clearing out negative energy, experiencing something unexpected

[Libramoon]

Currently I am in the process of clearing out a lot of self hatred that I have been storing up throughout the years. It was only recently that I became aware that what I had been feeling all these years was even self hatred. (I was previously under the illusion that it was merely me "being hard/critical on myself", however I took it too far and it was more like I was emotionally beating myself up over things I had done in the past.) Anyways, I have been using a lot of powerful visualizations of me destroying the built up negative energy with various astral tools. (astral swords, torches, etc) And to my surprise I actually feel MORE depressed when I destroy my built up self hatred. I don't know exactly why this is, but I think its mostly because throughout the years my accumulation of self hatred has always been a familiar presence. (an old "friend" if you will) So naturally I guess I feel empty and sort of depressed/lonely because I am finally destroying my old "friend" and trying something new with my life. Its really crazy though, I have never felt this deep of depression/loneliness before, its quite substantial... Anyways, I think things should eventually get better, but I am just curious if anybody has dealt with a similar situation before? If so, can you tell me a little bit about your experience and how long the feeling lasted, what you did, etc etc.

[susan]

I cannot advise as others would do because I haven't experienced this, but if I can just give a little of my thoughts. In my opinion as long as you think you have a problem you will have. Look at yourself and see the beauty. What do you have going for you that is good in this life. .
The past is gone!
What good have you done on this life.?Who have you helped in this life? Concentrate on the good and make better without the guilt of concentrating on what you see as negative. Forget!
From today think of the good and look at everyone and try to understand how they perceive you and if there's a problem ,think about it and how you can change,
Positive positive positive. In fact it would be nice if you could find 5 nice things about yourself that you can post here about yourself.
Only concentrate on your current actions and how you have interacted and maybe done something kind.

[CFTraveler]

My advice is totally different, and a lot more painful. So go with what Susan says and if you need more advice I'll chime in.

[Libramoon]

-susan

Thank you for your advice.


-CFTraveler

I am very much interested in hearing your advice, even if it may be more painful. Intuitively I feel like I am on the right path by destroying all this built up self hatred, but I am just surprised at how low, pessimistic and depressed I feel right now as a result of it. (a spiritual detox reaction perhaps?)

[Eyeswideopen]

Hi Libramoon,

I am releasing too at the moment, it's been a while since I have done this as I needed a break. I am very much in align with Susan's positive thoughts as I believe everything starts with a thought form, so I am practising gratitude and positive thinking. Yet to be able to reach and release very old patterns of self hatred and abandonment fear etc. I need to have my buttons pressed. It's only then I can feel the pain.

Sometimes it brings tears which feels good, but I am trying a new technique of meditating on the pain and feeling it in my body. Staying with it and bringing more memories up to keep the intensity going. I explore where and what it feels like, then as it lessens I visualise it leaving my body. I still have a long way to go, but when I am in a dark familiar place, I hold onto the thought that nothing lasts forever..

The positive thoughts come in because in that place my sabatuor plays up and I am very cruel to myself, it helps me feel more pain but I have realised it keeps me in a loop. I am learning to build a compassionate voice which I have never had before. So I have to look after myself when I call my self sabatuor "Morag" ( hope that this does not offend and ladies named this )

I am hoping I won't be going round the loop much more and make more progress.

Be good to yourself and I also am looking forward to CF's input please.

[CFTraveler]

Like I said, it's not going to be pleasant, not even classically "positive".
You see, I don't think anyone is born with a negative self image. We are not born self-hating, we naturally have ourselves as our first companion (I'm not sure this is clear, but it's it's own topic, so to speak) and we trust the spirit in ourselves implicitly. When we're babies and young children, we look at the world with wonder, and often struggle to make sense of things. Outside things, things that happen to us.

But when we have a negative self image, this was installed on us. Could have been from the parents, other caregivers (grandparents, nannies, early teachers) and they often have preconceived notions about how children "should" behave, or are ill-equipped (think teenage pregnancy, dysfunctional marriage, poverty, and a million other reasons) to handle a new baby. So they tell their children things that I personally find horrible: They tell them they're "bad" for crying too much (colicky baby?) for spilling things, for being messy- all of the natural things children have to go through to learn to navigate learning how to get on in physical reality-or worse, they project their own negative traits on the children (you are doing this to hurt me) and soon get imprinted with the idea that they are somehow 'naturally bad', 'difficult', or worse, 'unloveable'. Usually there are reasons why, and often they have to do with how they were treated as children, but sometimes it's cultural conditioning- some people are raised in societies where children are not even considered 'people' with feelings and emotional needs, and constantly rejected (that's a long story that I might tell when sufficient time has passed)-but what I am trying to get at is that 99.99% of the time that voice that defeats you is not your own, it's the programming you got from a parent, or grandparent, or early education teacher, or nun, or some other authority figure in your early life.
So my advice is to find out who programmed you, deal with the emotions of that relationship, talk to them if possible (or with a proxy if not)- unload all the feelings of rejection and pain you suffered at their hands, and then go to the task of dealing with them in the positive way- the affirmation, the meditations with your inner child, and all of the other stuff that has been mentioned. But realize that the 'inner voice' that tells you you're not good enough is not really you, and separate yourself emotionally first from the idea that any of this is true, especially if you can unearth a reason for the way they spoke to you, taking the power of the interaction away from them and giving it to yourself. And when you're ready, forgive them, because they were only human, and no one is perfect, and then you'll be ready to move on with your life, replacing the negative self-messages with positive ones, secure in the knowledge that you are perfect just as you are, and any improvements are improvements of interaction with the world, from a person who is already perfect.
------

[ButterflyWoman]

I used to carry a tremendous amount of self-loathing and outright self-hatred. It turns out, I was actually enraged at my parents and various other abusers (bullies, etc.), but because I didn't want to lash out at other people, I turned it inward. On some level, I was actually afraid that I would carry out some terrible act on others (murder, for example). That was repugnant to me for various reasons, so it became self-destruction, rather than other-destruction (whether or not I actually would have committed some atrocity I honestly can't say, but I understand now that I was afraid I might; perhaps someone told me or suggested to me that I might act that way, who knows).

The only way I got rid of my self-hatred was to get rid of my hated, full stop. And the only way I know to do that is to express it in some (non-violent) form. Journalling, for example, taking to a counsellor or some sort, etc. Dealing with that energy and releasing it is the only permanent solution as far as I've ever seen. Suppressing it makes it worse. And trying to get rid of it without acknowledging it (or the source of it) is probably only going to make matters worse.

So, basically, I pretty much agree with CFTraveler. And I agree with her that it is NOT a pleasant process. But it is a process that works, and it often DOES get "worse" before it gets better, but once it is better, it's way, way, WAY better. Definitely worth it.

[CFTraveler]

it often DOES get "worse" before it gets better,

Which is why I hesitated to opine.

[I-stone]

The only way I got rid of my self-hatred was to get rid of my hated, full stop. And the only way I know to do that is to express it in some (non-violent) form. Journalling, for example, taking to a counsellor or some sort, etc. Dealing with that energy and releasing it is the only permanent solution as far as I've ever seen. Suppressing it makes it worse. And trying to get rid of it without acknowledging it (or the source of it) is probably only going to make matters worse.

So, basically, I pretty much agree with CFTraveler. And I agree with her that it is NOT a pleasant process. But it is a process that works, and it often DOES get "worse" before it gets better, but once it is better, it's way, way, WAY better. Definitely worth it.

I have been afflicted by something I called 'rage of the ages' because it felt like it spanned thousands of years. I have been walked on a lot more than just this lifetime, and that is just one small part of it. there was no way of dealing, no words that could be said, how to deal with something long gone and unchangeable?

Berserker logging with Whale Slayer! thats how!!
whaleslayer.jpg

So much rage focused through this thing, im surprised it didnt become the new 'one ring'. Poor trees... I called it whale slayer because thats what it was for.. flaying whales. I never changed the name even though I love whales because... It should be acknowledged that it happened, out of respect for what happened. It doesnt mean I use it to kill whales, but it's something that Whaleslayer has gone through.

[Seaker]

This is a very intense discussion. I also have questions on this subject, but first I want to mention something about the Law of Attraction. Fighting the negative emotions is non-other than focusing on them as the LOA would define them and "What you resist will persist." However, my intended question is that this forum and for the most part Robert Bruce's teaching includes energy work that is very useful for personal growth and vitality. What I am looking for in the concept of energy work is "emotional energy work" and how to deal with the emotional injuries done in the past that are persisting. I think that this is one energy work method that is very much over looked and bypassed. There must by a way to work with this energy in much a similar way as all the other ancient energy works that are presented in Robert's teaching. Emotional injuries can be very powerful to deal with in trying to heal them; so what powerful energy work can handle this problem? I'm not asking for theory, recommendations, suggestions or anything similar; but who has actually worked with this type of energy work personally and had actual results?