: If there is an afterlife, then you'll look back and think of the time you wasted not living- I don't mean the feeling, I mean the time not spent something enjoyable in the time you have now. If death is final, your eternity is now- try to live in it and be in it totally, because it is eternal at this moment.
Someone once told me that if there is nothing afterwards, you will not know it, because you are here now.

**broken** · 9th December 2013, 11:46 PM

Thanks for hearing me, and responding CFTraveler.

I have engaged in that very thought experiment, but I'm afraid it just doesn't dissolve the depression. The whole if it's over it's over just doesn't reconnect me with living, and in fact, just makes it harder. I think that it would be the most severly felt if I were to die a slow death (cancer, etc).

If there was an afterlife, I know I would likely not feel like I had "wasted" time, but instead just suffered immensely.

I know in some ways I'm being foolish, for this is the one question every living being has, for which there is an answer, but most don't want to accept it.

When I was younger, RB was the one thing I had that made me feel like that might not be the only answer (death is final, projection is just your brain), which is undoubtedly why I came here.

**GMAN12** · 10th December 2013, 01:58 AM

Hello broken. This is a strange depression. I can only think of it as you are depressed with living. There is nothing going wrong as I see it; It is just you thinking of what is next after death. I would like to explain the projection. Projection happens when you are about awake and asleep and in trance. Your brain shifts to a slower brainwave. You should know what happens, but after the separation, it is the etheric body which takes over. Your brain makes your body melt which seems pretty funny because it can't handle the awesomeness of projection. You are beyond the living, awake, conscious, living. They say the first place you go to after you die is the astral. Death is the final projection where you permanently separate from your body. You go back to the place you've been many times during astral projection. Soon enough, you bid goodbye to the astral, your astral body dies, and you are now pure spirit. As a spirit, you do not have astral or physical qualities, you are only mental. You cannot talk because you cannot breathe air. You cannot smell because you also cannot breathe air through your nose. You cannot feel because you are not physical. You could see, but it is 360 degrees. You carry a vibration after you have died. The higher the vibration, the higher you are pushed into the realms. You are still able to evolve spiritually, but it is albeit a lot slower due to the fact that you can do anything. Our main goal IMO is to merge with the light of God. God is not a person or a spirit, he is Akasha. Akasha is nothing. Therefore we merge with nothingness. For this, I pose a challenge to you to do pathworking. It is probably the missing thing in your life. You know this forum isn't only about projection right? Find the right path for yourself; Walk the path to nothing. It is more likely a metaphor, but the path is physical, mental, and astral. Follow it home and find out what is after this. What more could their be? I don't know.

**broken** · 10th December 2013, 02:24 AM

Thanks GMAN12. I know this sort of topic is usually the last thing people want to address, it means the world to me to be able to talk with someone. I tried depression-related chatrooms, and the group ones were essentially identical to any non-depression online chat room, and the one-on-one chats seem to be more geared to suicide prevention.

I understand your description of life, death, the energy body, astral / mental planes, etc. and thinking about that stuff usually gives me a bit of hope. I can be honest and say that I just don't feel it's really true anymore. I have never had any verification or validation of God, nor of anything that goes beyond life. And the more dreamwork I did, the more I felt like it was just the mind. I wish there was something provable that wasn't anecdotal.

Has anyone come across anything that suggests life after death, or that AP isn't just brain activity? Second to that, does anyone have any experiences that suggested either might be the case?

**GMAN12** · 10th December 2013, 03:27 AM

The only way to validate it is to experience it. Robert Bruce talks about the path of the Masters which is all about experience. If you can't believe it's true, then the only other way is to experience it, but I don't mean killing yourself. I know how you are feeling with depression. I've had a load of suicide attempts myself, but here I am now, with validation that everything is possible including the not so great and evil things in life, I know it's true. I don't know about the afterlife, but I have evoked. Evocation is the contact with deities. Necromancy is contact with the dead. Maybe all you will need is a Kundalini Raise. Robert had been taken out of his body meaning his body was literally dead. He learned some things from masters and came back to tell the story of it. I truly think if you were able to catch on to these things, it would make life a lot more fascinating. I think IMO, you fear death meaning you fear the unknown. Well, all you need to do is figure out the unknown and make it known. I can, as well as other members, could help you figure out and dispel that fear.

**broken** · 10th December 2013, 04:11 AM

Thanks again for your comment GMAN12,

I have had lucid and potentially astral experiences, at first, I saw them through the lens of the books I was reading, which included pretty much all of RB's. After some time however, I was left feeling like it wasn't anything more than the brain. I tried remote / RTZ viewing to test the idea of a energetic body, which turned up negative. I tried to contact people who had died, hoping to find someone I didn't know in life in the non-physical planes and then find proof of their life in the physical world.

I followed the work of Elmer Green and others, hoping to find evidence of beings outside of the living, I did not see anything there either.

As for experiencing Kundalini rising, I may in fact look into that. I often wonder though if I did anything wrong when doing NEW while I was a teenager. Could it have played in part in my becoming so depleted and depressed? To be clear, I am not looking to blame energy work for my depression. I believe that I carry that albatross, for reasons similar to the ancient mariner.

As for it being a fear of the unknown, or the fear of the known (well, highly probable)... For ages, my motto was: death may be final, it may not, but either way you don't know 100% -- that was what helped me, the idea that even if death is the end, and AP/LD are just the brain, that we don't yet really know 100%, so any "stance" on them are biased and could just be let go.

Over time however, I've seen some advancements in the camp of AP/LD is just the brain, but haven't seen any advancements to the contrary.

From my experience, I know that talking with people who are depressed is often considered to be near useless. There is no proof of life after death, or of AP (that I know of), and so it's just a matter of perspective. And the depressed are often stuck in a loop and return again and again to their pain. I am trying my best to not shoot everything down and feed it back into my negative loop. I guess I'm just hoping that someone out there has some new and amazing proof of AP/life after death, or maybe some experiences they had which helped them with this topic.

I also feel like this whole topic could be a block for me in my AP work. That I often don't make it past the vibrations due to a fear that my astral projection work will be like my LD work, and eventually feel more and more like it's just the mind, and that remote viewing and RTZ tests don't work. Astral projection was in many ways, my last hope. Maybe part of me knows that if that goes, I might not have hope left (I'm not trying to be overly dramatic in saying that).

**GMAN12** · 10th December 2013, 04:15 AM

Since you brought up Elmer Green, you should read Beyond Biofeedback by Elmer Green. It is pretty amazing what those people could do. Also if you would like to talk to another person who had been to the end, to the side of demonic things and is on the middle path, you could look for EA Koetting. He is a real nice guy as well as a very advanced practitioner himself. He actually had some interviews with him and his website is set up the same way as Robert's because they both have the same website manager. I definitely urge you to read Beyond Biofeedback though. I love that book!

**broken** · 10th December 2013, 04:19 AM

Thanks GMAN12,

I always wanted to get a copy of beyond biofeedback, but never did. Was there a documentary made about it too?

I ended up reading the Ozwakie Book of the Dead, all three books, with my Grandmother while she was in the hospital and suffering for Alzheimers. As much as that book moved me, I did not notice parallels with my Grandmother's experience, nor was I able to connect with her in a non-physical realm.

During that time, I also read Betty and Stuart White, as well as Norman Livergood and Evelyn Underhill, among others.

Would anyone care for the Ozwakie Book of the dead? It is in great condition and I'd be happy to send it. I'm in the US and would happily cover shipping <$10 just to know it went to someone who would read it.